We lost f***ing GEORGIA!
Patriots, there has been a shift in the balance of power in these UNITED STATES! The SCUM-O-CRATS have come back from the DEAD! TRUMPISM and its requisite FASCISM were CRUSHED last night in Georgia, the new HEADQUARTERS OF THE LEFTIST THREAT! RADICAL BLACK PRO-FREEDOM LIBERAL Raphael Warnock defeated Anti-American PATRIOT Kelly Loeffler last night in Georgia’s Senate runoff election. Worse, RADICAL WHITE PRO-FREEDOM LEFITST Jon Ossoff appears to be headed to victory in last night’s other Georgia Senate runoff election. This means that Democrats now control a majority in the U.S. Senate and COCAINE MOSCOW Mitch McConnell’s reign of Pro-Trump terror is over!
The American people are no longer going to be subject to the cynical whims of a racist, tyrannical minority of Republican PATRIOTS! Americans can see light at the end of the GLORIOUS, DARK, DESTRUCTIVE tunnel of TRUMPISM!
This is terrible!
Patriots, we’re f***ed!
And now, WE WILL ALL SUFFER the HORRORS of SOCIALIST RULE! The BLOODLETTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN. The $2,000 checks are being written! TERRIFYING!
We cannot survive an America that gives more money to its suffering citizens than its billionaire president’s hospitality businesses!
For the last four years, we GOP PATRIOTS have had a choice between America and Trump’s hateful, patriotic fascism. We RIGHTLY CHOSE the deal with the Devil. WE CHOSE TRUMP. We CHOSE FASCISM, like the founders wanted. We persecuted the ones who looked different than us! We turned away the huddled masses, yearning to be free! We mocked the suffering! We scolded the scientists and their precious facts! We killed the weak! We showered the strong with riches! We imprisoned babies! We denied the readily apparent truths that revealed our own folly! In short, we did everything that CHRIST, the second greatest leader of the GOP (behind Trump), would have done.
We enriched ourselves and shut off our minds! We submitted, like the FOUNDERS would have wanted!
And GOD has forsaken us!
Worse, GOD has forsaken his most trustworthy apostle, TRUMP!
GOD helped the LEFTISTS find 50,000 LEGALLY CAST votes, votes that should never have counted because they were CAST FOR DEMOCRATS! Legal Democrat votes are just like legal immigrants. I don’t want ’em in muh country!
Why GOD? Why have you put an end to TRUMP’S REIGN OF HATEFUL, INCOMPETENT TERROR!
Patriots, we must allow ourselves, for a moment, to do something we haven’t done in a long time. We must allow ourselves to think. We must think long and hard about what’s happened. We must search our souls for our better angels, and we must arrive at a conclusion. We must face the hard truth about all that we’ve done over the past four years, and we must realize that the answer has been so clear all along.
GOD IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST, AMERICA-HATING COMMUNIST!
It’s so obvious. How else could we have lost these elections that we were so obviously winning until the Democratic votes were counted? GOD HAS BETRAYED US! GOD WAS A LIBERAL ALL ALONG! GOD IS A DEM-O-RAT!
And so, PATRIOTS, we must look to a higher power, now. We must look to TRUMP.
TRUMP HAS A PLAN.
AND THAT PLAN IS TO RALLY IN WASHINGTON AND INCITE HIS SUPPORTERS TO TURN AMERICA INTO “HELL.”
The SCORNED MINORITY of TRUMP LOYALISTS must now forsake their LIBERAL GOD and obey a higher power. A power that encourages them to violently oppose the peaceful, democratic transition of power that follows fair elections in the United States. A power called TRUMP!
And so, let us not seek introspection, or peace, following our historic defeat in Georgia. F***ing GEORGIA! REPUBLICANS LOST GEORGIA, a state basically run by Republicans! Let us simply descend further into our impotent rage and madness and let us truly EMBARRASS OURSELVES FULLY in the final, last gasp of our doomed experiment in TRUMPISM!
Let us rally in support of our own stupidity.
(Or we could just like, admit we were wrong. Nah. We’re not going to do that. God, Republicans, science and math are all part of a LEFTIST CONSPIRACY against Trump. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)
Let it burn, baby!
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The Lyin’ LEFTIST MEDIA will tell you that today is Safe Harbor Day, the day on which Trump and his team of anti-democracy SUPER-LAWYERS lose their legal ability to challenge the results in any state that has certified its presidential election results. The ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE will tell you that just because those results are “final,” that means they can’t be overturned by an un-democratic coup attempt. But, FEAR NOT, loyal subjects of the TRUMP REICH!
Because GOD BLESSES US WITH TEXAS!
The GREAT STATE of TEXAS–specifically, Texas’ possibly-criminal REPUBLICAN ATTORNEY GENERAL Ken Paxton–has sued four other battleground states–Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin–to challenge their BIASED, pro-Biden election results. Yes, Texas, HERO OF STATES’ RIGHTS, is suing other states to challenge their LIBERALLY-BIASED right to conduct their own elections in a way that violates TEXAS PATRIOTS’ God-given rights to decide who wins the election in other states.
Why didn’t anybody think of this before?
Because LEFTIST RINOS have been too busy bending over for TRUMP, when they should have been bending over for FASCISM AND TRUMP. Come on GOP!
In the suit, [Paxton] claims that pandemic-era changes to election procedures in those states violated federal law, and asks the U.S. Supreme Court to block the states from voting in the Electoral College.Texas Tribune
And who better to enforce federal law than the state that tried to secede from the Union as recently as four years ago? Yes, that happened.
Don’t tell us how to conduct federal elections in the country that we don’t even want to be a part of, LEFTIST LIBS!
And, PATRIOTS, our (delusional) HOPES for the re-election of righteous FREEDOM-hating PATRIOTIC dictator TRUMP got another boost today, with a spineless pledge from ol’ LYIN TED, himself.
Yep, Ted Cruz just dropped a FREEDOM-NUKE on the SICK, PHONY, correct election results by offering to argue on behalf of Trump’s un-CONSTITUTIONAL ELECTION steal before the Supreme Court.
“Petitioner’s legal team has asked me whether I would be willing to argue the case before the Supreme Court, if the Court grants certiorari. I have agreed, and told them that, if the Court takes the appeal, I will stand ready to present the oral argument.”Lyin’ Ted Cruz (who has an ugly wife)
And Sheeple, nothing says PATRIOTISM and LOVE OF COUNTRY more than publicly offering to help the man who called your wife ugly–and then refused to apologize–steal the presidential election.
Now, Sheeple, that’s what I call REPUBLICAN VALUES.
And should Lyin,’ Kennedy-Killin’ Ted fail to deliver the overthrow of the U.S. Government that us REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS so solemnly hope for, great American raisin Lou Dobbs has another idea, which he hatched with life-sized NAZI-PENIS Stephen Miller on last night’s propaganda hour.
Hire a Democratic lawyer for $500,000,–yes half-a-billion dollars–so LOSER sycophants like Rudy Giuliani can stop losing in court. Sounds reasonable…
What’s that? Turned it down already? Damn.
Well, this isn’t going well, is it? At least we’ve all still got each other to scream at in our circular firing squad.
Man, Lyin’ Ted’s reputation keeps getting better. Not only did he PATRIOTICALLY grovel to publicly offer to help the man who called his wife ugly steal the presidential election. The Trump Administration’s response? Eh, we’ll think about it.
Man, it must be good to be Lyin’ Ted!
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Wherever there’s a pile of sawdust-filled meat stuffed into a tortilla, or a bathroom toilet overflowing from a massive dump, you can be sure that not far away is a Taco Bell.
And you can be sure that inside that Taco Bell, America’s founding principles of capitalism and obesity are being practiced.
But in Downey, California, freedom has withered. The smell of spicy meat no longer emanates from loosely cleaned microwaves. Mountain Dew Baja Blast no longer flows from the taps. Cheese is no longer rolled up in a tortilla and sold as a menu item.
The world’s first Taco Bell–Taco Bell número uno–is closed.
It went out of business long ago. This 400 square-foot slice of paradise stopped selling delicious taco-like food products during the Reagan Administration, when business dwindled due to the rise of bigger, more popular restaurants with modern innovations like “indoor seating” and “drive throughs.” A new era was dawning, and Taco Bell Número Uno was left in the past.
During a decade when wolves roamed Wall Street and girls just wanted to have fun, this little slice of “clielo” (Spanish for “heaven”) couldn’t keep up with the rabid consumption economy of a country that just wanted more and more. America didn’t have time to wait 2 minutes for its tacos; it needed them in one. The joys of a simpler time were cast aside in order to embrace the coming fast-food revolution. Taco Bell Número Uno was forgotten, left to wither in the cold California sun, left to fade like the brightest stars of Tinseltown all inevitably did once their glory days passed. By the time George Herbert Walker Bush took office, not even the rats wanted its artificial cheesefood.
They say there’s no place lonlier than being alone. That was true of Taco Bell Número Uno.
There were the memories. So many great memories, spanning so many good years. There was opening day 1962, when Taco Bell’s founder, Glenn Bell, handed over the very first Taco Bell taco to an unsuspecting customer who had no idea what he was in for when he crunched into that 19-cent slice of faux-Mexican deliciousness. There was the first mariachi performance, which was held on the stage out back across from the fire pits, and all the white people pretending they liked it. And there was the time that guy fell in the fire pit and died, and they buried his body out in the desert without calling the cops. So many good memories.
If you lived in Downey, Californa between 1962 and 1986, Taco Bell was like your Times Square. It was the crossroads of the universe, where culture, art, and food intersected in a symphony of taste, sound, and light, very cheap lights from the Home Depot, to be exact.
This little taco stand, no bigger than a two-car garage, with its mission-style arches and its lack of indoor seating, changed the world. It took a fast food industry wedded to the idea of burgers and fries and turned it on its head by showing what happened if you just think outside the bun for once.
Now there are Taco Bells in every corner of the Earth. Sure they might not have mariachi bands and fire pits, but they have chairs, and they have the one thing that has never faded since Taco Bell Número Uno opened on that fateful day in 1962: people that like tacos.
It was safe in this knowledge that Taco Bell Número Uno could accept its ultimate fate. By December 2014, the Bell had tolled for Taco Bell Número Uno. The wheels of capitalism stop for no man, woman or restaurant. A vacant lot must be cleared and the seeds of new business must be planted, so profits can spring anew. Taco Bell número uno was set to be demolished this year.
Or so it thought.
You see, Taco Bell never forgot about Taco Bell.
And on November 19, Taco Bell cleared the lot upon which the world’s first Taco Bell sat, not by smashing Taco Bell Número Uno to bits with a crude wrecking ball but by giving it new life.
The restaurant was loaded onto the back of a flat-bed truck, mission-style arches and all, for a glorious 45-mile parade through scenic Downey, California to its temporary resting place at Taco Bell Headquarters on Glenn Bell way in Irvine.
The entire event was livestreamed online to potentially dozens.
A Taco Bell being driven around on the back of a flat bed truck was livestreamed.
Perhaps it’s a fate befitting the restaurant founded by Glen Bell that the move isn’t a last ride, but rather a new beginning. After all, Bell launched numerous, short-lived franchise failures–Bell’s Burgers, Taco Tia and El Taco–before birthing his Taco masterpiece.
Perhaps Taco Bell Número Uno, like Glenn Bell, can rise from the ashes to accomplish something even greater, and remind us that, like the cheese scraps we all secretly scoop up and eat at the end of our Taco Bell meal, there’s still greatness left in all of us.
Taco Bell says the building’s future and its final location are yet to be decided. Here’s hoping they’ll think outside the bun, just like the great Glenn Bell, founder of Taco Bell Número Uno.
1. Rick Perry is still in this race….
Oh, wait that was Ted Cruz. This is Rick Perry…
See how different they are?
Some people like to say all Republican presidential candidates are the same–that they have the same ideas–but I disagree. They are like 15 snowflakes, each one unique and perfect.
For example, yes, they all hate immigrants, but they each do it in a unique and individual way. Donald Trump says, “WE NEED TO GET RID OF ALL THE MEXICANS!!!” Ben Carson says, “We need to get rid of all the Mexicans.”
Trump says “OBAMA IS NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN!!!” Ted Cruz says, “Obama is Hitler.” Ben Carson says, “Obama is Muslim.”
Trump says, “GET RID OF THE GOVERNMENT.” Rand Paul says, “Get rid of the government” with pubes on his head. Carson says, “Throw rocks and hammers and bricks at the government… to get rid of it.” Ted Cruz says, “Get rid of something, but I can’t remember what it is.”
Totally. Different. Ideas.
2. Eisenhower is making a comeback!!!
As liberal rag MotherJones.com explains…
Donald Trump was asked about immigration at tonight’s debate and answered with some ramble about Eisenhower or something.
Anyway, here’s what happened on Google:
Congratulations, Eisenhower on officially getting more interest from 2016 Republican primary voters than Jim Gilmore, George Pataki, and Bobby Jindal combined, during your one minute of interest.
Also, congratulations America, for apparently not knowing who Dwight Eisenhower was.
It’s no secret that lazy, good for nothing Communists want “wages” and “salaries.” Well, at tonight’s Republican debate, Billionaire Donald Trump, the man who is funding his own multi-million dollar campaign for president, told it like it is.
YOUR WAGES ARE TOO HIGH, YOU LOW F#@%ING ENERGY, PATHOLOGICALLY DISEASED, WEAK, STUPID LOSER!!!
Here’s what Donald Trump said.
And, not to be out gaffed, Ben Carson IMMEDIATELY followed with this…
So, in other words, eat your experience poor people!
Also, WTF was that map?
Take as long as you like. It doesn’t get any clearer.
And, because I know you dirty liberal communists are about to ask, YES THE WAGES ARE TOO HIGH, and NO, THE RENT IS NOT TOO DAMN HIGH!!!
4. To sum up…
In other words, Hate Debate Milwaukee! November 2015 edition! is best summed up thusly…
Welcome to This Old House with Donald Trump.
This week, we’ll learn how to build a 30-foot, 40-foot, or even 50-foot, anti-rapist wall with just a few pieces of pre-cast plank and a hefty dose of bigotry…
Republican presidential candidate Scott Walker was in the Keystone state today, where he made pilgrimages to two Philadelphia institutions, and created a job while also pissing off every idiot in Philly.
Here’s a hint: It was his dad (and, of course, liberals).
Donald TRUMP. The name brings to mind a set of adjectives: subtle, suave, dangerous, well-versed in international politics. Is it just a coincidence that all of these words could also be used to describe James Bond?
OR, IS DONALD TRUMP JAMES BOND?
Listen. Today is the greatest day in the history of days. It LITERALLY TRUMPS all the other days.
Today DONALD TRUMP announced that he is giving the American people the honor of having DONALD TRUMP run for President of the United States.
And TRUMP made the announcement in the most TRUMP-TASTIC of ways: a bombastic, rambling, over-the-top, hilarious, combative, inflammatory, six-hour-long, hate-f#@% of a speech at TRUMP Tower in New York City.