PATRIOTS, I won’t sugar coat it for us TRUMP supporters. We’re WINNING BIGLY at every turn. Things are going great! But, I’ll be honest. Things could be going better. It’s hard to keep dancing to the “YMCA” and “Macho, Macho Man” when OUR GREAT PRESIDENT’S APPROVAL RATING has tumbled to its lowest number ever, a STILL HUGE 29%.
Yes, 29% of Americans now approve of Donald Trump’s performance as president, and while that’s not as high as US PATRIOTS KNOW HE DESERVES for all of his HEROIC, HIGH TREASON, and, to be honest, it’s the lowest number he’s ever had, and, to be brutally honest, it’s the final poll of his presidency from Pew Research, so he’s going to finish in LAST PLACE of ALL TIME, we can be proud that there are still people out there who love TRUMP more than they love their country, The United Something Of Whatever!
Think of all we’ve accomplished. We’ve killed almost 400,000 Americans, we’ve imprisoned babies–babies! We’ve siphoned more money from taxpayers into the president’s pockets than ever thought possible, we’ve been impeached twice, we’ve incited national chaos, we’ve told more lies than any president in history and virtually lobotomized a good chunk of the American public, we’ve all but ended White House press briefings, we’ve been banned from social media, we’ve run up the national debt higher than Obama, we’ve destroyed most of America’s alliances, we’ve undermined an election, and, oh yeah, we tried to violently occupy the U.S. Capitol Building and murder the Vice President and Speaker of the House!
That’s one hell of a resume!
But still, people don’t get it! Still they remain brainwashed by the propaganda they consume! Still, they HATE our great American president. They refuse to see the merits in their political opponents and instead choose the mindless path of labeling anyone opposed to their dear leaders as “enemies of the people” and “traitors,” labels that make it all too easy to condone violent attacks against them without considering those attacks’ consequences for our long-term stability and peace!
Are we still talking about LEFTISTS?
Yes! Of course! It is the LEFT who opposes Democracy. It is the left who riots violently when they don’t get what they want! And it is the RIGHT who. . . is RIGHT!
We put our faith in a higher power than “science” or “fact.” We put our faith in our Savior: TRUMP!
Thank TRUMP, patriots, that there are still 29% of Americans who stand with Him, and storm violently upon our Democracy in His name. Twenty-nine percent of Americans still love TRUMP more than they love the Communist HELL-SCAPE called AMERICA, which has been run for the last four years by someone I’m too cognitively dissonant to remember right now. What was I talking about?
Oh, right. TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP! Twenty-nine percent, baby! These last four years went great! Let’s burn it all down aga–, I mean, let’s do it again in 2024! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! BE BEST!
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PATRIOTS, I’ve never respected Tommy Tuberville as a Senator, but…
Well, I guess there’s supposed to be a “but” at the end of that sentence for us TRUMPeters, but I’ve got nothing. Frankly, the man’s an idiot. And that’s OKAY with me, because it takes all kinds to make a fascist dictatorship go ’round, and Tommy Tuberville is the IDIOT that makes the President look smart by association.
So, PATRIOTS, I applaud SENATOR Tommy Tuberville’s newest uninformed, idiotic suggestion about how to keep TRUMP in power beyond the end of his legal term as president. The suggestion, frankly, makes Rudy Giuliani’s treasonous butt-dials, landscaping promotions and head leaks look like competent legal representation by comparison. Tommy Tuberville’s latest idea to extend TRUMP’S treasonous PATRIOTIC fascism is that we should just DELAY Biden’s inauguration until we finally get the coronavirus “behind us a little bit. “
W-w-w-w-w-what? Behind us? B-b-b-buuttt, I thought we’d already defeated the virus, while, of course, we just have to “live with it,” because it doesn’t affect anyone, and, on top of that, it’s a hoax perpetuated by AMERICA’S EVIL, LYING DOCTORS and HEALTHCARE WORKERS, plus, none of us need to wear a mask or social distance, anyway. Just ask Trump’s own campaign and White House officials, who have never done that, and barely acknowledged the virus’ existence, which is probably why they’ve been failing to successfully provide the vaccine to Americans in any meaningful time frame.
If anything, TRUMP’S been making the virus worse at every turn.
So, I guess it makes total sense that we must now wait until Trump gets the virus “behind us” in order for him to leave office, because that will never, ever happen even “a little bit” as long as Trump remains in charge of botching America’s response to this health crisis at every possible opportunity. Yes, I see how it works now. I, as a LOYAL, TERRORISTIC, TRUMP SUPPORTER, support this! TRUMP will remain in power forever! All he has to do is keep f***ing everything up! EASY!
Of course, Tuberville, like TRUMP, the GOP and all their mindless supporters don’t know that the Constitution sets the date of the next president’s inauguration by law, because they’ve never read that USELESS, ANTI-TRUMP SCREED. But, PATRIOTS, I say, “Who cares what that dumb, ol’ Constitution says. We’re in power.” So, lets throw away that raggedy ol’ document that we’ve literally spent our entire Pre-TRUMP political existence arguing SHOULD BE INTERPRETED LITERALLY, AND SHOULD GOVERN EVERY SINGLE DECISION WE MAKE!
In the words of AMERICAN PATRIOT, Spongebob Squarepants, “I don’t need it!”
THIS IS WHY WE NEED MORE FOOTBALL COACHES RUNNING OUR COUNTRY!
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PATRIOTS, we’re breaking every record for historic presidential achievement! Donald Trump is now the first president to ever be impeached TWICE! Most impeached in history! Woo! Crack open a can of Goya to celebrate!
The great, presidential accomplishment that led to TRUMP’S second impeachment? “Incitement of insurrection!” The House of Representatives voted 232 to 197 to impeach Trump on a single article that, in addition to the “insurrection” language, accused Trump of “inciting violence against the government of the United States.” WINNING, BABY! The article even calls for Trump to be disqualified from ever holding public office again!
Trump! Trump! Trump!
Now, PATRIOTS, some LIBS might try to tell you that this is BAD, that Donald Trump’s second impeachment is a stain on his presidency that indicates he is a woefully un-American narcissist hell-bent on destroying Democracy! Hogwash! TRUMP did it! He proved that the LIBS are a bunch of CRYBABY SNOWFLAKES who can’t even take it when their precious democracy is hollowed out and shat in like a dead tree! CRY MORE, LIB!
We will never admit that our MAGA (Make America Grieve Again) movement was a stain on our nation’s history. WE LOVE OUR PRESIDENT! WE WILL NEVER ADMIT WE WERE WRONG! DENIAL!
That’s all we’ve got at this point.
But TRUMP is just getting warmed up because on the same day he got a LEFTIST SNUB from Trump-supporting coach Bill Belichick, TRUMP TRUMPED! He gave the Presidential Medal Of Freedom to country singers TOBY KIETH and RICKY SKAGGS in a private ceremony at the White House! The ceremony was PRIVATE! How good is this Republican presidency going? Country music singers don’t want to be seen in public receiving an award from the president!
As Toby Keith would say, “The Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist!”
And to top it all off, TRUMP is said to be “isolated and angry at aides for failing to defend him,” according to the Loser Bezos Washington Post. Because of that, Trump is now REFUSING to pay the legal fees of his most loyal, bootlicking, sycophantic “lawyer” Rudy Giuliani.
PATRIOTS, like the country of America, no one has done more to promote, aid, and prop-up Donald Trump than Rudy Giuliani. I mean, for goodness sake, Rudy went to every state in the Union and spread Trump’s entirely false election fraud claims to undermine democracy, all while dealing with a serious case of SHITHEAD DISEASE, a disease which literally caused shit to leak out of Rudy’s head. Rudy went from America’s Mayor, to a bumbling, babbling, crotch grabbing oaf who tried to get Ukranian officials to fabricate evidence against his political opponents and held an election fraud press conference at a place called “Four Seasons Total Landscaping” right next to a sex-toy shop in Philly! He called members of Congress during the Trump assault on the Capitol to try to convince them to side with Trump over democracy! He literally DESTROYED his own humanity to HELP TRUMP LIE! And so, Donald Trump is treating Rudy the same way he treated America, the country responsible for his near-success. He’s saying F*** ‘EM! I GOT MINE JACK! GO POUND SAND! BIGLY!
To paraphrase the words of Ricky Bobby’s dad in Talladega Nights, “it’s the winners who get paid!”
Suck it America! We’ve got a 187 IQ, and we hate America, and we love TRUMP! No contradiction there, right Rudy?
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PATRIOTS, there’s nothing we TRUMP-FLUFFERS love more than a good BOTH-SIDES-ing! I nearly blew my pants off when TRUMP said in 2017 that there were “very fine people on both sides” of the WHITE SUPREMACIST NAZI mob that heroically terrorized Charlottesville, VA, and killed one woman, and I didn’t think anything could TOP that. Well, I was wrong, because Republican Representative Ken Buck (R-CO) TOPPED that BIGLY this morning on CNN! So BIGLY tHaT i CrEaMeD mY tRuMp FlAg!
Ken Buck fact-f***ed CNN’s lib-hard host back to lib-o-stan when he reminded him that “both sides are at fault” for the mob violence and coup attempt that the president incited at the Capitol Building last week, in response to Democracy’s VERY UNFAIR treatment of the PRESIDENT.
“To say that there’s one speech or one incident that caused this group of people to storm the Capitol is just not accurate. What I’m trying to suggest to you is that both sides are at fault and that in America, we need to be very careful of the words we use.”Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO)
Buck’s TRUTHSTORM triggered Clinton News Network host John Berman, who couldn’t believe Buck–himself a potential target of the president’s violent, pre-meditated attack on Democracy–would suggest that Democrats were to blame. Berman SNOWFLAKED so hard while he asked Buck to justify his PATRIOTICALLY INSANE remarks, simply because they made NO SENSE, and BUCK responded by Trump, Trump, Trumping Berman right up the TRUTH HOLE, reducing him to a screaming puddle of leftist tears! MAGA (Make America Grieve Again), baby! “What did the other side do?” Buck asked incredulously. “You’re asking me what Democrats have done to make the MAGA crowd mad?”
What a STUPIDLY intelligent question!
Berman didn’t allow BUCK to FINISH HIS BIG LIE, so I’ll do it for him.
THE DEMOCRATS COUNTED THE VOTES! THE DEMOCRATS DIDN’T LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! THE DEMOCRATS TOLD TRUMP SUPPORTERS THAT TRUMP LOST, JUST BECAUSE HE DID! THEY DIDN’T JOIN THE CRUZ-HAWLEY-BROOKS DENIAL & FASCISM CAUCUS TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT! And for these TREASONOUS CRIMES AGAINST TRUMP, I SAY…
HANG ‘EM HIGH!
And I’ve been doing some research, PATRIOTS. Turns out American history is littered with SNOWFLAKES who loved their precious Democracy more than terrorism-installed PATRIOTIC fascism for TRUMP. Jefferson, Washington, Adams–these are just some of the VILLAINS OF AMERICAN HISTORY who should have been hung for trying to BRAINWASH THE AMERICAN people with the EVILS of TRUTH and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS!
HANG EM HIGH! Dig up their corpses, and string them up! They must be punished, just like those who stand with freedom and therefore against TRUMP! We’Re NoT cRaZy!
BOTH SIDES ARE TO BLAME FOR THIS VIOLENCE! Sure, there might be a little blame for the TRUMP supporters and the president who plotted in advance to assassinate the Vice President and Speaker of the House during the certification of Electoral College votes, but MOST OF THE BLAME goes to the LIBERAL LEFTISTS who woke up on the morning of January 6th determined to selflessly do their duty to Democracy and America, the two BIGGEST ENEMIES of TRUMP! Sure, I guess Democracy has some value, but TRUMP is more important! TRUMP is AMERICA! TRUMP is FREEDOM! TRUMP is TRUTH!
The LEFT is the to blame!
The LEFT is to blame because sitting Republican members of Congress allegedly gave the TRUMP coup plotters “reconnaissance” tours of the Capitol building on the day before the TRUMP mob breached its walls in search of Congressional and Vice Presidential blood. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE was reportedly in contact with the rioters as they were roaming the halls of Congress, looking for legislators to take hostage or kill. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Ayanna Pressley’s staff discovered that all the panic buttons in her office had been “torn out” before the coup attempt and they discovered this once the TRUMP MOB had breached the Capitol with intent to harm her. BOTH SIDES! SHAME!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “thought [she] was going to die,” at one point during the coup and siege when she had a “very close encounter” with the TRUMP supporting violent mob. “It was not an exaggeration to say that many members of the House were nearly assassinated,” she added, like a LEFTIST!
The LEFT is to blame because Republican members of Congress are now refusing to submit to the metal detectors that had to be installed outside the House of Representatives’ floor because one of their colleagues is publicly bragging about how she is going to continue to carry a firearm inside the Capitol in violation of D.C. law, and that same member was live tweeting Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location to the insurrectionists during the Capitol siege. BOTH SIDES!
And, yes, this just seems like a list of things REPUBLICANS have selfishly done to, at best, endanger our government, and at worst, willingly commit insurrection and participate in a coup attempt for TRUMP, but make no mistake, this attempt to kill Democratic members of Congress and prevent a duly elected Democrat from being sworn in as president is the FAULT OF BOTH SIDES!
ASSHOLE KEN BUCK SAYS SO! THAT’S WHY!
WHY DOES HE SAY SO?
I DON’T KNOW WHY! MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THE NEXT COUP SUCCEED! AnD wHaT’s WrOnG wItH tHaT?
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
These colors don’t THINK!
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PATRIOTS, there are two things you need to remember. Number one, Donald Trump is not responsible for inciting that PATRIOTIC terrorist attack on the Capitol Building that he totally supports; he had nothing to do with it! Because his pre-coup attempt speech was “totally appropriate” (his unhinged words, not mine)! Number two, TRUMP wants his supporters to FIGHT TO THE DEATH to defend his fact-free claim that he won the 2020 presidential election! Got that? He’s not responsible for the fight! But he IS going to fight like hell! No contradiction here, PATRIOTS!
That’s why Donald Trump is headed to Alamo, Texas, today! Because we’re making our last stand! Our last, bloody, defiant, fight-to-the-death stand that has nothing to do with fighting, or death, which the president doesn’t support, but it would be totally cool for him to support it, if he did, according to him!
The president’s niece, Mary Trump, knows. She says the president is going to Alamo, Texas because he “undoubtedly” wants to invoke the violent symbolism behind the historic battle of the Alamo, where almost everyone died. And LOVING PRESIDENT T wants the same for all PATRIOTS and their families!
His heart is in the RIGHT place! Unfortunately, his location is about 225 miles off. Because THE ALAMO, the site of the famous battle Trump is apparently trying to invoke, is in San Antonio. And Alamo, Texas, where the president is headed, is not. But, knowing Trump, it’s possible he meant for his visit to take place at an Alamo Rent-a-car, in part of some kind of synergistic branding attempt, like his fraud press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
But, if there’s one POSITIVE to come from the president’s HACKNEYED attempt to equate himself with those who died fighting at the Alamo, it’s that he has stoked the potential for more bloodshed! The president’s trip to Alamo “has Texas on edge and tensions a[re] ‘running dangerously high,’ according to Hidalgo County Judge Richard Cortez,” the Houston Chronicle reports.
Sometimes, though, you need a little light threatening to EXPERIENCE MAXIMUM FREEDOM. Republican Representative and HITLER ENTHUSIAST, Madison Cawthorn knows. Sure, Cawthorn called the terror attack on the Capitol by Trump supporters “sickening,” but that was AFTER the attack. Before the attack, he was on stage at the “Save America” rally helping incite Trump supporters’ attempt to execute the Vice President and Speaker of the House. And, we learned today that Cawthorn encouraged Trump supporters who didn’t want to accept the MATH of the election results to call and “lightly threaten” their Congressmen, and to tell them that they are “coming after them.” If that’s not AMERICAN VALUES, then I don’t want to be an American anymore! I want to be like Madison Cawthorn and IDOLIZE A REAL PATRIOT, LIKE HITLER!
And before all the HATEFUL LEFTISTS get their panties in a bunch over Cawthorn’s words, which were met with raucous applause by the Trump supporters, I’d like to just point out there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION between Cawthorn’s encouragement of violent threats and the actions of Trump supporters who DID EXACTLY THAT!
Uh-oh, I’m starting to get dizzy from the smell of my own bullshit. Better get my head back in the game!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
Okay, ready to get back to terrorizing America because I jUsT lOvE tHiS cOuNtRy So GoDdAmN mUcH!
ThEy’Re TrYiN’ tO rUiN mY lIfE bY cAlLiNg Me A tErRoRiSt!
And you know it was PATRIOTIC because there was a guy who looked like Chuck Norris at the “Murder the Vice President and House Speaker Rally” in Washington, too, even though it wasn’t really him.
In the end, a representative for Norris confirmed the man was not Chuck Norris, it was just a “look alike.” But rest assured, Chuck Norris still loves TRUMP! Well, you know what they say, “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . . except that books don’t really work that way, so it turns out Chuck Norris is a fucking idiot.”
“They were talking about 4,000 armed ‘patriots’ to surround the Capitol and prevent any Democrat from going in,” [Rep. Connor] Lamb [D-Pa] said. “They have published rules of engagement, meaning when you shoot and when you don’t. So this is an organized group that has a plan. They are committed to doing what they’re doing because I think in their minds, you know, they are patriots and they’re talking about 1776 and so this is now a contest of wills.”
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PATRIOTS, I’ve spent the last 24 hours making piss-poor excuses for our PATRIOTIC assault on our nation’s capitol and defending our right to PROUDLY COMMIT SEDITION, but the time has come to STOP PULLING OUR PUNCHES and speak the truth. No, not the FACTUAL TRUTH promoted by the liberal conspiracy known as “reality.” I’m talking about REAL, GUT-LEVEL TRUTH. The truth that just came to LIGHT! The FAKE TRUTH! The truth that the thousands of anti-America terrorists who assaulted the U.S. Capitol building demanding that Trump be installed as dictator of THESE FREE UNITED STATES were actually COVERT OPERATIVES of the IMAGINARY LEFTIST ORGANIZATION KNOWN AS ANTIFA!
Republican PRO-AMERICA TERRORIST MATT GAETZ got it right when he returned to the House of Representatives last night after being forced into hiding for five hours by these TRUMP-FLAG-WAVING LEFTISTS whose sedition killed four Americans in their VIOLENT COUP ATTEMPT.
LISTEN AND HEAR, SHEEPLE!
“The Washington Times has just reported some pretty compelling evidence from a facial recognition company showing that some of the people who breached the capitol today were not Trump supporters. They were masquerading as Trump supporters and, in fact, were members of the violent terrorist group ANTIFA.”PRO-TERRORIST PATRIOT MATT GAETZ
ANTIFA! The sane, rational, fact-loving supporters of Donald Trump would never engage in the terrorist acts we saw on Capitol Hill! Trump supporters are always calm and respectful! Evidence shows THAT THIS WAS ANTIFA!
PATRIOTS, this PRO-DEMOCRACY CONSPIRACY against Trump is SO BIG that the company that allegedly produced the only evidence for it maintains that the entire conspiracy theory is “outright false.” The facial recognition company that Matt Gaetz and The Washington Times reported on never even made any such claims! They say the claims are “outright false, misleading, and defamatory.” My head hurts!
So, PATRIOTS, there are only two options. Option #1: Matt Gaetz and The Washington Times are KNOWING LIARS who seek the collapse of the U.S. Government so that their FASCIST PRINCE Donald Trump can seize control of the country by force. Or, Option #2: Despite there being no evidence it was ANTIFA, it really was ANTIFA who stormed the U.S. Capitol RIGHT AFTER Donald Trump ordered and incited his own supporters to storm the capitol.
I know OPTION #2 sounds A LOT MORE PLAUSIBLE TO ME!
After all, DOES THIS REALLY LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS TO YOU?
White people. Trump flags. No black people in sight. Viking hats. Neck beards. Trump hats. Cops taking selfies with the rioters. No masks. Confederate flags.
These are the HALLMARKS OF ANTIFA!
SHUT UP FAKE YORK TIMES! We don’t need your liberally biased reality! It was ANTIFA and you know it! You SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, LEFTIST SCUM! If you don’t shut up, we’ll storm the Capitol and BURN! THIS! WHOLE! MUTHER! FUCKING! COUNTRY! TO! THE! GROUND!
WE DON’T CARE! WE’LL DO IT!
STOP THE STEAL!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! Q!
Whew. Sorry. ANTIFA just took over my fingers for a second and tried to frame me as a violent lunatic. Gotta tighten up that tin-foil hat.
Patriots, Trump support is about love. Love and peace. ANTIFA is about destroying democracy, by violent, extra-judicial actions (like counting legally cast, Dim-o-cratic votes).
ANTIFA is trying so hard to make Trump supporters look bad that its members also dressed up as Nazis to try to sully the good name of the destructive, pro-Trump riot. Fake ANTIFA Proud Boys wore slogans endorsing the extermination of Jewish people, something Trump supporters would clearly never endorse. Right?
Don’t say Charlottesville! ANTIFA would say Charlottesville right now!
The LEFT wants you to believe that ALL TRUMP supporters are anti-American lunatics who are lost in their own mindless support of a dictator and who seek to overthrow Democracy because they didn’t get what they wanted on Election Day. RESIST IT, PATRIOTS!
WE, PATRIOTS, ARE NOT WHO WE APPEAR TO BE! We love this country above all else! We love freedom and democracy! We seek the truth! We have compassion! We value Christian values!
Don’t let VIDEO EVIDENCE convince you that the TRUMP MOVEMENT is a DERANGED, ANTI-AMERICAN COUP against everything our country represents! THE VIDEO IS ANTIFA! Don’t let violent terrorists dressed as TRUMP supporters convince you that TRUMP support now means supporting violent terrorism! The terrorists are ANTIFA. ANTIFA NEWS! ANTIFA NEWS! Don’t let the resignation of top officials in the Trump government in protest of the president’s support for this coup convince you that the people who know Trump best know he is an insane man who doesn’t love this country. Those officials are ANTIFA! Don’t let the president’s own words saying he “loves” the terrorists who assaulted the peaceful transition of power in the U.S. convince you that the president “loves” terrorists! His words are ANTIFA!
REMEMBER, PATRIOTS, we can do whatever we want, and there will NEVER BE CONSEQUENCE. We can, and should, as TRAITOROUS SCUM Mitt Romney so eloquently put it last night, “weigh our own political fortunes more heavily than we weigh the strength of our republic.”
No matter how badly we behave, no matter how much violence, and death and destruction our tribe of TRUMP-SUPPORTING freedom haters inflicts, we must always remember, “We have met the enemy, AND THE ENEMY IS ANTIFA!!!!!!” The enemy is not us!
ANTI-DEMOCRACY PATRIOT TUCKER CARLSON of Fox News summed the day up in the wake of the death and destruction that the president he and all America-loving Republicans still support, when he told TRUMP supporters the REAL truth.
“If you don’t bother to pause and learn a single thing from it, from your citizens storming your Capitol Building, then you’re a fool. You lack wisdom and you lack self-awareness. You have no place running a country. We got to this sad chaotic day for a reason. It is not your fault. It is their fault.”TUCKER “NOT-YET-AN-ANTIFA” CARLSON
We are not missing the point! ANTIFA is missing the point!
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We lost f***ing GEORGIA!
Patriots, there has been a shift in the balance of power in these UNITED STATES! The SCUM-O-CRATS have come back from the DEAD! TRUMPISM and its requisite FASCISM were CRUSHED last night in Georgia, the new HEADQUARTERS OF THE LEFTIST THREAT! RADICAL BLACK PRO-FREEDOM LIBERAL Raphael Warnock defeated Anti-American PATRIOT Kelly Loeffler last night in Georgia’s Senate runoff election. Worse, RADICAL WHITE PRO-FREEDOM LEFITST Jon Ossoff appears to be headed to victory in last night’s other Georgia Senate runoff election. This means that Democrats now control a majority in the U.S. Senate and COCAINE MOSCOW Mitch McConnell’s reign of Pro-Trump terror is over!
The American people are no longer going to be subject to the cynical whims of a racist, tyrannical minority of Republican PATRIOTS! Americans can see light at the end of the GLORIOUS, DARK, DESTRUCTIVE tunnel of TRUMPISM!
This is terrible!
Patriots, we’re f***ed!
And now, WE WILL ALL SUFFER the HORRORS of SOCIALIST RULE! The BLOODLETTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN. The $2,000 checks are being written! TERRIFYING!
We cannot survive an America that gives more money to its suffering citizens than its billionaire president’s hospitality businesses!
For the last four years, we GOP PATRIOTS have had a choice between America and Trump’s hateful, patriotic fascism. We RIGHTLY CHOSE the deal with the Devil. WE CHOSE TRUMP. We CHOSE FASCISM, like the founders wanted. We persecuted the ones who looked different than us! We turned away the huddled masses, yearning to be free! We mocked the suffering! We scolded the scientists and their precious facts! We killed the weak! We showered the strong with riches! We imprisoned babies! We denied the readily apparent truths that revealed our own folly! In short, we did everything that CHRIST, the second greatest leader of the GOP (behind Trump), would have done.
We enriched ourselves and shut off our minds! We submitted, like the FOUNDERS would have wanted!
And GOD has forsaken us!
Worse, GOD has forsaken his most trustworthy apostle, TRUMP!
GOD helped the LEFTISTS find 50,000 LEGALLY CAST votes, votes that should never have counted because they were CAST FOR DEMOCRATS! Legal Democrat votes are just like legal immigrants. I don’t want ’em in muh country!
Why GOD? Why have you put an end to TRUMP’S REIGN OF HATEFUL, INCOMPETENT TERROR!
Patriots, we must allow ourselves, for a moment, to do something we haven’t done in a long time. We must allow ourselves to think. We must think long and hard about what’s happened. We must search our souls for our better angels, and we must arrive at a conclusion. We must face the hard truth about all that we’ve done over the past four years, and we must realize that the answer has been so clear all along.
GOD IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST, AMERICA-HATING COMMUNIST!
It’s so obvious. How else could we have lost these elections that we were so obviously winning until the Democratic votes were counted? GOD HAS BETRAYED US! GOD WAS A LIBERAL ALL ALONG! GOD IS A DEM-O-RAT!
And so, PATRIOTS, we must look to a higher power, now. We must look to TRUMP.
TRUMP HAS A PLAN.
AND THAT PLAN IS TO RALLY IN WASHINGTON AND INCITE HIS SUPPORTERS TO TURN AMERICA INTO “HELL.”
The SCORNED MINORITY of TRUMP LOYALISTS must now forsake their LIBERAL GOD and obey a higher power. A power that encourages them to violently oppose the peaceful, democratic transition of power that follows fair elections in the United States. A power called TRUMP!
And so, let us not seek introspection, or peace, following our historic defeat in Georgia. F***ing GEORGIA! REPUBLICANS LOST GEORGIA, a state basically run by Republicans! Let us simply descend further into our impotent rage and madness and let us truly EMBARRASS OURSELVES FULLY in the final, last gasp of our doomed experiment in TRUMPISM!
Let us rally in support of our own stupidity.
(Or we could just like, admit we were wrong. Nah. We’re not going to do that. God, Republicans, science and math are all part of a LEFTIST CONSPIRACY against Trump. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)
Let it burn, baby!
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It’s Election Day! Again! Even though the last election is still going on, clearly, because Donald Trump won it in every state as long as you count misfiring neurons in the president’s brain and not actual votes! But today, it’s Election Day again… in Georgia… and this time, it’s personal.
President Trump got ROYALLY SCREWED by the Republicans who oversaw the presidential election in Georgia (looking at you Raffensperger) because they wouldn’t JUST MAKE UP FAKE VOTES so that the president could WIN the election that everyone named DONALD TRUMP knows that he won, despite the misleading FACTS and ACCURATE VOTE COUNTS. Now, it’s payback time! Time to show the DEM-O-SCUMS that just because an election is TOTALLY FRAUDULENT, that doesn’t mean that Republicans can’t win it. And the president who hardly mentioned the Republicans ACTUALLY running for Senate at his first rally in Georgia stepped it up LAST NIGHT when he held a second rally where he delivered a clear message in support of the two Republican Senate candidates, whoever the hell they are.
It doesn’t matter because this election is a fight between TRUMP and the REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR OF GEORGIA, apparently.
“I’ll be here in about a year and a half campaigning against your governor, I guarantee you.”MY PRESIDENT Trump
Hey, Georgia, go out and vote for those Republicans because the election is rigged and Trump is going to campaign against them! Also, who is even running? Because Trump didn’t talk about them at all during his seemingly endless RANT & RAVE session in Georgia last night. Instead, he mostly talked about his own grievances with the Democratic election process awarding the presidency to the person who won the election and his problems with all of the Republicans who are standing in the way of him stealing power. So… VOTE REPUBLICAN… or something!
And we’ve got some GREAT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES running, like Kelly Something… or is it Karen? In either case, she is going to STAND UP TO DEMOCRACY by objecting to the certification of Joe Biden as winner of the Presidential election!
“On January 6th, I will vote to give President Trump and the American people the fair hearing they deserve and support the objection to the Electoral College certification process,” Loeffler said.
Finally, a Republican who’s taken a policy position I care about: ending democracy in favor of endless, compulsory TRUMP RULE! Go Karen!
And then there’s GREAT AMERICAN PATRIOT David Whatever, who doesn’t care that Donald Trump tried to intimidate Georgia’s Republican elections officials into FAKING the results of the election so that TRUMP could win! Get him in the SENATE! He is, however, “Disgusted” with the person who revealed Trump’s potential CRIME! Go David!
PATRIOTS, this is our chance to PATRIOTICALLY SEIZE POWER and undermine American values. This is our chance to exhibit TOTAL FEALTY TO TRUMP, just like the founders wanted.
Or, we could COWER in the face of FASCISM and choose Democracy, LIKE LOSERS AND SUCKERS! If we do that, we’ll have to elect SCUM-O-CRATS Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock. These two LIBERAL LEFITSTS believe in ANTI-TRUMP values like having a healthy population, acknowledging the factual existence of numbers and math, and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS! In the words of David Whatever, the Pro-Trump candidate, “DISGUSTING!”
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Over the weekend, STUPID LEFTISTS once again thought they’d caught RIGHTEOUS MAN OF GOD Donald Trump red-handed in a crime–just like when they thought they’d caught TRUMP red-handed in a crime when they caught him trying to use his influence to pressure a foreign leader to produce dirt on Trump’s political opponents, or when they caught Trump trying to end Democratic elections in the U.S., or when they caught Trump siphoning taxpayer money to his businesses through corrupt means, or when they caught him doing any of the dozens of other crimes I don’t acknowledge he committed–but ONCE AGAIN, the STUPID LEFTISTS were WRONG.
Because while TRUMP may have CRIMED, the LEFTISTS MUST DO THE TIME! Because the real CRIME is revealing TRUMP’S CRIME!
Here’s what The Washington Post reported about Trump, which caused all the STUPID LEFTISTS to scream, “CRIME! CRIME! TRUMP CRIME!”
President Trump urged fellow Republican Brad Raffensperger, the Georgia secretary of state, to “find” enough votes to overturn his defeat in an extraordinary one-hour phone call Saturday that legal scholars described as a flagrant abuse of power and a potential criminal act.
The Washington Post obtained a recording of the conversation in which Trump alternately berated Raffensperger, tried to flatter him, begged him to act and threatened him with vague criminal consequences if the secretary of state refused to pursue his false claims, at one point warning that Raffensperger was taking “a big risk.”The FAKE Bezos Post
DISGUSTING! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
And I suppose now, I must clarify FOR ALL STUPID LEFTISTS that what I find disgusting is NOT the fact that President Trump pressured an election official to fraudulently state that Trump won an election that the numbers say he lost. NO! That’s just called PATRIOTISM! What I am absolutely disgusted by is the SICK, DISGUSTING, LEFTIST LEAK of this audio recording of Trump committing a crime. How are we supposed to Make America Great Again if the man who’s going to do that is being revealed to be nothing more than a common criminal mob-boss-lite who uses intimidation and threats to pressure subordinates into subservience? PATRIOTS, WE MUST SUPPRESS!
Like the Russia Investigation, the REAL CRIME isn’t the CRIME OF TRUMP; it’s the CRIME of whistleblowing on Trump’s clear crimes!
And I’m not just some NUTTY, RIGHT-WING NUTJOB spewing baseless claims to defend my delusion support of an anti-American autocrat. I am WELL WITHIN THE MAINSTREAM of REPUBLICAN thought with my stance that the only CRIME is punishing CRIME! Just ask Republican Senator and Senate Candidate David Perdue of Georgia, which Trump won so he is now trying to fake the election results in to show that he won.
“I’m still shocked that a member of the Republican Party would tape a sitting president and then leak that. That’s disgusting in my view. But what the president said is exactly what he’s been saying the last few months and that is that . . . we’ve had some irregularities in the election in November, and he wants some answers. He has not gotten them yet from our Secretary of State. That’s one reason why I asked for him to resign. We haven’t gotten it from our state legislature because there’s been no special session called, and then he went to court, the president went to court, and then I went to court, and the courts have denied us hearings saying it’s more of a legislative issue. So what the president’s said in this tape today is no different than what he’s been saying for the last two months.”Sen. David Perdue (R-GA)
And what he’s been saying is that, like DEMOCRACY and HEALTH, ELECTIONS are overrated!
David Perdue must be re-elected, PATRIOTS! GET OUT AND VOTE! We must vote in the FAKE, RIGGED ELECTION in Georgia, which is run by a LEFTIST Secretary of State who voted for, and still supports Donald Trump. We must do it to win Republican seats in the Senate, even though Republicans can’t win because elections are rigged against us. Get it yet?
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PATRIOTS, for nine months, Americans have been suffering, struggling to pay rent, pay for food, and pay for pretty much anything that isn’t free. But fear not, AMERICAN SUBJECTS, because heroic Republicans are here to help (finally)! After nine months of blocking passage of a Democratic bill that would have offered much-needed relief to suffering Americans, we’ve seen a TRUE GREAT CONJUNCTION, a once-in-800-year-event, and Republican Senators are BACK IN WASHINGTON AGAIN, to vote against much-needed relief!
The COMMUNISTS behind the new WEALTH STEAL BILL want to take $600 out of the JOB CREATOR’S pocket and send it to every long-suffering American whose lives have been upended by Republicans’ pro-pandemic policies, when those Americans have ONLY been suffering for nine months! TALK ABOUT LEFTIST ECONOMIC POLICY! Why don’t we just take some of that money that should go to the rich and give it to the poor? I mean (laughs nervously while waiting for everyone to agree with me). . . it’s just. . . so ridiculous.
Six Republican Senate PATRIOTS knew that this LIBERAL LEFTIST HANDOUT crafted by Republican Leader Mitch McConnell was far too generous to WELFARE QUEENS like the 20% of American adults who can’t afford to feed their children. So those CONSERVATIVE HEROES, who have heroically supported President Trump’s 4-year struggle to reach RECORD deficit levels–Senators Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, Ted Cruz of Texas, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Mike Lee of Utah, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Rick Scott of Florida–voted “HELL NO” on this OVERLY-GENEROUS, LEFTIST handout of $600 to every American.
SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?! That’s a whopping $20 for every week of suffering since the first CARES Act was signed by President T on March 27! Why don’t we just give every American healthcare while we’re at it? Why don’t we just give everyone the Taj Mahal for CHRISTmas?
If these WELFARE QUEENS can’t live on $20 a week, maybe they need to get a job as a Wall Street Executive so they can learn something about FINANCE!
Unfortunately, Patriots, the bill passed the Senate 92 to 6, and so now, it’s up to PRESIDENT Donald Trump to stop it with a veto! Something he doesn’t seem to want to do, but just give it some time, because he usually comes through and does what’s worst for the American people. Have faith, PATRIOTS!
Meanwhile, those Republican heroes who opposed the massive $600 COMMIE WAGE, as I call it, stood up to the fact that millions are unable to afford food, by pointing out some TRUE fake lies about the bill! Trump supporters around the internet are pushing the president to VETO the bill based on the ALTERNATIVE FACT that the bill contains billions of dollars for FOREIGN countries like Israel and Egypt, and LIBERAL priorities like the KENNEDY CENTER! And just because that claim wasn’t in any way TRUE, lib-o-crats got IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERED by this attempt to torpedo their $600 GOLDEN GOOSE!
It doesn’t matter if my opposition is real or not, if this bill is going to give even a sliver of financial help to Americans while Donald J(ust trying to kill every American citizen) Trump is still MY PRESIDENT, he MUST VETO!!!!!!
GET ON THE TRUMP TRAIN, PATRIOTS, and OPPOSE THAT MEASLEY $600 CHECK. Let’s get a BIGGER STIMULUS check, just like the one MY PRESIDENT Donald Trump opposed in July along with the more generous COVID relief bill that would have included things like, oh, let’s see, more generous unemployment benefits for struggling Americans. Wait, I’m confused. . . what exactly do I stand for as a REAL PATRIOT? I’m against the $600 check, but I’m also against the more generous bill because PRESIDENT T opposed it, but he agreed with the Republicans who I’m also against because they supported the $600 bill. My head hurts!
As a PATRIOT, what the f*** do I support?
Oh, I think I figured it out!
We will not be satisfied until we get what we really want: NOTHING. NOTHING OR NOTHING, LIBS! Your choice.
Meanwhile, let’s make sure we, as TRUE REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS keep CONSERVATIVE politicians in office. People like Republican Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa, who claimed a few months ago that the EVIL doctors and nurses risking their lives at hospitals were FALSIFYING death certificates in order to inflate COVID statistics! Yesterday, Sen. Ernst did what any good PATRIOT would do and jumped ahead of those healthcare workers in the line to get the life-saving vaccine for the virus she helped spread through false conspiracy theories! If those aren’t REPUBLICAN VALUES, I don’t know what are!
Also getting the REAL VACCINE to the FAKE HOAX VIRUS they helped PATRIOTICALLY SPREAD were heroes like Lindsey Graham, and Marco Rubio, who isn’t even old enough to fall into a high-risk category but HEROICALLY TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM and got the life-saving vaccine so one of those EVIL, LYING FIRST RESPONDERS could learn about HARD WORK, RESPONSIBILITY, and pulling their immune system up by its own bootstraps, or something. I don’t know!
The point is, the THIN RED LINE of Republicans in Congress is the only thing stopping America from becoming a real “shithole” country! Right?
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