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LYIN’ TED CRUZ SAVES Texas From Icy HELLSTORM By Fleeing To CANCUN For VACATION!!! Suffering IGNORED, LIBS!!!

PATRIOTS, the old saying goes, “Screw you! We’re from Texas!” Well, NUMBER ONE PATRIOT LYIN’ TED CRUZ might have just come up with a better saying: “Screw you, Texas! I’m going to Mexico!” With millions of residents in his state suffering under dangerous freezing conditions, blackouts, no heat, and lack of potable water, this LYIN’ of the Senate did what any TRUE TRUMPIAN HERO would have done! He got the f*** out of there!

RIGGED (But In A Good Way)!!! GOP Senators HEROICALLY Conspire With Defense Lawyers To Acquit Guilty TRUMP Of Obvious Crimes!

There’s nothing I hate more than a RIGGED SYSTEM! That’s why I supported TRUMP supporters’ PATRIOTIC efforts to overthrow the government and end democracy. Because the system was rigged! The election was rigged against TRUMP! Democrats are trying to impeach TRUMP because they don’t understand that RIGGED THINGS ARE BAD! TRUMP IS GOOD! And that’s why I totally support the GOP’S effort to RIG the impeachment trial FOR TRUMP! You see, RIGGING is BAD, unless you’re RIGGING FOR TRUMP!

DISGRACE!!! NBA’s Cuban BANS playing of OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM before GAMES!!!! EVIL!!!

PATRIOTS, there’s nothing I love more than the RESPECTFUL PLAYING of OUR AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM! I bleed RED, WHITE AND BLUE, and I SING PROUDLY every time I hear it played before a GAME OF SPORT (when I feel like it, which is rarely), or at least, I mock conduct an imaginary orchestra in the most sarcastic way possible, LIKE OUR GREATEST AMERICA-HATING PRESIDENT! But PATRIOTS, I am sad to report there will be NO MORE playing of OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM, because, starting today, AMERICA IS NOW OFFICIALLY DEAD! The communists killed it!

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