PATRIOTS, there’s nothing we TRUMP-FLUFFERS love more than a good BOTH-SIDES-ing! I nearly blew my pants off when TRUMP said in 2017 that there were “very fine people on both sides” of the WHITE SUPREMACIST NAZI mob that heroically terrorized Charlottesville, VA, and killed one woman, and I didn’t think anything could TOP that. Well, I was wrong, because Republican Representative Ken Buck (R-CO) TOPPED that BIGLY this morning on CNN! So BIGLY tHaT i CrEaMeD mY tRuMp FlAg!
Ken Buck fact-f***ed CNN’s lib-hard host back to lib-o-stan when he reminded him that “both sides are at fault” for the mob violence and coup attempt that the president incited at the Capitol Building last week, in response to Democracy’s VERY UNFAIR treatment of the PRESIDENT.
“To say that there’s one speech or one incident that caused this group of people to storm the Capitol is just not accurate. What I’m trying to suggest to you is that both sides are at fault and that in America, we need to be very careful of the words we use.”Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO)
Buck’s TRUTHSTORM triggered Clinton News Network host John Berman, who couldn’t believe Buck–himself a potential target of the president’s violent, pre-meditated attack on Democracy–would suggest that Democrats were to blame. Berman SNOWFLAKED so hard while he asked Buck to justify his PATRIOTICALLY INSANE remarks, simply because they made NO SENSE, and BUCK responded by Trump, Trump, Trumping Berman right up the TRUTH HOLE, reducing him to a screaming puddle of leftist tears! MAGA (Make America Grieve Again), baby! “What did the other side do?” Buck asked incredulously. “You’re asking me what Democrats have done to make the MAGA crowd mad?”
What a STUPIDLY intelligent question!
Berman didn’t allow BUCK to FINISH HIS BIG LIE, so I’ll do it for him.
THE DEMOCRATS COUNTED THE VOTES! THE DEMOCRATS DIDN’T LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! THE DEMOCRATS TOLD TRUMP SUPPORTERS THAT TRUMP LOST, JUST BECAUSE HE DID! THEY DIDN’T JOIN THE CRUZ-HAWLEY-BROOKS DENIAL & FASCISM CAUCUS TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT! And for these TREASONOUS CRIMES AGAINST TRUMP, I SAY…
HANG ‘EM HIGH!
And I’ve been doing some research, PATRIOTS. Turns out American history is littered with SNOWFLAKES who loved their precious Democracy more than terrorism-installed PATRIOTIC fascism for TRUMP. Jefferson, Washington, Adams–these are just some of the VILLAINS OF AMERICAN HISTORY who should have been hung for trying to BRAINWASH THE AMERICAN people with the EVILS of TRUTH and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS!
HANG EM HIGH! Dig up their corpses, and string them up! They must be punished, just like those who stand with freedom and therefore against TRUMP! We’Re NoT cRaZy!
BOTH SIDES ARE TO BLAME FOR THIS VIOLENCE! Sure, there might be a little blame for the TRUMP supporters and the president who plotted in advance to assassinate the Vice President and Speaker of the House during the certification of Electoral College votes, but MOST OF THE BLAME goes to the LIBERAL LEFTISTS who woke up on the morning of January 6th determined to selflessly do their duty to Democracy and America, the two BIGGEST ENEMIES of TRUMP! Sure, I guess Democracy has some value, but TRUMP is more important! TRUMP is AMERICA! TRUMP is FREEDOM! TRUMP is TRUTH!
The LEFT is the to blame!
The LEFT is to blame because sitting Republican members of Congress allegedly gave the TRUMP coup plotters “reconnaissance” tours of the Capitol building on the day before the TRUMP mob breached its walls in search of Congressional and Vice Presidential blood. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE was reportedly in contact with the rioters as they were roaming the halls of Congress, looking for legislators to take hostage or kill. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Ayanna Pressley’s staff discovered that all the panic buttons in her office had been “torn out” before the coup attempt and they discovered this once the TRUMP MOB had breached the Capitol with intent to harm her. BOTH SIDES! SHAME!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “thought [she] was going to die,” at one point during the coup and siege when she had a “very close encounter” with the TRUMP supporting violent mob. “It was not an exaggeration to say that many members of the House were nearly assassinated,” she added, like a LEFTIST!
The LEFT is to blame because Republican members of Congress are now refusing to submit to the metal detectors that had to be installed outside the House of Representatives’ floor because one of their colleagues is publicly bragging about how she is going to continue to carry a firearm inside the Capitol in violation of D.C. law, and that same member was live tweeting Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location to the insurrectionists during the Capitol siege. BOTH SIDES!
And, yes, this just seems like a list of things REPUBLICANS have selfishly done to, at best, endanger our government, and at worst, willingly commit insurrection and participate in a coup attempt for TRUMP, but make no mistake, this attempt to kill Democratic members of Congress and prevent a duly elected Democrat from being sworn in as president is the FAULT OF BOTH SIDES!
ASSHOLE KEN BUCK SAYS SO! THAT’S WHY!
WHY DOES HE SAY SO?
I DON’T KNOW WHY! MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THE NEXT COUP SUCCEED! AnD wHaT’s WrOnG wItH tHaT?
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
These colors don’t THINK!
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PATRIOTS, there are two things you need to remember. Number one, Donald Trump is not responsible for inciting that PATRIOTIC terrorist attack on the Capitol Building that he totally supports; he had nothing to do with it! Because his pre-coup attempt speech was “totally appropriate” (his unhinged words, not mine)! Number two, TRUMP wants his supporters to FIGHT TO THE DEATH to defend his fact-free claim that he won the 2020 presidential election! Got that? He’s not responsible for the fight! But he IS going to fight like hell! No contradiction here, PATRIOTS!
That’s why Donald Trump is headed to Alamo, Texas, today! Because we’re making our last stand! Our last, bloody, defiant, fight-to-the-death stand that has nothing to do with fighting, or death, which the president doesn’t support, but it would be totally cool for him to support it, if he did, according to him!
The president’s niece, Mary Trump, knows. She says the president is going to Alamo, Texas because he “undoubtedly” wants to invoke the violent symbolism behind the historic battle of the Alamo, where almost everyone died. And LOVING PRESIDENT T wants the same for all PATRIOTS and their families!
His heart is in the RIGHT place! Unfortunately, his location is about 225 miles off. Because THE ALAMO, the site of the famous battle Trump is apparently trying to invoke, is in San Antonio. And Alamo, Texas, where the president is headed, is not. But, knowing Trump, it’s possible he meant for his visit to take place at an Alamo Rent-a-car, in part of some kind of synergistic branding attempt, like his fraud press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
But, if there’s one POSITIVE to come from the president’s HACKNEYED attempt to equate himself with those who died fighting at the Alamo, it’s that he has stoked the potential for more bloodshed! The president’s trip to Alamo “has Texas on edge and tensions a[re] ‘running dangerously high,’ according to Hidalgo County Judge Richard Cortez,” the Houston Chronicle reports.
Sometimes, though, you need a little light threatening to EXPERIENCE MAXIMUM FREEDOM. Republican Representative and HITLER ENTHUSIAST, Madison Cawthorn knows. Sure, Cawthorn called the terror attack on the Capitol by Trump supporters “sickening,” but that was AFTER the attack. Before the attack, he was on stage at the “Save America” rally helping incite Trump supporters’ attempt to execute the Vice President and Speaker of the House. And, we learned today that Cawthorn encouraged Trump supporters who didn’t want to accept the MATH of the election results to call and “lightly threaten” their Congressmen, and to tell them that they are “coming after them.” If that’s not AMERICAN VALUES, then I don’t want to be an American anymore! I want to be like Madison Cawthorn and IDOLIZE A REAL PATRIOT, LIKE HITLER!
And before all the HATEFUL LEFTISTS get their panties in a bunch over Cawthorn’s words, which were met with raucous applause by the Trump supporters, I’d like to just point out there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION between Cawthorn’s encouragement of violent threats and the actions of Trump supporters who DID EXACTLY THAT!
Uh-oh, I’m starting to get dizzy from the smell of my own bullshit. Better get my head back in the game!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
Okay, ready to get back to terrorizing America because I jUsT lOvE tHiS cOuNtRy So GoDdAmN mUcH!
ThEy’Re TrYiN’ tO rUiN mY lIfE bY cAlLiNg Me A tErRoRiSt!
And you know it was PATRIOTIC because there was a guy who looked like Chuck Norris at the “Murder the Vice President and House Speaker Rally” in Washington, too, even though it wasn’t really him.
In the end, a representative for Norris confirmed the man was not Chuck Norris, it was just a “look alike.” But rest assured, Chuck Norris still loves TRUMP! Well, you know what they say, “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . . except that books don’t really work that way, so it turns out Chuck Norris is a fucking idiot.”
“They were talking about 4,000 armed ‘patriots’ to surround the Capitol and prevent any Democrat from going in,” [Rep. Connor] Lamb [D-Pa] said. “They have published rules of engagement, meaning when you shoot and when you don’t. So this is an organized group that has a plan. They are committed to doing what they’re doing because I think in their minds, you know, they are patriots and they’re talking about 1776 and so this is now a contest of wills.”
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PATRIOTS, I’ve spent the last 24 hours making piss-poor excuses for our PATRIOTIC assault on our nation’s capitol and defending our right to PROUDLY COMMIT SEDITION, but the time has come to STOP PULLING OUR PUNCHES and speak the truth. No, not the FACTUAL TRUTH promoted by the liberal conspiracy known as “reality.” I’m talking about REAL, GUT-LEVEL TRUTH. The truth that just came to LIGHT! The FAKE TRUTH! The truth that the thousands of anti-America terrorists who assaulted the U.S. Capitol building demanding that Trump be installed as dictator of THESE FREE UNITED STATES were actually COVERT OPERATIVES of the IMAGINARY LEFTIST ORGANIZATION KNOWN AS ANTIFA!
Republican PRO-AMERICA TERRORIST MATT GAETZ got it right when he returned to the House of Representatives last night after being forced into hiding for five hours by these TRUMP-FLAG-WAVING LEFTISTS whose sedition killed four Americans in their VIOLENT COUP ATTEMPT.
LISTEN AND HEAR, SHEEPLE!
“The Washington Times has just reported some pretty compelling evidence from a facial recognition company showing that some of the people who breached the capitol today were not Trump supporters. They were masquerading as Trump supporters and, in fact, were members of the violent terrorist group ANTIFA.”PRO-TERRORIST PATRIOT MATT GAETZ
ANTIFA! The sane, rational, fact-loving supporters of Donald Trump would never engage in the terrorist acts we saw on Capitol Hill! Trump supporters are always calm and respectful! Evidence shows THAT THIS WAS ANTIFA!
PATRIOTS, this PRO-DEMOCRACY CONSPIRACY against Trump is SO BIG that the company that allegedly produced the only evidence for it maintains that the entire conspiracy theory is “outright false.” The facial recognition company that Matt Gaetz and The Washington Times reported on never even made any such claims! They say the claims are “outright false, misleading, and defamatory.” My head hurts!
So, PATRIOTS, there are only two options. Option #1: Matt Gaetz and The Washington Times are KNOWING LIARS who seek the collapse of the U.S. Government so that their FASCIST PRINCE Donald Trump can seize control of the country by force. Or, Option #2: Despite there being no evidence it was ANTIFA, it really was ANTIFA who stormed the U.S. Capitol RIGHT AFTER Donald Trump ordered and incited his own supporters to storm the capitol.
I know OPTION #2 sounds A LOT MORE PLAUSIBLE TO ME!
After all, DOES THIS REALLY LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS TO YOU?
White people. Trump flags. No black people in sight. Viking hats. Neck beards. Trump hats. Cops taking selfies with the rioters. No masks. Confederate flags.
These are the HALLMARKS OF ANTIFA!
SHUT UP FAKE YORK TIMES! We don’t need your liberally biased reality! It was ANTIFA and you know it! You SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, LEFTIST SCUM! If you don’t shut up, we’ll storm the Capitol and BURN! THIS! WHOLE! MUTHER! FUCKING! COUNTRY! TO! THE! GROUND!
WE DON’T CARE! WE’LL DO IT!
STOP THE STEAL!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! Q!
Whew. Sorry. ANTIFA just took over my fingers for a second and tried to frame me as a violent lunatic. Gotta tighten up that tin-foil hat.
Patriots, Trump support is about love. Love and peace. ANTIFA is about destroying democracy, by violent, extra-judicial actions (like counting legally cast, Dim-o-cratic votes).
ANTIFA is trying so hard to make Trump supporters look bad that its members also dressed up as Nazis to try to sully the good name of the destructive, pro-Trump riot. Fake ANTIFA Proud Boys wore slogans endorsing the extermination of Jewish people, something Trump supporters would clearly never endorse. Right?
Don’t say Charlottesville! ANTIFA would say Charlottesville right now!
The LEFT wants you to believe that ALL TRUMP supporters are anti-American lunatics who are lost in their own mindless support of a dictator and who seek to overthrow Democracy because they didn’t get what they wanted on Election Day. RESIST IT, PATRIOTS!
WE, PATRIOTS, ARE NOT WHO WE APPEAR TO BE! We love this country above all else! We love freedom and democracy! We seek the truth! We have compassion! We value Christian values!
Don’t let VIDEO EVIDENCE convince you that the TRUMP MOVEMENT is a DERANGED, ANTI-AMERICAN COUP against everything our country represents! THE VIDEO IS ANTIFA! Don’t let violent terrorists dressed as TRUMP supporters convince you that TRUMP support now means supporting violent terrorism! The terrorists are ANTIFA. ANTIFA NEWS! ANTIFA NEWS! Don’t let the resignation of top officials in the Trump government in protest of the president’s support for this coup convince you that the people who know Trump best know he is an insane man who doesn’t love this country. Those officials are ANTIFA! Don’t let the president’s own words saying he “loves” the terrorists who assaulted the peaceful transition of power in the U.S. convince you that the president “loves” terrorists! His words are ANTIFA!
REMEMBER, PATRIOTS, we can do whatever we want, and there will NEVER BE CONSEQUENCE. We can, and should, as TRAITOROUS SCUM Mitt Romney so eloquently put it last night, “weigh our own political fortunes more heavily than we weigh the strength of our republic.”
No matter how badly we behave, no matter how much violence, and death and destruction our tribe of TRUMP-SUPPORTING freedom haters inflicts, we must always remember, “We have met the enemy, AND THE ENEMY IS ANTIFA!!!!!!” The enemy is not us!
ANTI-DEMOCRACY PATRIOT TUCKER CARLSON of Fox News summed the day up in the wake of the death and destruction that the president he and all America-loving Republicans still support, when he told TRUMP supporters the REAL truth.
“If you don’t bother to pause and learn a single thing from it, from your citizens storming your Capitol Building, then you’re a fool. You lack wisdom and you lack self-awareness. You have no place running a country. We got to this sad chaotic day for a reason. It is not your fault. It is their fault.”TUCKER “NOT-YET-AN-ANTIFA” CARLSON
We are not missing the point! ANTIFA is missing the point!
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Over the weekend, STUPID LEFTISTS once again thought they’d caught RIGHTEOUS MAN OF GOD Donald Trump red-handed in a crime–just like when they thought they’d caught TRUMP red-handed in a crime when they caught him trying to use his influence to pressure a foreign leader to produce dirt on Trump’s political opponents, or when they caught Trump trying to end Democratic elections in the U.S., or when they caught Trump siphoning taxpayer money to his businesses through corrupt means, or when they caught him doing any of the dozens of other crimes I don’t acknowledge he committed–but ONCE AGAIN, the STUPID LEFTISTS were WRONG.
Because while TRUMP may have CRIMED, the LEFTISTS MUST DO THE TIME! Because the real CRIME is revealing TRUMP’S CRIME!
Here’s what The Washington Post reported about Trump, which caused all the STUPID LEFTISTS to scream, “CRIME! CRIME! TRUMP CRIME!”
President Trump urged fellow Republican Brad Raffensperger, the Georgia secretary of state, to “find” enough votes to overturn his defeat in an extraordinary one-hour phone call Saturday that legal scholars described as a flagrant abuse of power and a potential criminal act.
The Washington Post obtained a recording of the conversation in which Trump alternately berated Raffensperger, tried to flatter him, begged him to act and threatened him with vague criminal consequences if the secretary of state refused to pursue his false claims, at one point warning that Raffensperger was taking “a big risk.”The FAKE Bezos Post
DISGUSTING! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
And I suppose now, I must clarify FOR ALL STUPID LEFTISTS that what I find disgusting is NOT the fact that President Trump pressured an election official to fraudulently state that Trump won an election that the numbers say he lost. NO! That’s just called PATRIOTISM! What I am absolutely disgusted by is the SICK, DISGUSTING, LEFTIST LEAK of this audio recording of Trump committing a crime. How are we supposed to Make America Great Again if the man who’s going to do that is being revealed to be nothing more than a common criminal mob-boss-lite who uses intimidation and threats to pressure subordinates into subservience? PATRIOTS, WE MUST SUPPRESS!
Like the Russia Investigation, the REAL CRIME isn’t the CRIME OF TRUMP; it’s the CRIME of whistleblowing on Trump’s clear crimes!
And I’m not just some NUTTY, RIGHT-WING NUTJOB spewing baseless claims to defend my delusion support of an anti-American autocrat. I am WELL WITHIN THE MAINSTREAM of REPUBLICAN thought with my stance that the only CRIME is punishing CRIME! Just ask Republican Senator and Senate Candidate David Perdue of Georgia, which Trump won so he is now trying to fake the election results in to show that he won.
“I’m still shocked that a member of the Republican Party would tape a sitting president and then leak that. That’s disgusting in my view. But what the president said is exactly what he’s been saying the last few months and that is that . . . we’ve had some irregularities in the election in November, and he wants some answers. He has not gotten them yet from our Secretary of State. That’s one reason why I asked for him to resign. We haven’t gotten it from our state legislature because there’s been no special session called, and then he went to court, the president went to court, and then I went to court, and the courts have denied us hearings saying it’s more of a legislative issue. So what the president’s said in this tape today is no different than what he’s been saying for the last two months.”Sen. David Perdue (R-GA)
And what he’s been saying is that, like DEMOCRACY and HEALTH, ELECTIONS are overrated!
David Perdue must be re-elected, PATRIOTS! GET OUT AND VOTE! We must vote in the FAKE, RIGGED ELECTION in Georgia, which is run by a LEFTIST Secretary of State who voted for, and still supports Donald Trump. We must do it to win Republican seats in the Senate, even though Republicans can’t win because elections are rigged against us. Get it yet?
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PATRIOTS, for nine months, Americans have been suffering, struggling to pay rent, pay for food, and pay for pretty much anything that isn’t free. But fear not, AMERICAN SUBJECTS, because heroic Republicans are here to help (finally)! After nine months of blocking passage of a Democratic bill that would have offered much-needed relief to suffering Americans, we’ve seen a TRUE GREAT CONJUNCTION, a once-in-800-year-event, and Republican Senators are BACK IN WASHINGTON AGAIN, to vote against much-needed relief!
The COMMUNISTS behind the new WEALTH STEAL BILL want to take $600 out of the JOB CREATOR’S pocket and send it to every long-suffering American whose lives have been upended by Republicans’ pro-pandemic policies, when those Americans have ONLY been suffering for nine months! TALK ABOUT LEFTIST ECONOMIC POLICY! Why don’t we just take some of that money that should go to the rich and give it to the poor? I mean (laughs nervously while waiting for everyone to agree with me). . . it’s just. . . so ridiculous.
Six Republican Senate PATRIOTS knew that this LIBERAL LEFTIST HANDOUT crafted by Republican Leader Mitch McConnell was far too generous to WELFARE QUEENS like the 20% of American adults who can’t afford to feed their children. So those CONSERVATIVE HEROES, who have heroically supported President Trump’s 4-year struggle to reach RECORD deficit levels–Senators Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, Ted Cruz of Texas, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Mike Lee of Utah, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Rick Scott of Florida–voted “HELL NO” on this OVERLY-GENEROUS, LEFTIST handout of $600 to every American.
SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?! That’s a whopping $20 for every week of suffering since the first CARES Act was signed by President T on March 27! Why don’t we just give every American healthcare while we’re at it? Why don’t we just give everyone the Taj Mahal for CHRISTmas?
If these WELFARE QUEENS can’t live on $20 a week, maybe they need to get a job as a Wall Street Executive so they can learn something about FINANCE!
Unfortunately, Patriots, the bill passed the Senate 92 to 6, and so now, it’s up to PRESIDENT Donald Trump to stop it with a veto! Something he doesn’t seem to want to do, but just give it some time, because he usually comes through and does what’s worst for the American people. Have faith, PATRIOTS!
Meanwhile, those Republican heroes who opposed the massive $600 COMMIE WAGE, as I call it, stood up to the fact that millions are unable to afford food, by pointing out some TRUE fake lies about the bill! Trump supporters around the internet are pushing the president to VETO the bill based on the ALTERNATIVE FACT that the bill contains billions of dollars for FOREIGN countries like Israel and Egypt, and LIBERAL priorities like the KENNEDY CENTER! And just because that claim wasn’t in any way TRUE, lib-o-crats got IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERED by this attempt to torpedo their $600 GOLDEN GOOSE!
It doesn’t matter if my opposition is real or not, if this bill is going to give even a sliver of financial help to Americans while Donald J(ust trying to kill every American citizen) Trump is still MY PRESIDENT, he MUST VETO!!!!!!
GET ON THE TRUMP TRAIN, PATRIOTS, and OPPOSE THAT MEASLEY $600 CHECK. Let’s get a BIGGER STIMULUS check, just like the one MY PRESIDENT Donald Trump opposed in July along with the more generous COVID relief bill that would have included things like, oh, let’s see, more generous unemployment benefits for struggling Americans. Wait, I’m confused. . . what exactly do I stand for as a REAL PATRIOT? I’m against the $600 check, but I’m also against the more generous bill because PRESIDENT T opposed it, but he agreed with the Republicans who I’m also against because they supported the $600 bill. My head hurts!
As a PATRIOT, what the f*** do I support?
Oh, I think I figured it out!
We will not be satisfied until we get what we really want: NOTHING. NOTHING OR NOTHING, LIBS! Your choice.
Meanwhile, let’s make sure we, as TRUE REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS keep CONSERVATIVE politicians in office. People like Republican Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa, who claimed a few months ago that the EVIL doctors and nurses risking their lives at hospitals were FALSIFYING death certificates in order to inflate COVID statistics! Yesterday, Sen. Ernst did what any good PATRIOT would do and jumped ahead of those healthcare workers in the line to get the life-saving vaccine for the virus she helped spread through false conspiracy theories! If those aren’t REPUBLICAN VALUES, I don’t know what are!
Also getting the REAL VACCINE to the FAKE HOAX VIRUS they helped PATRIOTICALLY SPREAD were heroes like Lindsey Graham, and Marco Rubio, who isn’t even old enough to fall into a high-risk category but HEROICALLY TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM and got the life-saving vaccine so one of those EVIL, LYING FIRST RESPONDERS could learn about HARD WORK, RESPONSIBILITY, and pulling their immune system up by its own bootstraps, or something. I don’t know!
The point is, the THIN RED LINE of Republicans in Congress is the only thing stopping America from becoming a real “shithole” country! Right?
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PATRIOTS, as a proud American who’s been run out of more than two dozen communities in my lifetime, I know from experience that when your neighbors don’t want you around anymore, IT IS ALWAYS THEIR FAULT, NOT YOURS! AND IT’S USUALLY BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID, INTOLERANT LEFTIST-SCUM WHO NEED TO BE ROUNDED UP AND SHOT! I’M LOOKING AT YOU, GARY! I’LL TOLERATE YOU! WITH MY HACKSAW! Anyway, that’s why I am standing by MY PRESIDENT even as the residents of Mar-a-Lago, the private club in Florida that Trump owns, are telling the president that he can’t live there after he leaves the White House… in 2024, I assume.
The FAKE BEZOS Washington Post reports that Trump is leaving the COMMUNIST HELLSCAPE of New York for the AMERICAN PARADISE of Southern Florida, but the LIB-SCUM who Trump allows to live at his private community have told the PRESIDENT to “GET OFF YOUR OWN LAWN!”
In a demand letter, obtained by The Washington Post, an attorney for the Mar-a-Lago neighbors says the town should notify Trump that he cannot use Mar-a-Lago as his residence. Making that move would “avoid an embarrassing situation” if the outgoing president moves to the club and later has to be ordered to leave, according to the letter sent on behalf of the neighbors, the DeMoss family, which runs an international missionary foundation.THE FAKE BEZOS WASHINGTON POST
These NO GOOD LIBS who are SQUATTING at Trump’s private residence for just $200,000 want to run the president out of their LEFTIST TRASH-CLUB all because of some little “disruptions, such as clogged traffic and blocked streets, caused by the president’s frequent trips to the club,” according to the FAKE BEZOS POST. They also say that before he was president, “Trump created ill will in the town by refusing to comply with even basic local requirements, such as adhering to height limits for a massive flagpole he installed, and frequently attempting to get out of the promises he had made when he converted Mar-a-Lago into a private club.”
Basic local requirements? Sounds too complicated, Bezos Post, ya’ LIB SACK-O-SHIT!
Oh, and there’s the small, LIBERALLY-BIASED fact that Trump using Mar-a-Lago as a private home and a club could be totally illegal, because in 1993, when Trump was in bankruptcy–I mean, “succeeding” bigly–he cut a deal with the town that said club members couldn’t spend more than 21 days per year in the guest suites there and couldn’t stay there for more than seven consecutive days. And, one more little matter: an attorney for Trump assured the town that Trump WOULD not live at Mar-a-Lago. So, um… yeah. I don’t know how to spin that… But, WHATEVER, YOU STUPID LEFTISTS! GET OVER IT! TRUMP WON (lost)!
A LEFTIST (probably) HOMEOWNER in nearby Palm Beach told the BEZOS FAKE POST, “There’s absolutely no legal theory under which he can use that property as both a residence and a club.” REALLY, LIB? Here’s a theory: TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
(I’d have chanted longer but I’m tired because I just ate a McDonald’s Fillet-o-fish and a chocolate milkshake, or as I call it, “a good start to my presidential breakfast.”)
But, there’s another way to look at this story: A HUGE WIN FOR THE GREATEST DEALMAKER IN AMERICAN HISTORY! That’s right. SUCK ON THAT, LIBS! No one has ever out-negotiated the negotiator-in-chief. . . until now. And that great negotiator who beat Trump? Surprise! It was Trump! It was the greatest deal Trump ever made, in fact, because he beat the best negotiator in history: Trump!
And this deal was AIR-TIGHT because in addition to promising the town he’d never live at Mar-a-lago in that 1993 deal, Trump also made another GREAT DEAL! This time, in a deal with the National Trust for Historic Preservation…
Trump agreed to “forever” relinquish his rights to develop Mar-a-Lago or to use it for “any purpose other than club use.”FAKE BEZOS POST
Sheeple, I don’t often admit I was wrong, but in this case, I have to swallow my pride and admit Trump isn’t THE GREATEST NEGOTIATOR IN HISTORY.
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT! NEVER ADMIT REALITY! EMBRACE THE DELUSION, BABY!
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PATRIOTS, nobody has been a bigger supporter of President Trump than me, with the possible exception of Attorney General William Barr. Lest I need remind you of Barr’s service to this GREAT COUNTRY, the man literally auditioned for the job of Attorney General of the United States by writing a memo arguing that the President cannot be guilty of the crime of obstruction of justice–while Trump was being investigated for obstruction of justice–and then secretly sent that memo to Trump’s cronies so they’d know he was willing to subvert the law to PATRIOTICALLY HELP TRUMP. Then, Bill Barr pre-empted Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Trump and Russia–which found that Trump might actually have committed obstruction of justice–by falsely summarizing before the report’s release that Trump was “cleared” of wrongdoing. Then, Barr helped Trump carry out various PATRIOTIC fascistic uses of the Justice Department for his own ends, culminating in Barr helping Trump tear gas peaceful protesters in Lafayette Square so the president could pose outside a church with an upside down Bible, and then, BIGLY BARR intervened to help some of Trump’s criminal associates evade prosecution before politicizing the Justice Department entirely to undermine its own mission and help Trump. In other words, BILL BARR IS A PATRIOT! A FREEDOM LOVER! A MAN WHO PUTS COUNTRY ABOVE ALL ELSE (EXCEPT TRUMP, WHO HE RIGHTLY PUTS WAY ABOVE COUNTRY BECAUSE JESUS WANTS IT THAT WAY!)
But PATRIOTS, there comes a time when every TRUMP-LOVER must prove his worth by EXPRESSING TOTAL FEALTY to Supreme Leader Trump. He must cast aside all self-worth and plunge headlong into the abyss of SPINELESS MORAL TURPITUDE. And on this requirement, I’m afraid Bill Barr has now shown himself to be nothing but a LEFTIST IN DISGUISE!
And, PATRIOTS, he’s now gotten what all LEFTISTS deserve: FIRED! Donald Trump fired BILL BARR(F) from his job as Attorney General of the United States because, quite simply, Trump’s #1 sycophant wasn’t TRUMPY ENOUGH!
You see, even the “outstanding” Bill Barr(f) didn’t have the SPINE to continue to feed TRUMP’S PATRIOTIC, AMERICA-KILLING LIE that he won the election even though he got less votes than Biden. He SADLY acknowledged the LIBERALLY-BIASED truth that there was no widespread, election-changing fraud, when a TRUMPIAN LIE would have served Trump’s purposes much better. BARR(F) sided with the sick, anti-Trump group called AMERICANS. Worse, he failed to PROMOTE A POLITICALLY-BIASED AGENDA because he failed to disclose the Justice Department’s investigation of HUNTER! Barr(f) did this just because it would have been unethical and violate long-standing precedent, the SICK COWARD! Doesn’t Barr(f) know that ethics only exist for the purpose of disappearing whenever violating them would help TRUMP?
Now, PATRIOTS, stupid-liberals will argue that TRUMPISTS are looking pretty foolish right now, when their WILDLY-DERANGED CONSPIRACY THEORIES and GRIEVANCES AGAINST REALITY’S ANTI-TRUMP BIAS have become too insane for even Bill Barr(f) the ass-kisser-in-chief, to stomach. But we know the truth! It’s time to TRIPLE DOWN, kick out everyone who isn’t Trump enough, turn on each other like TRUE PATRIOTS and GO DOWN WITH THIS SINKING SHIP!!!
Barr was just another LIB-IN-DISGUISE, acting like he was all-in on Trump fascism, destroying every democratic norm in America with glee, until he made one, tiny mistake, and OUTED HIMSELF AS A LIB by acknowledging a small part of reality like a loser. We’re right! THE TRUTH IS WRONG! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
But, even a hateful leftist like Bill Barr can’t deny PRESIDENT T’S GREATNESS. Just listen to this sycophant’s praise-heaping letter of resignation to the president, which he wrote after being run out of his job by the president for acknowledging that numbers are real… LIKE A LEFTIST!
Here’s a look at the ACTUAL (not actual) text of Bill Barr(f)’s letter of resignation:
Dear Mr. President,
I am greatly honored that you called on me to serve your Administration and the American people once again as Attorney General. I am proud to have played a role in the many successes and unprecedented achievements you have delivered for the American people, whether they be in the form of accomplishments you didn’t accomplish but took credit for, or in the form of Americans you’ve harmed for no reason other than your own ever-growing vanity.
I love you, sir, and not in the way I love Jesus, which is purely platonic. I feel a great fluttering in my loins when I become aroused thinking of your orange, wrinkly pate and your blonde wisps of glory.
Your record is all the more historic because you have accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance from leftist, Antifa terrorists, such as the American people, the entire media and objective reality. Your 2016 victory speech in which you reached out to your opponents and called for working together for the benefit of the American people, which I and no one else believed because you never did anything to actually work toward this goal, was immediately met by a partisan onslaught against you in which no tactic, no matter how abusive and deceitful, was out of bounds (for being used you and your cronies). The nadir of the campaign was the effort by objective reality to cripple, if not completely destroy what would otherwise have been an historically successful presidency if we’d simply been living in an alternate, Bizarro World, a world I, and many others now refer to as the Trump Cinematic Universe. And those are movies I’d watch every day, sir. I love you, again.
My only regret is that I could not debase myself even more in the service of your rightly fascistic goals.
. . .
As discussed, I will spend the next week wrapping up a few remaining matters important to the Administration, such as punishing myself for being a secret Antifa by failing to prop up the lie that you actually won the 2020 election because you got enough invisible votes to overtake Joe Biden, which I clearly should have recognized, and I will depart on December 23rd.
I wish you, Melania, and your family a MERRY CHRISTMAS, which I believe with all my soul that we would not be able to celebrate if not for your masculine leadership. God Bless, my liege, and I would have fired myself, too. I suck. Please hate me forever as much as I hate myself. I am truly not Trumpy enough for the Trump Club.
William P. Barr(f)
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Patriots, these are dark times for FREEDOM and LIBERTY. A democratically-elected DEMOCRAT is about to ascend to the presidency by the COMPLETELY BIASED PROCESS of accurately counting votes. But FEAR NOT! FREEDOM is on the RISE again! In the form of MARTIAL LAW!!!
Michael Flynn, the president’s former National Security Adviser, who pleaded guilty to crimes committed during the Trump transition in 2017 but was recently pardoned by the “Law and Order” president, has dropped an ATOM bomb of truth by calling on Donald Trump to “temporarily suspend the Constitution” and impose martial law so that the military can “oversee a national re-vote.” And, oh, by the way, let’s also have the military “silence the destructive media” while we’re at it, says Flynn. FIRST AMENDMENT, BITCHES!
Everybody knows that when you lose an election and don’t like the result, just yell “RE-DO” and we vote again. IT’S IN THE CONSTITUTION! LOOK IT UP, SLEEPY JOE!
Now, some in the FACTUALLY-BIASED MEDIA might make the unfounded claim that Flynn’s proposed PATRIOTIC violation of the Constitution smacks of “authoritarianism” and completely subverts the legally-established process of holding fair elections in the United States, literally replacing the duly elected president through a military coup (not to mention shredding the Constitutional protection of freedom of the press); however, to that well-reasoned, idiotic, ANTI-AMERICAN criticism, I AND ALL PATRIOTS SIMPLY SAY “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!”
You lost even though you got more votes, SLEEPY. Get over it!
And Flynn makes a perfectly reasoned argument, which is totally going over stupid lib heads, when he says in his tweet, “Freedom never kneels except for God.” In this case, God is on Trump’s side so freedom can take a knee. Jesus will take it from here, and Jesus says RE-VOTE, asshole!
And just in case Jesus isn’t American enough for you, LEFTIST, ANTI-HUMAN SCUM, how about some good ‘ol Abe M.(otherfuckin’) Lincoln? Because Flynn, Trump “lawyer” Lin Wood, and the PATRIOTICALLY unhinged “We The People Convention” (to destroy America and install Trump as permanent dictator) have got a totally apt comparison.
In the months following the start of the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln struggled to preserve the Union. Many objected to Lincoln’s extraordinary use of Presidential authority, in particular his suspension of the right of “Habeas Corpus”… Today, the current threat to our United States by the international and domestic socialist/communist left is much more serious than anything Lincoln or our nation has faced in its history – including the civil war.“We The People Convention” Ad
Suck it, libs. You STAND NO CHANCE against an alliance of Jesus, Lincoln, Michael Flynn, and Jon Voight! Lincoln used the military DURING THE CIVIL WAR, so Trump can do it when he doesn’t like the election result. They’re the SAME thing! (If you ignore everything about both of those things.)
And another PATRIOT has just joined the CIVIL WAR DREAM TEAM. Crazy-nut Alabama Republican Rep. Mo Brooks says he’s going to “challenge the Electoral College votes when Congress officially certifies Joe Biden’s victory on Jan. 6,” according to POLITICO. And his reasoning is totally not* insane, just like Insane Mike Flynn’s. Brooks says, “This election was stolen by the socialists engaging in extraordinary voter fraud and election theft measures.” And he’s got evidence to support that claim. That evidence is [insert evidence here once some exists].
But, patriots, I’m sorry to say we’ve got bigger problems than possibly inciting a new civil war in order to stage a military coup for Trump…
…because Sasha HUSSEIN OBAMA is on TikTok.
Truth-fighters, I’m sorry to say, this means we must adjust our battle plans. I, SheepleNumber1, HEREBY CLAIM that all freedom-loving patriots ignore the PLIGHT OF TRUMP AND FLYNN and focus ALL of their attention on this imminent threat to freedom posed by the social media dancing of the daughter of our first TERRORIST-AMERICAN president! I know it seems insane, but that’s never stopped us before. FIGHT FOR LIBERTY by retweeting this video to all your friends so that they can see what a TRUE THREAT TO FREEDOM looks like, and if that means giving up on Trump and letting Sleepy Joe Biden assume the White House, so be it. It’s the lesser of two evils. We’ve only got so much patriotism on this side of the aisle.
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Sheeple, in these troubling times of Democratic rule, it’s nice to know that we can still rely on TRUE PATRIOTS to toe the line of insane, conspiracy-driven propaganda in the face of all evidence. Lou Dobbs is one of those TRUE PATRIOTS. Today, he let off a pungent, overpowering TRUTH FART (a term I’ve just invented) rip on the lyin’ scum in the LEFTIST media and the LEFTIST, formerly-Trump-supporting Republican establishment when he said some COLD HARD FACTS (which I can only assume, like all COLD HARD FACTS were driven by a copious consumption of Coors Light before hosting his show on Fox Business Network).
LET ALL HEATHENS IN THE LEFTIST MOB SHUDDER AT THE PROCLAMATION OF DOBBS!!!!
“People don’t go to jail for their attitude, but in the case of the Secretary of State and the Governor of Georgia right now, one would be tempted to prosecute based on their conduct so far… We look like a complete nation of fools and we’re supposed to be meeting constitutional deadlines on December 8th, December 14th. Are you kidding me? This thing should be shut down right now and people understand that this will not be tolerated by the American people… This is no longer about just voter fraud or electoral fraud. This is something much bigger, and this president has to take, I believe, drastic action, dramatic action to make certain that the integrity of this election is understood, or lack of it, the crimes that have been committed against him and the American people, and if the Justice Department doesn’t want to do it, if the FBI cannot do it, then we have to find other resources within the federal government... This is an assault on the core of a democracy, any democracy, our ability to cast a secret ballot.”Lou Dobbs
No show on the air is more HARD-HITTING than DOBBS’ Fox Business screed-hour, as proven by the FACT that he began his fact-free unbiased news interview with Trump faux-lawyer and conspiracist Sidney Powell by telling her, “this time is yours.”
And then, Lou told it like it is, if by “is” you mean “is not.” He called for the prosecution of the Trump-voting COWARD REPUBLICANS in Georgia who had the SHEER AUDIACITY to let COUNTING tell them how many votes Donald Trump got. Everyone knows counting has a well-known liberal bias, you RINOs (Republicans In Nazism Only).
Dobbs is HUFFING THE GLUE OF TRUTH here, sheeple. This case began as a simple, straightforward legal argument that most of the votes cast for Joe Biden were FRAUDULENT, because… well, because we had a gut feeling about it and no evidence. But now, this simple, anti-factual VOTER FRAUD CASE has become something else, something that is not and never was about voter fraud. To quote the late, great Lou Dobbs’ living corpse, “This is no longer about just voter fraud or electoral fraud. This is something much bigger.” And the GREAT LOUUUUUU can’t and won’t say what that is, because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, either, that the Trump legal team representative ON HIS SHOW can’t and won’t say, either. The important thing is that Trump, to quote Dobbs’ corpse, has to take “drastic action, dramatic action” against “the crimes that have been committed.”
The important thing, as the GREAT LOUUUUU understands, isn’t proving his ludicrously outlandish and unsubstantiated accusation that Biden won the election because every computerized voting machine in America was rigged against the president by a long-dead Venezuelan dictator. The important thing is TOTALLY FORGETTING about voter fraud and moving on to the PROSECUTION of Republican officials for those unproven crimes, and, of course, moving on Donald Trump taking “drastic action” to possibly try to retain power through illegal means.
Suck it, libs! If you don’t get it, I can’t help you. Maybe if you were already dead, like Lou Dobbs, you wouldn’t care so much about your precious “freedom” and “Constitution,” and you could get on the TRUMP TRAIN to prosecuting all these Republican state officials who had the GALL to let people count votes properly. SICK! SAD!
And while we’re on the case of prosecuting Republicans for doing their jobs in the LIBERALLY-BIASED CORRECT WAY, let’s add SCUM-A-ZONA’s GOP Governor Doug Ducey. Governor Ducey RIGHTLY changed his ringtone to “Hail to the Chief” for all incoming calls from President Trump a few months ago, as is required by LAW, but then, yesterday, Governor Douchey got a call from the president while he was on camera wasting his time certifying the votes in Sleepy Joe Biden’s legal-ILLEGAL win in Arizona.
Watch Governor DOUCHEY send the president, the leader of the free world, and the GREATEST LIVING HUMAN ORANGE to voicemail.
But, never fear, sheeple, Dapper Don shot back with a BIG LEAGUE BIGLY on the most OFFICIAL of fake-news social media platforms, tweeting that Governor Douchey has betrayed the people of Arizona, and this friendly apparent threat of political retribution…
Nice, President T!
And all Governor Douchey could respond with was a VERY BORING string of “facts” that weren’t remotely interesting to us TRUMP-PUBLICANS.
Blah, blah, blah. Very boring, Governor.
What’s Lou Dobbs up to? What’s on Newsmax? What Republican are we going to call for being prosecuted today?
I don’t have time to read your boring facts!
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First he tries to tell us the climate is changing.
And just because he’s “infallible” we’re supposed to believe him.
Nice try Pope, but would an infallible man drive a FIAT??? I think not.
What fun is that?
This conviction has led me, from the beginning of my ministry, to advocate at different levels for the global abolition of the death penalty. I am convinced that this way is the best, since every life is sacred, every human person is endowed with an inalienable dignity, and society can only benefit from the rehabilitation of those convicted of crimes. Recently my brother bishops here in the United States renewed their call for the abolition of the death penalty. Not only do I support them, but I also offer encouragement to all those who are convinced that a just and necessary punishment must never exclude the dimension of hope and the goal of rehabilitation.
“Eye for an eye,” that’s what the REAL, OLD-SCHOOL GOD taught. None of this PC, liberal “Do unto others” BS that the Pope and his buddy “Jesus” are laying down. Go back to your Bernie Sanders rally, hippies.
Coincidentally, the Pope also laid that “Do unto others” propaganda down during his speech to congress…
We need to avoid a common temptation nowadays: to discard whatever proves troublesome. Let us remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
What?!?! “Discard whatever proves troublesome” is LITERALLY the motto that Fox News reporters live by when they report their stories. I’m beginning to think this Pope doesn’t understand anything about being a Christian (Conservative). He needs to stop taking selfies and watch some Hannity.
Speaking of watching Hannity, I’m hoping that’s where Supreme Court Justices (and people who have the power to abolish the death penalty) Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, and Antonin Scalia were, because they WISELY decided not to attend Pope-bama’s speech. That’s right, the three CATHOLIC Supreme Court justices who support the death penalty couldn’t find time in their busy schedules to see the Pope. I applaud this. Why would these all-powerful, lifetime appointees take time for a lowly elected official like the Pope. It would really be beneath them as, I’m assuming, would be listening to God’s representative on Earth.
But while these three old men did well in cowering from the dangerous message of peace and acceptance delivered by an elderly, foreign man in a white robe, the real hero of the day was Republican Congressman Paul Gosar. Yes, this proud member of the United States Congress boldly condemned the Pope for making EVERY. FUCKING. THING. into a divisive, poltical talking point.
As he wrote in a blistering, anti-Pope, liberty-sausage of an editorial for TownHall…
Media reports indicate His Holiness…intends to focus the brunt of his speech on climate change– a climate that has been changing since first created in Genesis. More troubling is the fact that this climate change talk has adopted all of the socialist talking points, wrapped false science and ideology into “climate justice” and is being presented to guilt people into leftist policies… If the Pope plans to spend the majority of his time advocating for flawed climate change policies, then I will not attend.
And he did not attend. As Daily Kos put it, the Catholic Congressman was, “not willing to walk about 500 feet from his office in Cannon to the Capitol.” Suck on that, Pope, you self-righteous dick! Who do you think you are to spew your Communist ideas in PAUL GOSAR’S WORKPLACE?!?! WHO ARE YOU to make PAUL GOSAR walk 500 feet?!?! THIS IS AMERICA! NOBODY walks 500 feet, here!
…Unless we’re walking to the ranch of a crazy racist who wants to start a shooting war with the U.S. Government. Paul Gosar did that…
…last year the congressman had the interest and the time to travel thousands of miles to criminal rancher Cliven Bundy’s compound in Nevada. Gosar joined a knuckle-dragging gaggle of Arizona legislators like Chemtrail Queen Sen. Kelli Ward, who caravanned to the armed camp during the standoff with BLM. The Arizonans took photographs with the bigot Bundy and spoke with local media about freedumb and shit, then returned home and plastered the pictures on their websites—that is until the old coot told the world what he knows “about the Negro.” Then the web photos disappeared…
Racist rancher, Paul Gosar, Death Penalty, Not Doing Unto Others=Good.
Got it? Okay, great. Now let’s get to work.
Of course, there are some who seem to have fallen under the spell of the Pontiff’s DANGEROUS MESSAGE OF LOVE FOR OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.
I am calling on Fox News to FIRE THESE PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY…
Starting with Sheppard Smith, who said this…
“I think we are in a weird place in the world when the following things are considered political. Five things, I’m going to tick them off. These are the five things that were on his and our president’s agenda. Caring for the marginalized and the poor — that’s now political. Advancing economic opportunity for all. Political? Serving as good stewards of the environment. Protecting religious minorities and promoting religious freedom globally. Welcoming [and] integrating immigrants and refugees globally. And that’s political?”
“I think these were the teachings in the Bible of Jesus. They’re the words of the pope, they’re the feelings of the president. And people who find themselves on the other side of that message should consult a mirror, it seems like.”
Shep, I really think you need to read your Bible, specifically Matthew 17:31 “Blessed are those who say ‘Fuck the poor’,” and the Letter From St. Paul to the EPA extolling the virtues of “clean coal”.
Or maybe we’re reading different Bibles…