PATRIOTS, Senator Ron Johnson of the GOP (GOVERNMENT OVERTHROW PARTY) has a message for all the STUPID, IDIOT LEFTISTS who GOT TRIGGERED by the thousands of armed Trump supporters who invaded the U.S. Capitol on January 6th chanting “Hang Pence!” and looking for members of Congress to kill. NONE OF THAT HAPPENED, YOU LYING LEFTIST LIBS!
PATRIOTS, nevermind the pictures, the videos, and the confessions made by the participants. Nevermind that thousands of people in TRUMP attire stormed the capitol and attempted to overthrow the government. Nevermind the bombs planted at party headquarters that day, and the dead body of the police officer that the TRUMP supporters murdered. THAT’S ALL JUST LAMESTREAM, LIBTARD SPIN! The SIMPLE FACT OF THE MATTER is that this insurrection was actually a NOT-SURRECTION, because contrary to what the LIBERAL, LEFTIST SCUM called cameras and microphones tell your eyes and ears, it didn’t even happen.
RON JOHNSON’S COMING IN HOT with a heat-seeking truth-bomb for all the SCUM OF THE EARTH who want “reality” to be based on “facts,” “sworn confessions,” and “visual evidence.” That message: just SHUT THE F*** UP, FORGET WHAT YOU SAW, AND GET IN LINE WITH THE PARTY LINE!
“This didn’t seem like an armed insurrection to me.”SEN. RON JOHNSON (R-WI)
What is wrong with all these dumb libs who want to insist that there was an armed insurrection at the Capitol? I didn’t see any armed insurrection at the Capitol! No one did! And if anyone tries to say they did, TRUMPERS WILL BURN THAT MOTHERF***ING CAPITOL TO THE GROUND WITH THEIR FLAMETHROWERS! Not armed!
So here’s what me and RUSSIA RON have to say to all you fact-hugging LIB-SCUM-O-CRATS! Learn how to minimize and justify terrorist attacks against your country! Otherwise, you might never reach your political goals! JUST MAN THE F*** UP AND HATE YOUR COUNTRY, YOU SICK, STUPID LIBS!
And you know why me and RUSSIAN RON are not scared of that FAKE “armed insurrection,” libs? Because that armed insurrection was there to kill YOU, not US! And we are sure it will never come for us, because we’ll never stop defending its murderous participants, no matter how badly they try to harm America!
RUSSIAN RON wasn’t done, libs!
“I mean ‘armed,’ when you hear ‘armed,’ don’t you think of firearms? Here’s the questions I would have liked to ask. How many firearms were confiscated? How many shots were fired? I’m only aware of one and I’ll defend that law enforcement officer for taking that shot. It was a tragedy, OK? But I think there was only one.”Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI)
Firearms? FIREARMS!?!?! I mean… my gosh. What are these STUPID LIBS even talking about?
Just because police recovered a dozen guns and thousands of rounds of ammunition from people arrested for their involvement in the Jan. 6 attack that killed five people, according to NBC News, and just because the insurrectionists used a stun gun to attack and incapacitate a police officer, giving him a heart attack, THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY WERE ARMED, YOU STUPID, STUPID LIBS! THEY WEREN’T ARMED! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL! STOP INFRINGING ON MY RIGHTS! I DON’T WANT THE LIBERAL TRUTH YOU’RE SPINNING! TUCKER! HANNITY! JUDGE JEANINE! HELP! HELP! HELP! THE LIB IS ON ME! GET IT OFF!
Russian Ron Johnson doesn’t care about your precious “country,” libs! Russian Ron follows the teachings of the FOUNDERS, you know, the guys who set the example for this GREAT COUNTRY, that, sometimes, patriots have to try to destroy! Now, STUPID LIBS might tell you the founders were people like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, etc. WRONG! You know who founded this country? TRUMP! How do I know? Because, I learned from TRUMP that I don’t need my STUPID, LIBERAL BRAIN! All the learning I need is in my mouth! When my mouth speaks, I listen! My mouth asked who founded America, and my mouth also answers every question with the same answer: TRUMP!
Where does my mouth get it’s information from? I don’t know! I don’t ask dumb questions! My mouth said Trump is the founder, so I believe it! Russian Ron gets his facts from the same place, except at the other end of the pipe! My mouth calls it his “reverse mouth.”
LIBS CALL IT HIS ASS!
WE DON’T NEED OUR LYIN’ BRAINS ANYMORE LIBS! There was no armed insurrection! There was no incitement! There was no crime at all! Are me and Russian Ron Johnson INSANE?
DOESN’T “SEEM” LIKE IT TO ME!
PATRIOTS, as a PROUD REPUBLICAN and CONSERVATIVE, there’s nothing I’m more committed to than supporting ABSOLUTE, STARK RAVING MAD LUNATICS. You know who I’m talking about, people like Donald Trump, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Jeanine Pirro, and Ol’ Head-leaker, himself, Rudy Giuliani. Until today, I also considered My Pillow founder Mike Lindell part of that ILLUSTRIOUS LIST OF LUNATICS! But, PATRIOTS, I gotta admit, Lindell, is starting to seem a little TOO CRAZY even for me, a committed TRUMP ALLY and STRONG OPPONENT OF REALITY.
I stood by Lindell when he falsely claimed a poisonous plant could magically CURE Covid. I backed him when he tried to convince the president to IMPOSE MARTIAL LAW and seize the U.S. government from the lyin’ LIBERALS who won the election fair and square. Hell, I even supported Lindell when he kept trying to make us all buy his SHITTY PILLOWS! But, in the last few days, it’s starting to seem like Mike Lindell is gone into coo-coo crazy town on the batshit express!
A few days ago, he had to be THROWN OFF THE AIR while on NEWSMAX–NEWSMAX! The same NEWSMAX that allowed a Trump campaign lawyer to claim on its airwaves, unchallenged, that a former Trump official should be executed! Executed! Yes, Mike Lindell was THROWN OFF that NEWSMAX for being TOO CRAZY! Think about that for a second!
Lindell went on NEWSMAX to explain why he was being cancelled by TWITTER, after Twitter suspended his account for posting unhinged and provably false claims about the 2020 election being stolen from TRUMP. This INJUSTICE, as NEWSMAX and ALL CONSERVATIVES rightly understood, was the result of the LEFT’S EVIL AND OVERZEALOUS CANEL CULTURE!!! But, wouldn’t you know it, when Lindell went on NEWSMAX to spout the EXACT SAME CLAIMS that got him “CANCELLED FROM TWITTER,” the people on Conservative NEWSMAX said, “Shit, you know what? This guy is crazy! Like certifiably nuts! We gotta get him off our air before we get sued! We gotta CANCEL HIM!!!”
NEWSMAX anchor Bob Sellers literally walked the off set of his own show while Mike Lindell was talking! Think about how crazy the shit you are saying has to be in order to make a NEWSMAX anchor walk off the set of his own, in-progress show, because he’s SO AFRAID of being associated with the demented insanity that you are spewing! Imagine that! That’s where Mike Lindell is right now on the CRAZY SCALE!!! TOO CRAZY to speak on Newsmax!
He said, “Bye-bye pillow!”
But, that wasn’t the CRAZIEST THING Mike Lindell did this week. NOT BY A LONG SHOT!
On Friday morning, Lindell appeared in a three-hour “documentary” that he made, which aired on the OTHER wildly, irresponsible, Trump-supporting channel, One America News Network! The OANN special, which OANN DID NOT create and REFUSED to be associated with, (besides, I guess allowing Lindell to buy out time on its airwaves to show it) purported to expose the “Absolute Proof” that Donald Trump actually won the 2020 election. “Absolute Proof” was even the name of Lindell’s special, which you won’t be surprised to read, contained no proof, and not even conjecture, but was merely three hours of Mike Lindell ranting and raving in his pillow-hocking voice about things that are both PROVABLY FALSE and TOTALLY INSANE. The only thing this special was “Absolute Proof” of, was that Mike Lindell’s CRAZY could power a small city!
Like all ABSOLUTE PROOFS of Donald Trump’s victory, it starts with a 1:31 long DISCLAIMER about how the claims about to be made by “Michael James Lindell” are SO CRAZY, that even ONE AMERICA NEWS NETWORK, the blindly-Trump-supporting channel that EMPLOYS AN ACTUAL KREMLIN PROPAGANDIST, DISAVOWS ALL OF THESE WILD CLAIMS, and that “the… claims expressed in this program… are not intended to be taken or interpreted by the viewer as established facts.” READ THAT AGAIN SO YOU UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT IT’S SAYING, because that’s a pretty bold claim for a channel that calls itself a “News Network.”
OANN makes clear that it’s airing this special purely for profit, but knows it’s total bullshit, and would really like to not be named in any of the billions of dollars of lawsuits that are being filed against conservative media by the voting companies that they’ve been lying about.
So it’s, you know, NEWS!
And LINDELL’S claims that followed that AMAZING DISCLAIMER certainly lived up to their billing.
“The first miracle was on election night, and on election night at 11:15 at night, the algorithms on these machines broke, basically broke, and this’ll be explained during this show, but they broke. What that means is Donald Trump got so many more millions of votes that they didn’t expect that they’re going to have to go recalibrate, right?”Algorithm EXPERT and My Pillow Man
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhtttt. Okay, but what is your Absolute Proof?
Nothing? Okay, got it.
“The big thing was the theft by these other countries that came in to attack our country through these machines that are made to steal elections. Every election going forward in history if these things would have happened, these two, and we would have never known, every single vote you would have ever made wouldn’t have mattered. Somebody else would have made that vote. And we’ve all seen in this past month, you think it wasn’t communists coming in and taking us over? With people here. This is an attack not only on those other countries with communism, but they had domestic traitors right here in our country. Whatever’s going on right now, we’re seeing it. They’re suppressing. Cancel culture. They’re trying to cancel us all out. I have seen churches, the Christian churches, they’re being attacked right now. People on social media, anyone that speaks up, they’re going, ‘You can’t say that.’ It’s like, you’re gone. Right now they’re doing whack-a-mole because they knew they were so close, so close that we would never know in history what happened.”An ELECTIONS EXPERT Who Makes Cheap Pillows
Okay, so as a person who hates America as much as I love TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, I want this to be true. But, I’m afraid it sounds more like a guy who makes pillows is high on cocaine and trying to convince me of something that makes no sense. What’s that? That’s EXACTLY what this is? Oh.
Would you like to see more of this NON-FACTUAL “proof”? No?
What’s that, your head hurts? Oh, well, here’s some more claims by MIKE LINDELL.
You know that when the DRUNK WOMAN who was nationally mocked for her INSANE, RIDICULOUS, NONSENSICAL RAMBLING about how tRuMp ReAlLy WoN shows up as part of your “Absolute Proof” that things are going really well, and by “really well” I mean about as good as a night’s sleep on a MyPillow!
PATRIOTS, we’ve suffered a lot of insane, unhinged, destructive conspiracy theories over the past four years. We’ve bent over backward to excuse and apologize for the CONSPIRACY THEORIST IN CHIEF, and we’ve all come out worse for it. What say we STOP with this INSANE UTTER NONSENSE, and stop letting the My Pillow man book airtime on TV to brainwash TRUMP-SUPPORTING IDIOTS? I think I speak for everyone when I say, get some rest, My Pillow man. Get some rest. You’ve harmed your country proud, and you’re TOO CRAZY, even for US CRAZIES!
Parkland school shooting survivor and gun control advocate David Hogg plans to launch his own pillow company with the goal of competing against embattled bedding company MyPillow. The idea was posed to Hogg, 20, in a tweet from entrepreneur William LeGate on Thursday that questioned whether the duo should start a pillow company to “put MyPillow out of business.”NBC (Nothin’ But Crap) NEWS
PATRIOTS, there are a lot of things I won’t tolerate. Communism, Government regulation, Fast Food restaurants getting my order wrong. But at the top of that list is SPINELESS COWARDS! That’s why I was so RELIEVED to find out that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy is a man of COURAGE AND PRINCIPLE, not like those STUPID LIBS! McCarthy says what he means, and you know when he speaks, it comes from the HEART. He’s a straight shooter.
That’s why, when confronted with the difficult decision over whether to punish a member of his own party who helped incite the Capitol Insurrection, called for the execution of Democrats, spread ridiculous anti-semitic claims, and promoted dangerous QAnon claims, McCarthy chose to PATRIOTICALLY LIE and say, “I don’t know what any of that is. Gosh, I’m just a simple COUNTRY BOY from California. I don’t know what nothin’ about runnin’ a political caucus. Q-what? I talked to that crazy lady, and boy howdy, she sure sounded nice to me, but I don’t much remember ’bout what she was on about, and I can’t even repeat it myself, but, it was some good ‘splainin’. You can take my word on that!”
I’m paraphrasing, of course.
“I think it would be helpful if you could hear exactly what she told all us, denouncing Q-on, I don’t know if I say it right, I don’t even know what it is– any from the shootings, she said she knew nothing about lasers, or all the different things that have been brought up about her.”GOP Leader Kevin “SPINELESS PATRIOT” McCarthy
McCarthy will not punish Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), who has not publicly disavowed any of the WILD, DANGEROUS INCITEMENTS she has uttered. Why won’t McCarthy punish her? Because she said something to him in private, and he can’t seem to articulate what it was, but now, it’s all good. Trust him.
Is Taylor Greene going to publicly walk back her claims that Democrats should be executed with a bullet to the head, or that Jews built a space laser to start the California wildfires, or that all school shootings were FALSE FLAG OPERATIONS, with fake dead children, so that the government could take PATRTIOTS’ GUNS AWAY?
The important thing is that we just move on from this REAL CRISIS OF GOVERNANCE, in order to focus on IMAGINARY DEMOCRATIC SCANDALS, like Hidin’ Joe Biden’s senility.
And never mind that even the MOST CYNICAL RIGHT WING LUNATIC has called Marjorie Taylor Greene a “cancer.” That don’t bother McCarthy what nothin’!
In fact, Kevin McCarthy, REPUBLICAN LEADER, is so sure he DOESN’T EVEN KNOW what QAnon, or “Q-on” as he calls it, is, he said SIX MONTHS AGO that he denounces QAnon!
Now, stupid LIBS will say that this PROVES that Kevin McCarthy is a FULL OF S***, SPINELESS COWARD who will burn our country to the ground before he admonishes the dangerous behavior of even the most LOWLY LUNATIC in his caucus. BUT THE LIBS ARE STUPID! They don’t get it! They only see the FACTS IN FRONT OF THEIR FACES AND NOT THE BIGGER TRUTH!
The TRUTH, sheeple, is that Kevin McCarthy did not FLIP FLOP. He didn’t lie to protect a violent, deranged gun nut 9/11 truther’s place on the House Education Committee! Clearly, the most obvious explanation is that Kevin McCarthy was replaced by a BODY DOUBLE, a Democratic Double Agent, manufactured in a lab run by George Soros! THAT BODY DOUBLE, Qevin McQarthy, learned all about QAnon, and denounced it, LIKE A SICK, TWISTED LEFTIST WHO LOVES AMERICA! But, then, surprise, the real Kevin McCarthy escaped from the SPACE PRISON where Barack Obama was holding him hostage, AFTER BEAMING HIM UP WITH GEORGE SOROS’ JEWISH SPACE LASER, and McCarthy beamed back down to Earth to tell everyone the truth: THAT HE HAS NO IDEA what Q-ON is, and HE TOTALLY SUPPORTS EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTS IT, despite not knowing what it is.
And also, as he said in a statement, “Past comments from and endorsed by Marjorie Taylor Greene on school shootings, political violence, and anti-Semitic conspiracy theories do not represent the values or beliefs of the House Republican Conference.” There you go!
THAT makes so much more sense than KEVIN MCCARTHY IS A SPINELESS COWARD!
Kevin McCarthy. Hero. Cry more, lib!
Unfortunately, Kevin McCarthy can’t save Marjorie Taylor Greene’s VALUABLE PLACE on the House Education Committee. It looks like SOROS and the JEWS win again! The Dems are likely to VOTE her off her committee assignments later today.
PATRIOTS, I’m no anti-semite, but I certainly think it’s fair game to ask whether ALL of the problems currently troubling our GREAT COUNTRY and our GREAT REPUBLICAN PARTY can be blamed on a SECRET JEWISH SPACE LASER. It’s not SO CRAZY if you DON’T think about it! This question isn’t just being asked by WINGNUTS like myself, but FULL-FLEDGED lawmakers in the Republican Party, like Marjorie Taylor Greene, easily the most PATRIOTIC AMERICAN PATRIOT since Dennis Rodman!
Representative Trailer Queen–I mean Taylor Greene–has SET A NEW BAR for WILDLY OFFENSIVE CONSPIRACY THEORIES since getting elected to the People’s House on a PERFECTLY SANE GOP platform of QAnon conspiracy fearmongering, like stopping Democrats from allegedly harvesting the organs of children in Satanic rituals, something that was obviously TOTALLY REAL and near-and-dear to the hearts of her PERFECTLY SANE constituents in Georgia (what the HELL is up with that state electing two Democrats to the Senate and Greene to the House?!?!). But that’s just the tip of the iceberg for this WOMAN OF GOD AND AMERICA! Greene believes ALL SCHOOL SHOOTINGS are staged hoaxes, 9/11 was an inside job by the U.S. government, Muslims shouldn’t be allowed to serve in government, and Democrats should be executed. ALL THINGS THAT MAKE TOTAL SENSE IF YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT THEM, AND YOU ARE ALSO TOTALLY INSANE. (Which is why Trump supporters loved her!) BUT PATRIOTS, ALL OF THAT WAS JUST THE WARMUP ACT!
For JEWISH SPACE LASER!
PATRIOTS, there is no comedic set up that can make this report by New York Magazine any funnier, or more terrifying, than it already is:
The most recent Greene view to be unearthed comes via Eric Hananoki. Just over two years ago, Greene suggested in a Facebook post that wildfires in California were not natural. Forests don’t just catch fire, you know. Rather, the blazes had been started by PG&E, in conjunction with the Rothschilds, using a space laser, in order to clear room for a high-speed rail project. Here is Greene’s entire post, via Media Matters:
Did you get all that? No? Neither did I. Really, it’s one of the most PATRIOTICALLY INSANE things ever written by a member of Congress. In fact, while we can debate the legal grounds for expulsion from the House of Representatives, which many Dems have called for, there can really be NO DEBATE that these views rise to the level of making Marjorie Taylor Greene an EXTREME DANGER to the AMERICAN PEOPLE! She certainly, has no BUSINESS BEING IN CONGRESS! She needs to be in a MENTAL HOSPITAL!
WHICH IS WHY I SUPPORT HER!
You see, as a TRUMP SUPPORTER, like GameStop stock, my entire connection with facts & reality has been COMPLETELY severed. I no longer live on this plane of existence. I am purely what I and others imagine myself to be! In the FANTASY WORLD I inhabit, again, as an avowed TRUMP SUPPORTER, all of the PROVABLY FALSE things Marjorie Taylor Greene has said are true! TRUE, BECAUSE THEY ARE FALSE, you see! It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to keep reinforcing the INFINITE FEEDBACK loop of the Republican Party, like buying a stock makes a stock a good buy! CAPITALISM! If everything Trump and the GOP do is good, then everything bad is good; and, if everything bad is good, everything false must also be true! Then, in this ALTERNATE REALITY OF TRUMP AND GOP ALTERNATIVE FACTS, Marjorie Taylor Greene is not the greatest threat to America, she is our greatest asset. We are no longer bound by the constraints of TRUTH in OUR PARTY, and in OUR COUNTRY, sir! WE ARE THE JEWISH SPACE LASER OF POLITICAL PARTIES! RACIST, ANTI-SEMITIC, ONLY MAKING SENSE INSIDE OUR OWN MINDS, AND THE GREATEST THREAT TO THE PLANET EARTH IN EXISTENCE! WE ARE PATRIOTS!
And, Republican House Leader Kevin McCarthy feels the same way. He’s not listening to those stupid Democrats who think Marjorie Taylor Greene is a threat, just because she is threatening our country and her fellow members of Congress. McCarthy knows that Marjorie Taylor Greene IS THE GOP! AND, WE COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO FROM HER INSANITY. That’s why the GOP PUT HER ON THE EDUCATION COMMITTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME? THIS CAN’T BE REAL LIFE! IS IT? ARE YOU SURE? DID I GET HIT IN THE HEAD!?!?!?! THE EDUCATION COMMITTEE?!?!?!)
CRAZY NANCY had a typically crazy response to this TOTALLY SANE MOVE by the GOP to put the school shooting truther on the education committee!
“Assigning her to the Education Committee when she has mocked the killing of little children at Sandy Hook Elementary School, when she has mocked the killing of teenagers in high school at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school — what could they be thinking? Or is thinking too generous a word for what they might be doing?”‘CRAZY’ Nancy Pelosi
Very generous, Nancy!
And, THE GOP totally knew Marjorie Taylor Greene was TOTALLY CRAZY a long time ago, but Kevin McCarthy, “did little to stop her,” Axios reports. According to Greene’s LOSER primary opponent John Cowan, LOSER, “Everybody was well aware of her previous persona and who she is. I would say they all knew she was going to be a problem… Maybe they just assumed that the awe of winning an election would calm her down a little bit, and so she would actually be interested in governing and be interested in policy, and she’s just clearly not. She is literally there for a stage production.”
HEY JOHN, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, CRAZY TALKS AND SANITY WALKS IN THE GOP! SO WHY ARE YOU IN IT?
But CoMpLeTe SaNiTy talks, too. Because Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy has a solution to Marjorie Taylor Greene’s “deeply disturbing” and PATRIOTIC belief that everything she can see with her eyes is FAKE, Democrats need to be SHOT, and JEWISH SPACE LASERS are real.
“These comments are deeply disturbing and Leader McCarthy plans to have a conversation with the Congresswoman about them,” spokesman Mark Bednar told CNN.CNN (Clinton News Network)
CONVERSATION! Right. I’m sure that’ll fix everything, because everyone knows when you run into a CRAZY TRUMP SUPPORTER, a good, fact based conversation usually changes their mind.
PATRIOTS, there’s nothing we TRUMP-FLUFFERS love more than a good BOTH-SIDES-ing! I nearly blew my pants off when TRUMP said in 2017 that there were “very fine people on both sides” of the WHITE SUPREMACIST NAZI mob that heroically terrorized Charlottesville, VA, and killed one woman, and I didn’t think anything could TOP that. Well, I was wrong, because Republican Representative Ken Buck (R-CO) TOPPED that BIGLY this morning on CNN! So BIGLY tHaT i CrEaMeD mY tRuMp FlAg!
Ken Buck fact-f***ed CNN’s lib-hard host back to lib-o-stan when he reminded him that “both sides are at fault” for the mob violence and coup attempt that the president incited at the Capitol Building last week, in response to Democracy’s VERY UNFAIR treatment of the PRESIDENT.
“To say that there’s one speech or one incident that caused this group of people to storm the Capitol is just not accurate. What I’m trying to suggest to you is that both sides are at fault and that in America, we need to be very careful of the words we use.”Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO)
Buck’s TRUTHSTORM triggered Clinton News Network host John Berman, who couldn’t believe Buck–himself a potential target of the president’s violent, pre-meditated attack on Democracy–would suggest that Democrats were to blame. Berman SNOWFLAKED so hard while he asked Buck to justify his PATRIOTICALLY INSANE remarks, simply because they made NO SENSE, and BUCK responded by Trump, Trump, Trumping Berman right up the TRUTH HOLE, reducing him to a screaming puddle of leftist tears! MAGA (Make America Grieve Again), baby! “What did the other side do?” Buck asked incredulously. “You’re asking me what Democrats have done to make the MAGA crowd mad?”
What a STUPIDLY intelligent question!
Berman didn’t allow BUCK to FINISH HIS BIG LIE, so I’ll do it for him.
THE DEMOCRATS COUNTED THE VOTES! THE DEMOCRATS DIDN’T LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! THE DEMOCRATS TOLD TRUMP SUPPORTERS THAT TRUMP LOST, JUST BECAUSE HE DID! THEY DIDN’T JOIN THE CRUZ-HAWLEY-BROOKS DENIAL & FASCISM CAUCUS TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT! And for these TREASONOUS CRIMES AGAINST TRUMP, I SAY…
HANG ‘EM HIGH!
And I’ve been doing some research, PATRIOTS. Turns out American history is littered with SNOWFLAKES who loved their precious Democracy more than terrorism-installed PATRIOTIC fascism for TRUMP. Jefferson, Washington, Adams–these are just some of the VILLAINS OF AMERICAN HISTORY who should have been hung for trying to BRAINWASH THE AMERICAN people with the EVILS of TRUTH and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS!
HANG EM HIGH! Dig up their corpses, and string them up! They must be punished, just like those who stand with freedom and therefore against TRUMP! We’Re NoT cRaZy!
BOTH SIDES ARE TO BLAME FOR THIS VIOLENCE! Sure, there might be a little blame for the TRUMP supporters and the president who plotted in advance to assassinate the Vice President and Speaker of the House during the certification of Electoral College votes, but MOST OF THE BLAME goes to the LIBERAL LEFTISTS who woke up on the morning of January 6th determined to selflessly do their duty to Democracy and America, the two BIGGEST ENEMIES of TRUMP! Sure, I guess Democracy has some value, but TRUMP is more important! TRUMP is AMERICA! TRUMP is FREEDOM! TRUMP is TRUTH!
The LEFT is the to blame!
The LEFT is to blame because sitting Republican members of Congress allegedly gave the TRUMP coup plotters “reconnaissance” tours of the Capitol building on the day before the TRUMP mob breached its walls in search of Congressional and Vice Presidential blood. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE was reportedly in contact with the rioters as they were roaming the halls of Congress, looking for legislators to take hostage or kill. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Ayanna Pressley’s staff discovered that all the panic buttons in her office had been “torn out” before the coup attempt and they discovered this once the TRUMP MOB had breached the Capitol with intent to harm her. BOTH SIDES! SHAME!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “thought [she] was going to die,” at one point during the coup and siege when she had a “very close encounter” with the TRUMP supporting violent mob. “It was not an exaggeration to say that many members of the House were nearly assassinated,” she added, like a LEFTIST!
The LEFT is to blame because Republican members of Congress are now refusing to submit to the metal detectors that had to be installed outside the House of Representatives’ floor because one of their colleagues is publicly bragging about how she is going to continue to carry a firearm inside the Capitol in violation of D.C. law, and that same member was live tweeting Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location to the insurrectionists during the Capitol siege. BOTH SIDES!
And, yes, this just seems like a list of things REPUBLICANS have selfishly done to, at best, endanger our government, and at worst, willingly commit insurrection and participate in a coup attempt for TRUMP, but make no mistake, this attempt to kill Democratic members of Congress and prevent a duly elected Democrat from being sworn in as president is the FAULT OF BOTH SIDES!
ASSHOLE KEN BUCK SAYS SO! THAT’S WHY!
WHY DOES HE SAY SO?
I DON’T KNOW WHY! MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THE NEXT COUP SUCCEED! AnD wHaT’s WrOnG wItH tHaT?
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
These colors don’t THINK!
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We lost f***ing GEORGIA!
Patriots, there has been a shift in the balance of power in these UNITED STATES! The SCUM-O-CRATS have come back from the DEAD! TRUMPISM and its requisite FASCISM were CRUSHED last night in Georgia, the new HEADQUARTERS OF THE LEFTIST THREAT! RADICAL BLACK PRO-FREEDOM LIBERAL Raphael Warnock defeated Anti-American PATRIOT Kelly Loeffler last night in Georgia’s Senate runoff election. Worse, RADICAL WHITE PRO-FREEDOM LEFITST Jon Ossoff appears to be headed to victory in last night’s other Georgia Senate runoff election. This means that Democrats now control a majority in the U.S. Senate and COCAINE MOSCOW Mitch McConnell’s reign of Pro-Trump terror is over!
The American people are no longer going to be subject to the cynical whims of a racist, tyrannical minority of Republican PATRIOTS! Americans can see light at the end of the GLORIOUS, DARK, DESTRUCTIVE tunnel of TRUMPISM!
This is terrible!
Patriots, we’re f***ed!
And now, WE WILL ALL SUFFER the HORRORS of SOCIALIST RULE! The BLOODLETTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN. The $2,000 checks are being written! TERRIFYING!
We cannot survive an America that gives more money to its suffering citizens than its billionaire president’s hospitality businesses!
For the last four years, we GOP PATRIOTS have had a choice between America and Trump’s hateful, patriotic fascism. We RIGHTLY CHOSE the deal with the Devil. WE CHOSE TRUMP. We CHOSE FASCISM, like the founders wanted. We persecuted the ones who looked different than us! We turned away the huddled masses, yearning to be free! We mocked the suffering! We scolded the scientists and their precious facts! We killed the weak! We showered the strong with riches! We imprisoned babies! We denied the readily apparent truths that revealed our own folly! In short, we did everything that CHRIST, the second greatest leader of the GOP (behind Trump), would have done.
We enriched ourselves and shut off our minds! We submitted, like the FOUNDERS would have wanted!
And GOD has forsaken us!
Worse, GOD has forsaken his most trustworthy apostle, TRUMP!
GOD helped the LEFTISTS find 50,000 LEGALLY CAST votes, votes that should never have counted because they were CAST FOR DEMOCRATS! Legal Democrat votes are just like legal immigrants. I don’t want ’em in muh country!
Why GOD? Why have you put an end to TRUMP’S REIGN OF HATEFUL, INCOMPETENT TERROR!
Patriots, we must allow ourselves, for a moment, to do something we haven’t done in a long time. We must allow ourselves to think. We must think long and hard about what’s happened. We must search our souls for our better angels, and we must arrive at a conclusion. We must face the hard truth about all that we’ve done over the past four years, and we must realize that the answer has been so clear all along.
GOD IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST, AMERICA-HATING COMMUNIST!
It’s so obvious. How else could we have lost these elections that we were so obviously winning until the Democratic votes were counted? GOD HAS BETRAYED US! GOD WAS A LIBERAL ALL ALONG! GOD IS A DEM-O-RAT!
And so, PATRIOTS, we must look to a higher power, now. We must look to TRUMP.
TRUMP HAS A PLAN.
AND THAT PLAN IS TO RALLY IN WASHINGTON AND INCITE HIS SUPPORTERS TO TURN AMERICA INTO “HELL.”
The SCORNED MINORITY of TRUMP LOYALISTS must now forsake their LIBERAL GOD and obey a higher power. A power that encourages them to violently oppose the peaceful, democratic transition of power that follows fair elections in the United States. A power called TRUMP!
And so, let us not seek introspection, or peace, following our historic defeat in Georgia. F***ing GEORGIA! REPUBLICANS LOST GEORGIA, a state basically run by Republicans! Let us simply descend further into our impotent rage and madness and let us truly EMBARRASS OURSELVES FULLY in the final, last gasp of our doomed experiment in TRUMPISM!
Let us rally in support of our own stupidity.
(Or we could just like, admit we were wrong. Nah. We’re not going to do that. God, Republicans, science and math are all part of a LEFTIST CONSPIRACY against Trump. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)
Let it burn, baby!
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Today was supposed to be the day, PATRIOTS!
December 14, 2020 was supposed to go down in history as the day when GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY DONALD J(erkoff) TRUMP ascended to the throne of the REBORN AND MADE GREAT AGAIN American empire on the back of a soaring man-eagle hybrid with the motor-oil-leaking head of Rudy Giuliani atop its feathery neck, with CROOKED Hillary and Lyin’ Joe in its talons, before it subsequently dropped those two DEMOCRATIC HEATHENS into the pit of Mount Doom and then gently deposited Mr. Tangerine Man on the steps of a renovated, gold-plated White House (furthermore to be called the “Gold House”), which would be patriotically adorned with a giant, bold lettered sign that read “Merry Christmas” year-round, just to own the STUPID LIBS.
Instead, PATRIOTIC TRUMPUBLICANS, Joe Biden is being certified as President-Elect by the Electoral College because of FRAUDULENT VOTE COUNTING (also known as the Constitutional process by which democratic elections in the United States have been conducted since the formation of the country).
Yes, Sleepy, Creepy Joe is set to lock up a 306-232 FAKE(real) victory in the Electoral College, which is the Constitutionally-mandated decider of who the next president should be, for some weird-ass reason. Now, heroes of the TRUMPOMAN EMPIRE, my views on the Constitution are well-established by now (I think it’s THE GREATEST DOCUMENT IN HUMAN HISTORY and the basis for all of my core, conservative beliefs), and far be it from me to flip-flop on my UNFLINCHING, CORE PRINCIPLES, but I gotta say, I don’t really care much for that Constitution, and I never did.
In fact, IT TURNS OUT THE CONSTITUTION WAS JUST A SECRET LIB-TARD THE ENTIRE TIME! The Constitution is the Mitt Romney of documents. It tells you that it’s on your side, but when push comes to shove and you try to subvert the will of the people to illegally empower an orange, fascist tangerine with unlimited sway over the future of the world’s most powerful democracy, ol’ lazy, lyin’ Constitution sides with the SICK LOSER LIBS WHO SUPPORT “LIBERAL DEMOCRACY,” just like “pompous ass” Mitt Romney.
I say, we replace that DISGRACEFUL, ANTI-TRUMP U.S. Constitution with a more useful document, like a transcript of tonight’s programming on Newsmax or an unabridged copy of The Art Of The Deal (but get your own copy, America, because like all TRUE CONSERVATIVES, I sleep with my copy of what I call the “good book.”)
Anyway, it’s been a real shit day for us Democracy-overthrowing constitutionalists. Luckily, if it’s a day ending in “day,” that means Donald Trump has not yet conceded defeat in the 2020 presidential election. TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! Inject the DELUSION straight into my veins so that I can feel alive again! (Just like when I saw those guys marching with their tiki-torches!)
Today’s PATRIOTIC promoter of fascism is NAZI-PENIS HYBRID, and Trump White House Child-Separator-In-Chief, Stephen Miller, who says that even though the Electoral College is voting Joe Biden the President-Elect, Donald J(onestown) Trump can totally still be the next president, in this real, totally not-fake universe. He just needs his “alternate” electors, which is a totally real thing that totally exists in the Constitution, and isn’t something he just made up!
The only date in the Constitution is January 20, so we have more than enough time to right the wrong of this fraudulent election and certify Donald Trump as the winner of the election. As we speak, today, an alternate slate of electors in the contested states is going to vote and we are going to send those results up to Congress.”Stephen Miller
Alternate electors! You don’t like the electors who are going to support Biden? Well, just pick some “alternate” ones who will subvert Democracy the way you want! And alternate electors are a totally real thing. Just look at this FACT that I found to support my claim. [Note: insert fact here when you find it.]
And even if the existence of “alternate” electors isn’t FACTUAL, that doesn’t mean it isn’t TRUTH! We all know TRUTH isn’t something you can “prove” with “facts.” Just ask these SANE people who showed up at the Michigan capitol today, claiming to be “alternate” electors who were just there to do their (un)Constitutional duty and cast their REAL VOTE for REAL PRESIDENT Donald Trump.
Then, the LIBERALLY-BIASED POLICE blocked them from entering the capitol and voting to make Donald Trump the next president, just because they had no reason to be there and because, “The electors are already here.” REALLY, OFFICER? The electors are already here? You know what else was already here? The MAIL-IN VOTES FOR JOE BIDEN THAT WEREN’T COUNTED UNTIL AFTER ELECTION DAY, and we all know those were FAKE(real).
And just because there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the Constitution about having “alternate” electors, that doesn’t mean it’s not a CONSTITUTIONAL VIOLATION to stop them from VOTING TRUMP like GOOD PATRIOTS!
These THOUGHT(actual) POLICE had no reason to block PATRIOTIC, anti-DEMOCRACY Trump supporters from entering the capitol to make their voices heard, either.
Because there were “credible threats of violence” made against the vote?
Sounds like more LIBERAL PROPAGANDA to me, and Michigan GOP Lawmaker Gary Eisen, thought so, too, which is why he amplified those threats of violence in a radio interview this morning.
Eisen twice hinted that violence could occur related to a “Hail Mary” effort by him and other GOP lawmakers to block the Electoral College’s electors selection of Biden, a Democrat, over President Donald Trump, a Republican.
His interviewer on WPHM-AM said he was “concerned about violence today in Lansing,” given Eisen’s vague description of what Republicans planned to do.
The interviewer then asked Eisen, “Can you assure me that this is going to be a safe day in Lansing, nobody’s going to get hurt?”
The lawmaker paused and then said, “No.”
“I don’t know, because what we’re doing today is uncharted, it hasn’t been done, and it’s not me doing it, it’s the Michigan House, it’s the Michigan party … I’m just here to witness,” said Eisen, who represents St. Clair Township.CNBC
And just for that simple, straightforward plea for PEACE, Gary Eisen was stripped of his committee assignments by Michigan Republican leaders, AKA LIBERAL LEFTISTS, just because ““We as elected officials must be clear that violence has no place in our democratic process. We must be held to a higher standard.”
Hogwash! If there’s one thing America has learned from Republicans’ blind support of PRESIDENT T’s abuse of power, corruption, bungled leadership, and vulgar public behavior, it’s that CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS MUST ALWAYS BE HELD TO A LOWER STANDARD!
And that’s why HEROIC, CHILD-SEPARATING NAZI Stephen Miller can insist that the 2020 election is being fraudulently stolen (by legal votes) from LIBERTY-LOVING authoritarian Trump, and, in the same breath, Miller can argue that Donald Trump’s team of lawyers aren’t the worst lawyers in the world even though they’ve lost over 50 attempts to make that argument in court, despite arguing in front of judges who are supposedly loyal to the anti-democracy cause because they were appointed by Trump.
And, if you, LOYAL TRUMPER, are watching that scene of seeming insanity, and cognitive dissonance unfolding at the highest levels of your country, and unfolding in a way that is so incompetent that it tests even the patience of the Trump-loving hosts of Fox And Friends, just remember, this is ALL GOING GREAT!
Why? Because CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS MUST ALWAYS BE HELD TO A LOWER STANDARD! Duh!
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Sheeple, few Americans command the respect and dignity of anti-white guilt crusader and “Thug Basketball Association” promoter Rush Limbaugh. When RUSH says something, you know it’s not just some knee-jerk, willy-nilly spew designed to inflame tensions and divide America. RUSH doesn’t just RUSH to judgement. His words are reasoned, thought out and long-deliberated. Which makes today’s PRONOUNCEMENT from the self-proclaimed “America’s Anchorman” especially important.
“America’s Anchorman” is through with America! It’s time for the Trump-nited States of Trumpica to secede because more than half of America just isn’t AMERICAN enough!
“I actually think that we’re trending toward secession. I see more and more people asking what in the world do we have in common with the people who live in, say, New York? What is there that makes us believe that there is enough of us there to even have a chance at winning New York? Especially if you’re talking about votes… There cannot be a peaceful coexistence of two completely different theories of life, theories of government, theories of how we manage our affairs. We can’t be in this dire a conflict without something giving somewhere along the way.““America’s Anchorman” Rush Limbaugh
Did the Federalists and the Anti-Federalists who formed the Constitution say, “Sorry we just can’t get along, so let’s make two countries?” YES, PATRIOTS! THE ANSWER IS YES! And now the time has come for another CIVIL WAR! The TRUMP states will rise again!
We gave democracy a chance, patriots, but democracy just didn’t do enough to block the will of the people and turn over all power in the United States to an ignorant, vengeful, sociopathic, serial-lying reality TV buffoon with no knowledge about our country’s government and no desire to learn (who is also a former Democrat), so it’s time to retire that quaint, old idea about VOTERS having power in this country and use the same tool to DEFEND THE PATRIOTIC TRUMP MONARCHY that the Confederacy used to defend the PATRIOTIC FREEDOM OF OWNING SLAVES. Secession! (Maybe we can even bring slavery back.)
And Rush LimBALL(S OF BRASS) doesn’t let LYIN’ FACTS, like the fact that Trump states take way more money from the federal government than they pay in taxes, stand in the way of his brilliant idea of SECESSION, either, because RUSH, LIKE ALL TRUE PATRIOTS, doesn’t care about the suffering of his supporters. Studies have shown if you’re poor, you’re either lazy or black. Probably both. FACT. Every Conservative commentator knows this!
Rush isn’t the only PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL WINNER to give up on lame, old American Democracy and embrace their inner CONSERVATIVE FASCISM. Former on-screen Secretary Of Defense Jon Voight is also tossing his lot in with the CIVIL WARRIORS. Just a couple days ago he took to social media to “ask all to fight this battle now, to get them all out.” “Them,” of course being elected Democratic politicians like SLEEPY CREEPY JOE BIDEN and California Governor Gavin Newsom. They’re “evil,” as totally-sane Jon Voight calls them.
Rush Limbaugh and Jon Voight think that the democratic process removing a fascist president from power is the final death knell for the American experiment, and flag-waving Republican PATRIOTS all across America are with them. They’re calling for violence to overthrow our new, not-yet-installed (not)Communist government. Just this week, the Arizona Republican Party took to Twitter to ask Americans if they’re “willing to give [their] life for this fight” to steal the election for Trump. Then, they posted a clip from the classic PRO-VIETNAM WAR movie “Rambo” that highlighted the quote, “This is what we do, who we are. Live for nothing, or die for something.”
Patriots, the seeds of VIOLENCE FOR TRUMP are being sown by GOOD REPUBLICANS all across the country that we both love and want to destroy if it moves even slightly toward moderate policies that don’t SHOWER THE HOLY RICH WITH EXORBITANT AMOUNTS OF FREE MONEY and SUBJUGATE LAZY MINORITIES.
Rush Limbaugh, Jon Voight, King Trump’s legal team, and many unhinged Republican officials across this country are willing to stand behind this PATRIOTIC MOVEMENT TO DESTROY AMERICA. They just need good, MINDLESS TRUMP SUPPORTERS LIKE YOU TO STAND AT THE FRONT OF IT AND “DIE” SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP GETTING RICHER ON THE BACKS OF YOUR SUFFERING!
DO YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY!
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