The President’s Lawyers’ Brains Are Overflowing With Knowledge (Literally!)

Nothing Healthier Than A Black Goo Seeping From One’s Head.

This post is parody. I now have to say that because everything is… well…

Stupid Dem-o-RATS just don’t get it. And they never will, because they hate America so much they would never even have the brass testes to stage a coup d’état just to keep a legally elected President in power.

So let them falsely claim Sleepy Joe Biden won, just because he got more votes. Stand fast, patriots! Keep plotting to kidnap governors, keep up the gun-toting rallies to stop the “steal,” aka, the 2020 election, and most important, keep undermining Democracy because IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE AMERICA FROM THE COMMIES, AKA THE DEMOCRATS, AKA THE PEOPLE WHO HATE FREEDOM.

No, I’m not screaming. YOU’RE SCREAMING.

Trump Supporters in Georgia Threaten to Destroy GOP, Boycott Runoff  Elections

I’m perfectly calm, composed, cool and confident, just like President Donald J(ust playing everything cool, because I totally believe I won this thing) Trump, who calmly and collectedly retweeted this from foremost calm, sane American Randy Quaid today…

Things are NoRmAl. I’m not crazy. You’re CrAzY fOr EvEn ThInKiNg ThInGs MiGhT bE a LiTtLe CrAzY.

*rainbow strobe light*

*hissing snake noise*

The liberal elites in their ivory towers mock and malign us TRUTH LOVERS because they lack the BRAIN POWER to understand the TRUTH hidden behind the FACTS. Donald Trump WON the 2020 presidential election and it’s not the GOP’s fault that the brainwashed sheeple of the HELL-HOLE currently called America, which Donald Trump saved before Joe Biden destroyed it by not yet becoming president, don’t get it.

The SIMPLE FACT is that the Communist leader of Venezuela, who died in 2013, directed the creation of a secret computerized voting system that flipped votes from Donald Trump to Joe Biden to help Sleepy Joe win the 2020 election. Us TRUMPETERS know the truth.

No, really. That’s literally the current position of the actual lawyers of the president of the United States.

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Trump “Lawyer”

“The Dominion Voting Systems, the Smartmatic technology software, and the software that goes in other computerized voting systems here as well, not just Dominion, were created in Venezuela at the direction of Hugo Chavez to make sure he never lost an election after one constitutional referendum came out the way he did not want it to come out . . . One of (the software’s) most characteristic features is its ability to flip votes. It can set and run an algorithm that probably ran all over the country to take a certain percentage of votes from President Trump and flip them to President Biden.”

Sidney Powell, Trump Lawyer

And that position is BRILLIANTLY ACCURATE, as attested to by the most honest man in America, the president…

Which brings us to the second most honest man in America, the president’s other, ghoulishly handsome lawyer, Rudolph (The Black Goo-Leaking Reindeer) Giuliani, who was unjustifiably mocked just because he appeared on national television to make baseless accusations of wild election conspiracy theories, er, I mean, PERFECTLY TRUTHFUL STATEMENTS, that have not even a shred of evidence to support them, er, I mean, HAVE YET TO BE PROVEN, all while leaking a teeny, tiny little bit of barely noticeable black, living-corpse-esque head goo.

This is who the INTOLERANT LEFT is, patriots.

They mock what they cannot silence.

They judge men not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of the sewage-like black liquids inexplicably seeping from their wrinkled heads while they spout babbling nonsense that seems to have little practical purpose other than to undermine the government of the great country that we MUST SUSPEND DEMOCRATIC RULE IN TO STOP SOCIALIST, SLEEPY JOE BIDEN from taking over and destroying everything.

We must never give up this fight! We must go “BIBLICAL” as Donald Trump’s “lawyer” Sidney Powell has called for.

And before all the Scum-o-crats say, “Oh, why are you calling for violence? That’s so irresponsible!” Let me just clarify, these calls for violence are not calling for violence. We’re simply asking patriots to stand up, as the founders did, and do whatever’s necessary, by non-violent resistance, but also whatever is necessary, and yes, that may include armed bands of AR-15 wielding white supremacists surrounding government buildings and plotting to kidnap duly-elected governors in the name of Trump, but we ARE NOT, and I can’t stress this enough, WE ARE NOT CALLING FOR VIOLENCE.

Just, whatever’s necessary… like the founders… who fought a war for independence.

ThIs IsN’t CoMpLiCaTeD.

Donald Trump didn’t win more votes, but he won the election. We’re not saying we have proof, but we know it’s true, and we can prove it. But we won’t. And maybe we can’t. But if we could, then we could.

The president wants you to wear a mask and take this virus seriously, but the virus is also a hoax and the democrats made it up. But we’re not saying that. But we would, if we did, because it’s true. You should definitely wear a mask if you don’t want to die, but we’re not telling you to wear a mask, because you don’t need to. Because freedom.

The president’s lawyer, Sidney Powell, who thinks the seven-years-dead leader of Venezuela trained poll workers in Detroit and Philadelphia to use election hacking software to flip votes from Trump to Biden, is part of his “truly great team” of “lawyers.”

And Sidney Powell, after her claims about Hugo Chavez, is also, according to Trump, “not a member of the Trump legal team,” and “not a lawyer for the president.”

Up is down. Left is right. Good is bad. And that’s just the way we like it, libs. We’re making things great again, and if you don’t get that, maybe you don’t have enough black, toxic goo seeping out of your heads!

Suck it.

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