PATRIOTS, there are two things you need to remember. Number one, Donald Trump is not responsible for inciting that PATRIOTIC terrorist attack on the Capitol Building that he totally supports; he had nothing to do with it! Because his pre-coup attempt speech was “totally appropriate” (his unhinged words, not mine)! Number two, TRUMP wants his supporters to FIGHT TO THE DEATH to defend his fact-free claim that he won the 2020 presidential election! Got that? He’s not responsible for the fight! But he IS going to fight like hell! No contradiction here, PATRIOTS!
That’s why Donald Trump is headed to Alamo, Texas, today! Because we’re making our last stand! Our last, bloody, defiant, fight-to-the-death stand that has nothing to do with fighting, or death, which the president doesn’t support, but it would be totally cool for him to support it, if he did, according to him!
The president’s niece, Mary Trump, knows. She says the president is going to Alamo, Texas because he “undoubtedly” wants to invoke the violent symbolism behind the historic battle of the Alamo, where almost everyone died. And LOVING PRESIDENT T wants the same for all PATRIOTS and their families!
His heart is in the RIGHT place! Unfortunately, his location is about 225 miles off. Because THE ALAMO, the site of the famous battle Trump is apparently trying to invoke, is in San Antonio. And Alamo, Texas, where the president is headed, is not. But, knowing Trump, it’s possible he meant for his visit to take place at an Alamo Rent-a-car, in part of some kind of synergistic branding attempt, like his fraud press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
But, if there’s one POSITIVE to come from the president’s HACKNEYED attempt to equate himself with those who died fighting at the Alamo, it’s that he has stoked the potential for more bloodshed! The president’s trip to Alamo “has Texas on edge and tensions a[re] ‘running dangerously high,’ according to Hidalgo County Judge Richard Cortez,” the Houston Chronicle reports.
Sometimes, though, you need a little light threatening to EXPERIENCE MAXIMUM FREEDOM. Republican Representative and HITLER ENTHUSIAST, Madison Cawthorn knows. Sure, Cawthorn called the terror attack on the Capitol by Trump supporters “sickening,” but that was AFTER the attack. Before the attack, he was on stage at the “Save America” rally helping incite Trump supporters’ attempt to execute the Vice President and Speaker of the House. And, we learned today that Cawthorn encouraged Trump supporters who didn’t want to accept the MATH of the election results to call and “lightly threaten” their Congressmen, and to tell them that they are “coming after them.” If that’s not AMERICAN VALUES, then I don’t want to be an American anymore! I want to be like Madison Cawthorn and IDOLIZE A REAL PATRIOT, LIKE HITLER!
And before all the HATEFUL LEFTISTS get their panties in a bunch over Cawthorn’s words, which were met with raucous applause by the Trump supporters, I’d like to just point out there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION between Cawthorn’s encouragement of violent threats and the actions of Trump supporters who DID EXACTLY THAT!
Uh-oh, I’m starting to get dizzy from the smell of my own bullshit. Better get my head back in the game!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
Okay, ready to get back to terrorizing America because I jUsT lOvE tHiS cOuNtRy So GoDdAmN mUcH!
ThEy’Re TrYiN’ tO rUiN mY lIfE bY cAlLiNg Me A tErRoRiSt!
And you know it was PATRIOTIC because there was a guy who looked like Chuck Norris at the “Murder the Vice President and House Speaker Rally” in Washington, too, even though it wasn’t really him.
In the end, a representative for Norris confirmed the man was not Chuck Norris, it was just a “look alike.” But rest assured, Chuck Norris still loves TRUMP! Well, you know what they say, “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . . except that books don’t really work that way, so it turns out Chuck Norris is a fucking idiot.”
“They were talking about 4,000 armed ‘patriots’ to surround the Capitol and prevent any Democrat from going in,” [Rep. Connor] Lamb [D-Pa] said. “They have published rules of engagement, meaning when you shoot and when you don’t. So this is an organized group that has a plan. They are committed to doing what they’re doing because I think in their minds, you know, they are patriots and they’re talking about 1776 and so this is now a contest of wills.”
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We lost f***ing GEORGIA!
Patriots, there has been a shift in the balance of power in these UNITED STATES! The SCUM-O-CRATS have come back from the DEAD! TRUMPISM and its requisite FASCISM were CRUSHED last night in Georgia, the new HEADQUARTERS OF THE LEFTIST THREAT! RADICAL BLACK PRO-FREEDOM LIBERAL Raphael Warnock defeated Anti-American PATRIOT Kelly Loeffler last night in Georgia’s Senate runoff election. Worse, RADICAL WHITE PRO-FREEDOM LEFITST Jon Ossoff appears to be headed to victory in last night’s other Georgia Senate runoff election. This means that Democrats now control a majority in the U.S. Senate and COCAINE MOSCOW Mitch McConnell’s reign of Pro-Trump terror is over!
The American people are no longer going to be subject to the cynical whims of a racist, tyrannical minority of Republican PATRIOTS! Americans can see light at the end of the GLORIOUS, DARK, DESTRUCTIVE tunnel of TRUMPISM!
This is terrible!
Patriots, we’re f***ed!
And now, WE WILL ALL SUFFER the HORRORS of SOCIALIST RULE! The BLOODLETTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN. The $2,000 checks are being written! TERRIFYING!
We cannot survive an America that gives more money to its suffering citizens than its billionaire president’s hospitality businesses!
For the last four years, we GOP PATRIOTS have had a choice between America and Trump’s hateful, patriotic fascism. We RIGHTLY CHOSE the deal with the Devil. WE CHOSE TRUMP. We CHOSE FASCISM, like the founders wanted. We persecuted the ones who looked different than us! We turned away the huddled masses, yearning to be free! We mocked the suffering! We scolded the scientists and their precious facts! We killed the weak! We showered the strong with riches! We imprisoned babies! We denied the readily apparent truths that revealed our own folly! In short, we did everything that CHRIST, the second greatest leader of the GOP (behind Trump), would have done.
We enriched ourselves and shut off our minds! We submitted, like the FOUNDERS would have wanted!
And GOD has forsaken us!
Worse, GOD has forsaken his most trustworthy apostle, TRUMP!
GOD helped the LEFTISTS find 50,000 LEGALLY CAST votes, votes that should never have counted because they were CAST FOR DEMOCRATS! Legal Democrat votes are just like legal immigrants. I don’t want ’em in muh country!
Why GOD? Why have you put an end to TRUMP’S REIGN OF HATEFUL, INCOMPETENT TERROR!
Patriots, we must allow ourselves, for a moment, to do something we haven’t done in a long time. We must allow ourselves to think. We must think long and hard about what’s happened. We must search our souls for our better angels, and we must arrive at a conclusion. We must face the hard truth about all that we’ve done over the past four years, and we must realize that the answer has been so clear all along.
GOD IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST, AMERICA-HATING COMMUNIST!
It’s so obvious. How else could we have lost these elections that we were so obviously winning until the Democratic votes were counted? GOD HAS BETRAYED US! GOD WAS A LIBERAL ALL ALONG! GOD IS A DEM-O-RAT!
And so, PATRIOTS, we must look to a higher power, now. We must look to TRUMP.
TRUMP HAS A PLAN.
AND THAT PLAN IS TO RALLY IN WASHINGTON AND INCITE HIS SUPPORTERS TO TURN AMERICA INTO “HELL.”
The SCORNED MINORITY of TRUMP LOYALISTS must now forsake their LIBERAL GOD and obey a higher power. A power that encourages them to violently oppose the peaceful, democratic transition of power that follows fair elections in the United States. A power called TRUMP!
And so, let us not seek introspection, or peace, following our historic defeat in Georgia. F***ing GEORGIA! REPUBLICANS LOST GEORGIA, a state basically run by Republicans! Let us simply descend further into our impotent rage and madness and let us truly EMBARRASS OURSELVES FULLY in the final, last gasp of our doomed experiment in TRUMPISM!
Let us rally in support of our own stupidity.
(Or we could just like, admit we were wrong. Nah. We’re not going to do that. God, Republicans, science and math are all part of a LEFTIST CONSPIRACY against Trump. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)
Let it burn, baby!
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It’s Election Day! Again! Even though the last election is still going on, clearly, because Donald Trump won it in every state as long as you count misfiring neurons in the president’s brain and not actual votes! But today, it’s Election Day again… in Georgia… and this time, it’s personal.
President Trump got ROYALLY SCREWED by the Republicans who oversaw the presidential election in Georgia (looking at you Raffensperger) because they wouldn’t JUST MAKE UP FAKE VOTES so that the president could WIN the election that everyone named DONALD TRUMP knows that he won, despite the misleading FACTS and ACCURATE VOTE COUNTS. Now, it’s payback time! Time to show the DEM-O-SCUMS that just because an election is TOTALLY FRAUDULENT, that doesn’t mean that Republicans can’t win it. And the president who hardly mentioned the Republicans ACTUALLY running for Senate at his first rally in Georgia stepped it up LAST NIGHT when he held a second rally where he delivered a clear message in support of the two Republican Senate candidates, whoever the hell they are.
It doesn’t matter because this election is a fight between TRUMP and the REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR OF GEORGIA, apparently.
“I’ll be here in about a year and a half campaigning against your governor, I guarantee you.”MY PRESIDENT Trump
Hey, Georgia, go out and vote for those Republicans because the election is rigged and Trump is going to campaign against them! Also, who is even running? Because Trump didn’t talk about them at all during his seemingly endless RANT & RAVE session in Georgia last night. Instead, he mostly talked about his own grievances with the Democratic election process awarding the presidency to the person who won the election and his problems with all of the Republicans who are standing in the way of him stealing power. So… VOTE REPUBLICAN… or something!
And we’ve got some GREAT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES running, like Kelly Something… or is it Karen? In either case, she is going to STAND UP TO DEMOCRACY by objecting to the certification of Joe Biden as winner of the Presidential election!
“On January 6th, I will vote to give President Trump and the American people the fair hearing they deserve and support the objection to the Electoral College certification process,” Loeffler said.
Finally, a Republican who’s taken a policy position I care about: ending democracy in favor of endless, compulsory TRUMP RULE! Go Karen!
And then there’s GREAT AMERICAN PATRIOT David Whatever, who doesn’t care that Donald Trump tried to intimidate Georgia’s Republican elections officials into FAKING the results of the election so that TRUMP could win! Get him in the SENATE! He is, however, “Disgusted” with the person who revealed Trump’s potential CRIME! Go David!
PATRIOTS, this is our chance to PATRIOTICALLY SEIZE POWER and undermine American values. This is our chance to exhibit TOTAL FEALTY TO TRUMP, just like the founders wanted.
Or, we could COWER in the face of FASCISM and choose Democracy, LIKE LOSERS AND SUCKERS! If we do that, we’ll have to elect SCUM-O-CRATS Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock. These two LIBERAL LEFITSTS believe in ANTI-TRUMP values like having a healthy population, acknowledging the factual existence of numbers and math, and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS! In the words of David Whatever, the Pro-Trump candidate, “DISGUSTING!”
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Over the weekend, STUPID LEFTISTS once again thought they’d caught RIGHTEOUS MAN OF GOD Donald Trump red-handed in a crime–just like when they thought they’d caught TRUMP red-handed in a crime when they caught him trying to use his influence to pressure a foreign leader to produce dirt on Trump’s political opponents, or when they caught Trump trying to end Democratic elections in the U.S., or when they caught Trump siphoning taxpayer money to his businesses through corrupt means, or when they caught him doing any of the dozens of other crimes I don’t acknowledge he committed–but ONCE AGAIN, the STUPID LEFTISTS were WRONG.
Because while TRUMP may have CRIMED, the LEFTISTS MUST DO THE TIME! Because the real CRIME is revealing TRUMP’S CRIME!
Here’s what The Washington Post reported about Trump, which caused all the STUPID LEFTISTS to scream, “CRIME! CRIME! TRUMP CRIME!”
President Trump urged fellow Republican Brad Raffensperger, the Georgia secretary of state, to “find” enough votes to overturn his defeat in an extraordinary one-hour phone call Saturday that legal scholars described as a flagrant abuse of power and a potential criminal act.
The Washington Post obtained a recording of the conversation in which Trump alternately berated Raffensperger, tried to flatter him, begged him to act and threatened him with vague criminal consequences if the secretary of state refused to pursue his false claims, at one point warning that Raffensperger was taking “a big risk.”The FAKE Bezos Post
DISGUSTING! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
And I suppose now, I must clarify FOR ALL STUPID LEFTISTS that what I find disgusting is NOT the fact that President Trump pressured an election official to fraudulently state that Trump won an election that the numbers say he lost. NO! That’s just called PATRIOTISM! What I am absolutely disgusted by is the SICK, DISGUSTING, LEFTIST LEAK of this audio recording of Trump committing a crime. How are we supposed to Make America Great Again if the man who’s going to do that is being revealed to be nothing more than a common criminal mob-boss-lite who uses intimidation and threats to pressure subordinates into subservience? PATRIOTS, WE MUST SUPPRESS!
Like the Russia Investigation, the REAL CRIME isn’t the CRIME OF TRUMP; it’s the CRIME of whistleblowing on Trump’s clear crimes!
And I’m not just some NUTTY, RIGHT-WING NUTJOB spewing baseless claims to defend my delusion support of an anti-American autocrat. I am WELL WITHIN THE MAINSTREAM of REPUBLICAN thought with my stance that the only CRIME is punishing CRIME! Just ask Republican Senator and Senate Candidate David Perdue of Georgia, which Trump won so he is now trying to fake the election results in to show that he won.
“I’m still shocked that a member of the Republican Party would tape a sitting president and then leak that. That’s disgusting in my view. But what the president said is exactly what he’s been saying the last few months and that is that . . . we’ve had some irregularities in the election in November, and he wants some answers. He has not gotten them yet from our Secretary of State. That’s one reason why I asked for him to resign. We haven’t gotten it from our state legislature because there’s been no special session called, and then he went to court, the president went to court, and then I went to court, and the courts have denied us hearings saying it’s more of a legislative issue. So what the president’s said in this tape today is no different than what he’s been saying for the last two months.”Sen. David Perdue (R-GA)
And what he’s been saying is that, like DEMOCRACY and HEALTH, ELECTIONS are overrated!
David Perdue must be re-elected, PATRIOTS! GET OUT AND VOTE! We must vote in the FAKE, RIGGED ELECTION in Georgia, which is run by a LEFTIST Secretary of State who voted for, and still supports Donald Trump. We must do it to win Republican seats in the Senate, even though Republicans can’t win because elections are rigged against us. Get it yet?
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Patriots, there’s no debating that America is safer, freer, and more prosperous than ever before thanks to the strong, courageous LEADERSHIP of PRESIDENT DONALD J(ust kidding because he actually sucks at being President) TRUMP! We’ve unleashed the American economy to a BIG, BEAUTIFUL SPIRAL OF DECLINE for all but Trump’s wealthiest cronies, we’ve CRUSHED OUR REAL ENEMIES, including Earth’s habitable climate and our allies in Europe, and we’ve wreaked PATRIOTIC DEATH across our own land with a TREMENDOUS HERD IMMUNITY STRATEGY that has killed more Americans than World War II thanks to Donald Trump’s “best people” being in charge, like a science adviser who said SMART things about Americans including, “We want them infected.” But now, Democracy-hugging liberals are trying to undo our TREMENDOUS REGRESS by FAIRLY COUNTING THE VOTES in a (non)FRAUDULENT Presidential election that Trump clearly won, as long as you only count yard signs and not votes.
So let me say something that might be controversial, but which all of us REAL PATRIOTS are CLEARLY THINKING! If Donald J(Jesus Christ) Trump can’t be MY NEXT president, then not only do I not want to live in America anymore, but I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AN AMERICA AT ALL! AMERICA ISN’T WORTH PROTECTING UNLESS TRUMP IS ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN CHARGE OF DESTROYING IT!
Like all Republican PATRIOTS, I’ve heroically and quietly cowered over the past four years as Donald Trump has taken control of the Party of Lincoln and laid waste to every single principle I used to pretend to cherish, from crippling our national security by “falling in love” every authoritarian strongman to hove into his field of vision, to ratcheting our national debt to never-before-seen levels, to napalming the LIBERAL IDEAS of that FAKE CULT OF LEFTISTS that used to FRAUDULENTLY call themselves Republicans. You know which cult I’m talking about. No, not #NeverTrumpers. I’m talking about Christians, of course. Why would I, a TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, want to follow the teachings of Christ when I could follow a thrice-divorced, 26-time-sexual-misconduct-accused, serial-lying, baby-imprisoning, corruption-encouraging, unable-to-name-a-single-book-of-the-bible, never-needed-to-ask-for-forgiveness former reality TV host?
I wouldn’t. There’s no room for that LEFTIST ANTIFA MEMBER called JESUS in my Conservative’s Holy Trinity of Trump, Putin and Lou Dobbs.
But there’s always more room on the TRUMP TREASON TRAIN of loyal, boot-licking sycophants. Ol’ “LIDDLE” MARCO RUBIO is proudly hopping on that train today with a BIGLY ADDITION to the PRO-TRUMP, ANTI-AMERICA TWEET HALL OF FAME.
Yeah, LIBS! I agree with “LIDDLE”! Why can’t you find a president who’s as presidential as Joe Biden’s incoming Deputy Chief-Of-Staff? Biden’s out here talking about unity and healing like an ANTI-TRUMP RINO (Republican In Name Only) while his incoming Deputy Chief Of Staff has used the BAD WORD “f***ers” to refer to HEROIC PATRIOTS LIKE MARCO RUBIO who compromised all their values and gambled the future of the United States on a dictator-hugging invalid just to preserve their own future electoral prospects to be leaders of the PATRIOTIC, anti-AMERICA TRUMP cult.
This, PATRIOTS, is exactly why it’s Donald Trump’s America or nobody’s America at all. I will happily ride this TRUMP TRAIN all the way off the half-finished bridge of ideas that it runs on, gleefully defending the utter destruction of America because the alternative is Joe Biden as president. No way! We can’t have people who use the word “f***er” (it’s so bad I won’t even print it) working for the next president! We need to keep our current president who says things ALIGNED WITH REPUBLICAN VALUES, like calling black people “sons-of-bitches,” calling countries “shit-holes”, praising congressional candidates who bodyslam reporters, “both sides-ing” White Supremacy, and saying “fuck” in TV interviews.
Needless to say, this take is TOO TRIGGERING to STUPID LIB REPUBLICANS WHO LOVE AMERICA MORE THAN TRUMP:
But this is about more than just stopping Democrats from using naughty words as adjectives when it’s totally warranted. This is about the prosperous future of America, the future that all good Republicans have now aligned themselves against. Will this be Joe Biden’s America (that’s bad BTW), or will it be a CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN AMERICA (the good kind of America) led by a HERO like Trump, or at the very least a PATRIOT like Vladimir Putin?
We’re already doing our part, PATRIOTS! It’s not just thanks to Republican Senate heroes like RUSSIA RON Johnson, who works tirelessly for the PATRIOTIC cause of ending Democratic elections in the United States everyday. It’s not just Donald Trump’s past amplification of Russian disinformation designed to help his 2016 campaign and potential obstruction of justice to cover that up. It’s not just Trump’s private meetings with PATRIOT PUTIN of which records are sealed, and of course, Trump’s public statements siding with RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA over the statements of American intelligence gatherers. Nope, today we learned that the MOST PATRIOTIC REPUBLICAN destruction of America’s standing and security has been carried out by Trump in just the last few months.
We learned this thanks to a LEAK by LEFTIST, COMMUNIST Tom Bossert, the former homeland security adviser to President Trump (Secret lib? Note: Check before publishing.) and deputy homeland security adviser to LEFTIST President George W. Bush. Bossert writes in the LIBERAL RAG New York Times that “the networks of the federal government and much of corporate America are now compromised by a foreign nation,” which, he says, is almost certainly Russia, and he says that TRUMP (TRUMP! TRUMP!) is about to leave the U.S. Government in this state of “compromise” (I assume because he’s too busy retweeting Lou Dobbs).
The Russians have had access to a considerable number of important and sensitive networks for six to nine months. The Russian S.V.R. will surely have used its access to further exploit and gain administrative control over the networks it considered priority targets. . . It will take years to know for certain which networks the Russians control and which ones they just occupy. . . The logical conclusion is that we must act as if the Russian government has control of all the networks it has penetrated. . . The access the Russians now enjoy could be used for far more than simply spying. . . President Trump is on the verge of leaving behind a federal government, and perhaps a large number of major industries, compromised by the Russian government.Tom Bossert, LEFTIST-SCUM FORMER TRUMP ADVISER
Wait, I thought the Democrats liked “compromise”? Hypocrites much, LIBS?
Bossert says President-elect Biden “must begin his planning to take charge of this crisis” and should “assume that communications about this matter are being read by Russia.” He calls on Trump and Biden to work together for the good of the country. LIKE LEFTIST SCUM!
First of all, Bossert, TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT ELECT, if you count only TRUMP VOTES, like the Constitution instructs–or at least it should. Second, work “together”? No! It’s TRUMP OR NOTHING for Republicans, just like it always has been for RUSSIA RON, MOSCOW MITCH, LIDDLE MARCO, the various Republicans in Congress that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy says “Putin pays,” and of course CAPTAIN KOMPROMAT, President T! We won’t be fooled by more LEFTIST PROPAGANDA by a former TRUMP adviser.
PATRIOTS, REPUBLICANS, EVANGELICALS, RUSSIANS, SELF-INTERESTED POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS, we must all stand together now, or we shall hang separately! We must downplay and ignore this threat, while continuing to pretend that Donald Trump isn’t totally fucking up the job of the presidency and threatening the lives of every single American. We must FINISH THE JOB that we Republicans started four years ago with the election of Donald J(onestown) Trump, the most PATRIOTICALLY unfit candidate for president in American history, and we must DESTROY THIS COUNTRY so Joe Biden can never become president and turn it into a LEFTIST HELL-SCAPE that gives its suffering citizens more than $600 for every eight months of pandemic suffering.
America Isn’t Worth Protecting Unless Trump Is Allowed To Keep Destroying It, Libs!
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PATRIOTS, nobody has been a bigger supporter of President Trump than me, with the possible exception of Attorney General William Barr. Lest I need remind you of Barr’s service to this GREAT COUNTRY, the man literally auditioned for the job of Attorney General of the United States by writing a memo arguing that the President cannot be guilty of the crime of obstruction of justice–while Trump was being investigated for obstruction of justice–and then secretly sent that memo to Trump’s cronies so they’d know he was willing to subvert the law to PATRIOTICALLY HELP TRUMP. Then, Bill Barr pre-empted Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Trump and Russia–which found that Trump might actually have committed obstruction of justice–by falsely summarizing before the report’s release that Trump was “cleared” of wrongdoing. Then, Barr helped Trump carry out various PATRIOTIC fascistic uses of the Justice Department for his own ends, culminating in Barr helping Trump tear gas peaceful protesters in Lafayette Square so the president could pose outside a church with an upside down Bible, and then, BIGLY BARR intervened to help some of Trump’s criminal associates evade prosecution before politicizing the Justice Department entirely to undermine its own mission and help Trump. In other words, BILL BARR IS A PATRIOT! A FREEDOM LOVER! A MAN WHO PUTS COUNTRY ABOVE ALL ELSE (EXCEPT TRUMP, WHO HE RIGHTLY PUTS WAY ABOVE COUNTRY BECAUSE JESUS WANTS IT THAT WAY!)
But PATRIOTS, there comes a time when every TRUMP-LOVER must prove his worth by EXPRESSING TOTAL FEALTY to Supreme Leader Trump. He must cast aside all self-worth and plunge headlong into the abyss of SPINELESS MORAL TURPITUDE. And on this requirement, I’m afraid Bill Barr has now shown himself to be nothing but a LEFTIST IN DISGUISE!
And, PATRIOTS, he’s now gotten what all LEFTISTS deserve: FIRED! Donald Trump fired BILL BARR(F) from his job as Attorney General of the United States because, quite simply, Trump’s #1 sycophant wasn’t TRUMPY ENOUGH!
You see, even the “outstanding” Bill Barr(f) didn’t have the SPINE to continue to feed TRUMP’S PATRIOTIC, AMERICA-KILLING LIE that he won the election even though he got less votes than Biden. He SADLY acknowledged the LIBERALLY-BIASED truth that there was no widespread, election-changing fraud, when a TRUMPIAN LIE would have served Trump’s purposes much better. BARR(F) sided with the sick, anti-Trump group called AMERICANS. Worse, he failed to PROMOTE A POLITICALLY-BIASED AGENDA because he failed to disclose the Justice Department’s investigation of HUNTER! Barr(f) did this just because it would have been unethical and violate long-standing precedent, the SICK COWARD! Doesn’t Barr(f) know that ethics only exist for the purpose of disappearing whenever violating them would help TRUMP?
Now, PATRIOTS, stupid-liberals will argue that TRUMPISTS are looking pretty foolish right now, when their WILDLY-DERANGED CONSPIRACY THEORIES and GRIEVANCES AGAINST REALITY’S ANTI-TRUMP BIAS have become too insane for even Bill Barr(f) the ass-kisser-in-chief, to stomach. But we know the truth! It’s time to TRIPLE DOWN, kick out everyone who isn’t Trump enough, turn on each other like TRUE PATRIOTS and GO DOWN WITH THIS SINKING SHIP!!!
Barr was just another LIB-IN-DISGUISE, acting like he was all-in on Trump fascism, destroying every democratic norm in America with glee, until he made one, tiny mistake, and OUTED HIMSELF AS A LIB by acknowledging a small part of reality like a loser. We’re right! THE TRUTH IS WRONG! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
But, even a hateful leftist like Bill Barr can’t deny PRESIDENT T’S GREATNESS. Just listen to this sycophant’s praise-heaping letter of resignation to the president, which he wrote after being run out of his job by the president for acknowledging that numbers are real… LIKE A LEFTIST!
Here’s a look at the ACTUAL (not actual) text of Bill Barr(f)’s letter of resignation:
Dear Mr. President,
I am greatly honored that you called on me to serve your Administration and the American people once again as Attorney General. I am proud to have played a role in the many successes and unprecedented achievements you have delivered for the American people, whether they be in the form of accomplishments you didn’t accomplish but took credit for, or in the form of Americans you’ve harmed for no reason other than your own ever-growing vanity.
I love you, sir, and not in the way I love Jesus, which is purely platonic. I feel a great fluttering in my loins when I become aroused thinking of your orange, wrinkly pate and your blonde wisps of glory.
Your record is all the more historic because you have accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance from leftist, Antifa terrorists, such as the American people, the entire media and objective reality. Your 2016 victory speech in which you reached out to your opponents and called for working together for the benefit of the American people, which I and no one else believed because you never did anything to actually work toward this goal, was immediately met by a partisan onslaught against you in which no tactic, no matter how abusive and deceitful, was out of bounds (for being used you and your cronies). The nadir of the campaign was the effort by objective reality to cripple, if not completely destroy what would otherwise have been an historically successful presidency if we’d simply been living in an alternate, Bizarro World, a world I, and many others now refer to as the Trump Cinematic Universe. And those are movies I’d watch every day, sir. I love you, again.
My only regret is that I could not debase myself even more in the service of your rightly fascistic goals.
. . .
As discussed, I will spend the next week wrapping up a few remaining matters important to the Administration, such as punishing myself for being a secret Antifa by failing to prop up the lie that you actually won the 2020 election because you got enough invisible votes to overtake Joe Biden, which I clearly should have recognized, and I will depart on December 23rd.
I wish you, Melania, and your family a MERRY CHRISTMAS, which I believe with all my soul that we would not be able to celebrate if not for your masculine leadership. God Bless, my liege, and I would have fired myself, too. I suck. Please hate me forever as much as I hate myself. I am truly not Trumpy enough for the Trump Club.
William P. Barr(f)
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Patriots, if I’ve learned anything from SAVIOR-PRESIDENT TRUMP, it’s that there’s never a good time to admit defeat when you’ve lost, which is why, like all TRUE PATRIOTS, I’ve spent the last 38 days in a FROTHING, ANTI-DEMOCRACY RAGE to help ensure that the unsteady hands of Donald J(ust here to sow discord) Trump can remain firmly in control of our country’s future and RUN IT STRAIGHT INTO THE GROUND TO OWN THE STUPID LIBS! And, I’ve been joined in this crusade by EVERY FREEDOM LOVING REPUBLICAN. So far…
But it comes as quite a shock to report that COCAINE MITCH McConnell, BACKSTABBED President T this morning with a SICK, DISLOYAL betrayal of good ol’ JESUS-LOVING, AMERICAN TRUMP FASCISM.
“Many of us hoped that the presidential election would yield a different result, but our system of government has processes to determine who will be sworn in on Jan. 20. The Electoral College has spoken. So today, I want to congratulate President-elect Joe Biden.”COCAINE MITCH McConnell
Sorry COCAINE, but just because the Electoral College voted and Joe Biden got more votes, that DOES NOT mean that Joe Biden wins. There are still LOTS OF QUESTIONS to be answered about Biden’s win, like, “What are votes?” and “Is it possible that getting more votes means Joe Biden actually lost because we live in a Bizarro Universe, like in the Superman comics?” The LEGITIMATE CONCERNS of 60 million Americans need to be addressed! But barring the existence of the still-unproven Bizarro World (on which the jury is still out), there are still enough fake, delusional extra-legal challenges left in Trump’s PATRIOTIC QUIVER OF DESTRUCTION to ensure that Trump can keep claiming he won the presidency long after Joe Biden’s FAKE inauguration on January 20th.
This FIGHT ISN’T OVER just because we clearly lost, PATRIOTS! Trump sycophant Charlie Kirk knows this, which his why he SLAPPED DOWN number one Trump ASS LICKER Geraldo Rivera last night on Fox News after Rivera tried to pull a Cocaine Mitch and tell Kirk that Trump’s persistent attempts to destroy democracy weren’t helpful to America.
“For six weeks… We have litigated this for six weeks. Twice the Supreme Court of the United States has rejected it, 9-0, including all three Trump associate justices. You have to stop this.”Geraldo Rivera, Trump Ass Licker
“We have more questions than ever before, Geraldo. [You’re] not correct.”Charlie Kirk, Bigger Trump Ass Licker
But even though Trump lost one Russian supporter, Moscow Mitch, we can all REST ASSURED, PATRTIOTS, that the biggest AMERICAN PATRIOT in the world–other than President T, of course–is STILL STANDING FOR THE CAUSE OF LIBERTY (in the form of authoritarian governmental overthrow).
Wait, what? He’s not?
Patriots, I”m sorry to say that we’ve now lost even the BIGGEST patriot and Trump supporter.
It turns out that not only is MOSCOW MITCH not a true American patriot, but neither is Russian President Vladimir Putin. Today, Putin congratulated Joe Biden on having won the presidential election after just one month had passed since Biden became president-elect. Doesn’t he know that there’s a waiting period of FOUR YEARS to congratulate the next president (according to rules that I just made up)?
“Vladimir Putin wished the president-elect every success and expressed confidence that Russia and the United States, which bear special responsibility for global security and stability, can, despite their differences, effectively contribute to solving many problems and meeting challenges that the world is facing today.”Kremlin statement
And I know some LIB-O-CRATS are going to point out that Mitch McConnell and Putin both threw Trump under the bus just hours apart after refusing to acknowledge Joe Biden’s victory for 38 days after every mainstream American news outlet and Fox News did. And they’ll probably point out that it’s pretty WIERD that the first big TRUMP DEFECTION came with PUTIN’S, almost like Putin, the master puppeteer of the American GOP, finally gave these traitors permission to acknowledge the obvious. Well, PATRIOTS, since I now hate both McConnell and Putin for CHOOSING TO SIDE WITH LIBERALLY-BIASED REALITY and not the PATRIOTIC BIZARRO UNIVERSE, I say have at it. Yes, MOSCOW MITCH is a Russian agent, and the continued defection of members of the GOP caucus away from loser Trump are further proof that House Republican leader Kevin McCarthy was being 100% serious when he said on tape in 2016 that Putin “pays” Trump and certain members of the GOP in Congress.
They’re ALL TRAITORS. Putin! McConnell! Reality! Fox News!
I will never acknowledge that getting more electoral votes means Biden won!
The only hero left is PATRIOTIC SYCOPHANT MO BROOKS, Congressman from Alabama, the last bastion of freedom, who told TRUMP SUPPORTER and living corpse Lou Dobbs, according to the PATRIOTICALLY-BIASED Breitbart, that, ‘Trump Won the Electoral College’ — I Can Be a Part of the ‘Surrender Caucus’ or I Can Fight for Our Country.
Let freedom ring, PATRIOTS! We may have lost the leader of the Senate Republicans, COCAINE MOSCOW, and we may have lost Fox News, and we may have lost our ilLEGAL FOREIGN ELECTION INTERFERENCE, and we may have lost 55 straight court cases challenging the election results, and we may have lost every conceivable method of counting votes and electoral votes, but we’ve still got PROUD, IRRELEVANT SYCOPHANTS all across the country to stand up on behalf of FASCISM and TRUMP RULE!
The future is bright for TRUMPISM!
Just as long as you don’t listen to this guy ——>
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Sheeple, few Americans command the respect and dignity of anti-white guilt crusader and “Thug Basketball Association” promoter Rush Limbaugh. When RUSH says something, you know it’s not just some knee-jerk, willy-nilly spew designed to inflame tensions and divide America. RUSH doesn’t just RUSH to judgement. His words are reasoned, thought out and long-deliberated. Which makes today’s PRONOUNCEMENT from the self-proclaimed “America’s Anchorman” especially important.
“America’s Anchorman” is through with America! It’s time for the Trump-nited States of Trumpica to secede because more than half of America just isn’t AMERICAN enough!
“I actually think that we’re trending toward secession. I see more and more people asking what in the world do we have in common with the people who live in, say, New York? What is there that makes us believe that there is enough of us there to even have a chance at winning New York? Especially if you’re talking about votes… There cannot be a peaceful coexistence of two completely different theories of life, theories of government, theories of how we manage our affairs. We can’t be in this dire a conflict without something giving somewhere along the way.““America’s Anchorman” Rush Limbaugh
Did the Federalists and the Anti-Federalists who formed the Constitution say, “Sorry we just can’t get along, so let’s make two countries?” YES, PATRIOTS! THE ANSWER IS YES! And now the time has come for another CIVIL WAR! The TRUMP states will rise again!
We gave democracy a chance, patriots, but democracy just didn’t do enough to block the will of the people and turn over all power in the United States to an ignorant, vengeful, sociopathic, serial-lying reality TV buffoon with no knowledge about our country’s government and no desire to learn (who is also a former Democrat), so it’s time to retire that quaint, old idea about VOTERS having power in this country and use the same tool to DEFEND THE PATRIOTIC TRUMP MONARCHY that the Confederacy used to defend the PATRIOTIC FREEDOM OF OWNING SLAVES. Secession! (Maybe we can even bring slavery back.)
And Rush LimBALL(S OF BRASS) doesn’t let LYIN’ FACTS, like the fact that Trump states take way more money from the federal government than they pay in taxes, stand in the way of his brilliant idea of SECESSION, either, because RUSH, LIKE ALL TRUE PATRIOTS, doesn’t care about the suffering of his supporters. Studies have shown if you’re poor, you’re either lazy or black. Probably both. FACT. Every Conservative commentator knows this!
Rush isn’t the only PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL WINNER to give up on lame, old American Democracy and embrace their inner CONSERVATIVE FASCISM. Former on-screen Secretary Of Defense Jon Voight is also tossing his lot in with the CIVIL WARRIORS. Just a couple days ago he took to social media to “ask all to fight this battle now, to get them all out.” “Them,” of course being elected Democratic politicians like SLEEPY CREEPY JOE BIDEN and California Governor Gavin Newsom. They’re “evil,” as totally-sane Jon Voight calls them.
Rush Limbaugh and Jon Voight think that the democratic process removing a fascist president from power is the final death knell for the American experiment, and flag-waving Republican PATRIOTS all across America are with them. They’re calling for violence to overthrow our new, not-yet-installed (not)Communist government. Just this week, the Arizona Republican Party took to Twitter to ask Americans if they’re “willing to give [their] life for this fight” to steal the election for Trump. Then, they posted a clip from the classic PRO-VIETNAM WAR movie “Rambo” that highlighted the quote, “This is what we do, who we are. Live for nothing, or die for something.”
Patriots, the seeds of VIOLENCE FOR TRUMP are being sown by GOOD REPUBLICANS all across the country that we both love and want to destroy if it moves even slightly toward moderate policies that don’t SHOWER THE HOLY RICH WITH EXORBITANT AMOUNTS OF FREE MONEY and SUBJUGATE LAZY MINORITIES.
Rush Limbaugh, Jon Voight, King Trump’s legal team, and many unhinged Republican officials across this country are willing to stand behind this PATRIOTIC MOVEMENT TO DESTROY AMERICA. They just need good, MINDLESS TRUMP SUPPORTERS LIKE YOU TO STAND AT THE FRONT OF IT AND “DIE” SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP GETTING RICHER ON THE BACKS OF YOUR SUFFERING!
DO YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY!
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Patriots, nobody likes a know-it-all. President Trump knows this. That’s why he’s never let FACTS stand in the way of the TRUTH, least of all when it comes to the FAKE, FRAUDULENT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION STEAL that the DIM-O-CRATS in Republican-controlled state legislatures across America say was “legitimate” just because there was not even the slightest shred of evidence that it was fraudulent.
Today, WORLD CHAMPION OF LYING Donald J(ust burn it all down if I can’t be king) Trump ABSOLUTELY INCINERATED the LIBS with a FACT-F***ING TWEET-MISSILE claiming that “No candidate has ever won both Florida and Ohio and lost,” adding, “I won them both, by a lot!”
And the COMMUNIST ANTIFA who proclaim to know the “FACTS” got TRIGGERED, just because Trump’s FACT was 100% ALTERNATIVE.
The LEFTIST SCUM that wants to STEAL VICTORY from Donald Trump’s FRAUDULENT CLAIMS pointed out that Richard Nixon actually won Florida and Ohio in 1960, while losing that presidential election to John F(***ing lib) Kennedy.
But PATRIOTS, here’s what the LEFTIST TERRORISTS in the FAKE NEWS don’t understand about the truth: A Republican lie beats a Dem-o-rat truth any day of the week. Truth is TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP, baby! That’s why a 1 out of 50 record in totally frivolous lawsuits to overthrow the election isn’t stopping STRONGMAN PRESIDENT T. from FIGHTING FOR YOU (if by “you,” you mean “ending Democracy in America).
That’s why Donny Douche now says he will intervene in a case brought by Texas’s possibly-criminal Attorney General Ken Paxton against a group of other states that STATES’ RIGHTS CHAMPION TEXAS thinks didn’t vote Republican enough to be counted as AMERICANS.
Trump tweeted, “We will be INTERVENING in the Texas (plus many other states) case. This is the big one. Our Country needs a victory!”
And you know the old saying. “Fifty-first time’s the charm.”
And just because it’s been a day since Donald Trump’s AMERICAN COUP last lost at the Supreme Court, that’s not stopping him from trying to overthrow the U.S. Government again. In fact, THE RULES OF TRUMP are clear on this matter. If TRUMP wins, TRUMP GETS CREDIT. If TRUMP loses, you get the BLAME. That’s why, one day after the Trump-backed lawsuit attempting to end democracy in Pennsylvania was thrown out by the Supreme Court, the president reminded everyone that even thought he’s been calling for “heroes” to step up and help him steal the election and constantly trying to bully Republican leaders into helping him overthrow the government, THAT LOSS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUMP. Because they lost.
But Texas, on the other hand, is TRUMP’S CASE. That’s the BIG ONE, “the case that everyone has been waiting for” …
…until we lose that one. Then, that will be someone else’s fault. DUH, YOU STUPID, LEFTIST, ANTIFA, FACT-HUGGING SCUM! I guess you don’t understand that there’s no “I” in Trump loss, but there sure as hell is an “I” in “Trump wIn.” That’s why Donald Trump loves people like the Republican Secretary of State and Governor on Georgia, until he loses the Presidential election in Georgia and they refuse to help him overthrow the will of the American people, in which case, it’s “What’s wrong with this guy?”, “What’s he hiding?,” and he’s “hapless.” The same goes for the LOSER that Donald Trump put in charge of maintaining election security, who said there was no election fraud just because there was no election fraud, and so Trump’s Team said he had to be “shot.”
There’s only two options, LIBS (and Republicans who believe in FACTS not TRUTH). Either TRUMP WON, or YOU LOST. And really, in either case, YOU LOSE.
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Sheeple, Donald Trump is going TANGERINES TO THE WALL to cling to his fading relevancy as his MOST (UN)SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENCY EVER winds down. According to a new report, Trump is considering “a made-for-TV grand finale: a White House departure on Marine One and final Air Force One flight to Florida for a political rally opposite Joe Biden’s inauguration.”
YES! PATRIOTS REJOICE! We’re STEALING Air Force One, just like the good guys in that famous movie Air Force One.
Here’s a visual approximation of Sleepy Creepy Joe’s Inauguration Day, just to TRIGGER the AMERICA-LOVING LIBS! F*** EM!
George Washington and Honest Abe would be spinning in their graves with GLEE at the PATRIOTIC SIGHT of Former President Donald J(ust here to make things worse at this point) Trump undermining the inauguration of his successor, Hidin’ Joe Biden (who won the election, like a LOSER).
And, it wouldn’t just be a symbolic ASSAULT on American values of UNITY and DEMOCRACY by HERO TRUMP!
“The former network star is privately discussing using his waning powers as commander in chief to order up the exit he wants after dissing Biden by refusing to concede the election, welcome him to the White House or commit to attending his inauguration… The Trump talk could create a split-screen moment: the outgoing president addressing a roaring crowd in an airport hangar while the incoming leader is sworn in before a socially distanced audience outside the Capitol…”FAKE NEWS Axios
Patriots, just imagine how much PATRIOTIC DAMAGE TO AMERICA we could cause with dueling presidential rallies on Inauguration Day. We’d send a CLEAR MESSAGE to the REAL DEMOCRACIES of the world–Russia, Hungary, Saudi Arabia and, I guess, the rest–that this is TRUMP’S AMERICA OR NOBODY’S AMERICA AT ALL.
STOP THE STEAL! STEAL THE PRESIDENT’S JET!
From Day One of Sleepy Joe’s administration, the looming specter of Donald Trump’s patriotic efforts to regain control of the U.S. government and spread dangerous misinformation among the population would hang over Joe Biden’s SICK, LEFTIST attempts to promote public health, restore America’s standing in the world, and lower tensions in the country that Donald Trump’s HEROIC four years as president have driven to the brink of collapse.
Republican rule or no rule at all! BURN IT ALL DOWN! TRUMP 2024!
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