We lost f***ing GEORGIA!
Patriots, there has been a shift in the balance of power in these UNITED STATES! The SCUM-O-CRATS have come back from the DEAD! TRUMPISM and its requisite FASCISM were CRUSHED last night in Georgia, the new HEADQUARTERS OF THE LEFTIST THREAT! RADICAL BLACK PRO-FREEDOM LIBERAL Raphael Warnock defeated Anti-American PATRIOT Kelly Loeffler last night in Georgia’s Senate runoff election. Worse, RADICAL WHITE PRO-FREEDOM LEFITST Jon Ossoff appears to be headed to victory in last night’s other Georgia Senate runoff election. This means that Democrats now control a majority in the U.S. Senate and COCAINE MOSCOW Mitch McConnell’s reign of Pro-Trump terror is over!
The American people are no longer going to be subject to the cynical whims of a racist, tyrannical minority of Republican PATRIOTS! Americans can see light at the end of the GLORIOUS, DARK, DESTRUCTIVE tunnel of TRUMPISM!
This is terrible!
Patriots, we’re f***ed!
And now, WE WILL ALL SUFFER the HORRORS of SOCIALIST RULE! The BLOODLETTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN. The $2,000 checks are being written! TERRIFYING!
We cannot survive an America that gives more money to its suffering citizens than its billionaire president’s hospitality businesses!
For the last four years, we GOP PATRIOTS have had a choice between America and Trump’s hateful, patriotic fascism. We RIGHTLY CHOSE the deal with the Devil. WE CHOSE TRUMP. We CHOSE FASCISM, like the founders wanted. We persecuted the ones who looked different than us! We turned away the huddled masses, yearning to be free! We mocked the suffering! We scolded the scientists and their precious facts! We killed the weak! We showered the strong with riches! We imprisoned babies! We denied the readily apparent truths that revealed our own folly! In short, we did everything that CHRIST, the second greatest leader of the GOP (behind Trump), would have done.
We enriched ourselves and shut off our minds! We submitted, like the FOUNDERS would have wanted!
And GOD has forsaken us!
Worse, GOD has forsaken his most trustworthy apostle, TRUMP!
GOD helped the LEFTISTS find 50,000 LEGALLY CAST votes, votes that should never have counted because they were CAST FOR DEMOCRATS! Legal Democrat votes are just like legal immigrants. I don’t want ’em in muh country!
Why GOD? Why have you put an end to TRUMP’S REIGN OF HATEFUL, INCOMPETENT TERROR!
Patriots, we must allow ourselves, for a moment, to do something we haven’t done in a long time. We must allow ourselves to think. We must think long and hard about what’s happened. We must search our souls for our better angels, and we must arrive at a conclusion. We must face the hard truth about all that we’ve done over the past four years, and we must realize that the answer has been so clear all along.
GOD IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST, AMERICA-HATING COMMUNIST!
It’s so obvious. How else could we have lost these elections that we were so obviously winning until the Democratic votes were counted? GOD HAS BETRAYED US! GOD WAS A LIBERAL ALL ALONG! GOD IS A DEM-O-RAT!
And so, PATRIOTS, we must look to a higher power, now. We must look to TRUMP.
TRUMP HAS A PLAN.
AND THAT PLAN IS TO RALLY IN WASHINGTON AND INCITE HIS SUPPORTERS TO TURN AMERICA INTO “HELL.”
The SCORNED MINORITY of TRUMP LOYALISTS must now forsake their LIBERAL GOD and obey a higher power. A power that encourages them to violently oppose the peaceful, democratic transition of power that follows fair elections in the United States. A power called TRUMP!
And so, let us not seek introspection, or peace, following our historic defeat in Georgia. F***ing GEORGIA! REPUBLICANS LOST GEORGIA, a state basically run by Republicans! Let us simply descend further into our impotent rage and madness and let us truly EMBARRASS OURSELVES FULLY in the final, last gasp of our doomed experiment in TRUMPISM!
Let us rally in support of our own stupidity.
(Or we could just like, admit we were wrong. Nah. We’re not going to do that. God, Republicans, science and math are all part of a LEFTIST CONSPIRACY against Trump. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)
Let it burn, baby!
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Over the weekend, STUPID LEFTISTS once again thought they’d caught RIGHTEOUS MAN OF GOD Donald Trump red-handed in a crime–just like when they thought they’d caught TRUMP red-handed in a crime when they caught him trying to use his influence to pressure a foreign leader to produce dirt on Trump’s political opponents, or when they caught Trump trying to end Democratic elections in the U.S., or when they caught Trump siphoning taxpayer money to his businesses through corrupt means, or when they caught him doing any of the dozens of other crimes I don’t acknowledge he committed–but ONCE AGAIN, the STUPID LEFTISTS were WRONG.
Because while TRUMP may have CRIMED, the LEFTISTS MUST DO THE TIME! Because the real CRIME is revealing TRUMP’S CRIME!
Here’s what The Washington Post reported about Trump, which caused all the STUPID LEFTISTS to scream, “CRIME! CRIME! TRUMP CRIME!”
President Trump urged fellow Republican Brad Raffensperger, the Georgia secretary of state, to “find” enough votes to overturn his defeat in an extraordinary one-hour phone call Saturday that legal scholars described as a flagrant abuse of power and a potential criminal act.
The Washington Post obtained a recording of the conversation in which Trump alternately berated Raffensperger, tried to flatter him, begged him to act and threatened him with vague criminal consequences if the secretary of state refused to pursue his false claims, at one point warning that Raffensperger was taking “a big risk.”The FAKE Bezos Post
DISGUSTING! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
And I suppose now, I must clarify FOR ALL STUPID LEFTISTS that what I find disgusting is NOT the fact that President Trump pressured an election official to fraudulently state that Trump won an election that the numbers say he lost. NO! That’s just called PATRIOTISM! What I am absolutely disgusted by is the SICK, DISGUSTING, LEFTIST LEAK of this audio recording of Trump committing a crime. How are we supposed to Make America Great Again if the man who’s going to do that is being revealed to be nothing more than a common criminal mob-boss-lite who uses intimidation and threats to pressure subordinates into subservience? PATRIOTS, WE MUST SUPPRESS!
Like the Russia Investigation, the REAL CRIME isn’t the CRIME OF TRUMP; it’s the CRIME of whistleblowing on Trump’s clear crimes!
And I’m not just some NUTTY, RIGHT-WING NUTJOB spewing baseless claims to defend my delusion support of an anti-American autocrat. I am WELL WITHIN THE MAINSTREAM of REPUBLICAN thought with my stance that the only CRIME is punishing CRIME! Just ask Republican Senator and Senate Candidate David Perdue of Georgia, which Trump won so he is now trying to fake the election results in to show that he won.
“I’m still shocked that a member of the Republican Party would tape a sitting president and then leak that. That’s disgusting in my view. But what the president said is exactly what he’s been saying the last few months and that is that . . . we’ve had some irregularities in the election in November, and he wants some answers. He has not gotten them yet from our Secretary of State. That’s one reason why I asked for him to resign. We haven’t gotten it from our state legislature because there’s been no special session called, and then he went to court, the president went to court, and then I went to court, and the courts have denied us hearings saying it’s more of a legislative issue. So what the president’s said in this tape today is no different than what he’s been saying for the last two months.”Sen. David Perdue (R-GA)
And what he’s been saying is that, like DEMOCRACY and HEALTH, ELECTIONS are overrated!
David Perdue must be re-elected, PATRIOTS! GET OUT AND VOTE! We must vote in the FAKE, RIGGED ELECTION in Georgia, which is run by a LEFTIST Secretary of State who voted for, and still supports Donald Trump. We must do it to win Republican seats in the Senate, even though Republicans can’t win because elections are rigged against us. Get it yet?
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PATRIOTS, for nine months, Americans have been suffering, struggling to pay rent, pay for food, and pay for pretty much anything that isn’t free. But fear not, AMERICAN SUBJECTS, because heroic Republicans are here to help (finally)! After nine months of blocking passage of a Democratic bill that would have offered much-needed relief to suffering Americans, we’ve seen a TRUE GREAT CONJUNCTION, a once-in-800-year-event, and Republican Senators are BACK IN WASHINGTON AGAIN, to vote against much-needed relief!
The COMMUNISTS behind the new WEALTH STEAL BILL want to take $600 out of the JOB CREATOR’S pocket and send it to every long-suffering American whose lives have been upended by Republicans’ pro-pandemic policies, when those Americans have ONLY been suffering for nine months! TALK ABOUT LEFTIST ECONOMIC POLICY! Why don’t we just take some of that money that should go to the rich and give it to the poor? I mean (laughs nervously while waiting for everyone to agree with me). . . it’s just. . . so ridiculous.
Six Republican Senate PATRIOTS knew that this LIBERAL LEFTIST HANDOUT crafted by Republican Leader Mitch McConnell was far too generous to WELFARE QUEENS like the 20% of American adults who can’t afford to feed their children. So those CONSERVATIVE HEROES, who have heroically supported President Trump’s 4-year struggle to reach RECORD deficit levels–Senators Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, Ted Cruz of Texas, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Mike Lee of Utah, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Rick Scott of Florida–voted “HELL NO” on this OVERLY-GENEROUS, LEFTIST handout of $600 to every American.
SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?! That’s a whopping $20 for every week of suffering since the first CARES Act was signed by President T on March 27! Why don’t we just give every American healthcare while we’re at it? Why don’t we just give everyone the Taj Mahal for CHRISTmas?
If these WELFARE QUEENS can’t live on $20 a week, maybe they need to get a job as a Wall Street Executive so they can learn something about FINANCE!
Unfortunately, Patriots, the bill passed the Senate 92 to 6, and so now, it’s up to PRESIDENT Donald Trump to stop it with a veto! Something he doesn’t seem to want to do, but just give it some time, because he usually comes through and does what’s worst for the American people. Have faith, PATRIOTS!
Meanwhile, those Republican heroes who opposed the massive $600 COMMIE WAGE, as I call it, stood up to the fact that millions are unable to afford food, by pointing out some TRUE fake lies about the bill! Trump supporters around the internet are pushing the president to VETO the bill based on the ALTERNATIVE FACT that the bill contains billions of dollars for FOREIGN countries like Israel and Egypt, and LIBERAL priorities like the KENNEDY CENTER! And just because that claim wasn’t in any way TRUE, lib-o-crats got IMMEDIATELY TRIGGERED by this attempt to torpedo their $600 GOLDEN GOOSE!
It doesn’t matter if my opposition is real or not, if this bill is going to give even a sliver of financial help to Americans while Donald J(ust trying to kill every American citizen) Trump is still MY PRESIDENT, he MUST VETO!!!!!!
GET ON THE TRUMP TRAIN, PATRIOTS, and OPPOSE THAT MEASLEY $600 CHECK. Let’s get a BIGGER STIMULUS check, just like the one MY PRESIDENT Donald Trump opposed in July along with the more generous COVID relief bill that would have included things like, oh, let’s see, more generous unemployment benefits for struggling Americans. Wait, I’m confused. . . what exactly do I stand for as a REAL PATRIOT? I’m against the $600 check, but I’m also against the more generous bill because PRESIDENT T opposed it, but he agreed with the Republicans who I’m also against because they supported the $600 bill. My head hurts!
As a PATRIOT, what the f*** do I support?
Oh, I think I figured it out!
We will not be satisfied until we get what we really want: NOTHING. NOTHING OR NOTHING, LIBS! Your choice.
Meanwhile, let’s make sure we, as TRUE REPUBLICAN PATRIOTS keep CONSERVATIVE politicians in office. People like Republican Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa, who claimed a few months ago that the EVIL doctors and nurses risking their lives at hospitals were FALSIFYING death certificates in order to inflate COVID statistics! Yesterday, Sen. Ernst did what any good PATRIOT would do and jumped ahead of those healthcare workers in the line to get the life-saving vaccine for the virus she helped spread through false conspiracy theories! If those aren’t REPUBLICAN VALUES, I don’t know what are!
Also getting the REAL VACCINE to the FAKE HOAX VIRUS they helped PATRIOTICALLY SPREAD were heroes like Lindsey Graham, and Marco Rubio, who isn’t even old enough to fall into a high-risk category but HEROICALLY TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM and got the life-saving vaccine so one of those EVIL, LYING FIRST RESPONDERS could learn about HARD WORK, RESPONSIBILITY, and pulling their immune system up by its own bootstraps, or something. I don’t know!
The point is, the THIN RED LINE of Republicans in Congress is the only thing stopping America from becoming a real “shithole” country! Right?
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Patriots, there’s no debating that America is safer, freer, and more prosperous than ever before thanks to the strong, courageous LEADERSHIP of PRESIDENT DONALD J(ust kidding because he actually sucks at being President) TRUMP! We’ve unleashed the American economy to a BIG, BEAUTIFUL SPIRAL OF DECLINE for all but Trump’s wealthiest cronies, we’ve CRUSHED OUR REAL ENEMIES, including Earth’s habitable climate and our allies in Europe, and we’ve wreaked PATRIOTIC DEATH across our own land with a TREMENDOUS HERD IMMUNITY STRATEGY that has killed more Americans than World War II thanks to Donald Trump’s “best people” being in charge, like a science adviser who said SMART things about Americans including, “We want them infected.” But now, Democracy-hugging liberals are trying to undo our TREMENDOUS REGRESS by FAIRLY COUNTING THE VOTES in a (non)FRAUDULENT Presidential election that Trump clearly won, as long as you only count yard signs and not votes.
So let me say something that might be controversial, but which all of us REAL PATRIOTS are CLEARLY THINKING! If Donald J(Jesus Christ) Trump can’t be MY NEXT president, then not only do I not want to live in America anymore, but I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AN AMERICA AT ALL! AMERICA ISN’T WORTH PROTECTING UNLESS TRUMP IS ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN CHARGE OF DESTROYING IT!
Like all Republican PATRIOTS, I’ve heroically and quietly cowered over the past four years as Donald Trump has taken control of the Party of Lincoln and laid waste to every single principle I used to pretend to cherish, from crippling our national security by “falling in love” every authoritarian strongman to hove into his field of vision, to ratcheting our national debt to never-before-seen levels, to napalming the LIBERAL IDEAS of that FAKE CULT OF LEFTISTS that used to FRAUDULENTLY call themselves Republicans. You know which cult I’m talking about. No, not #NeverTrumpers. I’m talking about Christians, of course. Why would I, a TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, want to follow the teachings of Christ when I could follow a thrice-divorced, 26-time-sexual-misconduct-accused, serial-lying, baby-imprisoning, corruption-encouraging, unable-to-name-a-single-book-of-the-bible, never-needed-to-ask-for-forgiveness former reality TV host?
I wouldn’t. There’s no room for that LEFTIST ANTIFA MEMBER called JESUS in my Conservative’s Holy Trinity of Trump, Putin and Lou Dobbs.
But there’s always more room on the TRUMP TREASON TRAIN of loyal, boot-licking sycophants. Ol’ “LIDDLE” MARCO RUBIO is proudly hopping on that train today with a BIGLY ADDITION to the PRO-TRUMP, ANTI-AMERICA TWEET HALL OF FAME.
Yeah, LIBS! I agree with “LIDDLE”! Why can’t you find a president who’s as presidential as Joe Biden’s incoming Deputy Chief-Of-Staff? Biden’s out here talking about unity and healing like an ANTI-TRUMP RINO (Republican In Name Only) while his incoming Deputy Chief Of Staff has used the BAD WORD “f***ers” to refer to HEROIC PATRIOTS LIKE MARCO RUBIO who compromised all their values and gambled the future of the United States on a dictator-hugging invalid just to preserve their own future electoral prospects to be leaders of the PATRIOTIC, anti-AMERICA TRUMP cult.
This, PATRIOTS, is exactly why it’s Donald Trump’s America or nobody’s America at all. I will happily ride this TRUMP TRAIN all the way off the half-finished bridge of ideas that it runs on, gleefully defending the utter destruction of America because the alternative is Joe Biden as president. No way! We can’t have people who use the word “f***er” (it’s so bad I won’t even print it) working for the next president! We need to keep our current president who says things ALIGNED WITH REPUBLICAN VALUES, like calling black people “sons-of-bitches,” calling countries “shit-holes”, praising congressional candidates who bodyslam reporters, “both sides-ing” White Supremacy, and saying “fuck” in TV interviews.
Needless to say, this take is TOO TRIGGERING to STUPID LIB REPUBLICANS WHO LOVE AMERICA MORE THAN TRUMP:
But this is about more than just stopping Democrats from using naughty words as adjectives when it’s totally warranted. This is about the prosperous future of America, the future that all good Republicans have now aligned themselves against. Will this be Joe Biden’s America (that’s bad BTW), or will it be a CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN AMERICA (the good kind of America) led by a HERO like Trump, or at the very least a PATRIOT like Vladimir Putin?
We’re already doing our part, PATRIOTS! It’s not just thanks to Republican Senate heroes like RUSSIA RON Johnson, who works tirelessly for the PATRIOTIC cause of ending Democratic elections in the United States everyday. It’s not just Donald Trump’s past amplification of Russian disinformation designed to help his 2016 campaign and potential obstruction of justice to cover that up. It’s not just Trump’s private meetings with PATRIOT PUTIN of which records are sealed, and of course, Trump’s public statements siding with RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA over the statements of American intelligence gatherers. Nope, today we learned that the MOST PATRIOTIC REPUBLICAN destruction of America’s standing and security has been carried out by Trump in just the last few months.
We learned this thanks to a LEAK by LEFTIST, COMMUNIST Tom Bossert, the former homeland security adviser to President Trump (Secret lib? Note: Check before publishing.) and deputy homeland security adviser to LEFTIST President George W. Bush. Bossert writes in the LIBERAL RAG New York Times that “the networks of the federal government and much of corporate America are now compromised by a foreign nation,” which, he says, is almost certainly Russia, and he says that TRUMP (TRUMP! TRUMP!) is about to leave the U.S. Government in this state of “compromise” (I assume because he’s too busy retweeting Lou Dobbs).
The Russians have had access to a considerable number of important and sensitive networks for six to nine months. The Russian S.V.R. will surely have used its access to further exploit and gain administrative control over the networks it considered priority targets. . . It will take years to know for certain which networks the Russians control and which ones they just occupy. . . The logical conclusion is that we must act as if the Russian government has control of all the networks it has penetrated. . . The access the Russians now enjoy could be used for far more than simply spying. . . President Trump is on the verge of leaving behind a federal government, and perhaps a large number of major industries, compromised by the Russian government.Tom Bossert, LEFTIST-SCUM FORMER TRUMP ADVISER
Wait, I thought the Democrats liked “compromise”? Hypocrites much, LIBS?
Bossert says President-elect Biden “must begin his planning to take charge of this crisis” and should “assume that communications about this matter are being read by Russia.” He calls on Trump and Biden to work together for the good of the country. LIKE LEFTIST SCUM!
First of all, Bossert, TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT ELECT, if you count only TRUMP VOTES, like the Constitution instructs–or at least it should. Second, work “together”? No! It’s TRUMP OR NOTHING for Republicans, just like it always has been for RUSSIA RON, MOSCOW MITCH, LIDDLE MARCO, the various Republicans in Congress that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy says “Putin pays,” and of course CAPTAIN KOMPROMAT, President T! We won’t be fooled by more LEFTIST PROPAGANDA by a former TRUMP adviser.
PATRIOTS, REPUBLICANS, EVANGELICALS, RUSSIANS, SELF-INTERESTED POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS, we must all stand together now, or we shall hang separately! We must downplay and ignore this threat, while continuing to pretend that Donald Trump isn’t totally fucking up the job of the presidency and threatening the lives of every single American. We must FINISH THE JOB that we Republicans started four years ago with the election of Donald J(onestown) Trump, the most PATRIOTICALLY unfit candidate for president in American history, and we must DESTROY THIS COUNTRY so Joe Biden can never become president and turn it into a LEFTIST HELL-SCAPE that gives its suffering citizens more than $600 for every eight months of pandemic suffering.
America Isn’t Worth Protecting Unless Trump Is Allowed To Keep Destroying It, Libs!
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PATRIOTS, as a proud American who’s been run out of more than two dozen communities in my lifetime, I know from experience that when your neighbors don’t want you around anymore, IT IS ALWAYS THEIR FAULT, NOT YOURS! AND IT’S USUALLY BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID, INTOLERANT LEFTIST-SCUM WHO NEED TO BE ROUNDED UP AND SHOT! I’M LOOKING AT YOU, GARY! I’LL TOLERATE YOU! WITH MY HACKSAW! Anyway, that’s why I am standing by MY PRESIDENT even as the residents of Mar-a-Lago, the private club in Florida that Trump owns, are telling the president that he can’t live there after he leaves the White House… in 2024, I assume.
The FAKE BEZOS Washington Post reports that Trump is leaving the COMMUNIST HELLSCAPE of New York for the AMERICAN PARADISE of Southern Florida, but the LIB-SCUM who Trump allows to live at his private community have told the PRESIDENT to “GET OFF YOUR OWN LAWN!”
In a demand letter, obtained by The Washington Post, an attorney for the Mar-a-Lago neighbors says the town should notify Trump that he cannot use Mar-a-Lago as his residence. Making that move would “avoid an embarrassing situation” if the outgoing president moves to the club and later has to be ordered to leave, according to the letter sent on behalf of the neighbors, the DeMoss family, which runs an international missionary foundation.THE FAKE BEZOS WASHINGTON POST
These NO GOOD LIBS who are SQUATTING at Trump’s private residence for just $200,000 want to run the president out of their LEFTIST TRASH-CLUB all because of some little “disruptions, such as clogged traffic and blocked streets, caused by the president’s frequent trips to the club,” according to the FAKE BEZOS POST. They also say that before he was president, “Trump created ill will in the town by refusing to comply with even basic local requirements, such as adhering to height limits for a massive flagpole he installed, and frequently attempting to get out of the promises he had made when he converted Mar-a-Lago into a private club.”
Basic local requirements? Sounds too complicated, Bezos Post, ya’ LIB SACK-O-SHIT!
Oh, and there’s the small, LIBERALLY-BIASED fact that Trump using Mar-a-Lago as a private home and a club could be totally illegal, because in 1993, when Trump was in bankruptcy–I mean, “succeeding” bigly–he cut a deal with the town that said club members couldn’t spend more than 21 days per year in the guest suites there and couldn’t stay there for more than seven consecutive days. And, one more little matter: an attorney for Trump assured the town that Trump WOULD not live at Mar-a-Lago. So, um… yeah. I don’t know how to spin that… But, WHATEVER, YOU STUPID LEFTISTS! GET OVER IT! TRUMP WON (lost)!
A LEFTIST (probably) HOMEOWNER in nearby Palm Beach told the BEZOS FAKE POST, “There’s absolutely no legal theory under which he can use that property as both a residence and a club.” REALLY, LIB? Here’s a theory: TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
(I’d have chanted longer but I’m tired because I just ate a McDonald’s Fillet-o-fish and a chocolate milkshake, or as I call it, “a good start to my presidential breakfast.”)
But, there’s another way to look at this story: A HUGE WIN FOR THE GREATEST DEALMAKER IN AMERICAN HISTORY! That’s right. SUCK ON THAT, LIBS! No one has ever out-negotiated the negotiator-in-chief. . . until now. And that great negotiator who beat Trump? Surprise! It was Trump! It was the greatest deal Trump ever made, in fact, because he beat the best negotiator in history: Trump!
And this deal was AIR-TIGHT because in addition to promising the town he’d never live at Mar-a-lago in that 1993 deal, Trump also made another GREAT DEAL! This time, in a deal with the National Trust for Historic Preservation…
Trump agreed to “forever” relinquish his rights to develop Mar-a-Lago or to use it for “any purpose other than club use.”FAKE BEZOS POST
Sheeple, I don’t often admit I was wrong, but in this case, I have to swallow my pride and admit Trump isn’t THE GREATEST NEGOTIATOR IN HISTORY.
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT! NEVER ADMIT REALITY! EMBRACE THE DELUSION, BABY!
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PATRIOTS, nobody has been a bigger supporter of President Trump than me, with the possible exception of Attorney General William Barr. Lest I need remind you of Barr’s service to this GREAT COUNTRY, the man literally auditioned for the job of Attorney General of the United States by writing a memo arguing that the President cannot be guilty of the crime of obstruction of justice–while Trump was being investigated for obstruction of justice–and then secretly sent that memo to Trump’s cronies so they’d know he was willing to subvert the law to PATRIOTICALLY HELP TRUMP. Then, Bill Barr pre-empted Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Trump and Russia–which found that Trump might actually have committed obstruction of justice–by falsely summarizing before the report’s release that Trump was “cleared” of wrongdoing. Then, Barr helped Trump carry out various PATRIOTIC fascistic uses of the Justice Department for his own ends, culminating in Barr helping Trump tear gas peaceful protesters in Lafayette Square so the president could pose outside a church with an upside down Bible, and then, BIGLY BARR intervened to help some of Trump’s criminal associates evade prosecution before politicizing the Justice Department entirely to undermine its own mission and help Trump. In other words, BILL BARR IS A PATRIOT! A FREEDOM LOVER! A MAN WHO PUTS COUNTRY ABOVE ALL ELSE (EXCEPT TRUMP, WHO HE RIGHTLY PUTS WAY ABOVE COUNTRY BECAUSE JESUS WANTS IT THAT WAY!)
But PATRIOTS, there comes a time when every TRUMP-LOVER must prove his worth by EXPRESSING TOTAL FEALTY to Supreme Leader Trump. He must cast aside all self-worth and plunge headlong into the abyss of SPINELESS MORAL TURPITUDE. And on this requirement, I’m afraid Bill Barr has now shown himself to be nothing but a LEFTIST IN DISGUISE!
And, PATRIOTS, he’s now gotten what all LEFTISTS deserve: FIRED! Donald Trump fired BILL BARR(F) from his job as Attorney General of the United States because, quite simply, Trump’s #1 sycophant wasn’t TRUMPY ENOUGH!
You see, even the “outstanding” Bill Barr(f) didn’t have the SPINE to continue to feed TRUMP’S PATRIOTIC, AMERICA-KILLING LIE that he won the election even though he got less votes than Biden. He SADLY acknowledged the LIBERALLY-BIASED truth that there was no widespread, election-changing fraud, when a TRUMPIAN LIE would have served Trump’s purposes much better. BARR(F) sided with the sick, anti-Trump group called AMERICANS. Worse, he failed to PROMOTE A POLITICALLY-BIASED AGENDA because he failed to disclose the Justice Department’s investigation of HUNTER! Barr(f) did this just because it would have been unethical and violate long-standing precedent, the SICK COWARD! Doesn’t Barr(f) know that ethics only exist for the purpose of disappearing whenever violating them would help TRUMP?
Now, PATRIOTS, stupid-liberals will argue that TRUMPISTS are looking pretty foolish right now, when their WILDLY-DERANGED CONSPIRACY THEORIES and GRIEVANCES AGAINST REALITY’S ANTI-TRUMP BIAS have become too insane for even Bill Barr(f) the ass-kisser-in-chief, to stomach. But we know the truth! It’s time to TRIPLE DOWN, kick out everyone who isn’t Trump enough, turn on each other like TRUE PATRIOTS and GO DOWN WITH THIS SINKING SHIP!!!
Barr was just another LIB-IN-DISGUISE, acting like he was all-in on Trump fascism, destroying every democratic norm in America with glee, until he made one, tiny mistake, and OUTED HIMSELF AS A LIB by acknowledging a small part of reality like a loser. We’re right! THE TRUTH IS WRONG! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
But, even a hateful leftist like Bill Barr can’t deny PRESIDENT T’S GREATNESS. Just listen to this sycophant’s praise-heaping letter of resignation to the president, which he wrote after being run out of his job by the president for acknowledging that numbers are real… LIKE A LEFTIST!
Here’s a look at the ACTUAL (not actual) text of Bill Barr(f)’s letter of resignation:
Dear Mr. President,
I am greatly honored that you called on me to serve your Administration and the American people once again as Attorney General. I am proud to have played a role in the many successes and unprecedented achievements you have delivered for the American people, whether they be in the form of accomplishments you didn’t accomplish but took credit for, or in the form of Americans you’ve harmed for no reason other than your own ever-growing vanity.
I love you, sir, and not in the way I love Jesus, which is purely platonic. I feel a great fluttering in my loins when I become aroused thinking of your orange, wrinkly pate and your blonde wisps of glory.
Your record is all the more historic because you have accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance from leftist, Antifa terrorists, such as the American people, the entire media and objective reality. Your 2016 victory speech in which you reached out to your opponents and called for working together for the benefit of the American people, which I and no one else believed because you never did anything to actually work toward this goal, was immediately met by a partisan onslaught against you in which no tactic, no matter how abusive and deceitful, was out of bounds (for being used you and your cronies). The nadir of the campaign was the effort by objective reality to cripple, if not completely destroy what would otherwise have been an historically successful presidency if we’d simply been living in an alternate, Bizarro World, a world I, and many others now refer to as the Trump Cinematic Universe. And those are movies I’d watch every day, sir. I love you, again.
My only regret is that I could not debase myself even more in the service of your rightly fascistic goals.
. . .
As discussed, I will spend the next week wrapping up a few remaining matters important to the Administration, such as punishing myself for being a secret Antifa by failing to prop up the lie that you actually won the 2020 election because you got enough invisible votes to overtake Joe Biden, which I clearly should have recognized, and I will depart on December 23rd.
I wish you, Melania, and your family a MERRY CHRISTMAS, which I believe with all my soul that we would not be able to celebrate if not for your masculine leadership. God Bless, my liege, and I would have fired myself, too. I suck. Please hate me forever as much as I hate myself. I am truly not Trumpy enough for the Trump Club.
William P. Barr(f)
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Sheeple, few Americans command the respect and dignity of anti-white guilt crusader and “Thug Basketball Association” promoter Rush Limbaugh. When RUSH says something, you know it’s not just some knee-jerk, willy-nilly spew designed to inflame tensions and divide America. RUSH doesn’t just RUSH to judgement. His words are reasoned, thought out and long-deliberated. Which makes today’s PRONOUNCEMENT from the self-proclaimed “America’s Anchorman” especially important.
“America’s Anchorman” is through with America! It’s time for the Trump-nited States of Trumpica to secede because more than half of America just isn’t AMERICAN enough!
“I actually think that we’re trending toward secession. I see more and more people asking what in the world do we have in common with the people who live in, say, New York? What is there that makes us believe that there is enough of us there to even have a chance at winning New York? Especially if you’re talking about votes… There cannot be a peaceful coexistence of two completely different theories of life, theories of government, theories of how we manage our affairs. We can’t be in this dire a conflict without something giving somewhere along the way.““America’s Anchorman” Rush Limbaugh
Did the Federalists and the Anti-Federalists who formed the Constitution say, “Sorry we just can’t get along, so let’s make two countries?” YES, PATRIOTS! THE ANSWER IS YES! And now the time has come for another CIVIL WAR! The TRUMP states will rise again!
We gave democracy a chance, patriots, but democracy just didn’t do enough to block the will of the people and turn over all power in the United States to an ignorant, vengeful, sociopathic, serial-lying reality TV buffoon with no knowledge about our country’s government and no desire to learn (who is also a former Democrat), so it’s time to retire that quaint, old idea about VOTERS having power in this country and use the same tool to DEFEND THE PATRIOTIC TRUMP MONARCHY that the Confederacy used to defend the PATRIOTIC FREEDOM OF OWNING SLAVES. Secession! (Maybe we can even bring slavery back.)
And Rush LimBALL(S OF BRASS) doesn’t let LYIN’ FACTS, like the fact that Trump states take way more money from the federal government than they pay in taxes, stand in the way of his brilliant idea of SECESSION, either, because RUSH, LIKE ALL TRUE PATRIOTS, doesn’t care about the suffering of his supporters. Studies have shown if you’re poor, you’re either lazy or black. Probably both. FACT. Every Conservative commentator knows this!
Rush isn’t the only PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL WINNER to give up on lame, old American Democracy and embrace their inner CONSERVATIVE FASCISM. Former on-screen Secretary Of Defense Jon Voight is also tossing his lot in with the CIVIL WARRIORS. Just a couple days ago he took to social media to “ask all to fight this battle now, to get them all out.” “Them,” of course being elected Democratic politicians like SLEEPY CREEPY JOE BIDEN and California Governor Gavin Newsom. They’re “evil,” as totally-sane Jon Voight calls them.
Rush Limbaugh and Jon Voight think that the democratic process removing a fascist president from power is the final death knell for the American experiment, and flag-waving Republican PATRIOTS all across America are with them. They’re calling for violence to overthrow our new, not-yet-installed (not)Communist government. Just this week, the Arizona Republican Party took to Twitter to ask Americans if they’re “willing to give [their] life for this fight” to steal the election for Trump. Then, they posted a clip from the classic PRO-VIETNAM WAR movie “Rambo” that highlighted the quote, “This is what we do, who we are. Live for nothing, or die for something.”
Patriots, the seeds of VIOLENCE FOR TRUMP are being sown by GOOD REPUBLICANS all across the country that we both love and want to destroy if it moves even slightly toward moderate policies that don’t SHOWER THE HOLY RICH WITH EXORBITANT AMOUNTS OF FREE MONEY and SUBJUGATE LAZY MINORITIES.
Rush Limbaugh, Jon Voight, King Trump’s legal team, and many unhinged Republican officials across this country are willing to stand behind this PATRIOTIC MOVEMENT TO DESTROY AMERICA. They just need good, MINDLESS TRUMP SUPPORTERS LIKE YOU TO STAND AT THE FRONT OF IT AND “DIE” SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP GETTING RICHER ON THE BACKS OF YOUR SUFFERING!
DO YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY!
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Patriots, nobody likes a know-it-all. President Trump knows this. That’s why he’s never let FACTS stand in the way of the TRUTH, least of all when it comes to the FAKE, FRAUDULENT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION STEAL that the DIM-O-CRATS in Republican-controlled state legislatures across America say was “legitimate” just because there was not even the slightest shred of evidence that it was fraudulent.
Today, WORLD CHAMPION OF LYING Donald J(ust burn it all down if I can’t be king) Trump ABSOLUTELY INCINERATED the LIBS with a FACT-F***ING TWEET-MISSILE claiming that “No candidate has ever won both Florida and Ohio and lost,” adding, “I won them both, by a lot!”
And the COMMUNIST ANTIFA who proclaim to know the “FACTS” got TRIGGERED, just because Trump’s FACT was 100% ALTERNATIVE.
The LEFTIST SCUM that wants to STEAL VICTORY from Donald Trump’s FRAUDULENT CLAIMS pointed out that Richard Nixon actually won Florida and Ohio in 1960, while losing that presidential election to John F(***ing lib) Kennedy.
But PATRIOTS, here’s what the LEFTIST TERRORISTS in the FAKE NEWS don’t understand about the truth: A Republican lie beats a Dem-o-rat truth any day of the week. Truth is TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP, baby! That’s why a 1 out of 50 record in totally frivolous lawsuits to overthrow the election isn’t stopping STRONGMAN PRESIDENT T. from FIGHTING FOR YOU (if by “you,” you mean “ending Democracy in America).
That’s why Donny Douche now says he will intervene in a case brought by Texas’s possibly-criminal Attorney General Ken Paxton against a group of other states that STATES’ RIGHTS CHAMPION TEXAS thinks didn’t vote Republican enough to be counted as AMERICANS.
Trump tweeted, “We will be INTERVENING in the Texas (plus many other states) case. This is the big one. Our Country needs a victory!”
And you know the old saying. “Fifty-first time’s the charm.”
And just because it’s been a day since Donald Trump’s AMERICAN COUP last lost at the Supreme Court, that’s not stopping him from trying to overthrow the U.S. Government again. In fact, THE RULES OF TRUMP are clear on this matter. If TRUMP wins, TRUMP GETS CREDIT. If TRUMP loses, you get the BLAME. That’s why, one day after the Trump-backed lawsuit attempting to end democracy in Pennsylvania was thrown out by the Supreme Court, the president reminded everyone that even thought he’s been calling for “heroes” to step up and help him steal the election and constantly trying to bully Republican leaders into helping him overthrow the government, THAT LOSS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUMP. Because they lost.
But Texas, on the other hand, is TRUMP’S CASE. That’s the BIG ONE, “the case that everyone has been waiting for” …
…until we lose that one. Then, that will be someone else’s fault. DUH, YOU STUPID, LEFTIST, ANTIFA, FACT-HUGGING SCUM! I guess you don’t understand that there’s no “I” in Trump loss, but there sure as hell is an “I” in “Trump wIn.” That’s why Donald Trump loves people like the Republican Secretary of State and Governor on Georgia, until he loses the Presidential election in Georgia and they refuse to help him overthrow the will of the American people, in which case, it’s “What’s wrong with this guy?”, “What’s he hiding?,” and he’s “hapless.” The same goes for the LOSER that Donald Trump put in charge of maintaining election security, who said there was no election fraud just because there was no election fraud, and so Trump’s Team said he had to be “shot.”
There’s only two options, LIBS (and Republicans who believe in FACTS not TRUTH). Either TRUMP WON, or YOU LOST. And really, in either case, YOU LOSE.
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Sheeple, Donald Trump is going TANGERINES TO THE WALL to cling to his fading relevancy as his MOST (UN)SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENCY EVER winds down. According to a new report, Trump is considering “a made-for-TV grand finale: a White House departure on Marine One and final Air Force One flight to Florida for a political rally opposite Joe Biden’s inauguration.”
YES! PATRIOTS REJOICE! We’re STEALING Air Force One, just like the good guys in that famous movie Air Force One.
Here’s a visual approximation of Sleepy Creepy Joe’s Inauguration Day, just to TRIGGER the AMERICA-LOVING LIBS! F*** EM!
George Washington and Honest Abe would be spinning in their graves with GLEE at the PATRIOTIC SIGHT of Former President Donald J(ust here to make things worse at this point) Trump undermining the inauguration of his successor, Hidin’ Joe Biden (who won the election, like a LOSER).
And, it wouldn’t just be a symbolic ASSAULT on American values of UNITY and DEMOCRACY by HERO TRUMP!
“The former network star is privately discussing using his waning powers as commander in chief to order up the exit he wants after dissing Biden by refusing to concede the election, welcome him to the White House or commit to attending his inauguration… The Trump talk could create a split-screen moment: the outgoing president addressing a roaring crowd in an airport hangar while the incoming leader is sworn in before a socially distanced audience outside the Capitol…”FAKE NEWS Axios
Patriots, just imagine how much PATRIOTIC DAMAGE TO AMERICA we could cause with dueling presidential rallies on Inauguration Day. We’d send a CLEAR MESSAGE to the REAL DEMOCRACIES of the world–Russia, Hungary, Saudi Arabia and, I guess, the rest–that this is TRUMP’S AMERICA OR NOBODY’S AMERICA AT ALL.
STOP THE STEAL! STEAL THE PRESIDENT’S JET!
From Day One of Sleepy Joe’s administration, the looming specter of Donald Trump’s patriotic efforts to regain control of the U.S. government and spread dangerous misinformation among the population would hang over Joe Biden’s SICK, LEFTIST attempts to promote public health, restore America’s standing in the world, and lower tensions in the country that Donald Trump’s HEROIC four years as president have driven to the brink of collapse.
Republican rule or no rule at all! BURN IT ALL DOWN! TRUMP 2024!
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The LEFTIST plot to steal the election from Donald Trump with proper vote counting just got a little bit crazier, patriots. Days after NUMBER ONE TRUMP PUMPER Rudolph (the rip roaring reindeer) Giuliani appeared at a Michigan hearing to air unsubstantiated TRULY-false claims of election fraud, he’s suddenly and SUSPICIOUSLY tested positive for the CHINESE HOAX VIRUS.
And, patriots, I know some of you might be thinking that Rudy’s constant, blatant, egregious, in-the-face-of-all-science-and-common-sense refusal to wear a mask even when interacting with hundreds of people on a daily basis is to blame for his infection with this FAKE disease that disappeared like a miracle in March, but I’d like to posit a MUCH MORE REASONABLE THEORY.
LIBERAL BUTT INJECTIONS!
While the FAKE NEWS wants you to believe Rudy broke wind at the hearing, a CLOSER INSPECTION of the video reveals the TOOT is actually the sound of something going in, not out. FAKE CHINA VIRUS!
PATRIOTS, we’ve just uncovered a massive conspiracy. CHINA AND THE LIBS (aka the fake Republicans who were running this election hearing) wanted to take out the TOP SPEWER of TRUMP’S WILD, ANTI-DEMOCRACY CLAIMS with a butt-full of fake virus. Luckily, Rudy wasn’t wearing his mask, like a true hero, so much of that fake virus escaped through his mouth in the form of more LIES. GET IT YET, LIBS? LIES SAVE LIVES! MASKS KILL! TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP!
In other words, sorry, GRINCH FAUCI, but it wasn’t this that got Rudy sick…
No. Despite the lies of the CDC and NIH ANTI-FREEDOM TERRORISTS, what got Rudy sick with the fake, non-existent virus that all the LEFTIST hospitals and doctors are LYING about was this…
But stand fast, FREEDOM-HUGGERS, because Rudy is in good hands, with the best doctors and hospitals in the world, right here in the GOOD ‘OL US OF A, which has the most advanced medical and scientific community in the world (which I both love and hate, because COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!)
GET WELL SOON in AMERICA’S WONDERFUL, LYING, LEFTIST, FAKE, AMAZING HOSPITAL SYSTEM, RUDY!
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