Category: Obesity

Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Is TOO LIBERAL For Trump!

What next for Melania Trump? To Florida — in high heels | Times2 | The Times
“Get the hell off your lawn!” – Mar-a-Lago residents to Trump

PATRIOTS, as a proud American who’s been run out of more than two dozen communities in my lifetime, I know from experience that when your neighbors don’t want you around anymore, IT IS ALWAYS THEIR FAULT, NOT YOURS! AND IT’S USUALLY BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID, INTOLERANT LEFTIST-SCUM WHO NEED TO BE ROUNDED UP AND SHOT! I’M LOOKING AT YOU, GARY! I’LL TOLERATE YOU! WITH MY HACKSAW! Anyway, that’s why I am standing by MY PRESIDENT even as the residents of Mar-a-Lago, the private club in Florida that Trump owns, are telling the president that he can’t live there after he leaves the White House… in 2024, I assume.

The FAKE BEZOS Washington Post reports that Trump is leaving the COMMUNIST HELLSCAPE of New York for the AMERICAN PARADISE of Southern Florida, but the LIB-SCUM who Trump allows to live at his private community have told the PRESIDENT to “GET OFF YOUR OWN LAWN!”

In a demand letter, obtained by The Washington Post, an attorney for the Mar-a-Lago neighbors says the town should notify Trump that he cannot use Mar-a-Lago as his residence. Making that move would “avoid an embarrassing situation” if the outgoing president moves to the club and later has to be ordered to leave, according to the letter sent on behalf of the neighbors, the DeMoss family, which runs an international missionary foundation.

THE FAKE BEZOS WASHINGTON POST

These NO GOOD LIBS who are SQUATTING at Trump’s private residence for just $200,000 want to run the president out of their LEFTIST TRASH-CLUB all because of some little “disruptions, such as clogged traffic and blocked streets, caused by the president’s frequent trips to the club,” according to the FAKE BEZOS POST. They also say that before he was president, “Trump created ill will in the town by refusing to comply with even basic local requirements, such as adhering to height limits for a massive flagpole he installed, and frequently attempting to get out of the promises he had made when he converted Mar-a-Lago into a private club.”

Basic local requirements? Sounds too complicated, Bezos Post, ya’ LIB SACK-O-SHIT!

Trump kisses flagpole, tells odd jokes and mocks Greta Thunberg at CPAC  while Coronavirus fears grip nation | The Independent | The Independent
“I love you, baby. You’d look great blotting out the sun over Palm Beach.”

Oh, and there’s the small, LIBERALLY-BIASED fact that Trump using Mar-a-Lago as a private home and a club could be totally illegal, because in 1993, when Trump was in bankruptcy–I mean, “succeeding” bigly–he cut a deal with the town that said club members couldn’t spend more than 21 days per year in the guest suites there and couldn’t stay there for more than seven consecutive days. And, one more little matter: an attorney for Trump assured the town that Trump WOULD not live at Mar-a-Lago. So, um… yeah. I don’t know how to spin that… But, WHATEVER, YOU STUPID LEFTISTS! GET OVER IT! TRUMP WON (lost)!

A LEFTIST (probably) HOMEOWNER in nearby Palm Beach told the BEZOS FAKE POST, “There’s absolutely no legal theory under which he can use that property as both a residence and a club.” REALLY, LIB? Here’s a theory: TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!

(I’d have chanted longer but I’m tired because I just ate a McDonald’s Fillet-o-fish and a chocolate milkshake, or as I call it, “a good start to my presidential breakfast.”)

But, there’s another way to look at this story: A HUGE WIN FOR THE GREATEST DEALMAKER IN AMERICAN HISTORY! That’s right. SUCK ON THAT, LIBS! No one has ever out-negotiated the negotiator-in-chief. . . until now. And that great negotiator who beat Trump? Surprise! It was Trump! It was the greatest deal Trump ever made, in fact, because he beat the best negotiator in history: Trump!

And this deal was AIR-TIGHT because in addition to promising the town he’d never live at Mar-a-lago in that 1993 deal, Trump also made another GREAT DEAL! This time, in a deal with the National Trust for Historic Preservation

Trump agreed to “forever” relinquish his rights to develop Mar-a-Lago or to use it for “any purpose other than club use.”

FAKE BEZOS POST

Sheeple, I don’t often admit I was wrong, but in this case, I have to swallow my pride and admit Trump isn’t THE GREATEST NEGOTIATOR IN HISTORY.

TRUMP IS!

Trump vs. Trump - WSJ
“I’ve TRUMPed myself.” – Trump (when he finishes styling his skin with tangerine extract)

TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT! NEVER ADMIT REALITY! EMBRACE THE DELUSION, BABY!

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Bill Barr(f) – NOT TRUMPY ENOUGH for the TRUMP CLUB

Bill Barr Goes to Congress – BillMoyers.com
“You’re a disgrace, Bill. What have you ever done for ME?” – Donald Trump

PATRIOTS, nobody has been a bigger supporter of President Trump than me, with the possible exception of Attorney General William Barr. Lest I need remind you of Barr’s service to this GREAT COUNTRY, the man literally auditioned for the job of Attorney General of the United States by writing a memo arguing that the President cannot be guilty of the crime of obstruction of justice–while Trump was being investigated for obstruction of justice–and then secretly sent that memo to Trump’s cronies so they’d know he was willing to subvert the law to PATRIOTICALLY HELP TRUMP. Then, Bill Barr pre-empted Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Trump and Russia–which found that Trump might actually have committed obstruction of justice–by falsely summarizing before the report’s release that Trump was “cleared” of wrongdoing. Then, Barr helped Trump carry out various PATRIOTIC fascistic uses of the Justice Department for his own ends, culminating in Barr helping Trump tear gas peaceful protesters in Lafayette Square so the president could pose outside a church with an upside down Bible, and then, BIGLY BARR intervened to help some of Trump’s criminal associates evade prosecution before politicizing the Justice Department entirely to undermine its own mission and help Trump. In other words, BILL BARR IS A PATRIOT! A FREEDOM LOVER! A MAN WHO PUTS COUNTRY ABOVE ALL ELSE (EXCEPT TRUMP, WHO HE RIGHTLY PUTS WAY ABOVE COUNTRY BECAUSE JESUS WANTS IT THAT WAY!)

But PATRIOTS, there comes a time when every TRUMP-LOVER must prove his worth by EXPRESSING TOTAL FEALTY to Supreme Leader Trump. He must cast aside all self-worth and plunge headlong into the abyss of SPINELESS MORAL TURPITUDE. And on this requirement, I’m afraid Bill Barr has now shown himself to be nothing but a LEFTIST IN DISGUISE!

And, PATRIOTS, he’s now gotten what all LEFTISTS deserve: FIRED! Donald Trump fired BILL BARR(F) from his job as Attorney General of the United States because, quite simply, Trump’s #1 sycophant wasn’t TRUMPY ENOUGH!

You see, even the “outstanding” Bill Barr(f) didn’t have the SPINE to continue to feed TRUMP’S PATRIOTIC, AMERICA-KILLING LIE that he won the election even though he got less votes than Biden. He SADLY acknowledged the LIBERALLY-BIASED truth that there was no widespread, election-changing fraud, when a TRUMPIAN LIE would have served Trump’s purposes much better. BARR(F) sided with the sick, anti-Trump group called AMERICANS. Worse, he failed to PROMOTE A POLITICALLY-BIASED AGENDA because he failed to disclose the Justice Department’s investigation of HUNTER! Barr(f) did this just because it would have been unethical and violate long-standing precedent, the SICK COWARD! Doesn’t Barr(f) know that ethics only exist for the purpose of disappearing whenever violating them would help TRUMP?

Now, PATRIOTS, stupid-liberals will argue that TRUMPISTS are looking pretty foolish right now, when their WILDLY-DERANGED CONSPIRACY THEORIES and GRIEVANCES AGAINST REALITY’S ANTI-TRUMP BIAS have become too insane for even Bill Barr(f) the ass-kisser-in-chief, to stomach. But we know the truth! It’s time to TRIPLE DOWN, kick out everyone who isn’t Trump enough, turn on each other like TRUE PATRIOTS and GO DOWN WITH THIS SINKING SHIP!!!

Barr was just another LIB-IN-DISGUISE, acting like he was all-in on Trump fascism, destroying every democratic norm in America with glee, until he made one, tiny mistake, and OUTED HIMSELF AS A LIB by acknowledging a small part of reality like a loser. We’re right! THE TRUTH IS WRONG! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!

But, even a hateful leftist like Bill Barr can’t deny PRESIDENT T’S GREATNESS. Just listen to this sycophant’s praise-heaping letter of resignation to the president, which he wrote after being run out of his job by the president for acknowledging that numbers are real… LIKE A LEFTIST!

Here’s a look at the ACTUAL (not actual) text of Bill Barr(f)’s letter of resignation:

Dear Mr. President,

I am greatly honored that you called on me to serve your Administration and the American people once again as Attorney General. I am proud to have played a role in the many successes and unprecedented achievements you have delivered for the American people, whether they be in the form of accomplishments you didn’t accomplish but took credit for, or in the form of Americans you’ve harmed for no reason other than your own ever-growing vanity.

I love you, sir, and not in the way I love Jesus, which is purely platonic. I feel a great fluttering in my loins when I become aroused thinking of your orange, wrinkly pate and your blonde wisps of glory.

Your record is all the more historic because you have accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance from leftist, Antifa terrorists, such as the American people, the entire media and objective reality. Your 2016 victory speech in which you reached out to your opponents and called for working together for the benefit of the American people, which I and no one else believed because you never did anything to actually work toward this goal, was immediately met by a partisan onslaught against you in which no tactic, no matter how abusive and deceitful, was out of bounds (for being used you and your cronies). The nadir of the campaign was the effort by objective reality to cripple, if not completely destroy what would otherwise have been an historically successful presidency if we’d simply been living in an alternate, Bizarro World, a world I, and many others now refer to as the Trump Cinematic Universe. And those are movies I’d watch every day, sir. I love you, again.

My only regret is that I could not debase myself even more in the service of your rightly fascistic goals.

. . .

As discussed, I will spend the next week wrapping up a few remaining matters important to the Administration, such as punishing myself for being a secret Antifa by failing to prop up the lie that you actually won the 2020 election because you got enough invisible votes to overtake Joe Biden, which I clearly should have recognized, and I will depart on December 23rd.

I wish you, Melania, and your family a MERRY CHRISTMAS, which I believe with all my soul that we would not be able to celebrate if not for your masculine leadership. God Bless, my liege, and I would have fired myself, too. I suck. Please hate me forever as much as I hate myself. I am truly not Trumpy enough for the Trump Club.

Sincerely,

William P. Barr(f)

Attorney General

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THE BELL TOLLS FOR FREEDOM: A TACO BELL STORY

  
Taco Bell is as American as apple pie.

Wherever there’s a pile of sawdust-filled meat stuffed into a tortilla, or a bathroom toilet overflowing from a massive dump, you can be sure that not far away is a Taco Bell.

And you can be sure that inside that Taco Bell, America’s founding principles of capitalism and obesity are being practiced.

But in Downey, California, freedom has withered. The smell of spicy meat no longer emanates from loosely cleaned microwaves. Mountain Dew Baja Blast no longer flows from the taps. Cheese is no longer rolled up in a tortilla and sold as a menu item.

The world’s first Taco Bell–Taco Bell número uno–is closed. 
  
It went out of business long ago. This 400 square-foot slice of paradise stopped selling delicious taco-like food products during the Reagan Administration, when business dwindled due to the rise of bigger, more popular restaurants with modern innovations like “indoor seating” and “drive throughs.” A new era was dawning, and Taco Bell Número Uno was left in the past.

  
During a decade when wolves roamed Wall Street and girls just wanted to have fun, this little slice of “clielo” (Spanish for “heaven”) couldn’t keep up with the rabid consumption economy of a country that just wanted more and more. America didn’t have time to wait 2 minutes for its tacos; it needed them in one. The joys of a simpler time were cast aside in order to embrace the coming fast-food revolution. Taco Bell Número Uno was forgotten, left to wither in the cold California sun, left to fade like the brightest stars of Tinseltown all inevitably did once their glory days passed. By the time George Herbert Walker Bush took office, not even the rats wanted its artificial cheesefood.

They say there’s no place lonlier than being alone. That was true of Taco Bell Número Uno.

  
Still, it wasn’t all bad.

There were the memories. So many great memories, spanning so many good years. There was opening day 1962, when Taco Bell’s founder, Glenn Bell, handed over the very first Taco Bell taco to an unsuspecting customer who had no idea what he was in for when he crunched into that 19-cent slice of faux-Mexican deliciousness. There was the first mariachi performance, which was held on the stage out back across from the fire pits, and all the white people pretending they liked it. And there was the time that guy fell in the fire pit and died, and they buried his body out in the desert without calling the cops. So many good memories.

   
   
If you lived in Downey, Californa between 1962 and 1986, Taco Bell was like your Times Square. It was the crossroads of the universe, where culture, art, and food intersected in a symphony of taste, sound, and light, very cheap lights from the Home Depot, to be exact.

This little taco stand, no bigger than a two-car garage, with its mission-style arches and its lack of indoor seating, changed the world. It took a fast food industry wedded to the idea of burgers and fries and turned it on its head by showing what happened if you just think outside the bun for once.

Now there are Taco Bells in every corner of the Earth. Sure they might not have mariachi bands and fire pits, but they have chairs, and they have the one thing that has never faded since Taco Bell Número Uno opened on that fateful day in 1962: people that like tacos.

It was safe in this knowledge that Taco Bell Número Uno could accept its ultimate fate. By December 2014, the Bell had tolled for Taco Bell Número Uno. The wheels of capitalism stop for no man, woman or restaurant. A vacant lot must be cleared and the seeds of new business must be planted, so profits can spring anew. Taco Bell número uno was set to be demolished this year.

Or so it thought. 

You see, Taco Bell never forgot about Taco Bell. 

And on November 19, Taco Bell cleared the lot upon which the world’s first Taco Bell sat, not by smashing Taco Bell Número Uno to bits with a crude wrecking ball but by giving it new life.

  
  
The restaurant was loaded onto the back of a flat-bed truck, mission-style arches and all, for a glorious 45-mile parade through scenic Downey, California to its temporary resting place at Taco Bell Headquarters on Glenn Bell way in Irvine. 

The entire event was livestreamed online to potentially dozens.

A Taco Bell being driven around on the back of a flat bed truck was livestreamed.

Perhaps it’s a fate befitting the restaurant founded by Glen Bell that the move isn’t a last ride, but rather a new beginning. After all, Bell launched numerous, short-lived franchise failures–Bell’s Burgers, Taco Tia and El Taco–before birthing his Taco masterpiece. 

  
Perhaps Taco Bell Número Uno, like Glenn Bell, can rise from the ashes to accomplish something even greater, and remind us that, like the cheese scraps we all secretly scoop up and eat at the end of our Taco Bell meal, there’s still greatness left in all of us. 

Taco Bell says the building’s future and its final location are yet to be decided. Here’s hoping they’ll think outside the bun, just like the great Glenn Bell, founder of Taco Bell Número Uno.

SCOTT WALKER CREATES JOBS WHILE EATING INCORRECT CHEESESTEAK, MEDIA IGNORES HIM AND COVERS TRUMP

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Republican presidential candidate Scott Walker was in the Keystone state today, where he made pilgrimages to two Philadelphia institutions, and created a job while also pissing off every idiot in Philly.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! SORRY YOUR PARTY IS SO LAME.

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The FOURTH OF JULY is my FAVORITE day of the year… at least it used to be, until OBAMA and his PC, blame AMERICA first, FUN POLICE ruined it.

The signs of freedom’s decline are all around us, fellow PATRIOTS, and unless we SHOUT THEM FROM THE ROOFTOPS OF THE INTERNET, all will be lost.

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AMERICAN BADASS DIES LIKE AN AMERICAN–PISS DRUNK AND BUSTIN’ CAPS LIKE IT’S THE 4TH OF MOTHERF#@%ING JULY!

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You might not have heard of American country singer Randy Howard… if you’re a communist.

Every true American knows Randy Howard is the embodiment of American freedom– the freedom to live hard and rock harder.

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A TALE OF TWO FATTIES: HOW OBAMA USED REX RYAN TO EMBARRASS CHRIS CHRISTIE

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“There once was a Gov from New Jersey
Who strained the seams of his sports jersey.
He made a great play
Pissing off the communist president (who’s also gay)
So Obama decided to cause him some hurtie.”

– Old New Jersey Legend

New Jersey Governor and bridge traffic studier Chris Christie took the field at Yankee Stadium Wednesday night in a celebrity softball game to benefit fallen NYPD officers, but as usual, the LAME STREAM MEDIA couldn’t keep the focus off politics.

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