PATRIOTS, I’ve never respected Tommy Tuberville as a Senator, but…
Well, I guess there’s supposed to be a “but” at the end of that sentence for us TRUMPeters, but I’ve got nothing. Frankly, the man’s an idiot. And that’s OKAY with me, because it takes all kinds to make a fascist dictatorship go ’round, and Tommy Tuberville is the IDIOT that makes the President look smart by association.
So, PATRIOTS, I applaud SENATOR Tommy Tuberville’s newest uninformed, idiotic suggestion about how to keep TRUMP in power beyond the end of his legal term as president. The suggestion, frankly, makes Rudy Giuliani’s treasonous butt-dials, landscaping promotions and head leaks look like competent legal representation by comparison. Tommy Tuberville’s latest idea to extend TRUMP’S treasonous PATRIOTIC fascism is that we should just DELAY Biden’s inauguration until we finally get the coronavirus “behind us a little bit. “
W-w-w-w-w-what? Behind us? B-b-b-buuttt, I thought we’d already defeated the virus, while, of course, we just have to “live with it,” because it doesn’t affect anyone, and, on top of that, it’s a hoax perpetuated by AMERICA’S EVIL, LYING DOCTORS and HEALTHCARE WORKERS, plus, none of us need to wear a mask or social distance, anyway. Just ask Trump’s own campaign and White House officials, who have never done that, and barely acknowledged the virus’ existence, which is probably why they’ve been failing to successfully provide the vaccine to Americans in any meaningful time frame.
If anything, TRUMP’S been making the virus worse at every turn.
So, I guess it makes total sense that we must now wait until Trump gets the virus “behind us” in order for him to leave office, because that will never, ever happen even “a little bit” as long as Trump remains in charge of botching America’s response to this health crisis at every possible opportunity. Yes, I see how it works now. I, as a LOYAL, TERRORISTIC, TRUMP SUPPORTER, support this! TRUMP will remain in power forever! All he has to do is keep f***ing everything up! EASY!
Of course, Tuberville, like TRUMP, the GOP and all their mindless supporters don’t know that the Constitution sets the date of the next president’s inauguration by law, because they’ve never read that USELESS, ANTI-TRUMP SCREED. But, PATRIOTS, I say, “Who cares what that dumb, ol’ Constitution says. We’re in power.” So, lets throw away that raggedy ol’ document that we’ve literally spent our entire Pre-TRUMP political existence arguing SHOULD BE INTERPRETED LITERALLY, AND SHOULD GOVERN EVERY SINGLE DECISION WE MAKE!
In the words of AMERICAN PATRIOT, Spongebob Squarepants, “I don’t need it!”
THIS IS WHY WE NEED MORE FOOTBALL COACHES RUNNING OUR COUNTRY!
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PATRIOTS, we’re breaking every record for historic presidential achievement! Donald Trump is now the first president to ever be impeached TWICE! Most impeached in history! Woo! Crack open a can of Goya to celebrate!
The great, presidential accomplishment that led to TRUMP’S second impeachment? “Incitement of insurrection!” The House of Representatives voted 232 to 197 to impeach Trump on a single article that, in addition to the “insurrection” language, accused Trump of “inciting violence against the government of the United States.” WINNING, BABY! The article even calls for Trump to be disqualified from ever holding public office again!
Trump! Trump! Trump!
Now, PATRIOTS, some LIBS might try to tell you that this is BAD, that Donald Trump’s second impeachment is a stain on his presidency that indicates he is a woefully un-American narcissist hell-bent on destroying Democracy! Hogwash! TRUMP did it! He proved that the LIBS are a bunch of CRYBABY SNOWFLAKES who can’t even take it when their precious democracy is hollowed out and shat in like a dead tree! CRY MORE, LIB!
We will never admit that our MAGA (Make America Grieve Again) movement was a stain on our nation’s history. WE LOVE OUR PRESIDENT! WE WILL NEVER ADMIT WE WERE WRONG! DENIAL!
That’s all we’ve got at this point.
But TRUMP is just getting warmed up because on the same day he got a LEFTIST SNUB from Trump-supporting coach Bill Belichick, TRUMP TRUMPED! He gave the Presidential Medal Of Freedom to country singers TOBY KIETH and RICKY SKAGGS in a private ceremony at the White House! The ceremony was PRIVATE! How good is this Republican presidency going? Country music singers don’t want to be seen in public receiving an award from the president!
As Toby Keith would say, “The Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist!”
And to top it all off, TRUMP is said to be “isolated and angry at aides for failing to defend him,” according to the Loser Bezos Washington Post. Because of that, Trump is now REFUSING to pay the legal fees of his most loyal, bootlicking, sycophantic “lawyer” Rudy Giuliani.
PATRIOTS, like the country of America, no one has done more to promote, aid, and prop-up Donald Trump than Rudy Giuliani. I mean, for goodness sake, Rudy went to every state in the Union and spread Trump’s entirely false election fraud claims to undermine democracy, all while dealing with a serious case of SHITHEAD DISEASE, a disease which literally caused shit to leak out of Rudy’s head. Rudy went from America’s Mayor, to a bumbling, babbling, crotch grabbing oaf who tried to get Ukranian officials to fabricate evidence against his political opponents and held an election fraud press conference at a place called “Four Seasons Total Landscaping” right next to a sex-toy shop in Philly! He called members of Congress during the Trump assault on the Capitol to try to convince them to side with Trump over democracy! He literally DESTROYED his own humanity to HELP TRUMP LIE! And so, Donald Trump is treating Rudy the same way he treated America, the country responsible for his near-success. He’s saying F*** ‘EM! I GOT MINE JACK! GO POUND SAND! BIGLY!
To paraphrase the words of Ricky Bobby’s dad in Talladega Nights, “it’s the winners who get paid!”
Suck it America! We’ve got a 187 IQ, and we hate America, and we love TRUMP! No contradiction there, right Rudy?
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PATRIOTS, there’s nothing we TRUMP-FLUFFERS love more than a good BOTH-SIDES-ing! I nearly blew my pants off when TRUMP said in 2017 that there were “very fine people on both sides” of the WHITE SUPREMACIST NAZI mob that heroically terrorized Charlottesville, VA, and killed one woman, and I didn’t think anything could TOP that. Well, I was wrong, because Republican Representative Ken Buck (R-CO) TOPPED that BIGLY this morning on CNN! So BIGLY tHaT i CrEaMeD mY tRuMp FlAg!
Ken Buck fact-f***ed CNN’s lib-hard host back to lib-o-stan when he reminded him that “both sides are at fault” for the mob violence and coup attempt that the president incited at the Capitol Building last week, in response to Democracy’s VERY UNFAIR treatment of the PRESIDENT.
“To say that there’s one speech or one incident that caused this group of people to storm the Capitol is just not accurate. What I’m trying to suggest to you is that both sides are at fault and that in America, we need to be very careful of the words we use.”Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO)
Buck’s TRUTHSTORM triggered Clinton News Network host John Berman, who couldn’t believe Buck–himself a potential target of the president’s violent, pre-meditated attack on Democracy–would suggest that Democrats were to blame. Berman SNOWFLAKED so hard while he asked Buck to justify his PATRIOTICALLY INSANE remarks, simply because they made NO SENSE, and BUCK responded by Trump, Trump, Trumping Berman right up the TRUTH HOLE, reducing him to a screaming puddle of leftist tears! MAGA (Make America Grieve Again), baby! “What did the other side do?” Buck asked incredulously. “You’re asking me what Democrats have done to make the MAGA crowd mad?”
What a STUPIDLY intelligent question!
Berman didn’t allow BUCK to FINISH HIS BIG LIE, so I’ll do it for him.
THE DEMOCRATS COUNTED THE VOTES! THE DEMOCRATS DIDN’T LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! THE DEMOCRATS TOLD TRUMP SUPPORTERS THAT TRUMP LOST, JUST BECAUSE HE DID! THEY DIDN’T JOIN THE CRUZ-HAWLEY-BROOKS DENIAL & FASCISM CAUCUS TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT! And for these TREASONOUS CRIMES AGAINST TRUMP, I SAY…
HANG ‘EM HIGH!
And I’ve been doing some research, PATRIOTS. Turns out American history is littered with SNOWFLAKES who loved their precious Democracy more than terrorism-installed PATRIOTIC fascism for TRUMP. Jefferson, Washington, Adams–these are just some of the VILLAINS OF AMERICAN HISTORY who should have been hung for trying to BRAINWASH THE AMERICAN people with the EVILS of TRUTH and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS!
HANG EM HIGH! Dig up their corpses, and string them up! They must be punished, just like those who stand with freedom and therefore against TRUMP! We’Re NoT cRaZy!
BOTH SIDES ARE TO BLAME FOR THIS VIOLENCE! Sure, there might be a little blame for the TRUMP supporters and the president who plotted in advance to assassinate the Vice President and Speaker of the House during the certification of Electoral College votes, but MOST OF THE BLAME goes to the LIBERAL LEFTISTS who woke up on the morning of January 6th determined to selflessly do their duty to Democracy and America, the two BIGGEST ENEMIES of TRUMP! Sure, I guess Democracy has some value, but TRUMP is more important! TRUMP is AMERICA! TRUMP is FREEDOM! TRUMP is TRUTH!
The LEFT is the to blame!
The LEFT is to blame because sitting Republican members of Congress allegedly gave the TRUMP coup plotters “reconnaissance” tours of the Capitol building on the day before the TRUMP mob breached its walls in search of Congressional and Vice Presidential blood. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE was reportedly in contact with the rioters as they were roaming the halls of Congress, looking for legislators to take hostage or kill. BOTH SIDES!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Ayanna Pressley’s staff discovered that all the panic buttons in her office had been “torn out” before the coup attempt and they discovered this once the TRUMP MOB had breached the Capitol with intent to harm her. BOTH SIDES! SHAME!
The LEFT is to blame because Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “thought [she] was going to die,” at one point during the coup and siege when she had a “very close encounter” with the TRUMP supporting violent mob. “It was not an exaggeration to say that many members of the House were nearly assassinated,” she added, like a LEFTIST!
The LEFT is to blame because Republican members of Congress are now refusing to submit to the metal detectors that had to be installed outside the House of Representatives’ floor because one of their colleagues is publicly bragging about how she is going to continue to carry a firearm inside the Capitol in violation of D.C. law, and that same member was live tweeting Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location to the insurrectionists during the Capitol siege. BOTH SIDES!
And, yes, this just seems like a list of things REPUBLICANS have selfishly done to, at best, endanger our government, and at worst, willingly commit insurrection and participate in a coup attempt for TRUMP, but make no mistake, this attempt to kill Democratic members of Congress and prevent a duly elected Democrat from being sworn in as president is the FAULT OF BOTH SIDES!
ASSHOLE KEN BUCK SAYS SO! THAT’S WHY!
WHY DOES HE SAY SO?
I DON’T KNOW WHY! MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THE NEXT COUP SUCCEED! AnD wHaT’s WrOnG wItH tHaT?
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
These colors don’t THINK!
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PATRIOTS, there are two things you need to remember. Number one, Donald Trump is not responsible for inciting that PATRIOTIC terrorist attack on the Capitol Building that he totally supports; he had nothing to do with it! Because his pre-coup attempt speech was “totally appropriate” (his unhinged words, not mine)! Number two, TRUMP wants his supporters to FIGHT TO THE DEATH to defend his fact-free claim that he won the 2020 presidential election! Got that? He’s not responsible for the fight! But he IS going to fight like hell! No contradiction here, PATRIOTS!
That’s why Donald Trump is headed to Alamo, Texas, today! Because we’re making our last stand! Our last, bloody, defiant, fight-to-the-death stand that has nothing to do with fighting, or death, which the president doesn’t support, but it would be totally cool for him to support it, if he did, according to him!
The president’s niece, Mary Trump, knows. She says the president is going to Alamo, Texas because he “undoubtedly” wants to invoke the violent symbolism behind the historic battle of the Alamo, where almost everyone died. And LOVING PRESIDENT T wants the same for all PATRIOTS and their families!
His heart is in the RIGHT place! Unfortunately, his location is about 225 miles off. Because THE ALAMO, the site of the famous battle Trump is apparently trying to invoke, is in San Antonio. And Alamo, Texas, where the president is headed, is not. But, knowing Trump, it’s possible he meant for his visit to take place at an Alamo Rent-a-car, in part of some kind of synergistic branding attempt, like his fraud press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
But, if there’s one POSITIVE to come from the president’s HACKNEYED attempt to equate himself with those who died fighting at the Alamo, it’s that he has stoked the potential for more bloodshed! The president’s trip to Alamo “has Texas on edge and tensions a[re] ‘running dangerously high,’ according to Hidalgo County Judge Richard Cortez,” the Houston Chronicle reports.
Sometimes, though, you need a little light threatening to EXPERIENCE MAXIMUM FREEDOM. Republican Representative and HITLER ENTHUSIAST, Madison Cawthorn knows. Sure, Cawthorn called the terror attack on the Capitol by Trump supporters “sickening,” but that was AFTER the attack. Before the attack, he was on stage at the “Save America” rally helping incite Trump supporters’ attempt to execute the Vice President and Speaker of the House. And, we learned today that Cawthorn encouraged Trump supporters who didn’t want to accept the MATH of the election results to call and “lightly threaten” their Congressmen, and to tell them that they are “coming after them.” If that’s not AMERICAN VALUES, then I don’t want to be an American anymore! I want to be like Madison Cawthorn and IDOLIZE A REAL PATRIOT, LIKE HITLER!
And before all the HATEFUL LEFTISTS get their panties in a bunch over Cawthorn’s words, which were met with raucous applause by the Trump supporters, I’d like to just point out there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION between Cawthorn’s encouragement of violent threats and the actions of Trump supporters who DID EXACTLY THAT!
Uh-oh, I’m starting to get dizzy from the smell of my own bullshit. Better get my head back in the game!
TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
Okay, ready to get back to terrorizing America because I jUsT lOvE tHiS cOuNtRy So GoDdAmN mUcH!
ThEy’Re TrYiN’ tO rUiN mY lIfE bY cAlLiNg Me A tErRoRiSt!
And you know it was PATRIOTIC because there was a guy who looked like Chuck Norris at the “Murder the Vice President and House Speaker Rally” in Washington, too, even though it wasn’t really him.
In the end, a representative for Norris confirmed the man was not Chuck Norris, it was just a “look alike.” But rest assured, Chuck Norris still loves TRUMP! Well, you know what they say, “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . . except that books don’t really work that way, so it turns out Chuck Norris is a fucking idiot.”
“They were talking about 4,000 armed ‘patriots’ to surround the Capitol and prevent any Democrat from going in,” [Rep. Connor] Lamb [D-Pa] said. “They have published rules of engagement, meaning when you shoot and when you don’t. So this is an organized group that has a plan. They are committed to doing what they’re doing because I think in their minds, you know, they are patriots and they’re talking about 1776 and so this is now a contest of wills.”
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We lost f***ing GEORGIA!
Patriots, there has been a shift in the balance of power in these UNITED STATES! The SCUM-O-CRATS have come back from the DEAD! TRUMPISM and its requisite FASCISM were CRUSHED last night in Georgia, the new HEADQUARTERS OF THE LEFTIST THREAT! RADICAL BLACK PRO-FREEDOM LIBERAL Raphael Warnock defeated Anti-American PATRIOT Kelly Loeffler last night in Georgia’s Senate runoff election. Worse, RADICAL WHITE PRO-FREEDOM LEFITST Jon Ossoff appears to be headed to victory in last night’s other Georgia Senate runoff election. This means that Democrats now control a majority in the U.S. Senate and COCAINE MOSCOW Mitch McConnell’s reign of Pro-Trump terror is over!
The American people are no longer going to be subject to the cynical whims of a racist, tyrannical minority of Republican PATRIOTS! Americans can see light at the end of the GLORIOUS, DARK, DESTRUCTIVE tunnel of TRUMPISM!
This is terrible!
Patriots, we’re f***ed!
And now, WE WILL ALL SUFFER the HORRORS of SOCIALIST RULE! The BLOODLETTING HAS ALREADY BEGUN. The $2,000 checks are being written! TERRIFYING!
We cannot survive an America that gives more money to its suffering citizens than its billionaire president’s hospitality businesses!
For the last four years, we GOP PATRIOTS have had a choice between America and Trump’s hateful, patriotic fascism. We RIGHTLY CHOSE the deal with the Devil. WE CHOSE TRUMP. We CHOSE FASCISM, like the founders wanted. We persecuted the ones who looked different than us! We turned away the huddled masses, yearning to be free! We mocked the suffering! We scolded the scientists and their precious facts! We killed the weak! We showered the strong with riches! We imprisoned babies! We denied the readily apparent truths that revealed our own folly! In short, we did everything that CHRIST, the second greatest leader of the GOP (behind Trump), would have done.
We enriched ourselves and shut off our minds! We submitted, like the FOUNDERS would have wanted!
And GOD has forsaken us!
Worse, GOD has forsaken his most trustworthy apostle, TRUMP!
GOD helped the LEFTISTS find 50,000 LEGALLY CAST votes, votes that should never have counted because they were CAST FOR DEMOCRATS! Legal Democrat votes are just like legal immigrants. I don’t want ’em in muh country!
Why GOD? Why have you put an end to TRUMP’S REIGN OF HATEFUL, INCOMPETENT TERROR!
Patriots, we must allow ourselves, for a moment, to do something we haven’t done in a long time. We must allow ourselves to think. We must think long and hard about what’s happened. We must search our souls for our better angels, and we must arrive at a conclusion. We must face the hard truth about all that we’ve done over the past four years, and we must realize that the answer has been so clear all along.
GOD IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST, AMERICA-HATING COMMUNIST!
It’s so obvious. How else could we have lost these elections that we were so obviously winning until the Democratic votes were counted? GOD HAS BETRAYED US! GOD WAS A LIBERAL ALL ALONG! GOD IS A DEM-O-RAT!
And so, PATRIOTS, we must look to a higher power, now. We must look to TRUMP.
TRUMP HAS A PLAN.
AND THAT PLAN IS TO RALLY IN WASHINGTON AND INCITE HIS SUPPORTERS TO TURN AMERICA INTO “HELL.”
The SCORNED MINORITY of TRUMP LOYALISTS must now forsake their LIBERAL GOD and obey a higher power. A power that encourages them to violently oppose the peaceful, democratic transition of power that follows fair elections in the United States. A power called TRUMP!
And so, let us not seek introspection, or peace, following our historic defeat in Georgia. F***ing GEORGIA! REPUBLICANS LOST GEORGIA, a state basically run by Republicans! Let us simply descend further into our impotent rage and madness and let us truly EMBARRASS OURSELVES FULLY in the final, last gasp of our doomed experiment in TRUMPISM!
Let us rally in support of our own stupidity.
(Or we could just like, admit we were wrong. Nah. We’re not going to do that. God, Republicans, science and math are all part of a LEFTIST CONSPIRACY against Trump. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.)
Let it burn, baby!
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It’s Election Day! Again! Even though the last election is still going on, clearly, because Donald Trump won it in every state as long as you count misfiring neurons in the president’s brain and not actual votes! But today, it’s Election Day again… in Georgia… and this time, it’s personal.
President Trump got ROYALLY SCREWED by the Republicans who oversaw the presidential election in Georgia (looking at you Raffensperger) because they wouldn’t JUST MAKE UP FAKE VOTES so that the president could WIN the election that everyone named DONALD TRUMP knows that he won, despite the misleading FACTS and ACCURATE VOTE COUNTS. Now, it’s payback time! Time to show the DEM-O-SCUMS that just because an election is TOTALLY FRAUDULENT, that doesn’t mean that Republicans can’t win it. And the president who hardly mentioned the Republicans ACTUALLY running for Senate at his first rally in Georgia stepped it up LAST NIGHT when he held a second rally where he delivered a clear message in support of the two Republican Senate candidates, whoever the hell they are.
It doesn’t matter because this election is a fight between TRUMP and the REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR OF GEORGIA, apparently.
“I’ll be here in about a year and a half campaigning against your governor, I guarantee you.”MY PRESIDENT Trump
Hey, Georgia, go out and vote for those Republicans because the election is rigged and Trump is going to campaign against them! Also, who is even running? Because Trump didn’t talk about them at all during his seemingly endless RANT & RAVE session in Georgia last night. Instead, he mostly talked about his own grievances with the Democratic election process awarding the presidency to the person who won the election and his problems with all of the Republicans who are standing in the way of him stealing power. So… VOTE REPUBLICAN… or something!
And we’ve got some GREAT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES running, like Kelly Something… or is it Karen? In either case, she is going to STAND UP TO DEMOCRACY by objecting to the certification of Joe Biden as winner of the Presidential election!
“On January 6th, I will vote to give President Trump and the American people the fair hearing they deserve and support the objection to the Electoral College certification process,” Loeffler said.
Finally, a Republican who’s taken a policy position I care about: ending democracy in favor of endless, compulsory TRUMP RULE! Go Karen!
And then there’s GREAT AMERICAN PATRIOT David Whatever, who doesn’t care that Donald Trump tried to intimidate Georgia’s Republican elections officials into FAKING the results of the election so that TRUMP could win! Get him in the SENATE! He is, however, “Disgusted” with the person who revealed Trump’s potential CRIME! Go David!
PATRIOTS, this is our chance to PATRIOTICALLY SEIZE POWER and undermine American values. This is our chance to exhibit TOTAL FEALTY TO TRUMP, just like the founders wanted.
Or, we could COWER in the face of FASCISM and choose Democracy, LIKE LOSERS AND SUCKERS! If we do that, we’ll have to elect SCUM-O-CRATS Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock. These two LIBERAL LEFITSTS believe in ANTI-TRUMP values like having a healthy population, acknowledging the factual existence of numbers and math, and DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS! In the words of David Whatever, the Pro-Trump candidate, “DISGUSTING!”
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Over the weekend, STUPID LEFTISTS once again thought they’d caught RIGHTEOUS MAN OF GOD Donald Trump red-handed in a crime–just like when they thought they’d caught TRUMP red-handed in a crime when they caught him trying to use his influence to pressure a foreign leader to produce dirt on Trump’s political opponents, or when they caught Trump trying to end Democratic elections in the U.S., or when they caught Trump siphoning taxpayer money to his businesses through corrupt means, or when they caught him doing any of the dozens of other crimes I don’t acknowledge he committed–but ONCE AGAIN, the STUPID LEFTISTS were WRONG.
Because while TRUMP may have CRIMED, the LEFTISTS MUST DO THE TIME! Because the real CRIME is revealing TRUMP’S CRIME!
Here’s what The Washington Post reported about Trump, which caused all the STUPID LEFTISTS to scream, “CRIME! CRIME! TRUMP CRIME!”
President Trump urged fellow Republican Brad Raffensperger, the Georgia secretary of state, to “find” enough votes to overturn his defeat in an extraordinary one-hour phone call Saturday that legal scholars described as a flagrant abuse of power and a potential criminal act.
The Washington Post obtained a recording of the conversation in which Trump alternately berated Raffensperger, tried to flatter him, begged him to act and threatened him with vague criminal consequences if the secretary of state refused to pursue his false claims, at one point warning that Raffensperger was taking “a big risk.”The FAKE Bezos Post
DISGUSTING! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
And I suppose now, I must clarify FOR ALL STUPID LEFTISTS that what I find disgusting is NOT the fact that President Trump pressured an election official to fraudulently state that Trump won an election that the numbers say he lost. NO! That’s just called PATRIOTISM! What I am absolutely disgusted by is the SICK, DISGUSTING, LEFTIST LEAK of this audio recording of Trump committing a crime. How are we supposed to Make America Great Again if the man who’s going to do that is being revealed to be nothing more than a common criminal mob-boss-lite who uses intimidation and threats to pressure subordinates into subservience? PATRIOTS, WE MUST SUPPRESS!
Like the Russia Investigation, the REAL CRIME isn’t the CRIME OF TRUMP; it’s the CRIME of whistleblowing on Trump’s clear crimes!
And I’m not just some NUTTY, RIGHT-WING NUTJOB spewing baseless claims to defend my delusion support of an anti-American autocrat. I am WELL WITHIN THE MAINSTREAM of REPUBLICAN thought with my stance that the only CRIME is punishing CRIME! Just ask Republican Senator and Senate Candidate David Perdue of Georgia, which Trump won so he is now trying to fake the election results in to show that he won.
“I’m still shocked that a member of the Republican Party would tape a sitting president and then leak that. That’s disgusting in my view. But what the president said is exactly what he’s been saying the last few months and that is that . . . we’ve had some irregularities in the election in November, and he wants some answers. He has not gotten them yet from our Secretary of State. That’s one reason why I asked for him to resign. We haven’t gotten it from our state legislature because there’s been no special session called, and then he went to court, the president went to court, and then I went to court, and the courts have denied us hearings saying it’s more of a legislative issue. So what the president’s said in this tape today is no different than what he’s been saying for the last two months.”Sen. David Perdue (R-GA)
And what he’s been saying is that, like DEMOCRACY and HEALTH, ELECTIONS are overrated!
David Perdue must be re-elected, PATRIOTS! GET OUT AND VOTE! We must vote in the FAKE, RIGGED ELECTION in Georgia, which is run by a LEFTIST Secretary of State who voted for, and still supports Donald Trump. We must do it to win Republican seats in the Senate, even though Republicans can’t win because elections are rigged against us. Get it yet?
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Patriots, there’s no debating that America is safer, freer, and more prosperous than ever before thanks to the strong, courageous LEADERSHIP of PRESIDENT DONALD J(ust kidding because he actually sucks at being President) TRUMP! We’ve unleashed the American economy to a BIG, BEAUTIFUL SPIRAL OF DECLINE for all but Trump’s wealthiest cronies, we’ve CRUSHED OUR REAL ENEMIES, including Earth’s habitable climate and our allies in Europe, and we’ve wreaked PATRIOTIC DEATH across our own land with a TREMENDOUS HERD IMMUNITY STRATEGY that has killed more Americans than World War II thanks to Donald Trump’s “best people” being in charge, like a science adviser who said SMART things about Americans including, “We want them infected.” But now, Democracy-hugging liberals are trying to undo our TREMENDOUS REGRESS by FAIRLY COUNTING THE VOTES in a (non)FRAUDULENT Presidential election that Trump clearly won, as long as you only count yard signs and not votes.
So let me say something that might be controversial, but which all of us REAL PATRIOTS are CLEARLY THINKING! If Donald J(Jesus Christ) Trump can’t be MY NEXT president, then not only do I not want to live in America anymore, but I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AN AMERICA AT ALL! AMERICA ISN’T WORTH PROTECTING UNLESS TRUMP IS ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN CHARGE OF DESTROYING IT!
Like all Republican PATRIOTS, I’ve heroically and quietly cowered over the past four years as Donald Trump has taken control of the Party of Lincoln and laid waste to every single principle I used to pretend to cherish, from crippling our national security by “falling in love” every authoritarian strongman to hove into his field of vision, to ratcheting our national debt to never-before-seen levels, to napalming the LIBERAL IDEAS of that FAKE CULT OF LEFTISTS that used to FRAUDULENTLY call themselves Republicans. You know which cult I’m talking about. No, not #NeverTrumpers. I’m talking about Christians, of course. Why would I, a TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOT, want to follow the teachings of Christ when I could follow a thrice-divorced, 26-time-sexual-misconduct-accused, serial-lying, baby-imprisoning, corruption-encouraging, unable-to-name-a-single-book-of-the-bible, never-needed-to-ask-for-forgiveness former reality TV host?
I wouldn’t. There’s no room for that LEFTIST ANTIFA MEMBER called JESUS in my Conservative’s Holy Trinity of Trump, Putin and Lou Dobbs.
But there’s always more room on the TRUMP TREASON TRAIN of loyal, boot-licking sycophants. Ol’ “LIDDLE” MARCO RUBIO is proudly hopping on that train today with a BIGLY ADDITION to the PRO-TRUMP, ANTI-AMERICA TWEET HALL OF FAME.
Yeah, LIBS! I agree with “LIDDLE”! Why can’t you find a president who’s as presidential as Joe Biden’s incoming Deputy Chief-Of-Staff? Biden’s out here talking about unity and healing like an ANTI-TRUMP RINO (Republican In Name Only) while his incoming Deputy Chief Of Staff has used the BAD WORD “f***ers” to refer to HEROIC PATRIOTS LIKE MARCO RUBIO who compromised all their values and gambled the future of the United States on a dictator-hugging invalid just to preserve their own future electoral prospects to be leaders of the PATRIOTIC, anti-AMERICA TRUMP cult.
This, PATRIOTS, is exactly why it’s Donald Trump’s America or nobody’s America at all. I will happily ride this TRUMP TRAIN all the way off the half-finished bridge of ideas that it runs on, gleefully defending the utter destruction of America because the alternative is Joe Biden as president. No way! We can’t have people who use the word “f***er” (it’s so bad I won’t even print it) working for the next president! We need to keep our current president who says things ALIGNED WITH REPUBLICAN VALUES, like calling black people “sons-of-bitches,” calling countries “shit-holes”, praising congressional candidates who bodyslam reporters, “both sides-ing” White Supremacy, and saying “fuck” in TV interviews.
Needless to say, this take is TOO TRIGGERING to STUPID LIB REPUBLICANS WHO LOVE AMERICA MORE THAN TRUMP:
But this is about more than just stopping Democrats from using naughty words as adjectives when it’s totally warranted. This is about the prosperous future of America, the future that all good Republicans have now aligned themselves against. Will this be Joe Biden’s America (that’s bad BTW), or will it be a CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN AMERICA (the good kind of America) led by a HERO like Trump, or at the very least a PATRIOT like Vladimir Putin?
We’re already doing our part, PATRIOTS! It’s not just thanks to Republican Senate heroes like RUSSIA RON Johnson, who works tirelessly for the PATRIOTIC cause of ending Democratic elections in the United States everyday. It’s not just Donald Trump’s past amplification of Russian disinformation designed to help his 2016 campaign and potential obstruction of justice to cover that up. It’s not just Trump’s private meetings with PATRIOT PUTIN of which records are sealed, and of course, Trump’s public statements siding with RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA over the statements of American intelligence gatherers. Nope, today we learned that the MOST PATRIOTIC REPUBLICAN destruction of America’s standing and security has been carried out by Trump in just the last few months.
We learned this thanks to a LEAK by LEFTIST, COMMUNIST Tom Bossert, the former homeland security adviser to President Trump (Secret lib? Note: Check before publishing.) and deputy homeland security adviser to LEFTIST President George W. Bush. Bossert writes in the LIBERAL RAG New York Times that “the networks of the federal government and much of corporate America are now compromised by a foreign nation,” which, he says, is almost certainly Russia, and he says that TRUMP (TRUMP! TRUMP!) is about to leave the U.S. Government in this state of “compromise” (I assume because he’s too busy retweeting Lou Dobbs).
The Russians have had access to a considerable number of important and sensitive networks for six to nine months. The Russian S.V.R. will surely have used its access to further exploit and gain administrative control over the networks it considered priority targets. . . It will take years to know for certain which networks the Russians control and which ones they just occupy. . . The logical conclusion is that we must act as if the Russian government has control of all the networks it has penetrated. . . The access the Russians now enjoy could be used for far more than simply spying. . . President Trump is on the verge of leaving behind a federal government, and perhaps a large number of major industries, compromised by the Russian government.Tom Bossert, LEFTIST-SCUM FORMER TRUMP ADVISER
Wait, I thought the Democrats liked “compromise”? Hypocrites much, LIBS?
Bossert says President-elect Biden “must begin his planning to take charge of this crisis” and should “assume that communications about this matter are being read by Russia.” He calls on Trump and Biden to work together for the good of the country. LIKE LEFTIST SCUM!
First of all, Bossert, TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT ELECT, if you count only TRUMP VOTES, like the Constitution instructs–or at least it should. Second, work “together”? No! It’s TRUMP OR NOTHING for Republicans, just like it always has been for RUSSIA RON, MOSCOW MITCH, LIDDLE MARCO, the various Republicans in Congress that House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy says “Putin pays,” and of course CAPTAIN KOMPROMAT, President T! We won’t be fooled by more LEFTIST PROPAGANDA by a former TRUMP adviser.
PATRIOTS, REPUBLICANS, EVANGELICALS, RUSSIANS, SELF-INTERESTED POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS, we must all stand together now, or we shall hang separately! We must downplay and ignore this threat, while continuing to pretend that Donald Trump isn’t totally fucking up the job of the presidency and threatening the lives of every single American. We must FINISH THE JOB that we Republicans started four years ago with the election of Donald J(onestown) Trump, the most PATRIOTICALLY unfit candidate for president in American history, and we must DESTROY THIS COUNTRY so Joe Biden can never become president and turn it into a LEFTIST HELL-SCAPE that gives its suffering citizens more than $600 for every eight months of pandemic suffering.
America Isn’t Worth Protecting Unless Trump Is Allowed To Keep Destroying It, Libs!
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PATRIOTS, nobody has been a bigger supporter of President Trump than me, with the possible exception of Attorney General William Barr. Lest I need remind you of Barr’s service to this GREAT COUNTRY, the man literally auditioned for the job of Attorney General of the United States by writing a memo arguing that the President cannot be guilty of the crime of obstruction of justice–while Trump was being investigated for obstruction of justice–and then secretly sent that memo to Trump’s cronies so they’d know he was willing to subvert the law to PATRIOTICALLY HELP TRUMP. Then, Bill Barr pre-empted Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Trump and Russia–which found that Trump might actually have committed obstruction of justice–by falsely summarizing before the report’s release that Trump was “cleared” of wrongdoing. Then, Barr helped Trump carry out various PATRIOTIC fascistic uses of the Justice Department for his own ends, culminating in Barr helping Trump tear gas peaceful protesters in Lafayette Square so the president could pose outside a church with an upside down Bible, and then, BIGLY BARR intervened to help some of Trump’s criminal associates evade prosecution before politicizing the Justice Department entirely to undermine its own mission and help Trump. In other words, BILL BARR IS A PATRIOT! A FREEDOM LOVER! A MAN WHO PUTS COUNTRY ABOVE ALL ELSE (EXCEPT TRUMP, WHO HE RIGHTLY PUTS WAY ABOVE COUNTRY BECAUSE JESUS WANTS IT THAT WAY!)
But PATRIOTS, there comes a time when every TRUMP-LOVER must prove his worth by EXPRESSING TOTAL FEALTY to Supreme Leader Trump. He must cast aside all self-worth and plunge headlong into the abyss of SPINELESS MORAL TURPITUDE. And on this requirement, I’m afraid Bill Barr has now shown himself to be nothing but a LEFTIST IN DISGUISE!
And, PATRIOTS, he’s now gotten what all LEFTISTS deserve: FIRED! Donald Trump fired BILL BARR(F) from his job as Attorney General of the United States because, quite simply, Trump’s #1 sycophant wasn’t TRUMPY ENOUGH!
You see, even the “outstanding” Bill Barr(f) didn’t have the SPINE to continue to feed TRUMP’S PATRIOTIC, AMERICA-KILLING LIE that he won the election even though he got less votes than Biden. He SADLY acknowledged the LIBERALLY-BIASED truth that there was no widespread, election-changing fraud, when a TRUMPIAN LIE would have served Trump’s purposes much better. BARR(F) sided with the sick, anti-Trump group called AMERICANS. Worse, he failed to PROMOTE A POLITICALLY-BIASED AGENDA because he failed to disclose the Justice Department’s investigation of HUNTER! Barr(f) did this just because it would have been unethical and violate long-standing precedent, the SICK COWARD! Doesn’t Barr(f) know that ethics only exist for the purpose of disappearing whenever violating them would help TRUMP?
Now, PATRIOTS, stupid-liberals will argue that TRUMPISTS are looking pretty foolish right now, when their WILDLY-DERANGED CONSPIRACY THEORIES and GRIEVANCES AGAINST REALITY’S ANTI-TRUMP BIAS have become too insane for even Bill Barr(f) the ass-kisser-in-chief, to stomach. But we know the truth! It’s time to TRIPLE DOWN, kick out everyone who isn’t Trump enough, turn on each other like TRUE PATRIOTS and GO DOWN WITH THIS SINKING SHIP!!!
Barr was just another LIB-IN-DISGUISE, acting like he was all-in on Trump fascism, destroying every democratic norm in America with glee, until he made one, tiny mistake, and OUTED HIMSELF AS A LIB by acknowledging a small part of reality like a loser. We’re right! THE TRUTH IS WRONG! TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!
But, even a hateful leftist like Bill Barr can’t deny PRESIDENT T’S GREATNESS. Just listen to this sycophant’s praise-heaping letter of resignation to the president, which he wrote after being run out of his job by the president for acknowledging that numbers are real… LIKE A LEFTIST!
Here’s a look at the ACTUAL (not actual) text of Bill Barr(f)’s letter of resignation:
Dear Mr. President,
I am greatly honored that you called on me to serve your Administration and the American people once again as Attorney General. I am proud to have played a role in the many successes and unprecedented achievements you have delivered for the American people, whether they be in the form of accomplishments you didn’t accomplish but took credit for, or in the form of Americans you’ve harmed for no reason other than your own ever-growing vanity.
I love you, sir, and not in the way I love Jesus, which is purely platonic. I feel a great fluttering in my loins when I become aroused thinking of your orange, wrinkly pate and your blonde wisps of glory.
Your record is all the more historic because you have accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance from leftist, Antifa terrorists, such as the American people, the entire media and objective reality. Your 2016 victory speech in which you reached out to your opponents and called for working together for the benefit of the American people, which I and no one else believed because you never did anything to actually work toward this goal, was immediately met by a partisan onslaught against you in which no tactic, no matter how abusive and deceitful, was out of bounds (for being used you and your cronies). The nadir of the campaign was the effort by objective reality to cripple, if not completely destroy what would otherwise have been an historically successful presidency if we’d simply been living in an alternate, Bizarro World, a world I, and many others now refer to as the Trump Cinematic Universe. And those are movies I’d watch every day, sir. I love you, again.
My only regret is that I could not debase myself even more in the service of your rightly fascistic goals.
. . .
As discussed, I will spend the next week wrapping up a few remaining matters important to the Administration, such as punishing myself for being a secret Antifa by failing to prop up the lie that you actually won the 2020 election because you got enough invisible votes to overtake Joe Biden, which I clearly should have recognized, and I will depart on December 23rd.
I wish you, Melania, and your family a MERRY CHRISTMAS, which I believe with all my soul that we would not be able to celebrate if not for your masculine leadership. God Bless, my liege, and I would have fired myself, too. I suck. Please hate me forever as much as I hate myself. I am truly not Trumpy enough for the Trump Club.
William P. Barr(f)
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Today was supposed to be the day, PATRIOTS!
December 14, 2020 was supposed to go down in history as the day when GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY DONALD J(erkoff) TRUMP ascended to the throne of the REBORN AND MADE GREAT AGAIN American empire on the back of a soaring man-eagle hybrid with the motor-oil-leaking head of Rudy Giuliani atop its feathery neck, with CROOKED Hillary and Lyin’ Joe in its talons, before it subsequently dropped those two DEMOCRATIC HEATHENS into the pit of Mount Doom and then gently deposited Mr. Tangerine Man on the steps of a renovated, gold-plated White House (furthermore to be called the “Gold House”), which would be patriotically adorned with a giant, bold lettered sign that read “Merry Christmas” year-round, just to own the STUPID LIBS.
Instead, PATRIOTIC TRUMPUBLICANS, Joe Biden is being certified as President-Elect by the Electoral College because of FRAUDULENT VOTE COUNTING (also known as the Constitutional process by which democratic elections in the United States have been conducted since the formation of the country).
Yes, Sleepy, Creepy Joe is set to lock up a 306-232 FAKE(real) victory in the Electoral College, which is the Constitutionally-mandated decider of who the next president should be, for some weird-ass reason. Now, heroes of the TRUMPOMAN EMPIRE, my views on the Constitution are well-established by now (I think it’s THE GREATEST DOCUMENT IN HUMAN HISTORY and the basis for all of my core, conservative beliefs), and far be it from me to flip-flop on my UNFLINCHING, CORE PRINCIPLES, but I gotta say, I don’t really care much for that Constitution, and I never did.
In fact, IT TURNS OUT THE CONSTITUTION WAS JUST A SECRET LIB-TARD THE ENTIRE TIME! The Constitution is the Mitt Romney of documents. It tells you that it’s on your side, but when push comes to shove and you try to subvert the will of the people to illegally empower an orange, fascist tangerine with unlimited sway over the future of the world’s most powerful democracy, ol’ lazy, lyin’ Constitution sides with the SICK LOSER LIBS WHO SUPPORT “LIBERAL DEMOCRACY,” just like “pompous ass” Mitt Romney.
I say, we replace that DISGRACEFUL, ANTI-TRUMP U.S. Constitution with a more useful document, like a transcript of tonight’s programming on Newsmax or an unabridged copy of The Art Of The Deal (but get your own copy, America, because like all TRUE CONSERVATIVES, I sleep with my copy of what I call the “good book.”)
Anyway, it’s been a real shit day for us Democracy-overthrowing constitutionalists. Luckily, if it’s a day ending in “day,” that means Donald Trump has not yet conceded defeat in the 2020 presidential election. TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP! Inject the DELUSION straight into my veins so that I can feel alive again! (Just like when I saw those guys marching with their tiki-torches!)
Today’s PATRIOTIC promoter of fascism is NAZI-PENIS HYBRID, and Trump White House Child-Separator-In-Chief, Stephen Miller, who says that even though the Electoral College is voting Joe Biden the President-Elect, Donald J(onestown) Trump can totally still be the next president, in this real, totally not-fake universe. He just needs his “alternate” electors, which is a totally real thing that totally exists in the Constitution, and isn’t something he just made up!
The only date in the Constitution is January 20, so we have more than enough time to right the wrong of this fraudulent election and certify Donald Trump as the winner of the election. As we speak, today, an alternate slate of electors in the contested states is going to vote and we are going to send those results up to Congress.”Stephen Miller
Alternate electors! You don’t like the electors who are going to support Biden? Well, just pick some “alternate” ones who will subvert Democracy the way you want! And alternate electors are a totally real thing. Just look at this FACT that I found to support my claim. [Note: insert fact here when you find it.]
And even if the existence of “alternate” electors isn’t FACTUAL, that doesn’t mean it isn’t TRUTH! We all know TRUTH isn’t something you can “prove” with “facts.” Just ask these SANE people who showed up at the Michigan capitol today, claiming to be “alternate” electors who were just there to do their (un)Constitutional duty and cast their REAL VOTE for REAL PRESIDENT Donald Trump.
Then, the LIBERALLY-BIASED POLICE blocked them from entering the capitol and voting to make Donald Trump the next president, just because they had no reason to be there and because, “The electors are already here.” REALLY, OFFICER? The electors are already here? You know what else was already here? The MAIL-IN VOTES FOR JOE BIDEN THAT WEREN’T COUNTED UNTIL AFTER ELECTION DAY, and we all know those were FAKE(real).
And just because there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the Constitution about having “alternate” electors, that doesn’t mean it’s not a CONSTITUTIONAL VIOLATION to stop them from VOTING TRUMP like GOOD PATRIOTS!
These THOUGHT(actual) POLICE had no reason to block PATRIOTIC, anti-DEMOCRACY Trump supporters from entering the capitol to make their voices heard, either.
Because there were “credible threats of violence” made against the vote?
Sounds like more LIBERAL PROPAGANDA to me, and Michigan GOP Lawmaker Gary Eisen, thought so, too, which is why he amplified those threats of violence in a radio interview this morning.
Eisen twice hinted that violence could occur related to a “Hail Mary” effort by him and other GOP lawmakers to block the Electoral College’s electors selection of Biden, a Democrat, over President Donald Trump, a Republican.
His interviewer on WPHM-AM said he was “concerned about violence today in Lansing,” given Eisen’s vague description of what Republicans planned to do.
The interviewer then asked Eisen, “Can you assure me that this is going to be a safe day in Lansing, nobody’s going to get hurt?”
The lawmaker paused and then said, “No.”
“I don’t know, because what we’re doing today is uncharted, it hasn’t been done, and it’s not me doing it, it’s the Michigan House, it’s the Michigan party … I’m just here to witness,” said Eisen, who represents St. Clair Township.CNBC
And just for that simple, straightforward plea for PEACE, Gary Eisen was stripped of his committee assignments by Michigan Republican leaders, AKA LIBERAL LEFTISTS, just because ““We as elected officials must be clear that violence has no place in our democratic process. We must be held to a higher standard.”
Hogwash! If there’s one thing America has learned from Republicans’ blind support of PRESIDENT T’s abuse of power, corruption, bungled leadership, and vulgar public behavior, it’s that CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS MUST ALWAYS BE HELD TO A LOWER STANDARD!
And that’s why HEROIC, CHILD-SEPARATING NAZI Stephen Miller can insist that the 2020 election is being fraudulently stolen (by legal votes) from LIBERTY-LOVING authoritarian Trump, and, in the same breath, Miller can argue that Donald Trump’s team of lawyers aren’t the worst lawyers in the world even though they’ve lost over 50 attempts to make that argument in court, despite arguing in front of judges who are supposedly loyal to the anti-democracy cause because they were appointed by Trump.
And, if you, LOYAL TRUMPER, are watching that scene of seeming insanity, and cognitive dissonance unfolding at the highest levels of your country, and unfolding in a way that is so incompetent that it tests even the patience of the Trump-loving hosts of Fox And Friends, just remember, this is ALL GOING GREAT!
Why? Because CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS MUST ALWAYS BE HELD TO A LOWER STANDARD! Duh!
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