PATRIOTS, Larry Kudlow has been the dumbest guy in the room for a long time, and you have to admire him for being SO GOOD AT IT. For example, in 2005, he said people predicting a real estate crash were “dead wrong,” and just because HE turned out to be dead wrong, that didn’t stop him from predicting in 2007 that “there is no recession,” right before something called the GREAT Recession, and just because he turned out to be wrong about that, too, that didn’t stop him from making a whole bunch of other wrong predictions for a decade, until he FAILED ALL THE WAY up to being Biden’s PREDECESSOR’S TOP ECONOMIC ADVISER, where, in February 2020, right before COVID crashed the stock market, he told Americans it would be a good time to buy stocks. All of this must have been rather hard, considering that although he served as the PREDECESSOR’S economic adviser, he was not, in reality, an ECONOMIST. And so, it should come as no surprise PATRIOTS, that LARRY KUDLOW continues to be invited on FOX NEWS and FOX BUSINESS to say very WRONG AND DUMB THINGS, WRONG AND DUMB THINGS TO REPUBLICANS ABOUT DEMOCRATS, LIKE ALL GOOD AMERICANS DO! What I’m trying to say here is, HE’S A REAL AMERICAN PATRIOT!
Now, KUDLOW’S dropped another KNOWLEDGE TURD, that STINKS to high heavens, this time about BIDEN! SLEEPY, HIDIN’ BIDEN! ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE who’s trying to pass the economic aid for the American people that TRUMP PROMISED BUT NEVER DELIVERED! FAKE economist Larry Kudlow said on Maria Bartiromo’s FAKE business TV show on the FAKE news channel Fox Business Network, that he didn’t know “Whether [Biden’s] an empty vessel for the far left wing of his party,” and when asked whether Biden understood what he was signing with executive orders he’d signed, he replied, “That’s a good question,” (it was not) before he refused to say whether Biden is “alert or not alert.”
And just because Larry Kudlow was clearly lying, like he has lied and been wrong for his entire career, and just because there’s no evidence that Biden is “not alert,” that doesn’t mean we, AS PATRIOTS AND CONSERVATIVES, can’t pretend KUDLOW WAS TELLING THE TRUTH! Biden is DERANGED! He’s ILL and WEAK. How do I know? Because I don’t rely on LAZY, LIBERAL FACTS to reach my conclusions! I find TRUTH that I WANT TO BE TRUE, and I find my TRUTH in the same place FOX BUSINESS NETWORK AND MARIA BARTIROMO AND LARRY KUDLOW do, right up TRUMP’S BUTTHOLE! MMM, smells like McDonald’s up here! Why would we ever leave?!?!?!
Kudlow also said during this “interview” that President Biden, “may be, really, given his first couple weeks, the most left wing president we’ve ever seen.” He said, the Democratic Party “has moved a hundred yards to the left” and “way to the left of Barack Obama.” Again, it was a PERFECTLY GOOD CONCLUSION, as long as you don’t worry about any LEFTIST FACTS! Biden is the most radical, left-wing nut job ever to hold office, and I know this because I WANT IT TO BE TRUE!
What’s Biden doing right now, you ask? He’s working on sending out those checks TRUMP wanted to send? EVIL! COMMUNIST! SOCIALIST!
The libs GOT TRIGGERED by this TRUTH!
NEWSFLASH: PEOPLE LIKE LARRY KUDLOW LOVE AMERICA! AND BY LOVE, I MEAN HATE! They’re what we call PATRIOTS, okay?
If the government isn’t doing something for them, namely letting them pretend they’re qualified to have a job in it, then IT’S RADICAL, LEFTIST, COMMUNIST, and any of the other BAD “ISTS” you can think of! They stand for exactly one thing! THEMSELVES! “If TRUMP’S BUTTHOLE CAN GET BACK INTO THE WHITE HOUSE,” they think, “I CAN TOO! ‘CAUSE MY HEAD’S STILL IN IT!”
PATRIOTS, it’s no secret that Joe Biden’s PREDECESSOR Made America Great Again, already. Greater than it’s ever been, in fact, which is why WE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOTS are so disheartened to see that after a FULL 24 HOURS as president, America under Joe Biden remains the same, intolerant, mindless, sick, scorched HELLSCAPE that it was when PREDECESSOR left office yesterday! I mean, really? What is Biden doing? PREDECESSOR would have fixed all of this already, if he’d ever been President!
Sean Hannity got it right during his FREEDOM HOUR OF FASCISM last night, on day one-half of the TOTALLY ALREADY FAILED Biden Administration, when Hannity said of Biden’s COVID plan, “I thought he was going to do this on day one!”
“WHY HASN’T BIDEN FIXED COVID ON DAY ONE?” Hannity rightly asked of Biden. PREDECESSOR had ONLY just over 365 days to STOP COVID, and Biden GOT A WHOLE ONE!!! Double-standard much, you lying LEFTIST media???
Meanwhile, BIDEN wasted an entire HALF-DAY of being president (the same amount of time it takes Hannity’s LOVER to GOLF) signing 17 executive actions on a range of topics, including the COVID pandemic and rejoining the World Health Organization and the Paris climate accords. LAZY BASTARD! Biden’s PREDECESSOR pardoned over 100 people on his final day! Now, that’s what I call action!
Hannity called Biden “the weak, the frail, the cognitively struggling Biden,” which was a totally ACCURATE description of what LOBOTOMIZED CONSERVATIVES LIKE HANNITY fantasized about while Biden was giving an inarguably coherent and cognitively lucid address, part of his day that saw him not even stop once to TAKE A BREAK TO GO GOLFING OR TWEET. In other words, HANNITY IS RIGHT! BIDEN IS WEAK! SO WEAK HE’S STRONG! IT MAKES SENSE, JUST DON’T THINK ABOUT IT!
And then, in this totally objective and unbiased ASSAULT on the Biden HELL-MINISTRATION, Hannity asked the really important question. No, not the question of, why has HANNITY has abandoned all pretense of objectivity or truth in exchange for riling up the uninformed masses against democracy? HANNITY asked why doesn’t BIDEN work toward unity, while HANNITY continues to sow the seeds of insurrection and domestic terrorism nightly? “For example,” HANNITY suggested, “[Biden] could’ve stopped comparing Republicans to Nazis, like he did a week ago. He could ask his colleagues to stop referring to 75 million peace-loving [PREDECESSOR] supporters as domestic terrorists that support insurrection when they absolutely do not.” Yes, STOP CALLING US WHAT WE ARE, BIDEN. We’re not domestic terrorists and Nazis, we just hate our democratic government and would like to punish everyone who doesn’t look or think like us, and we have many avowed Nazis as prominent members of our political movement! Totally different!
PATRIOTS, we need UNITY, and we CONSERVATIVES sure as hell aren’t going to try to foster it, because there’s too much money being made by Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax for us to ever STOP LYING TO YOU!
But PATRIOTS, fear not because BIDEN has already been involved in a bigger SCANDAL than his PREDECESSOR ever had.
Biden FIRED the General Counsel to the National Labor Relations Board. And, if you’re LIKE most Americans, you’re saying, “What is that?” Well, it doesn’t matter, SHEEPLE!
Or, if you know about this particular general counsel of the NLRB, you might be saying, “Good, because he was one of the foremost opponents of workers’ rights in government, and had been appointed by [PREDECESSOR] specifically to be a sycophant for big business and against unionization.”
OKAY, COMMUNIST! PATRIOTS, all that matters is that Biden did something we can criticize! WE’RE OUTRAGED AT THIS… whatever it was. IT DOESN’T MATTER! The important thing is that WE WILL ATTACK BIDEN HARDER ON THIS SMALL BUREAUCRATIC CHANGE than we ATTACKED [PREDECESSOR] FOR INCITING A TERRORIST ATTACK ON THE U.S. CAPITOL THAT SOUGHT TO END DEMOCRACY AND KILL THE VICE PRESIDENT AND THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE!
OR, ANYTHING ELSE [PREDECESSOR] DID TO LITERALLY TRY TO END THE UNITED STATES, FOR THAT MATTER!
LET THE CONSERVATIVE PILE-ON BEGIN! WE CARE ABOUT THIS COUNTRY AGAIN, because we’re no longer the ones with the power to destroy it!
Also, there’s windows being broken at someplace other than the U.S. Capitol? I care about vandalism and rioting again!
PATRIOTS, we conservatives have seen enough. It’s time to DECLARE this Biden presidency a TOTAL AND COMPLETE FAILURE! We put up with a lot of fascism over the last four years, and we didn’t say a word against it, but Biden looked at me the wrong way during that Inaugural Address!
Impeach! Impeach! Impeach!
Well, PATRIOTS, it’s official. Joseph Robinette SLEEPY HIDIN’ Biden is now the President of the United States. OUR MAGA CULT’S tremendous run of destruction, violence, lies and idiocy is over. We had a good run. We tore down a lot of things (not statues, though). Killed a lot of people, more people than many even thought possible. But, like the Bible says (I assume, because like Trump, I’ve never read it) “For everything there is a season, A time for every activity under heaven.” And, so the season of MAGA is at an end. Its terror and boastfulness will live on for decades, its consequences far-reaching, eternally harmful to our country, as the actions of ALL TRUE PATRIOTS should be. But today it is time for a new season, a season of peace, of hope, of competent presidential leadership, rather than pillaging self-enrichment and self-aggrandizing.
Today begins the season of BIDEN, and I, like the outgoing President of the United States…
…’s Vice President, Mike Pence, wish President Biden good luck.
JUST KIDDING! I’m going to go immediately into REPUBLICAN SPIN MODE, and I’m going to hypocritically attack everything Biden does, whether it’s good, bad, or indifferent! Why? I’m a REPUBLICAN who hates AMERICA. That’s why!
Biden began his term with a call for unity, healing and truth. He said at one point in his Inaugural Address, “There is truth and there are lies – lies told for power and profit.” As a loyal TRUMP supporter, I have NO IDEA who he was referring to with this non-sequitur, but I assume it was some, lying SCUM-o-CRAT.
Then, Biden, said what we’ve all been thinking, that “democracy is fragile,” which was a clear reference to the dangers posed by the TEAM OF COMPETENT STATESMEN AND STATESWOMEN Biden plans to install in power in place of TRUMP’S COALITION OF WINGNUTS, who sought to overthrow the government.
WE MUST REMAIN VIGILANT PATRIOTS! The danger to Democracy has arrived with the EXIT OF DICTATOR TRUMP!
We, PATRIOTS, must now begin living in fear, the same FEAR we RIGHTFULLY INFLICTED on all the persecuted and underprivileged Americans during our REIGN OF TERROR, I mean, GLORIOUS REIGN OF TRUMP! Sleep in fear, now, PATRIOTS, FEAR OF THE BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE OF HOPE AND OPTIMISM delivered by this HELL-NAUGURATION of HIDIN’ BIDEN!
In just one of the scenes from this DISGRACEFUL REFUTATION OF TRUMP’S SPITEFUL, DESTRUCTIVE, PATRIOTIC VISION OF AMERICA’S FUTURE, Amanda Gorman, a young, talented POET–the most EVIL of all LEFTIST professions–recited a message of hope. HOPE! I mean, really, what hope can we, the white persecuted, have at a time like this? We’ve lost our RIGHTS! We can’t even burn down the Capitol Building anymore!
Amanda Gorman, poet, said, ““We will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one … There is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.”
Disgrace! How far our national rhetoric and tone has fallen under the FAILED BIDEN ADMINISTRATION that has been in power for a full TWO HOURS! Compare that tolerant mumbo-jumbo to Trump’s POETRY at his rally to destroy America on January 6. . .
“…late in the evening or early in the morning, boom. These explosions of bullshit, and all of the sudden —all of a sudden, it started to happen.”DONALD TRUMP
Now that’s what I call POETRY!
The HELL-NAUGURATION of Biden also saw the swearing in of the first black and Asian-American Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris. LIB-TARDS called it a historic step for our country. I call it a SAD NEW LOW for TRUMPISM. Now, I’ve got nothing against black people, but [insert contrived rationalization for why a black person shouldn’t be VP here].
I’m not intolerant, PATRIOTS. I’m just not tolerant. That’s all. And if that makes me a bad person, then, I guess I’m guilty as charged (but don’t worry because I’ll probably get a pardon from TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! (What’s that?? He can’t pardon me after he leaves office??? Damn.))
On this HELL-NAUGURATION DAY, we saw the TRIUMVIRATE OF LEFTISTS (as I call them)–composed of Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lopez, and Lady Gaga–assemble to wreak their UN-AMERICAN ideals of joy and tolerance on OUR country. Just look at Michelle Obama! LOOK AT HER! LOOK!
I AM OUTRAGED!!! (I’m not sure about what, but give me a second, I’ll figure it out (Dang! She looks dignified. She’s everything Melania wasn’t AND I HATE HER!!!)
Lady Gaga showed up for a brief pop-in on her way to BIDEN’S HUNGER GAMES, I assume, to ABSOLUTELY BUTCHER our National Anthem, by singing it instead of mocking it, like TRUMP did.
Then, J-LO told everyone to “get loud” after she sang “This Land Is Your Land.” Really, J-LO? “Your” land? WRONG! THIS IS TRUMP SUPPORTERS’ LAND! IF YOU DON’T LOVE IT, LEAVE IT! (Or storm the Capitol and then call it “patriotism.”)
And, just when things seemed they couldn’t get any worse, COUNTRY MUSIC HERO GARTH BROOKS revealed he’s a been closet AMERICAN all along. I thought he was a REPUBLICAN! TREASON! TREASON!
But the thing that sticks out the most to me, PATRIOTS, is that for the first time in the last four years, a MENTALLY ILL MADMAN WHO DEMONSTRABLY HATES AMERICA IS IN CHARGE OF THE NUCLEAR CODES! I am of course referring to Joe Biden, in case you didn’t get that.
PATRIOTS, it’s a fresh start for America today. The GREAT STAIN ON OUR NATIONAL CONSCIENCE is gone. Whoops! Sorry, a little bit of honesty slipped out there. I mean, A GREAT PATRIOTIC DICTATOR has gone into exile. There we go. Fixed it.
We’ve seen the dawn of a new administration, an administration that promises to respect history, science, fact, and the rights of all Americans to live in peace and safety. DISGUSTING! We’ve seen responsibility and sanity return to the highest office in our land. SICK! We’ve breathed a sigh of relief that our democracy has not yet become the victim of a self-interested, narcissistic, destructive power-grab that exploits the worst in people to pillage the work that our forefathers worked so hard to create. LOSERS!
America has survived TRUMP!
I’m sorry to say, we failed patriots. We tried our best to tear it down, but we finally found the limits of our own incompetence, when it came to successfully carrying out our coup. Now, we must suffer four years of Democracy, tolerance and sanity.
I think TRUMP’S CHILDREN speak for all of us, patriots, when they say, “WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! BOO! HOO!”
And to the rest of you TOLERANT, LEFTIST BASTARDS, I say, enjoy your precious AMERICA! We’ll be back in four years to try and destroy it again, if you’re not careful!
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PATRIOTS, I’ve never respected Tommy Tuberville as a Senator, but…
Well, I guess there’s supposed to be a “but” at the end of that sentence for us TRUMPeters, but I’ve got nothing. Frankly, the man’s an idiot. And that’s OKAY with me, because it takes all kinds to make a fascist dictatorship go ’round, and Tommy Tuberville is the IDIOT that makes the President look smart by association.
So, PATRIOTS, I applaud SENATOR Tommy Tuberville’s newest uninformed, idiotic suggestion about how to keep TRUMP in power beyond the end of his legal term as president. The suggestion, frankly, makes Rudy Giuliani’s treasonous butt-dials, landscaping promotions and head leaks look like competent legal representation by comparison. Tommy Tuberville’s latest idea to extend TRUMP’S treasonous PATRIOTIC fascism is that we should just DELAY Biden’s inauguration until we finally get the coronavirus “behind us a little bit. “
W-w-w-w-w-what? Behind us? B-b-b-buuttt, I thought we’d already defeated the virus, while, of course, we just have to “live with it,” because it doesn’t affect anyone, and, on top of that, it’s a hoax perpetuated by AMERICA’S EVIL, LYING DOCTORS and HEALTHCARE WORKERS, plus, none of us need to wear a mask or social distance, anyway. Just ask Trump’s own campaign and White House officials, who have never done that, and barely acknowledged the virus’ existence, which is probably why they’ve been failing to successfully provide the vaccine to Americans in any meaningful time frame.
If anything, TRUMP’S been making the virus worse at every turn.
So, I guess it makes total sense that we must now wait until Trump gets the virus “behind us” in order for him to leave office, because that will never, ever happen even “a little bit” as long as Trump remains in charge of botching America’s response to this health crisis at every possible opportunity. Yes, I see how it works now. I, as a LOYAL, TERRORISTIC, TRUMP SUPPORTER, support this! TRUMP will remain in power forever! All he has to do is keep f***ing everything up! EASY!
Of course, Tuberville, like TRUMP, the GOP and all their mindless supporters don’t know that the Constitution sets the date of the next president’s inauguration by law, because they’ve never read that USELESS, ANTI-TRUMP SCREED. But, PATRIOTS, I say, “Who cares what that dumb, ol’ Constitution says. We’re in power.” So, lets throw away that raggedy ol’ document that we’ve literally spent our entire Pre-TRUMP political existence arguing SHOULD BE INTERPRETED LITERALLY, AND SHOULD GOVERN EVERY SINGLE DECISION WE MAKE!
In the words of AMERICAN PATRIOT, Spongebob Squarepants, “I don’t need it!”
THIS IS WHY WE NEED MORE FOOTBALL COACHES RUNNING OUR COUNTRY!
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PATRIOTS, there are two things you need to remember. Number one, Donald Trump is not responsible for inciting that PATRIOTIC terrorist attack on the Capitol Building that he totally supports; he had nothing to do with it! Because his pre-coup attempt speech was “totally appropriate” (his unhinged words, not mine)! Number two, TRUMP wants his supporters to FIGHT TO THE DEATH to defend his fact-free claim that he won the 2020 presidential election! Got that? He’s not responsible for the fight! But he IS going to fight like hell! No contradiction here, PATRIOTS!
That’s why Donald Trump is headed to Alamo, Texas, today! Because we’re making our last stand! Our last, bloody, defiant, fight-to-the-death stand that has nothing to do with fighting, or death, which the president doesn’t support, but it would be totally cool for him to support it, if he did, according to him!
The president’s niece, Mary Trump, knows. She says the president is going to Alamo, Texas because he “undoubtedly” wants to invoke the violent symbolism behind the historic battle of the Alamo, where almost everyone died. And LOVING PRESIDENT T wants the same for all PATRIOTS and their families!
His heart is in the RIGHT place! Unfortunately, his location is about 225 miles off. Because THE ALAMO, the site of the famous battle Trump is apparently trying to invoke, is in San Antonio. And Alamo, Texas, where the president is headed, is not. But, knowing Trump, it’s possible he meant for his visit to take place at an Alamo Rent-a-car, in part of some kind of synergistic branding attempt, like his fraud press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
But, if there’s one POSITIVE to come from the president’s HACKNEYED attempt to equate himself with those who died fighting at the Alamo, it’s that he has stoked the potential for more bloodshed! The president’s trip to Alamo “has Texas on edge and tensions a[re] ‘running dangerously high,’ according to Hidalgo County Judge Richard Cortez,” the Houston Chronicle reports.
Sometimes, though, you need a little light threatening to EXPERIENCE MAXIMUM FREEDOM. Republican Representative and HITLER ENTHUSIAST, Madison Cawthorn knows. Sure, Cawthorn called the terror attack on the Capitol by Trump supporters “sickening,” but that was AFTER the attack. Before the attack, he was on stage at the “Save America” rally helping incite Trump supporters’ attempt to execute the Vice President and Speaker of the House. And, we learned today that Cawthorn encouraged Trump supporters who didn’t want to accept the MATH of the election results to call and “lightly threaten” their Congressmen, and to tell them that they are “coming after them.” If that’s not AMERICAN VALUES, then I don’t want to be an American anymore! I want to be like Madison Cawthorn and IDOLIZE A REAL PATRIOT, LIKE HITLER!
And before all the HATEFUL LEFTISTS get their panties in a bunch over Cawthorn’s words, which were met with raucous applause by the Trump supporters, I’d like to just point out there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION between Cawthorn’s encouragement of violent threats and the actions of Trump supporters who DID EXACTLY THAT!
Uh-oh, I’m starting to get dizzy from the smell of my own bullshit. Better get my head back in the game!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
Okay, ready to get back to terrorizing America because I jUsT lOvE tHiS cOuNtRy So GoDdAmN mUcH!
ThEy’Re TrYiN’ tO rUiN mY lIfE bY cAlLiNg Me A tErRoRiSt!
And you know it was PATRIOTIC because there was a guy who looked like Chuck Norris at the “Murder the Vice President and House Speaker Rally” in Washington, too, even though it wasn’t really him.
In the end, a representative for Norris confirmed the man was not Chuck Norris, it was just a “look alike.” But rest assured, Chuck Norris still loves TRUMP! Well, you know what they say, “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . . except that books don’t really work that way, so it turns out Chuck Norris is a fucking idiot.”
“They were talking about 4,000 armed ‘patriots’ to surround the Capitol and prevent any Democrat from going in,” [Rep. Connor] Lamb [D-Pa] said. “They have published rules of engagement, meaning when you shoot and when you don’t. So this is an organized group that has a plan. They are committed to doing what they’re doing because I think in their minds, you know, they are patriots and they’re talking about 1776 and so this is now a contest of wills.”
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PATRIOTIC authoritarian strongman DONALD TRUMP announced he is leveling his harshest PUNISHMENT yet on the FRAUDULENTLY REAL Biden presidency. Fresh off a ban from Twitter for inciting violence that killed five Americans at the Capitol building, TRUMP announced in a tweet that he “will not be going” to Biden’s inauguration on January 20th. This makes him the first president to boycott his successor’s inauguration since GREAT AMERICAN PRESIDENT Andrew Johnson in 1869. Like TRUMP, Andrew Johnson didn’t attend the inauguration of his successor, Ulysses S. Grant, because his successor was an enemy of the Confederacy, and Johnson was sympathetic to Confederate traitors.
Some LEFTIST HACKS, like Trump’s former press secretary, immediately rushed to reporting the facts and called TRUMP a “sore loser,” but PATRIOTS, I HEREBY DECLARE Trump is not a SORE LOSER! TRUMP has never lost and can never lose. He is a SORE WINNER! THE WINNER OF LOSING THE ELECTION!
AND that’s not where the winning stopped with this PATRIOTIC, AMERICAN decision to boycott the peaceful, lawful transfer of power following his un-DEMOCRATIC coup attempt! Trump’s also putting himself in FIRST PLACE for the most TREASONOUS POST-PRESIDENCY, as his supporters on the AMERICAN RADICALIZATION platform, PARLER, are aiming to plan another violent attack on Washington to coincide with Biden’s Inauguration Day–this time with their “weapons.” WHAT AMERICAN PATRIOT WOULDN’T SUPPORT THAT?
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE AMERICAN THAN SUPPORTING OUR FIRST FASCIST AND LUNATIC PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP?
Despite the President’s totally-sane attempt to destroy the country on his way out of office, TRAITOROUS RATS who fecklessly served his undemocratic whims for the last four years are resigning from the DERAILED TRUMP TRAIN of an administration faster than rats fleeing a sinking ship. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao joined a cadre of other national security and communications officials in quitting following Trump’s assault on Congress. This move, of course, matters not to Trump, since his administration had no policy accomplishments or objectives in any relevant cabinet areas, but, PATRIOTS, now there is real fear that the TRUMP White House may be about to lose a REALLY KEY figure as a result of the President’s Patriotic Terrorist Attack. Former reality TV star Hope Hicks is reportedly considering quitting!
PATRIOTS, we must not let the RATS clear the stain of TRUMP from their resumes! They must be forever tied to the GREATEST ANTI-AMERICAN PRESIDENT GOD EVER CREATED!
Speaking of greatness, I’d like to be the first REPUBLICAN PATRIOT to propose an AGENDA for Donald TRUMP’S second agenda, since he won the IMAGINARY ELECTION that we’ve all been pretending was real for the last two months. Since the President never had any actual policy goals or ideologies other than harming the American people, I suggest Donald Trump just keeps pretending to be an American President–the same way he has for the last four years–and we can just make this his new Oval Office…
Or maybe this?
I’ve already found a whole Cabinet of PATRIOTS who can reside in the new Oval Office and keep working hard against the American people, AKA LEFTISTS, with THE GREAT, TWO-TERM PRESIDENT TRUMP.
Like this idiot Capitol attacker, Richard Barnett, who gave his full name and age to the New York Times and posed for a picture during his criminal act…
Or this idiot woman, Jenny Cudd, of Midland, Texas, who recorded her confession to vandalizing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s office and proudly declared that she would do it again… ON VIDEO!!!
In fact, maybe we can just identify the thousands of REAL PATRIOTS who launched this TERRORIST ATTACK on the U.S. Capitol with the expressed goal of overthrowing the Democratically-elected government, and maybe we can all put them in the President’s new and improved “Oval Office” so that they can all work together to DELUSIONALLY “MAGA” from their comfortable, new home offices in prison! THEY DESERVE THAT REWARD for their hard work on behalf of PRESIDENT TRUMP!
Look at all those potential Cabinet members, many of whom incriminated themselves on their own social media accounts!
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Patriots, there’s no debating that America is safer, freer, and more prosperous than ever before thanks to the strong, courageous LEADERSHIP of PRESIDENT DONALD J(ust kidding because he actually sucks at being President) TRUMP! We’ve unleashed the American economy to a BIG, BEAUTIFUL SPIRAL OF DECLINE for all but Trump’s wealthiest cronies, we’ve CRUSHED OUR REAL ENEMIES, including Earth’s habitable climate and our allies in Europe, and we’ve wreaked PATRIOTIC DEATH across our own land with a TREMENDOUS HERD IMMUNITY STRATEGY that has killed more Americans than World War II thanks to Donald Trump’s “best people” being in charge, like a science adviser who said SMART things about Americans including, “We want them infected.” But now, Democracy-hugging liberals are trying to undo our TREMENDOUS REGRESS by FAIRLY COUNTING THE VOTES in a (non)FRAUDULENT Presidential election that Trump clearly won, as long as you only count yard signs and not votes.
So let me say something that might be controversial, but which all of us REAL PATRIOTS are CLEARLY THINKING! If Donald J(Jesus Christ) Trump can’t be MY NEXT president, then not only do I not want to live in America anymore, but I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AN AMERICA AT ALL! AMERICA ISN’T WORTH PROTECTING UNLESS TRUMP IS ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN CHARGE OF DESTROYING IT!
Like all Republican PATRIOTS, I’ve heroically and quietly cowered over the past four years as Donald Trump has taken control of the Party of Lincoln and laid waste to every single principle I used to pretend to cherish, from crippling our national security by “falling in love” every authoritarian strongman to hove into his field of vision, to ratcheting our national debt to never-before-seen levels, to napalming the LIBERAL IDEAS of that FAKE CULT OF LEFTISTS that used to FRAUDULENTLY call themselves Republicans. You know which cult I’m talking about. No, not #NeverTrumpers. I’m talking about Christians, of course. Why would I, a TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, want to follow the teachings of Christ when I could follow a thrice-divorced, 26-time-sexual-misconduct-accused, serial-lying, baby-imprisoning, corruption-encouraging, unable-to-name-a-single-book-of-the-bible, never-needed-to-ask-for-forgiveness former reality TV host?
I wouldn’t. There’s no room for that LEFTIST ANTIFA MEMBER called JESUS in my Conservative’s Holy Trinity of Trump, Putin and Lou Dobbs.
But there’s always more room on the TRUMP TREASON TRAIN of loyal, boot-licking sycophants. Ol’ “LIDDLE” MARCO RUBIO is proudly hopping on that train today with a BIGLY ADDITION to the PRO-TRUMP, ANTI-AMERICA TWEET HALL OF FAME.
Yeah, LIBS! I agree with “LIDDLE”! Why can’t you find a president who’s as presidential as Joe Biden’s incoming Deputy Chief-Of-Staff? Biden’s out here talking about unity and healing like an ANTI-TRUMP RINO (Republican In Name Only) while his incoming Deputy Chief Of Staff has used the BAD WORD “f***ers” to refer to HEROIC PATRIOTS LIKE MARCO RUBIO who compromised all their values and gambled the future of the United States on a dictator-hugging invalid just to preserve their own future electoral prospects to be leaders of the PATRIOTIC, anti-AMERICA TRUMP cult.
This, PATRIOTS, is exactly why it’s Donald Trump’s America or nobody’s America at all. I will happily ride this TRUMP TRAIN all the way off the half-finished bridge of ideas that it runs on, gleefully defending the utter destruction of America because the alternative is Joe Biden as president. No way! We can’t have people who use the word “f***er” (it’s so bad I won’t even print it) working for the next president! We need to keep our current president who says things ALIGNED WITH REPUBLICAN VALUES, like calling black people “sons-of-bitches,” calling countries “shit-holes”, praising congressional candidates who bodyslam reporters, “both sides-ing” White Supremacy, and saying “fuck” in TV interviews.
Needless to say, this take is TOO TRIGGERING to STUPID LIB REPUBLICANS WHO LOVE AMERICA MORE THAN TRUMP:
But this is about more than just stopping Democrats from using naughty words as adjectives when it’s totally warranted. This is about the prosperous future of America, the future that all good Republicans have now aligned themselves against. Will this be Joe Biden’s America (that’s bad BTW), or will it be a CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN AMERICA (the good kind of America) led by a HERO like Trump, or at the very least a PATRIOT like Vladimir Putin?
We’re already doing our part, PATRIOTS! It’s not just thanks to Republican Senate heroes like RUSSIA RON Johnson, who works tirelessly for the PATRIOTIC cause of ending Democratic elections in the United States everyday. It’s not just Donald Trump’s past amplification of Russian disinformation designed to help his 2016 campaign and potential obstruction of justice to cover that up. It’s not just Trump’s private meetings with PATRIOT PUTIN of which records are sealed, and of course, Trump’s public statements siding with RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA over the statements of American intelligence gatherers. Nope, today we learned that the MOST PATRIOTIC REPUBLICAN destruction of America’s standing and security has been carried out by Trump in just the last few months.
We learned this thanks to a LEAK by LEFTIST, COMMUNIST Tom Bossert, the former homeland security adviser to President Trump (Secret lib? Note: Check before publishing.) and deputy homeland security adviser to LEFTIST President George W. Bush. Bossert writes in the LIBERAL RAG New York Times that “the networks of the federal government and much of corporate America are now compromised by a foreign nation,” which, he says, is almost certainly Russia, and he says that TRUMP (TRUMP! TRUMP!) is about to leave the U.S. Government in this state of “compromise” (I assume because he’s too busy retweeting Lou Dobbs).
The Russians have had access to a considerable number of important and sensitive networks for six to nine months. The Russian S.V.R. will surely have used its access to further exploit and gain administrative control over the networks it considered priority targets. . . It will take years to know for certain which networks the Russians control and which ones they just occupy. . . The logical conclusion is that we must act as if the Russian government has control of all the networks it has penetrated. . . The access the Russians now enjoy could be used for far more than simply spying. . . President Trump is on the verge of leaving behind a federal government, and perhaps a large number of major industries, compromised by the Russian government.Tom Bossert, LEFTIST-SCUM FORMER TRUMP ADVISER
Wait, I thought the Democrats liked “compromise”? Hypocrites much, LIBS?
Bossert says President-elect Biden “must begin his planning to take charge of this crisis” and should “assume that communications about this matter are being read by Russia.” He calls on Trump and Biden to work together for the good of the country. LIKE LEFTIST SCUM!
First of all, Bossert, TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT ELECT, if you count only TRUMP VOTES, like the Constitution instructs–or at least it should. Second, work “together”? No! It’s TRUMP OR NOTHING for Republicans, just like it always has been for RUSSIA RON, MOSCOW MITCH, LIDDLE MARCO, the various Republicans in Congress that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy says “Putin pays,” and of course CAPTAIN KOMPROMAT, President T! We won’t be fooled by more LEFTIST PROPAGANDA by a former TRUMP adviser.
PATRIOTS, REPUBLICANS, EVANGELICALS, RUSSIANS, SELF-INTERESTED POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS, we must all stand together now, or we shall hang separately! We must downplay and ignore this threat, while continuing to pretend that Donald Trump isn’t totally fucking up the job of the presidency and threatening the lives of every single American. We must FINISH THE JOB that we Republicans started four years ago with the election of Donald J(onestown) Trump, the most PATRIOTICALLY unfit candidate for president in American history, and we must DESTROY THIS COUNTRY so Joe Biden can never become president and turn it into a LEFTIST HELL-SCAPE that gives its suffering citizens more than $600 for every eight months of pandemic suffering.
America Isn’t Worth Protecting Unless Trump Is Allowed To Keep Destroying It, Libs!
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Patriots, if I’ve learned anything from SAVIOR-PRESIDENT TRUMP, it’s that there’s never a good time to admit defeat when you’ve lost, which is why, like all TRUE PATRIOTS, I’ve spent the last 38 days in a FROTHING, ANTI-DEMOCRACY RAGE to help ensure that the unsteady hands of Donald J(ust here to sow discord) Trump can remain firmly in control of our country’s future and RUN IT STRAIGHT INTO THE GROUND TO OWN THE STUPID LIBS! And, I’ve been joined in this crusade by EVERY FREEDOM LOVING REPUBLICAN. So far…
But it comes as quite a shock to report that COCAINE MITCH McConnell, BACKSTABBED President T this morning with a SICK, DISLOYAL betrayal of good ol’ JESUS-LOVING, AMERICAN TRUMP FASCISM.
“Many of us hoped that the presidential election would yield a different result, but our system of government has processes to determine who will be sworn in on Jan. 20. The Electoral College has spoken. So today, I want to congratulate President-elect Joe Biden.”COCAINE MITCH McConnell
Sorry COCAINE, but just because the Electoral College voted and Joe Biden got more votes, that DOES NOT mean that Joe Biden wins. There are still LOTS OF QUESTIONS to be answered about Biden’s win, like, “What are votes?” and “Is it possible that getting more votes means Joe Biden actually lost because we live in a Bizarro Universe, like in the Superman comics?” The LEGITIMATE CONCERNS of 60 million Americans need to be addressed! But barring the existence of the still-unproven Bizarro World (on which the jury is still out), there are still enough fake, delusional extra-legal challenges left in Trump’s PATRIOTIC QUIVER OF DESTRUCTION to ensure that Trump can keep claiming he won the presidency long after Joe Biden’s FAKE inauguration on January 20th.
This FIGHT ISN’T OVER just because we clearly lost, PATRIOTS! Trump sycophant Charlie Kirk knows this, which his why he SLAPPED DOWN number one Trump ASS LICKER Geraldo Rivera last night on Fox News after Rivera tried to pull a Cocaine Mitch and tell Kirk that Trump’s persistent attempts to destroy democracy weren’t helpful to America.
“For six weeks… We have litigated this for six weeks. Twice the Supreme Court of the United States has rejected it, 9-0, including all three Trump associate justices. You have to stop this.”Geraldo Rivera, Trump Ass Licker
“We have more questions than ever before, Geraldo. [You’re] not correct.”Charlie Kirk, Bigger Trump Ass Licker
But even though Trump lost one Russian supporter, Moscow Mitch, we can all REST ASSURED, PATRTIOTS, that the biggest AMERICAN PATRIOT in the world–other than President T, of course–is STILL STANDING FOR THE CAUSE OF LIBERTY (in the form of authoritarian governmental overthrow).
Wait, what? He’s not?
Patriots, I”m sorry to say that we’ve now lost even the BIGGEST patriot and Trump supporter.
It turns out that not only is MOSCOW MITCH not a true American patriot, but neither is Russian President Vladimir Putin. Today, Putin congratulated Joe Biden on having won the presidential election after just one month had passed since Biden became president-elect. Doesn’t he know that there’s a waiting period of FOUR YEARS to congratulate the next president (according to rules that I just made up)?
“Vladimir Putin wished the president-elect every success and expressed confidence that Russia and the United States, which bear special responsibility for global security and stability, can, despite their differences, effectively contribute to solving many problems and meeting challenges that the world is facing today.”Kremlin statement
And I know some LIB-O-CRATS are going to point out that Mitch McConnell and Putin both threw Trump under the bus just hours apart after refusing to acknowledge Joe Biden’s victory for 38 days after every mainstream American news outlet and Fox News did. And they’ll probably point out that it’s pretty WIERD that the first big TRUMP DEFECTION came with PUTIN’S, almost like Putin, the master puppeteer of the American GOP, finally gave these traitors permission to acknowledge the obvious. Well, PATRIOTS, since I now hate both McConnell and Putin for CHOOSING TO SIDE WITH LIBERALLY-BIASED REALITY and not the PATRIOTIC BIZARRO UNIVERSE, I say have at it. Yes, MOSCOW MITCH is a Russian agent, and the continued defection of members of the GOP caucus away from loser Trump are further proof that House Republican leader Kevin McCarthy was being 100% serious when he said on tape in 2016 that Putin “pays” Trump and certain members of the GOP in Congress.
They’re ALL TRAITORS. Putin! McConnell! Reality! Fox News!
I will never acknowledge that getting more electoral votes means Biden won!
The only hero left is PATRIOTIC SYCOPHANT MO BROOKS, Congressman from Alabama, the last bastion of freedom, who told TRUMP SUPPORTER and living corpse Lou Dobbs, according to the PATRIOTICALLY-BIASED Breitbart, that, ‘Trump Won the Electoral College’ — I Can Be a Part of the ‘Surrender Caucus’ or I Can Fight for Our Country.
Let freedom ring, PATRIOTS! We may have lost the leader of the Senate Republicans, COCAINE MOSCOW, and we may have lost Fox News, and we may have lost our ilLEGAL FOREIGN ELECTION INTERFERENCE, and we may have lost 55 straight court cases challenging the election results, and we may have lost every conceivable method of counting votes and electoral votes, but we’ve still got PROUD, IRRELEVANT SYCOPHANTS all across the country to stand up on behalf of FASCISM and TRUMP RULE!
The future is bright for TRUMPISM!
Just as long as you don’t listen to this guy ——>
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Today was supposed to be the day, PATRIOTS!
December 14, 2020 was supposed to go down in history as the day when GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY DONALD J(erkoff) TRUMP ascended to the throne of the REBORN AND MADE GREAT AGAIN American empire on the back of a soaring man-eagle hybrid with the motor-oil-leaking head of Rudy Giuliani atop its feathery neck, with CROOKED Hillary and Lyin’ Joe in its talons, before it subsequently dropped those two DEMOCRATIC HEATHENS into the pit of Mount Doom and then gently deposited Mr. Tangerine Man on the steps of a renovated, gold-plated White House (furthermore to be called the “Gold House”), which would be patriotically adorned with a giant, bold lettered sign that read “Merry Christmas” year-round, just to own the STUPID LIBS.
Instead, PATRIOTIC TRUMPUBLICANS, Joe Biden is being certified as President-Elect by the Electoral College because of FRAUDULENT VOTE COUNTING (also known as the Constitutional process by which democratic elections in the United States have been conducted since the formation of the country).
Yes, Sleepy, Creepy Joe is set to lock up a 306-232 FAKE(real) victory in the Electoral College, which is the Constitutionally-mandated decider of who the next president should be, for some weird-ass reason. Now, heroes of the TRUMPOMAN EMPIRE, my views on the Constitution are well-established by now (I think it’s THE GREATEST DOCUMENT IN HUMAN HISTORY and the basis for all of my core, conservative beliefs), and far be it from me to flip-flop on my UNFLINCHING, CORE PRINCIPLES, but I gotta say, I don’t really care much for that Constitution, and I never did.
In fact, IT TURNS OUT THE CONSTITUTION WAS JUST A SECRET LIB-TARD THE ENTIRE TIME! The Constitution is the Mitt Romney of documents. It tells you that it’s on your side, but when push comes to shove and you try to subvert the will of the people to illegally empower an orange, fascist tangerine with unlimited sway over the future of the world’s most powerful democracy, ol’ lazy, lyin’ Constitution sides with the SICK LOSER LIBS WHO SUPPORT “LIBERAL DEMOCRACY,” just like “pompous ass” Mitt Romney.
I say, we replace that DISGRACEFUL, ANTI-TRUMP U.S. Constitution with a more useful document, like a transcript of tonight’s programming on Newsmax or an unabridged copy of The Art Of The Deal (but get your own copy, America, because like all TRUE CONSERVATIVES, I sleep with my copy of what I call the “good book.”)
Anyway, it’s been a real shit day for us Democracy-overthrowing constitutionalists. Luckily, if it’s a day ending in “day,” that means Donald Trump has not yet conceded defeat in the 2020 presidential election. TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! Inject the DELUSION straight into my veins so that I can feel alive again! (Just like when I saw those guys marching with their tiki-torches!)
Today’s PATRIOTIC promoter of fascism is NAZI-PENIS HYBRID, and Trump White House Child-Separator-In-Chief, Stephen Miller, who says that even though the Electoral College is voting Joe Biden the President-Elect, Donald J(onestown) Trump can totally still be the next president, in this real, totally not-fake universe. He just needs his “alternate” electors, which is a totally real thing that totally exists in the Constitution, and isn’t something he just made up!
The only date in the Constitution is January 20, so we have more than enough time to right the wrong of this fraudulent election and certify Donald Trump as the winner of the election. As we speak, today, an alternate slate of electors in the contested states is going to vote and we are going to send those results up to Congress.”Stephen Miller
Alternate electors! You don’t like the electors who are going to support Biden? Well, just pick some “alternate” ones who will subvert Democracy the way you want! And alternate electors are a totally real thing. Just look at this FACT that I found to support my claim. [Note: insert fact here when you find it.]
And even if the existence of “alternate” electors isn’t FACTUAL, that doesn’t mean it isn’t TRUTH! We all know TRUTH isn’t something you can “prove” with “facts.” Just ask these SANE people who showed up at the Michigan capitol today, claiming to be “alternate” electors who were just there to do their (un)Constitutional duty and cast their REAL VOTE for REAL PRESIDENT Donald Trump.
Then, the LIBERALLY-BIASED POLICE blocked them from entering the capitol and voting to make Donald Trump the next president, just because they had no reason to be there and because, “The electors are already here.” REALLY, OFFICER? The electors are already here? You know what else was already here? The MAIL-IN VOTES FOR JOE BIDEN THAT WEREN’T COUNTED UNTIL AFTER ELECTION DAY, and we all know those were FAKE(real).
And just because there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the Constitution about having “alternate” electors, that doesn’t mean it’s not a CONSTITUTIONAL VIOLATION to stop them from VOTING TRUMP like GOOD PATRIOTS!
These THOUGHT(actual) POLICE had no reason to block PATRIOTIC, anti-DEMOCRACY Trump supporters from entering the capitol to make their voices heard, either.
Because there were “credible threats of violence” made against the vote?
Sounds like more LIBERAL PROPAGANDA to me, and Michigan GOP Lawmaker Gary Eisen, thought so, too, which is why he amplified those threats of violence in a radio interview this morning.
Eisen twice hinted that violence could occur related to a “Hail Mary” effort by him and other GOP lawmakers to block the Electoral College’s electors selection of Biden, a Democrat, over President Donald Trump, a Republican.
His interviewer on WPHM-AM said he was “concerned about violence today in Lansing,” given Eisen’s vague description of what Republicans planned to do.
The interviewer then asked Eisen, “Can you assure me that this is going to be a safe day in Lansing, nobody’s going to get hurt?”
The lawmaker paused and then said, “No.”
“I don’t know, because what we’re doing today is uncharted, it hasn’t been done, and it’s not me doing it, it’s the Michigan House, it’s the Michigan party … I’m just here to witness,” said Eisen, who represents St. Clair Township.CNBC
And just for that simple, straightforward plea for PEACE, Gary Eisen was stripped of his committee assignments by Michigan Republican leaders, AKA LIBERAL LEFTISTS, just because ““We as elected officials must be clear that violence has no place in our democratic process. We must be held to a higher standard.”
Hogwash! If there’s one thing America has learned from Republicans’ blind support of PRESIDENT T’s abuse of power, corruption, bungled leadership, and vulgar public behavior, it’s that CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS MUST ALWAYS BE HELD TO A LOWER STANDARD!
And that’s why HEROIC, CHILD-SEPARATING NAZI Stephen Miller can insist that the 2020 election is being fraudulently stolen (by legal votes) from LIBERTY-LOVING authoritarian Trump, and, in the same breath, Miller can argue that Donald Trump’s team of lawyers aren’t the worst lawyers in the world even though they’ve lost over 50 attempts to make that argument in court, despite arguing in front of judges who are supposedly loyal to the anti-democracy cause because they were appointed by Trump.
And, if you, LOYAL TRUMPER, are watching that scene of seeming insanity, and cognitive dissonance unfolding at the highest levels of your country, and unfolding in a way that is so incompetent that it tests even the patience of the Trump-loving hosts of Fox And Friends, just remember, this is ALL GOING GREAT!
Why? Because CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS MUST ALWAYS BE HELD TO A LOWER STANDARD! Duh!
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Sheeple, Donald Trump is going TANGERINES TO THE WALL to cling to his fading relevancy as his MOST (UN)SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENCY EVER winds down. According to a new report, Trump is considering “a made-for-TV grand finale: a White House departure on Marine One and final Air Force One flight to Florida for a political rally opposite Joe Biden’s inauguration.”
YES! PATRIOTS REJOICE! We’re STEALING Air Force One, just like the good guys in that famous movie Air Force One.
Here’s a visual approximation of Sleepy Creepy Joe’s Inauguration Day, just to TRIGGER the AMERICA-LOVING LIBS! F*** EM!
George Washington and Honest Abe would be spinning in their graves with GLEE at the PATRIOTIC SIGHT of Former President Donald J(ust here to make things worse at this point) Trump undermining the inauguration of his successor, Hidin’ Joe Biden (who won the election, like a LOSER).
And, it wouldn’t just be a symbolic ASSAULT on American values of UNITY and DEMOCRACY by HERO TRUMP!
“The former network star is privately discussing using his waning powers as commander in chief to order up the exit he wants after dissing Biden by refusing to concede the election, welcome him to the White House or commit to attending his inauguration… The Trump talk could create a split-screen moment: the outgoing president addressing a roaring crowd in an airport hangar while the incoming leader is sworn in before a socially distanced audience outside the Capitol…”FAKE NEWS Axios
Patriots, just imagine how much PATRIOTIC DAMAGE TO AMERICA we could cause with dueling presidential rallies on Inauguration Day. We’d send a CLEAR MESSAGE to the REAL DEMOCRACIES of the world–Russia, Hungary, Saudi Arabia and, I guess, the rest–that this is TRUMP’S AMERICA OR NOBODY’S AMERICA AT ALL.
STOP THE STEAL! STEAL THE PRESIDENT’S JET!
From Day One of Sleepy Joe’s administration, the looming specter of Donald Trump’s patriotic efforts to regain control of the U.S. government and spread dangerous misinformation among the population would hang over Joe Biden’s SICK, LEFTIST attempts to promote public health, restore America’s standing in the world, and lower tensions in the country that Donald Trump’s HEROIC four years as president have driven to the brink of collapse.
Republican rule or no rule at all! BURN IT ALL DOWN! TRUMP 2024!
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