PATRIOTS, we’re breaking every record for historic presidential achievement! Donald Trump is now the first president to ever be impeached TWICE! Most impeached in history! Woo! Crack open a can of Goya to celebrate!
The great, presidential accomplishment that led to TRUMP’S second impeachment? “Incitement of insurrection!” The House of Representatives voted 232 to 197 to impeach Trump on a single article that, in addition to the “insurrection” language, accused Trump of “inciting violence against the government of the United States.” WINNING, BABY! The article even calls for Trump to be disqualified from ever holding public office again!
Trump! Trump! Trump!
Now, PATRIOTS, some LIBS might try to tell you that this is BAD, that Donald Trump’s second impeachment is a stain on his presidency that indicates he is a woefully un-American narcissist hell-bent on destroying Democracy! Hogwash! TRUMP did it! He proved that the LIBS are a bunch of CRYBABY SNOWFLAKES who can’t even take it when their precious democracy is hollowed out and shat in like a dead tree! CRY MORE, LIB!
We will never admit that our MAGA (Make America Grieve Again) movement was a stain on our nation’s history. WE LOVE OUR PRESIDENT! WE WILL NEVER ADMIT WE WERE WRONG! DENIAL!
That’s all we’ve got at this point.
But TRUMP is just getting warmed up because on the same day he got a LEFTIST SNUB from Trump-supporting coach Bill Belichick, TRUMP TRUMPED! He gave the Presidential Medal Of Freedom to country singers TOBY KIETH and RICKY SKAGGS in a private ceremony at the White House! The ceremony was PRIVATE! How good is this Republican presidency going? Country music singers don’t want to be seen in public receiving an award from the president!
As Toby Keith would say, “The Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist!”
And to top it all off, TRUMP is said to be “isolated and angry at aides for failing to defend him,” according to the Loser Bezos Washington Post. Because of that, Trump is now REFUSING to pay the legal fees of his most loyal, bootlicking, sycophantic “lawyer” Rudy Giuliani.
PATRIOTS, like the country of America, no one has done more to promote, aid, and prop-up Donald Trump than Rudy Giuliani. I mean, for goodness sake, Rudy went to every state in the Union and spread Trump’s entirely false election fraud claims to undermine democracy, all while dealing with a serious case of SHITHEAD DISEASE, a disease which literally caused shit to leak out of Rudy’s head. Rudy went from America’s Mayor, to a bumbling, babbling, crotch grabbing oaf who tried to get Ukranian officials to fabricate evidence against his political opponents and held an election fraud press conference at a place called “Four Seasons Total Landscaping” right next to a sex-toy shop in Philly! He called members of Congress during the Trump assault on the Capitol to try to convince them to side with Trump over democracy! He literally DESTROYED his own humanity to HELP TRUMP LIE! And so, Donald Trump is treating Rudy the same way he treated America, the country responsible for his near-success. He’s saying F*** ‘EM! I GOT MINE JACK! GO POUND SAND! BIGLY!
To paraphrase the words of Ricky Bobby’s dad in Talladega Nights, “it’s the winners who get paid!”
Suck it America! We’ve got a 187 IQ, and we hate America, and we love TRUMP! No contradiction there, right Rudy?
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PATRIOTS, there’s nothing we TRUMP-FLUFFERS love more than a good BOTH-SIDES-ing! I nearly blew my pants off when TRUMP said in 2017 that there were “very fine people on both sides” of the WHITE SUPREMACIST NAZI mob that heroically terrorized Charlottesville, VA, and killed one woman, and I didn’t think anything could TOP that. Well, I was wrong, because Republican Representative Ken Buck (R-CO) TOPPED that BIGLY this morning on CNN! So BIGLY tHaT i CrEaMeD mY tRuMp FlAg!
Ken Buck fact-f***ed CNN’s lib-hard host back to lib-o-stan when he reminded him that “both sides are at fault” for the mob violence and coup attempt that the president incited at the Capitol Building last week, in response to Democracy’s VERY UNFAIR treatment of the PRESIDENT.
“To say that there’s one speech or one incident that caused this group of people to storm the Capitol is just not accurate. What I’m trying to suggest to you is that both sides are at fault and that in America, we need to be very careful of the words we use.”Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO)
Buck’s TRUTHSTORM triggered Clinton News Network host John Berman, who couldn’t believe Buck–himself a potential target of the president’s violent, pre-meditated attack on Democracy–would suggest that Democrats were to blame. Berman SNOWFLAKED so hard while he asked Buck to justify his PATRIOTICALLY INSANE remarks, simply because they made NO SENSE, and BUCK responded by Trump, Trump, Trumping Berman right up the TRUTH HOLE, reducing him to a screaming puddle of leftist tears! MAGA (Make America Grieve Again), baby! “What did the other side do?” Buck asked incredulously. “You’re asking me what Democrats have done to make the MAGA crowd mad?”
What a STUPIDLY intelligent question!
Berman didn’t allow BUCK to FINISH HIS BIG LIE, so I’ll do it for him.
THE DEMOCRATS COUNTED THE VOTES! THE DEMOCRATS DIDN’T LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! THE DEMOCRATS TOLD TRUMP SUPPORTERS THAT TRUMP LOST, JUST BECAUSE HE DID! THEY DIDN’T JOIN THE CRUZ-HAWLEY-BROOKS DENIAL & FASCISM CAUCUS TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT! And for these TREASONOUS CRIMES AGAINST TRUMP, I SAY…
HANG ‘EM HIGH!
And I’ve been doing some research, PATRIOTS. Turns out American history is littered with SNOWFLAKES who loved their precious Democracy more than terrorism-installed PATRIOTIC fascism for TRUMP. Jefferson, Washington, Adams–these are just some of the VILLAINS OF AMERICAN HISTORY who should have been hung for trying to BRAINWASH THE AMERICAN people with the EVILS of TRUTH and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS!
HANG EM HIGH! Dig up their corpses, and string them up! They must be punished, just like those who stand with freedom and therefore against TRUMP! We’Re NoT cRaZy!
BOTH SIDES ARE TO BLAME FOR THIS VIOLENCE! Sure, there might be a little blame for the TRUMP supporters and the president who plotted in advance to assassinate the Vice President and Speaker of the House during the certification of Electoral College votes, but MOST OF THE BLAME goes to the LIBERAL LEFTISTS who woke up on the morning of January 6th determined to selflessly do their duty to Democracy and America, the two BIGGEST ENEMIES of TRUMP! Sure, I guess Democracy has some value, but TRUMP is more important! TRUMP is AMERICA! TRUMP is FREEDOM! TRUMP is TRUTH!
The LEFT is the to blame!
The LEFT is to blame because sitting Republican members of Congress allegedly gave the TRUMP coup plotters “reconnaissance” tours of the Capitol building on the day before the TRUMP mob breached its walls in search of Congressional and Vice Presidential blood. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE was reportedly in contact with the rioters as they were roaming the halls of Congress, looking for legislators to take hostage or kill. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Ayanna Pressley’s staff discovered that all the panic buttons in her office had been “torn out” before the coup attempt and they discovered this once the TRUMP MOB had breached the Capitol with intent to harm her. BOTH SIDES! SHAME!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “thought [she] was going to die,” at one point during the coup and siege when she had a “very close encounter” with the TRUMP supporting violent mob. “It was not an exaggeration to say that many members of the House were nearly assassinated,” she added, like a LEFTIST!
The LEFT is to blame because Republican members of Congress are now refusing to submit to the metal detectors that had to be installed outside the House of Representatives’ floor because one of their colleagues is publicly bragging about how she is going to continue to carry a firearm inside the Capitol in violation of D.C. law, and that same member was live tweeting Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location to the insurrectionists during the Capitol siege. BOTH SIDES!
And, yes, this just seems like a list of things REPUBLICANS have selfishly done to, at best, endanger our government, and at worst, willingly commit insurrection and participate in a coup attempt for TRUMP, but make no mistake, this attempt to kill Democratic members of Congress and prevent a duly elected Democrat from being sworn in as president is the FAULT OF BOTH SIDES!
ASSHOLE KEN BUCK SAYS SO! THAT’S WHY!
WHY DOES HE SAY SO?
I DON’T KNOW WHY! MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THE NEXT COUP SUCCEED! AnD wHaT’s WrOnG wItH tHaT?
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
These colors don’t THINK!
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PATRIOTS, there are two things you need to remember. Number one, Donald Trump is not responsible for inciting that PATRIOTIC terrorist attack on the Capitol Building that he totally supports; he had nothing to do with it! Because his pre-coup attempt speech was “totally appropriate” (his unhinged words, not mine)! Number two, TRUMP wants his supporters to FIGHT TO THE DEATH to defend his fact-free claim that he won the 2020 presidential election! Got that? He’s not responsible for the fight! But he IS going to fight like hell! No contradiction here, PATRIOTS!
That’s why Donald Trump is headed to Alamo, Texas, today! Because we’re making our last stand! Our last, bloody, defiant, fight-to-the-death stand that has nothing to do with fighting, or death, which the president doesn’t support, but it would be totally cool for him to support it, if he did, according to him!
The president’s niece, Mary Trump, knows. She says the president is going to Alamo, Texas because he “undoubtedly” wants to invoke the violent symbolism behind the historic battle of the Alamo, where almost everyone died. And LOVING PRESIDENT T wants the same for all PATRIOTS and their families!
His heart is in the RIGHT place! Unfortunately, his location is about 225 miles off. Because THE ALAMO, the site of the famous battle Trump is apparently trying to invoke, is in San Antonio. And Alamo, Texas, where the president is headed, is not. But, knowing Trump, it’s possible he meant for his visit to take place at an Alamo Rent-a-car, in part of some kind of synergistic branding attempt, like his fraud press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
But, if there’s one POSITIVE to come from the president’s HACKNEYED attempt to equate himself with those who died fighting at the Alamo, it’s that he has stoked the potential for more bloodshed! The president’s trip to Alamo “has Texas on edge and tensions a[re] ‘running dangerously high,’ according to Hidalgo County Judge Richard Cortez,” the Houston Chronicle reports.
Sometimes, though, you need a little light threatening to EXPERIENCE MAXIMUM FREEDOM. Republican Representative and HITLER ENTHUSIAST, Madison Cawthorn knows. Sure, Cawthorn called the terror attack on the Capitol by Trump supporters “sickening,” but that was AFTER the attack. Before the attack, he was on stage at the “Save America” rally helping incite Trump supporters’ attempt to execute the Vice President and Speaker of the House. And, we learned today that Cawthorn encouraged Trump supporters who didn’t want to accept the MATH of the election results to call and “lightly threaten” their Congressmen, and to tell them that they are “coming after them.” If that’s not AMERICAN VALUES, then I don’t want to be an American anymore! I want to be like Madison Cawthorn and IDOLIZE A REAL PATRIOT, LIKE HITLER!
And before all the HATEFUL LEFTISTS get their panties in a bunch over Cawthorn’s words, which were met with raucous applause by the Trump supporters, I’d like to just point out there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION between Cawthorn’s encouragement of violent threats and the actions of Trump supporters who DID EXACTLY THAT!
Uh-oh, I’m starting to get dizzy from the smell of my own bullshit. Better get my head back in the game!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
Okay, ready to get back to terrorizing America because I jUsT lOvE tHiS cOuNtRy So GoDdAmN mUcH!
ThEy’Re TrYiN’ tO rUiN mY lIfE bY cAlLiNg Me A tErRoRiSt!
And you know it was PATRIOTIC because there was a guy who looked like Chuck Norris at the “Murder the Vice President and House Speaker Rally” in Washington, too, even though it wasn’t really him.
In the end, a representative for Norris confirmed the man was not Chuck Norris, it was just a “look alike.” But rest assured, Chuck Norris still loves TRUMP! Well, you know what they say, “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . . except that books don’t really work that way, so it turns out Chuck Norris is a fucking idiot.”
“They were talking about 4,000 armed ‘patriots’ to surround the Capitol and prevent any Democrat from going in,” [Rep. Connor] Lamb [D-Pa] said. “They have published rules of engagement, meaning when you shoot and when you don’t. So this is an organized group that has a plan. They are committed to doing what they’re doing because I think in their minds, you know, they are patriots and they’re talking about 1776 and so this is now a contest of wills.”
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PATRIOTS, I’ve spent the last 24 hours making piss-poor excuses for our PATRIOTIC assault on our nation’s capitol and defending our right to PROUDLY COMMIT SEDITION, but the time has come to STOP PULLING OUR PUNCHES and speak the truth. No, not the FACTUAL TRUTH promoted by the liberal conspiracy known as “reality.” I’m talking about REAL, GUT-LEVEL TRUTH. The truth that just came to LIGHT! The FAKE TRUTH! The truth that the thousands of anti-America terrorists who assaulted the U.S. Capitol building demanding that Trump be installed as dictator of THESE FREE UNITED STATES were actually COVERT OPERATIVES of the IMAGINARY LEFTIST ORGANIZATION KNOWN AS ANTIFA!
Republican PRO-AMERICA TERRORIST MATT GAETZ got it right when he returned to the House of Representatives last night after being forced into hiding for five hours by these TRUMP-FLAG-WAVING LEFTISTS whose sedition killed four Americans in their VIOLENT COUP ATTEMPT.
LISTEN AND HEAR, SHEEPLE!
“The Washington Times has just reported some pretty compelling evidence from a facial recognition company showing that some of the people who breached the capitol today were not Trump supporters. They were masquerading as Trump supporters and, in fact, were members of the violent terrorist group ANTIFA.”PRO-TERRORIST PATRIOT MATT GAETZ
ANTIFA! The sane, rational, fact-loving supporters of Donald Trump would never engage in the terrorist acts we saw on Capitol Hill! Trump supporters are always calm and respectful! Evidence shows THAT THIS WAS ANTIFA!
PATRIOTS, this PRO-DEMOCRACY CONSPIRACY against Trump is SO BIG that the company that allegedly produced the only evidence for it maintains that the entire conspiracy theory is “outright false.” The facial recognition company that Matt Gaetz and The Washington Times reported on never even made any such claims! They say the claims are “outright false, misleading, and defamatory.” My head hurts!
So, PATRIOTS, there are only two options. Option #1: Matt Gaetz and The Washington Times are KNOWING LIARS who seek the collapse of the U.S. Government so that their FASCIST PRINCE Donald Trump can seize control of the country by force. Or, Option #2: Despite there being no evidence it was ANTIFA, it really was ANTIFA who stormed the U.S. Capitol RIGHT AFTER Donald Trump ordered and incited his own supporters to storm the capitol.
I know OPTION #2 sounds A LOT MORE PLAUSIBLE TO ME!
After all, DOES THIS REALLY LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS TO YOU?
White people. Trump flags. No black people in sight. Viking hats. Neck beards. Trump hats. Cops taking selfies with the rioters. No masks. Confederate flags.
These are the HALLMARKS OF ANTIFA!
SHUT UP FAKE YORK TIMES! We don’t need your liberally biased reality! It was ANTIFA and you know it! You SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, LEFTIST SCUM! If you don’t shut up, we’ll storm the Capitol and BURN! THIS! WHOLE! MUTHER! FUCKING! COUNTRY! TO! THE! GROUND!
WE DON’T CARE! WE’LL DO IT!
STOP THE STEAL!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! Q!
Whew. Sorry. ANTIFA just took over my fingers for a second and tried to frame me as a violent lunatic. Gotta tighten up that tin-foil hat.
Patriots, Trump support is about love. Love and peace. ANTIFA is about destroying democracy, by violent, extra-judicial actions (like counting legally cast, Dim-o-cratic votes).
ANTIFA is trying so hard to make Trump supporters look bad that its members also dressed up as Nazis to try to sully the good name of the destructive, pro-Trump riot. Fake ANTIFA Proud Boys wore slogans endorsing the extermination of Jewish people, something Trump supporters would clearly never endorse. Right?
Don’t say Charlottesville! ANTIFA would say Charlottesville right now!
The LEFT wants you to believe that ALL TRUMP supporters are anti-American lunatics who are lost in their own mindless support of a dictator and who seek to overthrow Democracy because they didn’t get what they wanted on Election Day. RESIST IT, PATRIOTS!
WE, PATRIOTS, ARE NOT WHO WE APPEAR TO BE! We love this country above all else! We love freedom and democracy! We seek the truth! We have compassion! We value Christian values!
Don’t let VIDEO EVIDENCE convince you that the TRUMP MOVEMENT is a DERANGED, ANTI-AMERICAN COUP against everything our country represents! THE VIDEO IS ANTIFA! Don’t let violent terrorists dressed as TRUMP supporters convince you that TRUMP support now means supporting violent terrorism! The terrorists are ANTIFA. ANTIFA NEWS! ANTIFA NEWS! Don’t let the resignation of top officials in the Trump government in protest of the president’s support for this coup convince you that the people who know Trump best know he is an insane man who doesn’t love this country. Those officials are ANTIFA! Don’t let the president’s own words saying he “loves” the terrorists who assaulted the peaceful transition of power in the U.S. convince you that the president “loves” terrorists! His words are ANTIFA!
REMEMBER, PATRIOTS, we can do whatever we want, and there will NEVER BE CONSEQUENCE. We can, and should, as TRAITOROUS SCUM Mitt Romney so eloquently put it last night, “weigh our own political fortunes more heavily than we weigh the strength of our republic.”
No matter how badly we behave, no matter how much violence, and death and destruction our tribe of TRUMP-SUPPORTING freedom haters inflicts, we must always remember, “We have met the enemy, AND THE ENEMY IS ANTIFA!!!!!!” The enemy is not us!
ANTI-DEMOCRACY PATRIOT TUCKER CARLSON of Fox News summed the day up in the wake of the death and destruction that the president he and all America-loving Republicans still support, when he told TRUMP supporters the REAL truth.
“If you don’t bother to pause and learn a single thing from it, from your citizens storming your Capitol Building, then you’re a fool. You lack wisdom and you lack self-awareness. You have no place running a country. We got to this sad chaotic day for a reason. It is not your fault. It is their fault.”TUCKER “NOT-YET-AN-ANTIFA” CARLSON
We are not missing the point! ANTIFA is missing the point!
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PATRIOTS, for nine months, Americans have been suffering, struggling to pay rent, pay for food, and pay for pretty much anything that isn’t free. But fear not, AMERICAN SUBJECTS, because heroic Republicans are here to help (finally)! After nine months of blocking passage of a Democratic bill that would have offered much-needed relief to suffering Americans, we’ve seen a TRUE GREAT CONJUNCTION, a once-in-800-year-event, and Republican Senators are BACK IN WASHINGTON AGAIN, to vote against much-needed relief!
The COMMUNISTS behind the new WEALTH STEAL BILL want to take $600 out of the JOB CREATOR’S pocket and send it to every long-suffering American whose lives have been upended by Republicans’ pro-pandemic policies, when those Americans have ONLY been suffering for nine months! TALK ABOUT LEFTIST ECONOMIC POLICY! Why don’t we just take some of that money that should go to the rich and give it to the poor? I mean (laughs nervously while waiting for everyone to agree with me). . . it’s just. . . so ridiculous.
Six Republican Senate PATRIOTS knew that this LIBERAL LEFTIST HANDOUT crafted by Republican Leader Mitch McConnell was far too generous to WELFARE QUEENS like the 20% of American adults who can’t afford to feed their children. So those CONSERVATIVE HEROES, who have heroically supported President Trump’s 4-year struggle to reach RECORD deficit levels–Senators Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, Ted Cruz of Texas, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Mike Lee of Utah, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Rick Scott of Florida–voted “HELL NO” on this OVERLY-GENEROUS, LEFTIST handout of $600 to every American.
SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?! That’s a whopping $20 for every week of suffering since the first CARES Act was signed by President T on March 27! Why don’t we just give every American healthcare while we’re at it? Why don’t we just give everyone the Taj Mahal for CHRISTmas?
If these WELFARE QUEENS can’t live on $20 a week, maybe they need to get a job as a Wall Street Executive so they can learn something about FINANCE!
Unfortunately, Patriots, the bill passed the Senate 92 to 6, and so now, it’s up to PRESIDENT Donald Trump to stop it with a veto! Something he doesn’t seem to want to do, but just give it some time, because he usually comes through and does what’s worst for the American people. Have faith, PATRIOTS!
Meanwhile, those Republican heroes who opposed the massive $600 COMMIE WAGE, as I call it, stood up to the fact that millions are unable to afford food, by pointing out some TRUE fake lies about the bill! Trump supporters around the internet are pushing the president to VETO the bill based on the ALTERNATIVE FACT that the bill contains billions of dollars for FOREIGN countries like Israel and Egypt, and LIBERAL priorities like the KENNEDY CENTER! And just because that claim wasn’t in any way TRUE, lib-o-crats got IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERED by this attempt to torpedo their $600 GOLDEN GOOSE!
It doesn’t matter if my opposition is real or not, if this bill is going to give even a sliver of financial help to Americans while Donald J(ust trying to kill every American citizen) Trump is still MY PRESIDENT, he MUST VETO!!!!!!
GET ON THE TRUMP TRAIN, PATRIOTS, and OPPOSE THAT MEASLEY $600 CHECK. Let’s get a BIGGER STIMULUS check, just like the one MY PRESIDENT Donald Trump opposed in July along with the more generous COVID relief bill that would have included things like, oh, let’s see, more generous unemployment benefits for struggling Americans. Wait, I’m confused. . . what exactly do I stand for as a REAL PATRIOT? I’m against the $600 check, but I’m also against the more generous bill because PRESIDENT T opposed it, but he agreed with the Republicans who I’m also against because they supported the $600 bill. My head hurts!
As a PATRIOT, what the f*** do I support?
Oh, I think I figured it out!
We will not be satisfied until we get what we really want: NOTHING. NOTHING OR NOTHING, LIBS! Your choice.
Meanwhile, let’s make sure we, as TRUE REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS keep CONSERVATIVE politicians in office. People like Republican Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa, who claimed a few months ago that the EVIL doctors and nurses risking their lives at hospitals were FALSIFYING death certificates in order to inflate COVID statistics! Yesterday, Sen. Ernst did what any good PATRIOT would do and jumped ahead of those healthcare workers in the line to get the life-saving vaccine for the virus she helped spread through false conspiracy theories! If those aren’t REPUBLICAN VALUES, I don’t know what are!
Also getting the REAL VACCINE to the FAKE HOAX VIRUS they helped PATRIOTICALLY SPREAD were heroes like Lindsey Graham, and Marco Rubio, who isn’t even old enough to fall into a high-risk category but HEROICALLY TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM and got the life-saving vaccine so one of those EVIL, LYING FIRST RESPONDERS could learn about HARD WORK, RESPONSIBILITY, and pulling their immune system up by its own bootstraps, or something. I don’t know!
The point is, the THIN RED LINE of Republicans in Congress is the only thing stopping America from becoming a real “shithole” country! Right?
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Patriots, there’s no debating that America is safer, freer, and more prosperous than ever before thanks to the strong, courageous LEADERSHIP of PRESIDENT DONALD J(ust kidding because he actually sucks at being President) TRUMP! We’ve unleashed the American economy to a BIG, BEAUTIFUL SPIRAL OF DECLINE for all but Trump’s wealthiest cronies, we’ve CRUSHED OUR REAL ENEMIES, including Earth’s habitable climate and our allies in Europe, and we’ve wreaked PATRIOTIC DEATH across our own land with a TREMENDOUS HERD IMMUNITY STRATEGY that has killed more Americans than World War II thanks to Donald Trump’s “best people” being in charge, like a science adviser who said SMART things about Americans including, “We want them infected.” But now, Democracy-hugging liberals are trying to undo our TREMENDOUS REGRESS by FAIRLY COUNTING THE VOTES in a (non)FRAUDULENT Presidential election that Trump clearly won, as long as you only count yard signs and not votes.
So let me say something that might be controversial, but which all of us REAL PATRIOTS are CLEARLY THINKING! If Donald J(Jesus Christ) Trump can’t be MY NEXT president, then not only do I not want to live in America anymore, but I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AN AMERICA AT ALL! AMERICA ISN’T WORTH PROTECTING UNLESS TRUMP IS ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN CHARGE OF DESTROYING IT!
Like all Republican PATRIOTS, I’ve heroically and quietly cowered over the past four years as Donald Trump has taken control of the Party of Lincoln and laid waste to every single principle I used to pretend to cherish, from crippling our national security by “falling in love” every authoritarian strongman to hove into his field of vision, to ratcheting our national debt to never-before-seen levels, to napalming the LIBERAL IDEAS of that FAKE CULT OF LEFTISTS that used to FRAUDULENTLY call themselves Republicans. You know which cult I’m talking about. No, not #NeverTrumpers. I’m talking about Christians, of course. Why would I, a TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, want to follow the teachings of Christ when I could follow a thrice-divorced, 26-time-sexual-misconduct-accused, serial-lying, baby-imprisoning, corruption-encouraging, unable-to-name-a-single-book-of-the-bible, never-needed-to-ask-for-forgiveness former reality TV host?
I wouldn’t. There’s no room for that LEFTIST ANTIFA MEMBER called JESUS in my Conservative’s Holy Trinity of Trump, Putin and Lou Dobbs.
But there’s always more room on the TRUMP TREASON TRAIN of loyal, boot-licking sycophants. Ol’ “LIDDLE” MARCO RUBIO is proudly hopping on that train today with a BIGLY ADDITION to the PRO-TRUMP, ANTI-AMERICA TWEET HALL OF FAME.
Yeah, LIBS! I agree with “LIDDLE”! Why can’t you find a president who’s as presidential as Joe Biden’s incoming Deputy Chief-Of-Staff? Biden’s out here talking about unity and healing like an ANTI-TRUMP RINO (Republican In Name Only) while his incoming Deputy Chief Of Staff has used the BAD WORD “f***ers” to refer to HEROIC PATRIOTS LIKE MARCO RUBIO who compromised all their values and gambled the future of the United States on a dictator-hugging invalid just to preserve their own future electoral prospects to be leaders of the PATRIOTIC, anti-AMERICA TRUMP cult.
This, PATRIOTS, is exactly why it’s Donald Trump’s America or nobody’s America at all. I will happily ride this TRUMP TRAIN all the way off the half-finished bridge of ideas that it runs on, gleefully defending the utter destruction of America because the alternative is Joe Biden as president. No way! We can’t have people who use the word “f***er” (it’s so bad I won’t even print it) working for the next president! We need to keep our current president who says things ALIGNED WITH REPUBLICAN VALUES, like calling black people “sons-of-bitches,” calling countries “shit-holes”, praising congressional candidates who bodyslam reporters, “both sides-ing” White Supremacy, and saying “fuck” in TV interviews.
Needless to say, this take is TOO TRIGGERING to STUPID LIB REPUBLICANS WHO LOVE AMERICA MORE THAN TRUMP:
But this is about more than just stopping Democrats from using naughty words as adjectives when it’s totally warranted. This is about the prosperous future of America, the future that all good Republicans have now aligned themselves against. Will this be Joe Biden’s America (that’s bad BTW), or will it be a CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN AMERICA (the good kind of America) led by a HERO like Trump, or at the very least a PATRIOT like Vladimir Putin?
We’re already doing our part, PATRIOTS! It’s not just thanks to Republican Senate heroes like RUSSIA RON Johnson, who works tirelessly for the PATRIOTIC cause of ending Democratic elections in the United States everyday. It’s not just Donald Trump’s past amplification of Russian disinformation designed to help his 2016 campaign and potential obstruction of justice to cover that up. It’s not just Trump’s private meetings with PATRIOT PUTIN of which records are sealed, and of course, Trump’s public statements siding with RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA over the statements of American intelligence gatherers. Nope, today we learned that the MOST PATRIOTIC REPUBLICAN destruction of America’s standing and security has been carried out by Trump in just the last few months.
We learned this thanks to a LEAK by LEFTIST, COMMUNIST Tom Bossert, the former homeland security adviser to President Trump (Secret lib? Note: Check before publishing.) and deputy homeland security adviser to LEFTIST President George W. Bush. Bossert writes in the LIBERAL RAG New York Times that “the networks of the federal government and much of corporate America are now compromised by a foreign nation,” which, he says, is almost certainly Russia, and he says that TRUMP (TRUMP! TRUMP!) is about to leave the U.S. Government in this state of “compromise” (I assume because he’s too busy retweeting Lou Dobbs).
The Russians have had access to a considerable number of important and sensitive networks for six to nine months. The Russian S.V.R. will surely have used its access to further exploit and gain administrative control over the networks it considered priority targets. . . It will take years to know for certain which networks the Russians control and which ones they just occupy. . . The logical conclusion is that we must act as if the Russian government has control of all the networks it has penetrated. . . The access the Russians now enjoy could be used for far more than simply spying. . . President Trump is on the verge of leaving behind a federal government, and perhaps a large number of major industries, compromised by the Russian government.Tom Bossert, LEFTIST-SCUM FORMER TRUMP ADVISER
Wait, I thought the Democrats liked “compromise”? Hypocrites much, LIBS?
Bossert says President-elect Biden “must begin his planning to take charge of this crisis” and should “assume that communications about this matter are being read by Russia.” He calls on Trump and Biden to work together for the good of the country. LIKE LEFTIST SCUM!
First of all, Bossert, TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT ELECT, if you count only TRUMP VOTES, like the Constitution instructs–or at least it should. Second, work “together”? No! It’s TRUMP OR NOTHING for Republicans, just like it always has been for RUSSIA RON, MOSCOW MITCH, LIDDLE MARCO, the various Republicans in Congress that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy says “Putin pays,” and of course CAPTAIN KOMPROMAT, President T! We won’t be fooled by more LEFTIST PROPAGANDA by a former TRUMP adviser.
PATRIOTS, REPUBLICANS, EVANGELICALS, RUSSIANS, SELF-INTERESTED POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS, we must all stand together now, or we shall hang separately! We must downplay and ignore this threat, while continuing to pretend that Donald Trump isn’t totally fucking up the job of the presidency and threatening the lives of every single American. We must FINISH THE JOB that we Republicans started four years ago with the election of Donald J(onestown) Trump, the most PATRIOTICALLY unfit candidate for president in American history, and we must DESTROY THIS COUNTRY so Joe Biden can never become president and turn it into a LEFTIST HELL-SCAPE that gives its suffering citizens more than $600 for every eight months of pandemic suffering.
America Isn’t Worth Protecting Unless Trump Is Allowed To Keep Destroying It, Libs!
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The attacks in Paris, horrific as they were, brought out the best in humanity. In our darkest hour, the bright lights of libertè shone brightly. Mankind stood up to the barbarity of those who would see the accomplishments of civilization rolled back. It declared in one voice, “We will not be afraid.”
Freedom rings, whether in the form of a HEROIC PATRIOT who blindly slams closed the door to safety in the face of refugees fleeing violence and persecution, or in the form of ANOTHER HEROIC PATRIOT who isn’t afraid to call freedom’s enemy by its real name: BARACK OBAMA.
Republicans did what they always do in times of crisis…LEAD.
I found this comprehensive list of the most heroic statements made by TRUE PATRIOTS since the Paris attacks. Here are the highlights:
The junior senator from Texas just introduced a bill in the Senate to ban any Muslim refugees from Syria.
Only Christian refugees, says Cruz. It’s a totally understandable position, because like the Constitution clearly says, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof… but if you’re not from around these here parts, we’ll totally make laws that say what religion you can be.” Principles. Founding principles. Let’s get back to ’em.
And Cruz clearly understands what Obama can’t, which is, it is that easy to spot a Muslim. Just look at ’em. They stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd of Syrian refugees.
Brown skin, don’t let ’em in, right? Boom. WHY CAN’T WE ELECT THIS MAN PRESIDENT???
Cruz knows the only thing that matters is helping people who are like you. And why not? It’s not like he worships a guy who told a parable about a guy helping another guy who was of a different ethnoreligious group, in order to illustrate the meaning of the word “neighbor.”
2. MIKE HUCKABEE: HUCK-A-BIGOTRY
On Fox News Radio on Sunday, he said this about his plans for Syrian refugees: “Heck, we may take them to the University of Missouri. … A lot of the students are so stressed out from feeling unsafe because somebody said a word they didn’t like that they are not using their dorm rooms anymore. Maybe we can put them there.”
Yeah, those bastards at Mizzou left their perfectly good poop-swastika covered dorms just because people were threatening to shoot them up. Well, let’s see how they like it when we put a bunch of Syrians there. You guys kinda miss that poop-swastika now, don’t cha? Well, that’s what you get for not appreciating the opportunity to enjoy 2 American values, guns and racism, firsthand.
Yep, put the refugees in the Mizzou dorms. It solves 2 problems: keeping terrorists out of our country and getting those lazy blacks off the couch and into the workforce.
Oh, wait, no it doesn’t. Oh well.
Mike Huckabee isn’t obligated to help the suffering and the poor. It’s not like he fanatically claims that all of his decisions are guided by a guy who said we should give away our possessions and help the less fortunate without any thought of ourselves.
He’s under no obligation to love his neighbor.
“So you don’t like that great idea?said Huckabee. “Fine. How about this one?”
“[L]isten, all of these feel good liberals who say we ought to be taking in refugees, how come they never end up in the neighborhood where the limousine liberal lives? Behind gated communities and with armed security around. Mrs. Clinton, you have suggested we take in 65,00 refugees, how many can we bring to your neighborhood in Chappaqua? Can you please just give us a number. That would be the question that I would like to ask her.”
(“Please” give us a number, Mrs. Clinton. Huckabee is definitely the most polite bigot.)
Yeah, why don’t we just put the refugees in the homes of the “limousine liberals.” Or better yet, the “private plane progressives”? Maybe even the “Diamond ring democrats”. All those liberals are so rich, not like Republicans. Let them solve the world’s problems and us Republicans will continue to do our job: causing problems.
“In Syria, take a big swatch of land, which, believe me, you get for the right price, OK? … What I’d like is build a safe zone … build a big, beautiful safe zone, and you have whatever it is so people can live, and they’ll be happier.”
(Not the worst idea. Close to it.)
Trump has stumbled upon a great solution here. Put the refugees in refugee camp–I mean “safe zones”. Yeah, safe zones. What’s not to like, they’re safe because they’re in a safe zone.
It’s so easy.
I bet when the millions of displaced persons in Syria and the refugees living in camps nearby hear about the safe zone they’re going to be thilled. Finally they’ll be safe. Safe from the violence and mistreatment of the typical refugee camp. Safe from the barrel bombs targeting civilians which are frequently dropped by the Assad regime. Safe from ISIS.
So, who’s going to keep them safe? Like all of the questions about Trump’s policies, the answer is surprisingly simple: Don’t worry about it.
Trump will simply tell you what you need to know: It’ll be the biggest, most luxurious safe zone you’ve ever… You’ll be very happy there, believe me.
Believe him. He’s God.
First he tries to tell us the climate is changing.
And just because he’s “infallible” we’re supposed to believe him.
Nice try Pope, but would an infallible man drive a FIAT??? I think not.
What fun is that?
This conviction has led me, from the beginning of my ministry, to advocate at different levels for the global abolition of the death penalty. I am convinced that this way is the best, since every life is sacred, every human person is endowed with an inalienable dignity, and society can only benefit from the rehabilitation of those convicted of crimes. Recently my brother bishops here in the United States renewed their call for the abolition of the death penalty. Not only do I support them, but I also offer encouragement to all those who are convinced that a just and necessary punishment must never exclude the dimension of hope and the goal of rehabilitation.
“Eye for an eye,” that’s what the REAL, OLD-SCHOOL GOD taught. None of this PC, liberal “Do unto others” BS that the Pope and his buddy “Jesus” are laying down. Go back to your Bernie Sanders rally, hippies.
Coincidentally, the Pope also laid that “Do unto others” propaganda down during his speech to congress…
We need to avoid a common temptation nowadays: to discard whatever proves troublesome. Let us remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
What?!?! “Discard whatever proves troublesome” is LITERALLY the motto that Fox News reporters live by when they report their stories. I’m beginning to think this Pope doesn’t understand anything about being a Christian (Conservative). He needs to stop taking selfies and watch some Hannity.
Speaking of watching Hannity, I’m hoping that’s where Supreme Court Justices (and people who have the power to abolish the death penalty) Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, and Antonin Scalia were, because they WISELY decided not to attend Pope-bama’s speech. That’s right, the three CATHOLIC Supreme Court justices who support the death penalty couldn’t find time in their busy schedules to see the Pope. I applaud this. Why would these all-powerful, lifetime appointees take time for a lowly elected official like the Pope. It would really be beneath them as, I’m assuming, would be listening to God’s representative on Earth.
But while these three old men did well in cowering from the dangerous message of peace and acceptance delivered by an elderly, foreign man in a white robe, the real hero of the day was Republican Congressman Paul Gosar. Yes, this proud member of the United States Congress boldly condemned the Pope for making EVERY. FUCKING. THING. into a divisive, poltical talking point.
As he wrote in a blistering, anti-Pope, liberty-sausage of an editorial for TownHall…
Media reports indicate His Holiness…intends to focus the brunt of his speech on climate change– a climate that has been changing since first created in Genesis. More troubling is the fact that this climate change talk has adopted all of the socialist talking points, wrapped false science and ideology into “climate justice” and is being presented to guilt people into leftist policies… If the Pope plans to spend the majority of his time advocating for flawed climate change policies, then I will not attend.
And he did not attend. As Daily Kos put it, the Catholic Congressman was, “not willing to walk about 500 feet from his office in Cannon to the Capitol.” Suck on that, Pope, you self-righteous dick! Who do you think you are to spew your Communist ideas in PAUL GOSAR’S WORKPLACE?!?! WHO ARE YOU to make PAUL GOSAR walk 500 feet?!?! THIS IS AMERICA! NOBODY walks 500 feet, here!
…Unless we’re walking to the ranch of a crazy racist who wants to start a shooting war with the U.S. Government. Paul Gosar did that…
…last year the congressman had the interest and the time to travel thousands of miles to criminal rancher Cliven Bundy’s compound in Nevada. Gosar joined a knuckle-dragging gaggle of Arizona legislators like Chemtrail Queen Sen. Kelli Ward, who caravanned to the armed camp during the standoff with BLM. The Arizonans took photographs with the bigot Bundy and spoke with local media about freedumb and shit, then returned home and plastered the pictures on their websites—that is until the old coot told the world what he knows “about the Negro.” Then the web photos disappeared…
Racist rancher, Paul Gosar, Death Penalty, Not Doing Unto Others=Good.
Got it? Okay, great. Now let’s get to work.
Of course, there are some who seem to have fallen under the spell of the Pontiff’s DANGEROUS MESSAGE OF LOVE FOR OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.
I am calling on Fox News to FIRE THESE PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY…
Starting with Sheppard Smith, who said this…
“I think we are in a weird place in the world when the following things are considered political. Five things, I’m going to tick them off. These are the five things that were on his and our president’s agenda. Caring for the marginalized and the poor — that’s now political. Advancing economic opportunity for all. Political? Serving as good stewards of the environment. Protecting religious minorities and promoting religious freedom globally. Welcoming [and] integrating immigrants and refugees globally. And that’s political?”
“I think these were the teachings in the Bible of Jesus. They’re the words of the pope, they’re the feelings of the president. And people who find themselves on the other side of that message should consult a mirror, it seems like.”
Shep, I really think you need to read your Bible, specifically Matthew 17:31 “Blessed are those who say ‘Fuck the poor’,” and the Letter From St. Paul to the EPA extolling the virtues of “clean coal”.
Or maybe we’re reading different Bibles…
The man made a perfectly reasonable point about Muslims, or as I like to call them, Obamas, because Obama is a Muslim, as this man clearly knew, because he came armed with FACTS!!!
Here’s the exchange (CAPITALIZATION added for emphasis on the PATRIOTIC PARTS)…
MAN: “We have a PROBLEM in this country… It’s called MUSLIMS. We know our current president IS ONE.”
Now, at this point, I can see no controversy whatsoever. Let’s continue…
MAN: “You know he’s NOT even AMERICAN.”
Oh, he knows. He knows…
TRUMP: “We NEED this QUESTION, this is the FIRST QUESTION.”
MAN: “We have TRAINING CAMPS growing where THEY WANT TO KILL US… That’s my question…
What? It’s not.
MAN: WHEN CAN WE GET RID OF THEM?”
There’s a question…
TRUMP: “We’re going to be LOOKING AT A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS. A LOT of people are saying that, and A LOT of people are saying that BAD THINGS are happening out there. We’re going to be looking at THAT AND PLENTY OF OTHER THINGS.”
Is this the same unspecified “lot of people” who say that the Constitution doesn’t guarantee birthright citizenship? ‘Cause I like those people.
I’d like to meet them.
Anyway, I see nothing remotely controversial in Trump’s comments. He simply agreed with THE FACT that President Obama, wasn’t born in America, which is familiar to Fox News viewers, because Trump said it on Fox, dozens of times–and which also happens to sound completely insane to everyone else…because they are wrong–and he also agreed that Muslims are building camps in the United States from which to attack us and that he’s going to “look into it.” This is also a confirmed news story from a reputable, non-MSM/non-libtarded source.
Just because there isn’t any evidence doesn’t mean it’s not true libs…
Which should be the Trump campaign’s standard response to all media inquiries about his comments by now.
But of course, all the libs FREAKED OUT…because they don’t understand that civil rights don’t apply to Obamas…
But maybe there is a silver lining to all of this anti-Christian outrage…
Welcome to This Old House with Donald Trump.
This week, we’ll learn how to build a 30-foot, 40-foot, or even 50-foot, anti-rapist wall with just a few pieces of pre-cast plank and a hefty dose of bigotry…