PATRIOTS, I’m no fan of BIG HOLLYWOOD, and their sick, creepy billionaire Satanist pedophiles. But I took notice of MOVIES, perhaps for the first time ever, this morning, when HUMAN MY PILLOW and Republican Senator Thaddeus “Ted” Cruz came in like a HEAT-SEEKING MISSILE with a HOT TAKE on HOLLYWOOD HYPOCRISY! On his show, “Verdict with Ted Cruz,” which is a thing NOT A SINGLE HUMAN ON EARTH had ever heard of before RIGHT NOW, Ted said, BAD GUYS IN MOVIES ARE LEFTISTS! BOOM! Owned, LIBS! GAME OVER! TAKE YOUR BALL AND GO HOME! The lying, communist movies of Hollywood have just told you an INDISPUTABLE TRUTH!
“Have you noticed in how many movies how often rabid environmentalists are the bad guys? Whether it’s Thanos or go to ‘Watchmen.’ The view of the Left is people are a disease”LYIN’ TRUTHIN’ TED!
Now, PATRIOTS, I know there’s a lot of real news out there to distract us, but let’s FOCUS UP for a second and take Lyin’ Ted at his word. He’s making two great points, here, and both are TOTALLY, INDISPUTABLY TRUE! 1.) Yes, THANOS and WATCHMEN are environmentalists. 2.) THANOS and WATCHMEN are LEFTISTS! EVIL! 3.) LEFTIST Hollywood made Thanos the environmentalist, which we’re supposed to root for, so we’re supposed to root for Thanos… because he’s actually the HERO, or something? EVIL! EVIL!
That’s three? SCREW YOU, LEFTIST. I use ALTERNATIVE MATH!
Unfortunately, some SICK LEFTIST IDIOTS who’ve never done anything other than make the movies and TV shows Lyin’ Ted references, are DISAGREEING. EVIL LEFTISTS! EVIL! EVIL!
Excuse me, Lila, but I think Lyin’ Ted knows a little more about the Watchmen than you do! His favorite character is Rorschach, a guy who the CREATOR OF WATCHMEN once said was meant “to be a bad example.”
I meant him to be a bad example, but I have people come up to me in the street saying, ‘I am Rorschach! That is my story!’ And I’ll be thinking, ‘Yeah, great, can you just keep away from me and never come anywhere near me again for as long as I live?’”Alan Moore (LOSER)
Ted’s GONNA TED, baby! He IS the bad example. As bad an example as the environmentalist, THANOS, who, like all environmentalists, WANTS TO KILL HALF OF THE LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE! That’s why environmentalists are working so hard to STOP CONSERVATIVES from filling the atmosphere with HEALTHY, LIFE GIVING SMOG and TOXIC WASTE! They don’t RESPECT LIFE!
But Lyin’ is also demonstrating a deep knowledge of Marvel lore with his Thanos reference. Ted’s got a long history of making comparisons between Thanos and LEFTIST SCUM, and with good reason, because in September 2019 it was reported that Democratic Socialist Bernie Sanders had announced that THANOS would be his running mate. It was announced by none other than NOTED NUTCASE, Ted Cruz! And, just because that joke turned out to be neither TRUE nor FUNNY, it was still true. LEFTISTS are just like THANOS. “The view of the left,” as TED says, “is that people are a disease.” As, opposed to the views of CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS, whose view is that “people should have a disease. Namely COVID.”
PATRIOTS, I’m no anti-semite, but I certainly think it’s fair game to ask whether ALL of the problems currently troubling our GREAT COUNTRY and our GREAT REPUBLICAN PARTY can be blamed on a SECRET JEWISH SPACE LASER. It’s not SO CRAZY if you DON’T think about it! This question isn’t just being asked by WINGNUTS like myself, but FULL-FLEDGED lawmakers in the Republican Party, like Marjorie Taylor Greene, easily the most PATRIOTIC AMERICAN PATRIOT since Dennis Rodman!
Representative Trailer Queen–I mean Taylor Greene–has SET A NEW BAR for WILDLY OFFENSIVE CONSPIRACY THEORIES since getting elected to the People’s House on a PERFECTLY SANE GOP platform of QAnon conspiracy fearmongering, like stopping Democrats from allegedly harvesting the organs of children in Satanic rituals, something that was obviously TOTALLY REAL and near-and-dear to the hearts of her PERFECTLY SANE constituents in Georgia (what the HELL is up with that state electing two Democrats to the Senate and Greene to the House?!?!). But that’s just the tip of the iceberg for this WOMAN OF GOD AND AMERICA! Greene believes ALL SCHOOL SHOOTINGS are staged hoaxes, 9/11 was an inside job by the U.S. government, Muslims shouldn’t be allowed to serve in government, and Democrats should be executed. ALL THINGS THAT MAKE TOTAL SENSE IF YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT THEM, AND YOU ARE ALSO TOTALLY INSANE. (Which is why Trump supporters loved her!) BUT PATRIOTS, ALL OF THAT WAS JUST THE WARMUP ACT!
For JEWISH SPACE LASER!
PATRIOTS, there is no comedic set up that can make this report by New York Magazine any funnier, or more terrifying, than it already is:
The most recent Greene view to be unearthed comes via Eric Hananoki. Just over two years ago, Greene suggested in a Facebook post that wildfires in California were not natural. Forests don’t just catch fire, you know. Rather, the blazes had been started by PG&E, in conjunction with the Rothschilds, using a space laser, in order to clear room for a high-speed rail project. Here is Greene’s entire post, via Media Matters:
Did you get all that? No? Neither did I. Really, it’s one of the most PATRIOTICALLY INSANE things ever written by a member of Congress. In fact, while we can debate the legal grounds for expulsion from the House of Representatives, which many Dems have called for, there can really be NO DEBATE that these views rise to the level of making Marjorie Taylor Greene an EXTREME DANGER to the AMERICAN PEOPLE! She certainly, has no BUSINESS BEING IN CONGRESS! She needs to be in a MENTAL HOSPITAL!
WHICH IS WHY I SUPPORT HER!
You see, as a TRUMP SUPPORTER, like GameStop stock, my entire connection with facts & reality has been COMPLETELY severed. I no longer live on this plane of existence. I am purely what I and others imagine myself to be! In the FANTASY WORLD I inhabit, again, as an avowed TRUMP SUPPORTER, all of the PROVABLY FALSE things Marjorie Taylor Greene has said are true! TRUE, BECAUSE THEY ARE FALSE, you see! It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to keep reinforcing the INFINITE FEEDBACK loop of the Republican Party, like buying a stock makes a stock a good buy! CAPITALISM! If everything Trump and the GOP do is good, then everything bad is good; and, if everything bad is good, everything false must also be true! Then, in this ALTERNATE REALITY OF TRUMP AND GOP ALTERNATIVE FACTS, Marjorie Taylor Greene is not the greatest threat to America, she is our greatest asset. We are no longer bound by the constraints of TRUTH in OUR PARTY, and in OUR COUNTRY, sir! WE ARE THE JEWISH SPACE LASER OF POLITICAL PARTIES! RACIST, ANTI-SEMITIC, ONLY MAKING SENSE INSIDE OUR OWN MINDS, AND THE GREATEST THREAT TO THE PLANET EARTH IN EXISTENCE! WE ARE PATRIOTS!
And, Republican House Leader Kevin McCarthy feels the same way. He’s not listening to those stupid Democrats who think Marjorie Taylor Greene is a threat, just because she is threatening our country and her fellow members of Congress. McCarthy knows that Marjorie Taylor Greene IS THE GOP! AND, WE COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO FROM HER INSANITY. That’s why the GOP PUT HER ON THE EDUCATION COMMITTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME? THIS CAN’T BE REAL LIFE! IS IT? ARE YOU SURE? DID I GET HIT IN THE HEAD!?!?!?! THE EDUCATION COMMITTEE?!?!?!)
CRAZY NANCY had a typically crazy response to this TOTALLY SANE MOVE by the GOP to put the school shooting truther on the education committee!
“Assigning her to the Education Committee when she has mocked the killing of little children at Sandy Hook Elementary School, when she has mocked the killing of teenagers in high school at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school — what could they be thinking? Or is thinking too generous a word for what they might be doing?”‘CRAZY’ Nancy Pelosi
Very generous, Nancy!
And, THE GOP totally knew Marjorie Taylor Greene was TOTALLY CRAZY a long time ago, but Kevin McCarthy, “did little to stop her,” Axios reports. According to Greene’s LOSER primary opponent John Cowan, LOSER, “Everybody was well aware of her previous persona and who she is. I would say they all knew she was going to be a problem… Maybe they just assumed that the awe of winning an election would calm her down a little bit, and so she would actually be interested in governing and be interested in policy, and she’s just clearly not. She is literally there for a stage production.”
HEY JOHN, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, CRAZY TALKS AND SANITY WALKS IN THE GOP! SO WHY ARE YOU IN IT?
But CoMpLeTe SaNiTy talks, too. Because Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy has a solution to Marjorie Taylor Greene’s “deeply disturbing” and PATRIOTIC belief that everything she can see with her eyes is FAKE, Democrats need to be SHOT, and JEWISH SPACE LASERS are real.
“These comments are deeply disturbing and Leader McCarthy plans to have a conversation with the Congresswoman about them,” spokesman Mark Bednar told CNN.CNN (Clinton News Network)
CONVERSATION! Right. I’m sure that’ll fix everything, because everyone knows when you run into a CRAZY TRUMP SUPPORTER, a good, fact based conversation usually changes their mind.
PATRIOTS, in the last 24 hours I’ve gone from KNOWING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the stock market to BEING A CERTIFIED EXPERT (certified by myself and Trump University only) and in that time, I’ve come to really ROOT FOR these people who are manipulating the market. No, I’m not talking about the REGULAR PEOPLE who wisely exploited the greed of the wealthy hedge fund managers to make about $5 billion dollars in the last few days. I’m talking about the LITTLE GUY, the hedge fund manager, the greedy, Wall Street corporate raider who everyday puts billions of dollars of other people’s money ON THE LINE, just so he can come home to put food on the table for his family on their yacht! Well, today, THE LITTLE GUYS FINALLY WON! They took THEIR BLOODMONEY back from the REGULAR PEOPLE who STOLE IT FAIR AND SQUARE.
You see, recently, the Robinhood stock trading app allowed millions of ordinary people to outsmart the wealthy, powerful FAT CATS of Wall Street by buying up stocks that the FAT CATS had irresponsibly and possibly illegally shorted (a complicated term that’s too complicated for you, peasants). The FAT CATS reportedly LOST $5 billion dollars. Yep, they really had those FAT CATS over a barrel… until today, when the FAT CATS were bailed out by some apparently illegal HEROICS by… yep, you guessed it, Robinhood! Robinhood said they were going to STOP SELLING CERTAIN STOCKS, which is a totally NORMAL thing for a brokerage to do, DEFINITELY NOT (NOT) ILLEGAL, and they just happened to stop selling all the SAME STOCKS that regular people were making a lot of money off of. And wouldn’t you know it, Robinhood is actually RUN BY THE FAT CATS!
In the process, AVERAGE JOE GREEDYPACK lost everything he’d earned fair and square, LIKE A COMMUNIST!
Turns out, when you make too much money on Wall Street but you live on Main Street, your own stock broker who claims to be on your side will step in and say, “Hey man, you’re making too much money, so for your own protection, I’m going to turn off your money hose and give some of your money back to the rich people that had it yesterday!” As a CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, I couldn’t be HAPPIER ABOUT THIS!
You see, over the last FOUR years, I’ve come to fully support and endorse FASCISM, and I’m proud to say, that’s what this appears to be. FASCISM! PATRIOTIC AND UNILATERAL! And, why wouldn’t we have expected TRADING OF VALUABLE STOCKS TO BE UNILATERALLY STOPPED by the firm whose motto is, quite truly, “LET THE PEOPLE TRADE”? And, by “trade,” they of course mean, “restricting transactions for certain securities to position closing only.” And by that, they mean, “making sure the reckless hedge funds that own us make more money than our customers.”
And by that, they mean, “doing patently illegal things because we’ll never get put in jail for it.” And by that, they mean, “we should probably change our name to SherrifOfNottingham.”
All this can be really confusing for people who don’t have DEGREES in finance and work on Wall Street, and, therefore, STUPIDLY think they have the RIGHT TO MAKE money. But, I think there’s a way I can dumb it down for you, peasants. You see, you’re a poor person. If you weren’t a poor person anymore, than you wouldn’t be poor, and who would the rich person take advantage of? It’s pretty simple really.
Still too complicated? Well, let’s try another example.
Say five bananas currently cost 10 dollars. One ape on the market has 5 bananas. Snake asks to borrow 5 banana’s for a bit and instead sells the 5 bananas thinking price will go down soon (shorting). He thinks he can buy them later for less and give them back to ape, so he makes profit on the difference. Group of apes notice what stupid snakes are doing and decide to buy all bananas on the market until snakes have no other choice than to buy from the group of apes in order to return what they borrowed. If group of apes stay strong then a giant hedge fund will use the banana trading app that it controls to stop all transactions on the banana market until the apes stop playing UNFAIRLY and give the bananas back to the reckless snakes for FREE. Then once the snakes get back all the bananas they stupidly gave away thanks to rules that the snakes made up to benefit themselves, the government will fine the snakes ONE BANANA, and the snakes will get a MILLION MORE BANANAS FOR FREE, as their punishment for almost collapsing the banana market. This is called “How America works.”
Seem unfair? Well, you should have thought of that before you were born poor, COMMIE!
NOTE: This column is not intended as investment advice. In fact, anyone who interprets this column as advice of any kind, or think’s it’s remotely smart or funny, is, well, a moron.
PATRIOTS, as a proudly irrational person, nothing gets me more excited than getting excited about things I don’t understand. That’s why, when I heard that a bunch of people on Reddit had somehow pushed the stock price of worthless company GameStop up over 300% simply by all buying the worthless stock, and in the process made many of themselves into millionaires overnight, I said, “What? I literally don’t understand any of that!”
Well, PATRIOTS, let me explain. You see, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about any of this. What I do know is that big, fat Wall Street hedge funds who have become far too accustomed to screwing over the American middle class for years are losing big! Like, BILLIONS and BILLIONS of dollars big, because of the actions of these Redditers on the message board r/wallstreetbets. That’s because the hedge funds shorted the stock of the flailing video game retailer, GameStop, meaning they BET IRRESPONSIBLY HUGE amounts of money that the stock would become basically worthless. BUT SURPRISE! Instead, everyone on r/wallstreetbets seems to have banded together to buy huge amounts of the stock, thereby driving the price up MASSIVELY, and screwing the hedge fund guys! The price of GameStop stock went up from $18 per share to over $300 per share! So the greedy hedge funds are now on the hook for somewhere around $2.75 billion dollars! Maybe even over $5 billion! Yikes! That’s a bigger loss than a Trump Casino!!!!
And the big gains by these Robinhood’s investing on the Robin Hood app has attracted a whole bunch of copycats to similarly worthless stocks that the Average Joe RedditPack thinks the hedge funds may have gotten way over their skis in betting billions against. Now, those Redditors have a couple billion dollars in capital to spend taking down their next target! Which shitty worthless stock will they turn against the Wall Street Fat Cats next? I don’t know!
IN FACT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON!!!!
This is SOO CONFUSING! MARGINS! What are those? Like the sides on a piece of paper? OPTIONS! Those are the things I can change on video games, right? SHORTS! I wear those when it’s hot out, right? NO! APPARENTLY, THOSE ARE ALL STOCK MARKET WORDS!
Here’s a word: F************** THIS IS CONFUSING!
But, there’s money to be made, and it looks easy, so as of today, I’m pouring all my money into this wild, casino system that’s always been rigged against me and that I don’t understand. CAPITALISM! (NOTE: I’m not doing this.)
But, PATRIOTS, we can’t get caught up in punishing the greedy just because they’re evil. We must spare a thought for the many, many, many, unscrupulous corporate raiders who lost their fourth yacht as a result of this HORRIBLE ATTACK on WALL STREET!
CNBC must defend these people! This MANIPULATION OF THE MANIPULATIVE MUST BE PUNISHED BY THE GOVERNMENT THAT DIDN’T PUNISH ANY OF THE MANIPULATORS BEFORE! REGULAR PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE MANIPULATING! THAT’S MEAN!
But the new corporate raiders on Reddit aren’t having it! As evidenced by one Reddit poster’s “open letter to CNBC” which criticized the network for it’s “contempt for the retail investor” and for allowing giant, evil hedge funds to “manipulate the market via your network and if they screw up big … they just get a bailout.”
Yes, that’s what’s called CAPITALISM! Now you get it! The little guy never wins!!!
PATRIOTS, two weeks ago, Anti-American HERO Senator Josh Hawley, one of the staunchest boosters of President Trump’s fact-free election fraud claims that led directly to the Capitol insurrection, was HEARTLESSLY SILENCED by the TRAITOROUS LEFT because he dared to stand up for FREEDOM, specifically the freedom to destroy the U.S. Government, overturn an election through violence, and take the Vice President and Speaker of the House hostage. You know, BASIC CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS! As a result of his PATRIOTIC STAND, Senator Hawley, Republican hero, LOST HIS BOOK DEAL! Simon & Schuster said that it would CANCEL the publication of an upcoming book by the senator, citing their “larger public responsibility as citizens.” HOGWASH! HAWLEY WAS CANCELLED BY THE HATEFUL, FREEDOM-LOVING LEFTISTS!
Hawley came back at Shit & Schuster (or whatever that company is called) with a skin-blistering TRUTHBOMB statement posted on Twitter, the platform where he speaks to millions and where, presumably, he had not yet been CANCELLED. I don’t know how this “cancelling” works; I just SCREAM ABOUT IT! Anyway, HAWLEY pointed out that the cancellation of his book deal by this private company was “a direct assault on the First Amendment,” adding, “Only approved speech can now be published. This is the left looking to cancel everyone they don’t approve of.” AND, GUESS WHAT, PATRIOTS! JOSH HAWLEY WAS RIGHT! And, by RIGHT, I mean wrong. Because guess who just got his book published!
That’s right! Josh Hawley!
Regnery Publishing, a conservative publishing house, said Monday that it had picked up a book by Senator Josh Hawley, Republican of Missouri, after Simon & Schuster ended its contract to publish it in the wake of assault on the Capitol.The VERY FAKE New York Times (which is real, in this particular instance)
AND IF THAT’S NOT A TERRIFYING ENOUGH EXAMPLE OF THE DEVASTATING POWER OF THE TOTALLY REAL AND NOT IMAGINARY “LiBeRaL cAnCeL cUlTuRe,” Simon & Schuster, the company that HEARTLESSLY CANCELLED HAWLEY, is the distributor for Regnery, which means the same company that SILENCED Hawley’s right to destroy America through insurrection is now going to SELL and DISTRIBUTE his book.
PATRIOTS, as a good, LAW & ORDER Republican and TRUMP supporter, I want to live in an America where there are no consequences for engaging in insurrectionist activities! But THE LEFT HAS GONE TOO FAR! CONSERVATIVE VOICES ARE BEING SILENCED!
It’s almost as if, other than controlling the most watched news channel, controlling the U.S. Supreme Court, controlling the Executive and Legislative Branches for the last four years, having plenty of publishing companies willing to promote and publish our deranged, anti-American and pro-Nazi ideas, having dozens of popular talk-radio echo chambers, and having dozens of online disinformation platforms promoting our blatantly false claims, CONSERVATIVES HAVE NO VOICE IN AMERICA!
CaNcEl cUlTuRe! CaNcEl cUlTuRe! CaNcEl cUlTuRe! TrUmP, tRuMp, TrUmP!
I fEeL pErSeCuTeD! My PrObLeMs ArE oThEr PeOpLe’S fAuLt! AnYtHiNg ThAt HuRtS mY fEeLiNgS iS tYrAnNy!
I’m A gIaNt, PrIvIlEgEd, EnTiTlEd BaBy! ThE cOnStItUtIoN iS wHaTeVeR i SaY iT iS! ThInGs I dO cAn’T bE iLlEgAl!
WhY aRe YoU tReAtInG mE lIkE a F***iNg BlAcK pErSoN? i’M nOt RaCiSt!
WhY aRe YoU hUrTiNg My FeElInGs?
StOp CaNcElInG mE wItH vAlId CrItIcIsM!
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Patriots, there’s no debating that America is safer, freer, and more prosperous than ever before thanks to the strong, courageous LEADERSHIP of PRESIDENT DONALD J(ust kidding because he actually sucks at being President) TRUMP! We’ve unleashed the American economy to a BIG, BEAUTIFUL SPIRAL OF DECLINE for all but Trump’s wealthiest cronies, we’ve CRUSHED OUR REAL ENEMIES, including Earth’s habitable climate and our allies in Europe, and we’ve wreaked PATRIOTIC DEATH across our own land with a TREMENDOUS HERD IMMUNITY STRATEGY that has killed more Americans than World War II thanks to Donald Trump’s “best people” being in charge, like a science adviser who said SMART things about Americans including, “We want them infected.” But now, Democracy-hugging liberals are trying to undo our TREMENDOUS REGRESS by FAIRLY COUNTING THE VOTES in a (non)FRAUDULENT Presidential election that Trump clearly won, as long as you only count yard signs and not votes.
So let me say something that might be controversial, but which all of us REAL PATRIOTS are CLEARLY THINKING! If Donald J(Jesus Christ) Trump can’t be MY NEXT president, then not only do I not want to live in America anymore, but I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AN AMERICA AT ALL! AMERICA ISN’T WORTH PROTECTING UNLESS TRUMP IS ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN CHARGE OF DESTROYING IT!
Like all Republican PATRIOTS, I’ve heroically and quietly cowered over the past four years as Donald Trump has taken control of the Party of Lincoln and laid waste to every single principle I used to pretend to cherish, from crippling our national security by “falling in love” every authoritarian strongman to hove into his field of vision, to ratcheting our national debt to never-before-seen levels, to napalming the LIBERAL IDEAS of that FAKE CULT OF LEFTISTS that used to FRAUDULENTLY call themselves Republicans. You know which cult I’m talking about. No, not #NeverTrumpers. I’m talking about Christians, of course. Why would I, a TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, want to follow the teachings of Christ when I could follow a thrice-divorced, 26-time-sexual-misconduct-accused, serial-lying, baby-imprisoning, corruption-encouraging, unable-to-name-a-single-book-of-the-bible, never-needed-to-ask-for-forgiveness former reality TV host?
I wouldn’t. There’s no room for that LEFTIST ANTIFA MEMBER called JESUS in my Conservative’s Holy Trinity of Trump, Putin and Lou Dobbs.
But there’s always more room on the TRUMP TREASON TRAIN of loyal, boot-licking sycophants. Ol’ “LIDDLE” MARCO RUBIO is proudly hopping on that train today with a BIGLY ADDITION to the PRO-TRUMP, ANTI-AMERICA TWEET HALL OF FAME.
Yeah, LIBS! I agree with “LIDDLE”! Why can’t you find a president who’s as presidential as Joe Biden’s incoming Deputy Chief-Of-Staff? Biden’s out here talking about unity and healing like an ANTI-TRUMP RINO (Republican In Name Only) while his incoming Deputy Chief Of Staff has used the BAD WORD “f***ers” to refer to HEROIC PATRIOTS LIKE MARCO RUBIO who compromised all their values and gambled the future of the United States on a dictator-hugging invalid just to preserve their own future electoral prospects to be leaders of the PATRIOTIC, anti-AMERICA TRUMP cult.
This, PATRIOTS, is exactly why it’s Donald Trump’s America or nobody’s America at all. I will happily ride this TRUMP TRAIN all the way off the half-finished bridge of ideas that it runs on, gleefully defending the utter destruction of America because the alternative is Joe Biden as president. No way! We can’t have people who use the word “f***er” (it’s so bad I won’t even print it) working for the next president! We need to keep our current president who says things ALIGNED WITH REPUBLICAN VALUES, like calling black people “sons-of-bitches,” calling countries “shit-holes”, praising congressional candidates who bodyslam reporters, “both sides-ing” White Supremacy, and saying “fuck” in TV interviews.
Needless to say, this take is TOO TRIGGERING to STUPID LIB REPUBLICANS WHO LOVE AMERICA MORE THAN TRUMP:
But this is about more than just stopping Democrats from using naughty words as adjectives when it’s totally warranted. This is about the prosperous future of America, the future that all good Republicans have now aligned themselves against. Will this be Joe Biden’s America (that’s bad BTW), or will it be a CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN AMERICA (the good kind of America) led by a HERO like Trump, or at the very least a PATRIOT like Vladimir Putin?
We’re already doing our part, PATRIOTS! It’s not just thanks to Republican Senate heroes like RUSSIA RON Johnson, who works tirelessly for the PATRIOTIC cause of ending Democratic elections in the United States everyday. It’s not just Donald Trump’s past amplification of Russian disinformation designed to help his 2016 campaign and potential obstruction of justice to cover that up. It’s not just Trump’s private meetings with PATRIOT PUTIN of which records are sealed, and of course, Trump’s public statements siding with RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA over the statements of American intelligence gatherers. Nope, today we learned that the MOST PATRIOTIC REPUBLICAN destruction of America’s standing and security has been carried out by Trump in just the last few months.
We learned this thanks to a LEAK by LEFTIST, COMMUNIST Tom Bossert, the former homeland security adviser to President Trump (Secret lib? Note: Check before publishing.) and deputy homeland security adviser to LEFTIST President George W. Bush. Bossert writes in the LIBERAL RAG New York Times that “the networks of the federal government and much of corporate America are now compromised by a foreign nation,” which, he says, is almost certainly Russia, and he says that TRUMP (TRUMP! TRUMP!) is about to leave the U.S. Government in this state of “compromise” (I assume because he’s too busy retweeting Lou Dobbs).
The Russians have had access to a considerable number of important and sensitive networks for six to nine months. The Russian S.V.R. will surely have used its access to further exploit and gain administrative control over the networks it considered priority targets. . . It will take years to know for certain which networks the Russians control and which ones they just occupy. . . The logical conclusion is that we must act as if the Russian government has control of all the networks it has penetrated. . . The access the Russians now enjoy could be used for far more than simply spying. . . President Trump is on the verge of leaving behind a federal government, and perhaps a large number of major industries, compromised by the Russian government.Tom Bossert, LEFTIST-SCUM FORMER TRUMP ADVISER
Wait, I thought the Democrats liked “compromise”? Hypocrites much, LIBS?
Bossert says President-elect Biden “must begin his planning to take charge of this crisis” and should “assume that communications about this matter are being read by Russia.” He calls on Trump and Biden to work together for the good of the country. LIKE LEFTIST SCUM!
First of all, Bossert, TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT ELECT, if you count only TRUMP VOTES, like the Constitution instructs–or at least it should. Second, work “together”? No! It’s TRUMP OR NOTHING for Republicans, just like it always has been for RUSSIA RON, MOSCOW MITCH, LIDDLE MARCO, the various Republicans in Congress that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy says “Putin pays,” and of course CAPTAIN KOMPROMAT, President T! We won’t be fooled by more LEFTIST PROPAGANDA by a former TRUMP adviser.
PATRIOTS, REPUBLICANS, EVANGELICALS, RUSSIANS, SELF-INTERESTED POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS, we must all stand together now, or we shall hang separately! We must downplay and ignore this threat, while continuing to pretend that Donald Trump isn’t totally fucking up the job of the presidency and threatening the lives of every single American. We must FINISH THE JOB that we Republicans started four years ago with the election of Donald J(onestown) Trump, the most PATRIOTICALLY unfit candidate for president in American history, and we must DESTROY THIS COUNTRY so Joe Biden can never become president and turn it into a LEFTIST HELL-SCAPE that gives its suffering citizens more than $600 for every eight months of pandemic suffering.
America Isn’t Worth Protecting Unless Trump Is Allowed To Keep Destroying It, Libs!
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Wherever there’s a pile of sawdust-filled meat stuffed into a tortilla, or a bathroom toilet overflowing from a massive dump, you can be sure that not far away is a Taco Bell.
And you can be sure that inside that Taco Bell, America’s founding principles of capitalism and obesity are being practiced.
But in Downey, California, freedom has withered. The smell of spicy meat no longer emanates from loosely cleaned microwaves. Mountain Dew Baja Blast no longer flows from the taps. Cheese is no longer rolled up in a tortilla and sold as a menu item.
The world’s first Taco Bell–Taco Bell número uno–is closed.
It went out of business long ago. This 400 square-foot slice of paradise stopped selling delicious taco-like food products during the Reagan Administration, when business dwindled due to the rise of bigger, more popular restaurants with modern innovations like “indoor seating” and “drive throughs.” A new era was dawning, and Taco Bell Número Uno was left in the past.
During a decade when wolves roamed Wall Street and girls just wanted to have fun, this little slice of “clielo” (Spanish for “heaven”) couldn’t keep up with the rabid consumption economy of a country that just wanted more and more. America didn’t have time to wait 2 minutes for its tacos; it needed them in one. The joys of a simpler time were cast aside in order to embrace the coming fast-food revolution. Taco Bell Número Uno was forgotten, left to wither in the cold California sun, left to fade like the brightest stars of Tinseltown all inevitably did once their glory days passed. By the time George Herbert Walker Bush took office, not even the rats wanted its artificial cheesefood.
They say there’s no place lonlier than being alone. That was true of Taco Bell Número Uno.
There were the memories. So many great memories, spanning so many good years. There was opening day 1962, when Taco Bell’s founder, Glenn Bell, handed over the very first Taco Bell taco to an unsuspecting customer who had no idea what he was in for when he crunched into that 19-cent slice of faux-Mexican deliciousness. There was the first mariachi performance, which was held on the stage out back across from the fire pits, and all the white people pretending they liked it. And there was the time that guy fell in the fire pit and died, and they buried his body out in the desert without calling the cops. So many good memories.
If you lived in Downey, Californa between 1962 and 1986, Taco Bell was like your Times Square. It was the crossroads of the universe, where culture, art, and food intersected in a symphony of taste, sound, and light, very cheap lights from the Home Depot, to be exact.
This little taco stand, no bigger than a two-car garage, with its mission-style arches and its lack of indoor seating, changed the world. It took a fast food industry wedded to the idea of burgers and fries and turned it on its head by showing what happened if you just think outside the bun for once.
Now there are Taco Bells in every corner of the Earth. Sure they might not have mariachi bands and fire pits, but they have chairs, and they have the one thing that has never faded since Taco Bell Número Uno opened on that fateful day in 1962: people that like tacos.
It was safe in this knowledge that Taco Bell Número Uno could accept its ultimate fate. By December 2014, the Bell had tolled for Taco Bell Número Uno. The wheels of capitalism stop for no man, woman or restaurant. A vacant lot must be cleared and the seeds of new business must be planted, so profits can spring anew. Taco Bell número uno was set to be demolished this year.
Or so it thought.
You see, Taco Bell never forgot about Taco Bell.
And on November 19, Taco Bell cleared the lot upon which the world’s first Taco Bell sat, not by smashing Taco Bell Número Uno to bits with a crude wrecking ball but by giving it new life.
The restaurant was loaded onto the back of a flat-bed truck, mission-style arches and all, for a glorious 45-mile parade through scenic Downey, California to its temporary resting place at Taco Bell Headquarters on Glenn Bell way in Irvine.
The entire event was livestreamed online to potentially dozens.
A Taco Bell being driven around on the back of a flat bed truck was livestreamed.
Perhaps it’s a fate befitting the restaurant founded by Glen Bell that the move isn’t a last ride, but rather a new beginning. After all, Bell launched numerous, short-lived franchise failures–Bell’s Burgers, Taco Tia and El Taco–before birthing his Taco masterpiece.
Perhaps Taco Bell Número Uno, like Glenn Bell, can rise from the ashes to accomplish something even greater, and remind us that, like the cheese scraps we all secretly scoop up and eat at the end of our Taco Bell meal, there’s still greatness left in all of us.
Taco Bell says the building’s future and its final location are yet to be decided. Here’s hoping they’ll think outside the bun, just like the great Glenn Bell, founder of Taco Bell Número Uno.
The FOURTH OF JULY is my FAVORITE day of the year… at least it used to be, until OBAMA and his PC, blame AMERICA first, FUN POLICE ruined it.
The signs of freedom’s decline are all around us, fellow PATRIOTS, and unless we SHOUT THEM FROM THE ROOFTOPS OF THE INTERNET, all will be lost.
Every day there are new and more powerful threats to freedom. Sometimes they come from places we expect (Muslims) and sometimes they come from places we don’t expect (Spokane, Washington)…
Which brings us to today’s THREAT TO FREEDOM: Rachel Dolezal.