Well, PATRIOTS, it’s official. Joseph Robinette SLEEPY HIDIN’ Biden is now the President of the United States. OUR MAGA CULT’S tremendous run of destruction, violence, lies and idiocy is over. We had a good run. We tore down a lot of things (not statues, though). Killed a lot of people, more people than many even thought possible. But, like the Bible says (I assume, because like Trump, I’ve never read it) “For everything there is a season, A time for every activity under heaven.” And, so the season of MAGA is at an end. Its terror and boastfulness will live on for decades, its consequences far-reaching, eternally harmful to our country, as the actions of ALL TRUE PATRIOTS should be. But today it is time for a new season, a season of peace, of hope, of competent presidential leadership, rather than pillaging self-enrichment and self-aggrandizing.
Today begins the season of BIDEN, and I, like the outgoing President of the United States…
…’s Vice President, Mike Pence, wish President Biden good luck.
JUST KIDDING! I’m going to go immediately into REPUBLICAN SPIN MODE, and I’m going to hypocritically attack everything Biden does, whether it’s good, bad, or indifferent! Why? I’m a REPUBLICAN who hates AMERICA. That’s why!
Biden began his term with a call for unity, healing and truth. He said at one point in his Inaugural Address, “There is truth and there are lies – lies told for power and profit.” As a loyal TRUMP supporter, I have NO IDEA who he was referring to with this non-sequitur, but I assume it was some, lying SCUM-o-CRAT.
Then, Biden, said what we’ve all been thinking, that “democracy is fragile,” which was a clear reference to the dangers posed by the TEAM OF COMPETENT STATESMEN AND STATESWOMEN Biden plans to install in power in place of TRUMP’S COALITION OF WINGNUTS, who sought to overthrow the government.
WE MUST REMAIN VIGILANT PATRIOTS! The danger to Democracy has arrived with the EXIT OF DICTATOR TRUMP!
We, PATRIOTS, must now begin living in fear, the same FEAR we RIGHTFULLY INFLICTED on all the persecuted and underprivileged Americans during our REIGN OF TERROR, I mean, GLORIOUS REIGN OF TRUMP! Sleep in fear, now, PATRIOTS, FEAR OF THE BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE OF HOPE AND OPTIMISM delivered by this HELL-NAUGURATION of HIDIN’ BIDEN!
In just one of the scenes from this DISGRACEFUL REFUTATION OF TRUMP’S SPITEFUL, DESTRUCTIVE, PATRIOTIC VISION OF AMERICA’S FUTURE, Amanda Gorman, a young, talented POET–the most EVIL of all LEFTIST professions–recited a message of hope. HOPE! I mean, really, what hope can we, the white persecuted, have at a time like this? We’ve lost our RIGHTS! We can’t even burn down the Capitol Building anymore!
Amanda Gorman, poet, said, ““We will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one … There is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.”
Disgrace! How far our national rhetoric and tone has fallen under the FAILED BIDEN ADMINISTRATION that has been in power for a full TWO HOURS! Compare that tolerant mumbo-jumbo to Trump’s POETRY at his rally to destroy America on January 6. . .
“…late in the evening or early in the morning, boom. These explosions of bullshit, and all of the sudden —all of a sudden, it started to happen.”DONALD TRUMP
Now that’s what I call POETRY!
The HELL-NAUGURATION of Biden also saw the swearing in of the first black and Asian-American Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris. LIB-TARDS called it a historic step for our country. I call it a SAD NEW LOW for TRUMPISM. Now, I’ve got nothing against black people, but [insert contrived rationalization for why a black person shouldn’t be VP here].
I’m not intolerant, PATRIOTS. I’m just not tolerant. That’s all. And if that makes me a bad person, then, I guess I’m guilty as charged (but don’t worry because I’ll probably get a pardon from TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! (What’s that?? He can’t pardon me after he leaves office??? Damn.))
On this HELL-NAUGURATION DAY, we saw the TRIUMVIRATE OF LEFTISTS (as I call them)–composed of Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lopez, and Lady Gaga–assemble to wreak their UN-AMERICAN ideals of joy and tolerance on OUR country. Just look at Michelle Obama! LOOK AT HER! LOOK!
I AM OUTRAGED!!! (I’m not sure about what, but give me a second, I’ll figure it out (Dang! She looks dignified. She’s everything Melania wasn’t AND I HATE HER!!!)
Lady Gaga showed up for a brief pop-in on her way to BIDEN’S HUNGER GAMES, I assume, to ABSOLUTELY BUTCHER our National Anthem, by singing it instead of mocking it, like TRUMP did.
Then, J-LO told everyone to “get loud” after she sang “This Land Is Your Land.” Really, J-LO? “Your” land? WRONG! THIS IS TRUMP SUPPORTERS’ LAND! IF YOU DON’T LOVE IT, LEAVE IT! (Or storm the Capitol and then call it “patriotism.”)
And, just when things seemed they couldn’t get any worse, COUNTRY MUSIC HERO GARTH BROOKS revealed he’s a been closet AMERICAN all along. I thought he was a REPUBLICAN! TREASON! TREASON!
But the thing that sticks out the most to me, PATRIOTS, is that for the first time in the last four years, a MENTALLY ILL MADMAN WHO DEMONSTRABLY HATES AMERICA IS IN CHARGE OF THE NUCLEAR CODES! I am of course referring to Joe Biden, in case you didn’t get that.
PATRIOTS, it’s a fresh start for America today. The GREAT STAIN ON OUR NATIONAL CONSCIENCE is gone. Whoops! Sorry, a little bit of honesty slipped out there. I mean, A GREAT PATRIOTIC DICTATOR has gone into exile. There we go. Fixed it.
We’ve seen the dawn of a new administration, an administration that promises to respect history, science, fact, and the rights of all Americans to live in peace and safety. DISGUSTING! We’ve seen responsibility and sanity return to the highest office in our land. SICK! We’ve breathed a sigh of relief that our democracy has not yet become the victim of a self-interested, narcissistic, destructive power-grab that exploits the worst in people to pillage the work that our forefathers worked so hard to create. LOSERS!
America has survived TRUMP!
I’m sorry to say, we failed patriots. We tried our best to tear it down, but we finally found the limits of our own incompetence, when it came to successfully carrying out our coup. Now, we must suffer four years of Democracy, tolerance and sanity.
I think TRUMP’S CHILDREN speak for all of us, patriots, when they say, “WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! BOO! HOO!”
And to the rest of you TOLERANT, LEFTIST BASTARDS, I say, enjoy your precious AMERICA! We’ll be back in four years to try and destroy it again, if you’re not careful!
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What’s that Floridians?
You already made that Armadillo into a stew and ate it?
Crank up some NUGENT, crack open O’Reilly’s latest “killing” book, and listen to some Rush Limbaugh. Research proves it’ll make you smarter. Continue reading
It’s three weeks into the NFL season, which means I’m either fanatically over-confident, like GOP Midterm watchers, in my 3-0 team’s performance or gradually beginning to lose interest, like President Obama, in my sub-undefeated team’s non-perfection.
Either way, nothing cheers me up like TRUTHMISSLES.COM’s weekly rundown of the most REAGAN-LIKE (best) and OBAMA-LIKE (worst) performances of week three in the “ALL-TRUTH TEAM”: