Tagged: ted cruz

LYIN’ TED CRUZ SAVES Texas From Icy HELLSTORM By Fleeing To CANCUN For VACATION!!! Suffering IGNORED, LIBS!!!

Image result for ted cruz airport
Lyin’ Ted went undercover at the airport! SICK LIBS would never suspect a MASKED man of being a REPUBLICAN PATRIOT!

PATRIOTS, the old saying goes, “Screw you! We’re from Texas!” Well, NUMBER ONE PATRIOT LYIN’ TED CRUZ might have just come up with a better saying: “Screw you, Texas! I’m going to Mexico!” With millions of residents in his state suffering under dangerous freezing conditions, blackouts, no heat, and lack of potable water, this LYIN’ of the Senate did what any TRUE TRUMPIAN HERO would have done! He got the f*** out of there!

Ted flew off to SAFETY in the country he HATES the most, Mexico! Cancun to be exact! And he left his LOSER and SUCKER constituents to take care of themselves, because, like one CONSERVATIVE MAYOR in Ted’s state RIGHTLY scolded the suffering recently, “If you were sitting at home in the cold because you have no power and are sitting there waiting for someone to come rescue you because your lazy is direct result of your raising!”

Smart and literate!

Luckily, the former president’s border wall to keep the drug dealers and “rapists” out of Texas didn’t stop Lyin’s jet from making it to safety on the other side of it. IN MEXICO!

I’M NOT COGNITIVELY DISSONANT! YOU ARE, LIB!

LIBERALS WERE ALL OVER THE STORY of Lyin’ Ted’s HEROIC flee, which was first reported by notable LIB RAG, Fox News!

But, PATRIOTS, just because this ACT OF VALOR by Lyin’ Ted makes him look like the most callous, insensitive jerk who ever served in Congress, which is really saying something, THE LIBS ARE STILL MISSING THE POINT! What was Lyin’ supposed to do?!?! Help?

Puh-lease, libs! Nobody’s helping. Except Beto O’Rourke, that Democratic LOSER who LOST his senate bid against Lyin’ Ted, yet still helps suffering people in his state, LIKE A SUCKER! LIB! SHAME! LIB!

Hey, BEEE-TO, nobody needs help here! We’re just fine! In fact, we’re just fine without power or potable water! At least, that’s what Former Governor Rick Perry says, and he KNOWS ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING, so he probably KNOWS A LOT about the opinions of his suffering and freezing former constituents.

“Texans would be without electricity for longer than three days to keep the federal government out of their business… Try not to let whatever the crisis of the day is take your eye off of having a resilient grid…”

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry

Which Texas doesn’t have because… communism, I guess?

Things are going SO GOOD in Cruz’s home state of TEXAS that people aren’t even worried about not having electricity anymore (because they don’t have water now, either).

Scores of Texans were under notice to boil tap water before drinking it after days of record low temperatures damaged infrastructure, caused blackouts and froze water pipes.

FAKE NEWS NBC (NOTHING BUT CRAP) News

LIBS just don’t get it. While they’re suffering UNDER SOCIALIST, LIB-O-CRATIC leadership in their big city, ivory towers with their… heat… and drinking water, they don’t understand the JOYS OF REAL FREEDOM. Freedom to SUFFER AND DIE FOR REPUBLICAN CONTROL OF OUR COUNTRY WITHOUT BIG, LIB GUBMINT TELLING ME TO LIVE!

Absolutely NOBODY in Texas needs any HELP from Lyin’ Ted Cruz, anyway. Except the kids in hospitals with no flushing toilets, AKA Scum-o-crats.

[A]t least two hospitals in the Austin metro area were being evacuated on Wednesday night due to a lack of hot water and heat. Matt Largey, an editor at Austin’s NPR station KUT, tweeted out a statement from St. David’s South Austin Medical Center on Wednesday that confirmed that the hospital was in the process of evacuating some of its “just under 300 patients” from the facility after it “lost water pressure today from the City of Austin.” … Minutes later, Largey reported that Dell Children’s Medical Center, a pediatric hospital located in Austin, was also without power. In an accompanying statement from the hospital sent from a source, officials confirmed that “extreme weather conditions” had resulted in the facility experiencing “interruptions in service,” and noted that the toilets there did not currently have “flushing capabilities.”

Gizmodo

Flushing toilets at children’s hospitals are overrated anyway. You gotta teach those kids about FREE MARKET ECONOMICS early, or else they’ll never understand later why they’re being forced to freeze to death without drinking water so their Senators can take a vacation in Mexico–I mean, so capitalism.

The answer to that question, of course, is GUNS. Don’t get it? That’s because you’re a socialist! SOCIALIST!

NOTED CONSERVATIVE CRIMINAL Dinesh D’Souza gets it. WHAT IS LYIN’ TED SUPPOSED TO DO? Flying to Mexico and abandoning his state is actually the MOST HELPFUL thing Lyin’ Ted can do! That’s effective leadership!

Ted Cruz REALLY IS THE BEST! He’s helping more than anyone else, by NOT HELPING AT ALL! It’s called pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, Texas. Sure, you don’t have drinking water, or heat, or for some, life, but think of all the things you still DO HAVE! Like, GUNS! And…

I can’t think of anything else, but, the important thing is that you remember, you’re suffering so that you can be free! Or, so the owner of the Dallas Cowboys can make money, I guess. SAME THING!

Comstock Resources chief financial officer Roland Burns acknowledged that the company had “hit the jackpot” as it sold gas from its Haynesville Shale wells in East Texas on the spot market for a price between $15 and $179 per cubic feet… “This week is like hitting the jackpot with some of these incredible prices,” Burns said during an earnings call on Wednesday… [Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry] Jones… controls a 73 percent share in Comstock, according to the company’s 2020 proxy statement.

Newsweek

Hey, it might seem bad, Texas, but just remember… guns. No big government LIBS will be able to pry them from your FROZEN hands now!

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RIGGED (But In A Good Way)!!! GOP Senators HEROICALLY Conspire With Defense Lawyers To Acquit Guilty TRUMP Of Obvious Crimes!

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These three smug looking mothers***ers know better than you! They know that GOP JUSTICE ISN’T BLIND!

PATRIOTS, there’s nothing I hate more than a RIGGED SYSTEM! That’s why I supported TRUMP supporters’ PATRIOTIC efforts to overthrow the government and end democracy. Because the system was rigged! The election was rigged against TRUMP! Democrats are trying to impeach TRUMP because they don’t understand that RIGGED THINGS ARE BAD! TRUMP IS GOOD! And that’s why I totally support the GOP’S effort to RIG the impeachment trial FOR TRUMP!

You see, RIGGING is BAD, unless you’re RIGGING FOR TRUMP! That’s just being fair!

So, let us RIG THIS F***ING SYSTEM LIKE IT’S NEVER BEEN RIGGED BEFORE! TO STOP THE STEAL!

TO STEAL THE STOPPING OF THE STEAL!

And 3 Republican Senators are doing their PATRIOTIC AMERICAN part to rig the case of TRUMP v. AMERICA in favor of Trump and against America. These three SENATE HEROES are going to serve as the jurors who will deliver a verdict in this impeachment case, and while many of them did not have precious time to listen to the EVIL, factual arguments made against TRUMP by the prosecution in this case, these IMPARTIAL, PATRIOTIC JURORS did have time for a 70 MINUTE LONG MEETING WITH THE TRUMP DEFENSE LAWYERS to discuss “‘sharing our thoughts’ about their legal strategy,” CNN reports.

Sens. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, Ted Cruz of Texas and Mike Lee of Utah were spotted going into a room in the US Capitol that Trump’s lawyers were using to prepare for their arguments. 

Trump lawyer David Schoen said that the senators were “very friendly guys” who just wanted to make sure they were “familiar with procedure” on the eve of their rebuttal to the House impeachment managers’ presentation.

When asked if it’s appropriate to meet with senators during the trial, Schoen said, “Oh yeah, I think that’s the practice of impeachment.”

“There’s nothing about this thing that has any semblance of due process whatsoever,” he added.

CNN (CLINTON (FAKE) NEWS NETWORK)

Yes, there’s “no semblance of due process whatsoever” in this trial, AND THAT’S JUST HOW REPUBLICANS LIKE IT, because that’s the only way that the president who incited a mob to try to kill the Vice President and Speaker of the House WILL GET AWAY WITH HIS CRIMES!

GOP, WE LOVE CRIMES! And, we also love a jury that will VOLUNTARILY TAMPER WITH ITSELF! Now that’s what I call integrity. These CONSERVATIVE HEROES have so much f***ing integrity that they willingly go on TV and tell the American people that the entire trial of TRUMP is a TOTAL SHAM because the Republican senators on the jury are also HELPING THE DEFENSE strategize on how to get away with its crimes. That’s even more astonishing, because the crime the defense is accused of is LITERALLY TRYING TO MURDER the jury! Dang!

That’s some next level BOOTLICKING!

I hope Trump rewards these ASS-KISSERS with another attempt to incite a riot against them! They deserve it!

And you know it was a PERFECTLY INNOCENT meeting between a guilty defendant’s legal team and the JURORS that they need to help them PATRIOTICALLY RIG the case, because just look how eager Senator Lindsey Graham is to share what was discussed in this perfectly SANE and RIGHT meeting that he participated in with the TRUMP LAWYERS!

Just LOOK AT THE SPEED at which he ran from those questions! EVERYTHING’S ON THE UP AND UP HERE! NOTHING TO SEE!

Now, of course, SOME STUPID LIBS were TRIGGERED by Republican Senators’ total refusal to protect their own branch of government from a violent, anti-democratic attack, but that’s just because LIBS, like all EVIL LEFTISTS are STUPID!

Sorry, LEFTISTS, but you’re STUPID. Does the jury agree?

Image result for ted cruz thumbs up

Case closed, LIBS!

But, just in case that doesn’t sway your little PEA BRAINS, here’s some straight shootin’ from ol’ TEXAS LYIN’ TED! He’s rustlin’ up some facts for FAKE NEWS CNN!

When asked if he’s now comfortable with the Trump team’s legal strategy, Cruz said, “I think the end result of this impeachment trial is crystal clear to everybody.”

“Donald Trump will be acquitted,” he added. “It takes 67 votes to convict him and every person in the Senate chamber understands that there are not the votes to convict, nor should there be.”

(FAKE FALSE STUPID LAME) CNN

“And if there’s one thing that could change anyone’s mind, it’s LITERALLY ANY OF THE EVIDENCE,” Lyin’ Ted (probably) added, “which is why I’m going to go in a room and shove my huge, potato-shaped head right up TRUMP’S ass for the next 70 minutes to make sure I don’t hear any of it.”

THANKS FOR DEFENDING THE CONSTITUTION, LYIN’ TED, LINDSEY GRAHAM, AND MIKE LEE! You three stand for nothing, just the way TRUMP likes it!

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REAL LIVE HUMAN TED CRUZ Thinks Thanos Was The Hero Of Avengers

Bernie Sanders Announces Thanos As His Running Mate Teases Ted Cruz |  Cosmic Book News
Two Evil Socialists: Thanos and Bernie! One wants to kill half of all life in the universe, the other wants to give you healthcare and rights. Which one is worse? Trick question. Both!

PATRIOTS, I’m no fan of BIG HOLLYWOOD, and their sick, creepy billionaire Satanist pedophiles. But I took notice of MOVIES, perhaps for the first time ever, this morning, when HUMAN MY PILLOW and Republican Senator Thaddeus “Ted” Cruz came in like a HEAT-SEEKING MISSILE with a HOT TAKE on HOLLYWOOD HYPOCRISY! On his show, “Verdict with Ted Cruz,” which is a thing NOT A SINGLE HUMAN ON EARTH had ever heard of before RIGHT NOW, Ted said, BAD GUYS IN MOVIES ARE LEFTISTS! BOOM! Owned, LIBS! GAME OVER! TAKE YOUR BALL AND GO HOME! The lying, communist movies of Hollywood have just told you an INDISPUTABLE TRUTH!

“Have you noticed in how many movies how often rabid environmentalists are the bad guys? Whether it’s Thanos or go to ‘Watchmen.’ The view of the Left is people are a disease”

LYIN’ TRUTHIN’ TED!

Now, PATRIOTS, I know there’s a lot of real news out there to distract us, but let’s FOCUS UP for a second and take Lyin’ Ted at his word. He’s making two great points, here, and both are TOTALLY, INDISPUTABLY TRUE! 1.) Yes, THANOS and WATCHMEN are environmentalists. 2.) THANOS and WATCHMEN are LEFTISTS! EVIL! 3.) LEFTIST Hollywood made Thanos the environmentalist, which we’re supposed to root for, so we’re supposed to root for Thanos… because he’s actually the HERO, or something? EVIL! EVIL!

That’s three? SCREW YOU, LEFTIST. I use ALTERNATIVE MATH!

Unfortunately, some SICK LEFTIST IDIOTS who’ve never done anything other than make the movies and TV shows Lyin’ Ted references, are DISAGREEING. EVIL LEFTISTS! EVIL! EVIL!

Excuse me, Lila, but I think Lyin’ Ted knows a little more about the Watchmen than you do! His favorite character is Rorschach, a guy who the CREATOR OF WATCHMEN once said was meant “to be a bad example.”

I meant him to be a bad example, but I have people come up to me in the street saying, ‘I am Rorschach! That is my story!’ And I’ll be thinking, ‘Yeah, great, can you just keep away from me and never come anywhere near me again for as long as I live?’”

Alan Moore (LOSER)

Ted’s GONNA TED, baby! He IS the bad example. As bad an example as the environmentalist, THANOS, who, like all environmentalists, WANTS TO KILL HALF OF THE LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE! That’s why environmentalists are working so hard to STOP CONSERVATIVES from filling the atmosphere with HEALTHY, LIFE GIVING SMOG and TOXIC WASTE! They don’t RESPECT LIFE!

But Lyin’ is also demonstrating a deep knowledge of Marvel lore with his Thanos reference. Ted’s got a long history of making comparisons between Thanos and LEFTIST SCUM, and with good reason, because in September 2019 it was reported that Democratic Socialist Bernie Sanders had announced that THANOS would be his running mate. It was announced by none other than NOTED NUTCASE, Ted Cruz! And, just because that joke turned out to be neither TRUE nor FUNNY, it was still true. LEFTISTS are just like THANOS. “The view of the left,” as TED says, “is that people are a disease.” As, opposed to the views of CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS, whose view is that “people should have a disease. Namely COVID.”

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STIMULUS SCAM! GOP Heroes Vote To STOP HELP To Suffering Americans; cut in line for VACCINE against ‘HOAX’ VIRUS

Ron Johnson and Ted Cruz Join the Rand Paul/Mike Lee Opposition to  Obamacare Lite – Reason.com
“If Americans want to pay their heating bills so badly, they can have some of the hot air coming from our mouths!” – These Guys ^

PATRIOTS, for nine months, Americans have been suffering, struggling to pay rent, pay for food, and pay for pretty much anything that isn’t free. But fear not, AMERICAN SUBJECTS, because heroic Republicans are here to help (finally)! After nine months of blocking passage of a Democratic bill that would have offered much-needed relief to suffering Americans, we’ve seen a TRUE GREAT CONJUNCTION, a once-in-800-year-event, and Republican Senators are BACK IN WASHINGTON AGAIN, to vote against much-needed relief!

Merry Christmas!

The COMMUNISTS behind the new WEALTH STEAL BILL want to take $600 out of the JOB CREATOR’S pocket and send it to every long-suffering American whose lives have been upended by Republicans’ pro-pandemic policies, when those Americans have ONLY been suffering for nine months! TALK ABOUT LEFTIST ECONOMIC POLICY! Why don’t we just take some of that money that should go to the rich and give it to the poor? I mean (laughs nervously while waiting for everyone to agree with me). . . it’s just. . . so ridiculous.

Six Republican Senate PATRIOTS knew that this LIBERAL LEFTIST HANDOUT crafted by Republican Leader Mitch McConnell was far too generous to WELFARE QUEENS like the 20% of American adults who can’t afford to feed their children. So those CONSERVATIVE HEROES, who have heroically supported President Trump’s 4-year struggle to reach RECORD deficit levels–Senators Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, Ted Cruz of Texas, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Mike Lee of Utah, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Rick Scott of Florida–voted “HELL NO” on this OVERLY-GENEROUS, LEFTIST handout of $600 to every American.

SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?! That’s a whopping $20 for every week of suffering since the first CARES Act was signed by President T on March 27! Why don’t we just give every American healthcare while we’re at it? Why don’t we just give everyone the Taj Mahal for CHRISTmas?

If these WELFARE QUEENS can’t live on $20 a week, maybe they need to get a job as a Wall Street Executive so they can learn something about FINANCE!

Unfortunately, Patriots, the bill passed the Senate 92 to 6, and so now, it’s up to PRESIDENT Donald Trump to stop it with a veto! Something he doesn’t seem to want to do, but just give it some time, because he usually comes through and does what’s worst for the American people. Have faith, PATRIOTS!

Meanwhile, those Republican heroes who opposed the massive $600 COMMIE WAGE, as I call it, stood up to the fact that millions are unable to afford food, by pointing out some TRUE fake lies about the bill! Trump supporters around the internet are pushing the president to VETO the bill based on the ALTERNATIVE FACT that the bill contains billions of dollars for FOREIGN countries like Israel and Egypt, and LIBERAL priorities like the KENNEDY CENTER! And just because that claim wasn’t in any way TRUE, lib-o-crats got IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERED by this attempt to torpedo their $600 GOLDEN GOOSE!

It doesn’t matter if my opposition is real or not, if this bill is going to give even a sliver of financial help to Americans while Donald J(ust trying to kill every American citizen) Trump is still MY PRESIDENT, he MUST VETO!!!!!!

GET ON THE TRUMP TRAIN, PATRIOTS, and OPPOSE THAT MEASLEY $600 CHECK. Let’s get a BIGGER STIMULUS check, just like the one MY PRESIDENT Donald Trump opposed in July along with the more generous COVID relief bill that would have included things like, oh, let’s see, more generous unemployment benefits for struggling Americans. Wait, I’m confused. . . what exactly do I stand for as a REAL PATRIOT? I’m against the $600 check, but I’m also against the more generous bill because PRESIDENT T opposed it, but he agreed with the Republicans who I’m also against because they supported the $600 bill. My head hurts!

As a PATRIOT, what the f*** do I support?

Oh, I think I figured it out!

We will not be satisfied until we get what we really want: NOTHING. NOTHING OR NOTHING, LIBS! Your choice.

Meanwhile, let’s make sure we, as TRUE REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS keep CONSERVATIVE politicians in office. People like Republican Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa, who claimed a few months ago that the EVIL doctors and nurses risking their lives at hospitals were FALSIFYING death certificates in order to inflate COVID statistics! Yesterday, Sen. Ernst did what any good PATRIOT would do and jumped ahead of those healthcare workers in the line to get the life-saving vaccine for the virus she helped spread through false conspiracy theories! If those aren’t REPUBLICAN VALUES, I don’t know what are!

Also getting the REAL VACCINE to the FAKE HOAX VIRUS they helped PATRIOTICALLY SPREAD were heroes like Lindsey Graham, and Marco Rubio, who isn’t even old enough to fall into a high-risk category but HEROICALLY TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM and got the life-saving vaccine so one of those EVIL, LYING FIRST RESPONDERS could learn about HARD WORK, RESPONSIBILITY, and pulling their immune system up by its own bootstraps, or something. I don’t know!

The point is, the THIN RED LINE of Republicans in Congress is the only thing stopping America from becoming a real “shithole” country! Right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!?

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FREEDOM-LOVING Texas Sues To Overthrow U.S. Govt, Submits To Trump Coup; LYIN’ Ted Cruz FIRST In Line For Fascism

John Oliver: poet - Album on Imgur
Lyin’ Is Submitting To Fascism Again, LIKE A PATRIOT!

The Lyin’ LEFTIST MEDIA will tell you that today is Safe Harbor Day, the day on which Trump and his team of anti-democracy SUPER-LAWYERS lose their legal ability to challenge the results in any state that has certified its presidential election results. The ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE will tell you that just because those results are “final,” that means they can’t be overturned by an un-democratic coup attempt. But, FEAR NOT, loyal subjects of the TRUMP REICH!

Because GOD BLESSES US WITH TEXAS!

The GREAT STATE of TEXAS–specifically, Texas’ possibly-criminal REPUBLICAN ATTORNEY GENERAL Ken Paxton–has sued four other battleground states–Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin–to challenge their BIASED, pro-Biden election results. Yes, Texas, HERO OF STATES’ RIGHTS, is suing other states to challenge their LIBERALLY-BIASED right to conduct their own elections in a way that violates TEXAS PATRIOTS’ God-given rights to decide who wins the election in other states.

Why didn’t anybody think of this before?

Because LEFTIST RINOS have been too busy bending over for TRUMP, when they should have been bending over for FASCISM AND TRUMP. Come on GOP!

In the suit, [Paxton] claims that pandemic-era changes to election procedures in those states violated federal law, and asks the U.S. Supreme Court to block the states from voting in the Electoral College.

Texas Tribune

And who better to enforce federal law than the state that tried to secede from the Union as recently as four years ago? Yes, that happened.

Don’t tell us how to conduct federal elections in the country that we don’t even want to be a part of, LEFTIST LIBS!

And, PATRIOTS, our (delusional) HOPES for the re-election of righteous FREEDOM-hating PATRIOTIC dictator TRUMP got another boost today, with a spineless pledge from ol’ LYIN TED, himself.

Yep, Ted Cruz just dropped a FREEDOM-NUKE on the SICK, PHONY, correct election results by offering to argue on behalf of Trump’s un-CONSTITUTIONAL ELECTION steal before the Supreme Court.

“Petitioner’s legal team has asked me whether I would be willing to argue the case before the Supreme Court, if the Court grants certiorari. I have agreed, and told them that, if the Court takes the appeal, I will stand ready to present the oral argument.”

Lyin’ Ted Cruz (who has an ugly wife)

And Sheeple, nothing says PATRIOTISM and LOVE OF COUNTRY more than publicly offering to help the man who called your wife ugly–and then refused to apologize–steal the presidential election.

#LyingTed #NeverCruz

Now, Sheeple, that’s what I call REPUBLICAN VALUES.

And should Lyin,’ Kennedy-Killin’ Ted fail to deliver the overthrow of the U.S. Government that us REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS so solemnly hope for, great American raisin Lou Dobbs has another idea, which he hatched with life-sized NAZI-PENIS Stephen Miller on last night’s propaganda hour.

Hire a Democratic lawyer for $500,000,–yes half-a-billion dollars–so LOSER sycophants like Rudy Giuliani can stop losing in court. Sounds reasonable…

What’s that? Turned it down already? Damn.

Well, this isn’t going well, is it? At least we’ve all still got each other to scream at in our circular firing squad.

Man, Lyin’ Ted’s reputation keeps getting better. Not only did he PATRIOTICALLY grovel to publicly offer to help the man who called his wife ugly steal the presidential election. The Trump Administration’s response? Eh, we’ll think about it.

Man, it must be good to be Lyin’ Ted!

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MIKE HUCKABEE, CHRISTIAN

 
Mike Huckabee is not an egotistical man.

Mike Huckabee does not exploit people’s willingness to buy into an extremely bigoted brand of anti-homosexual rhetoric.

Mike Huckabee isn’t in it for himself.

Mine Huckabee just wants to do what Jesus calls all Christians to do: keep the gays from being married. And he’s calling you to speak out and do the same, shouting it from the rooftops!!!

  

…unless you’re Ted Cruz, in which case, sorry, there’s no more room at the bigotry lunch table…

  

When Mr. Cruz, who met with Ms. Davis, exited the Carter County Detention Center, a throng of journalists beckoned him toward their microphones, but an aide to Mr. Huckabee blocked the path of the senator, who appeared incredulous.

Soon after, Ms. Davis emerged, apparently wearing the same clothes she had worn in court Thursday. Mr. Huckabee stuck close by her side, along with Mr. Staver and her husband, Joe, as they approached the reporters and cameras. Ms. Davis remained silent, letting Mr. Staver and Mr. Huckabee do the talking.

  

Mr. Huckabee, a former Baptist pastor, cast the dispute as a matter of religious freedom threatened by overreaching courts, while Mr. Cruz stood to the side, keeping an unusually low profile.

“If you have to put someone in jail, let me go,” Mr. Huckabee told the crowd. “Every one of us will have to decide whether we want to keep this great country or whether we want to surrender and sacrifice it to tyranny.”

Let me go to jail, Huckabee continued, because I’m the only one here… Not that it’s about me. It’s totally about keeping the gays from getting married.

Pay no attention to the pasty white bigot shrouded behind my loyal apostle! I’m the bigot you’re looking for!

… Oh and also that lady, Kim whatshername? Davids? Davis? 

Like the Bible says, and Mike Huckabee well knows…

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…

…but if you need to get some votes because you’re polling at like 2% in the US Presidential election, seriously, F#@% those other guys. 

– Phillipians 2:1-10

  

 And as the Bible also says, and Mike Huckabee well knows…

If I alone bear witness about myself, my testimony is not deemed true…
…but if you’re really smart about what Jesus thinks about the US Constitution, then you should talk about how smart you are. 

Duh.

– John 5:31

 God. Guns. Grits. Gravy. Gays.

  
I mean, no gays. 

Definitely no gays.