The attacks in Paris, horrific as they were, brought out the best in humanity. In our darkest hour, the bright lights of libertè shone brightly. Mankind stood up to the barbarity of those who would see the accomplishments of civilization rolled back. It declared in one voice, “We will not be afraid.” 

Freedom rings, whether in the form of a HEROIC PATRIOT who blindly slams closed the door to safety in the face of refugees fleeing violence and persecution, or in the form of ANOTHER HEROIC PATRIOT who isn’t afraid to call freedom’s enemy by its real name: BARACK OBAMA.

Republicans did what they always do in times of crisis…LEAD.

I found this comprehensive list of the most heroic statements made by TRUE PATRIOTS since the Paris attacks. Here are the highlights:

1. Ted Cruz: Keep Out Them Muzlims!!!  

The junior senator from Texas just introduced a bill in the Senate to ban any Muslim refugees from Syria. 

Only Christian refugees, says Cruz. It’s a totally understandable position, because like the Constitution clearly says, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof… but if you’re not from around these here parts, we’ll totally make laws that say what religion you can be.” Principles. Founding principles. Let’s get back to ’em.

And Cruz clearly understands what Obama can’t, which is, it is that easy to spot a Muslim. Just look at ’em. They stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd of Syrian refugees.

Brown skin, don’t let ’em in, right? Boom. WHY CAN’T WE ELECT THIS MAN PRESIDENT???

Cruz knows the only thing that matters is helping people who are like you. And why not? It’s not like he worships a guy who told a parable about a guy helping another guy who was of a different ethnoreligious group, in order to illustrate the meaning of the word “neighbor.”



On Fox News Radio on Sunday, he said this about his plans for Syrian refugees: “Heck, we may take them to the University of Missouri. … A lot of the students are so stressed out from feeling unsafe because somebody said a word they didn’t like that they are not using their dorm rooms anymore. Maybe we can put them there.” 

Yeah, those bastards at Mizzou left their perfectly good poop-swastika covered dorms just because people were threatening to shoot them up. Well, let’s see how they like it when we put a bunch of Syrians there. You guys kinda miss that poop-swastika now, don’t cha? Well, that’s what you get for not appreciating the opportunity to enjoy 2 American values, guns and racism, firsthand.

Yep, put the refugees in the Mizzou dorms. It solves 2 problems: keeping terrorists out of our country and getting those lazy blacks off the couch and into the workforce.

Oh, wait, no it doesn’t. Oh well.

Mike Huckabee isn’t obligated to help the suffering and the poor. It’s not like he fanatically claims that all of his decisions are guided by a guy who said we should give away our possessions and help the less fortunate without any thought of ourselves.

He’s under no obligation to love his neighbor.

“So you don’t like that great idea?said Huckabee. “Fine. How about this one?”

“[L]isten, all of these feel good liberals who say we ought to be taking in refugees, how come they never end up in the neighborhood where the limousine liberal lives? Behind gated communities and with armed security around. Mrs. Clinton, you have suggested we take in 65,00 refugees, how many can we bring to your neighborhood in Chappaqua? Can you please just give us a number. That would be the question that I would like to ask her.”

(“Please” give us a number, Mrs. Clinton. Huckabee is definitely the most polite bigot.)

Yeah, why don’t we just put the refugees in the homes of the “limousine liberals.” Or better yet, the “private plane progressives”? Maybe even the “Diamond ring democrats”. All those liberals are so rich, not like Republicans. Let them solve the world’s problems and us Republicans will continue to do our job: causing problems.

Speaking of which…

“In Syria, take a big swatch of land, which, believe me, you get for the right price, OK? … What I’d like is build a safe zone … build a big, beautiful safe zone, and you have whatever it is so people can live, and they’ll be happier.”

(Not the worst idea. Close to it.)

Trump has stumbled upon a great solution here. Put the refugees in refugee camp–I mean “safe zones”. Yeah, safe zones. What’s not to like, they’re safe because they’re in a safe zone.

It’s so easy.

I bet when the millions of displaced persons in Syria and the refugees living in camps nearby hear about the safe zone they’re going to be thilled. Finally they’ll be safe. Safe from the violence and mistreatment of the typical refugee camp. Safe from the barrel bombs targeting civilians which are frequently dropped by the Assad regime. Safe from ISIS.

So, who’s going to keep them safe? Like all of the questions about Trump’s policies, the answer is surprisingly simple: Don’t worry about it.

Trump will simply tell you what you need to know: It’ll be the biggest, most luxurious safe zone you’ve ever… You’ll be very happy there, believe me.

Believe him. He’s God.

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