Republican presidential candidate Scott Walker was in the Keystone state today, where he made pilgrimages to two Philadelphia institutions, and created a job while also pissing off every idiot in Philly.
Too bad, Philly assholes. What happened today is a perfect example of why no one likes you.
Walker visited Geno’s Steaks, a revered monument to salt, grease and American obesity, where he showed Philadelphians just how “Philly” he really is by cutting the entire line in the middle of the lunch rush and then ordering a cheesesteak with AMERICAN CHEESE NOT WHIZ!!!
YOU GET WHIZ WHEN YOU COME TO GENO’S MOTHER F***ER!!!
…I assume was a statement that was uttered outside Geno’s this afternoon.
Now, yes, at first glance, it appears Walker pissed off a bunch of hungry people and insulted the city in which he is campaigning in a worse way than if he burned Chip Kelley in effigy outside the “Linc,” (a joke that will likely make no sense by the end of this NFL season, when everyone in Philly hates Chip Kelly).
But think about it. Walker is just connecting with the blue collar Philly resident. After all, what’s more “Philly” than pissing off your fellow man for no good reason, and then flipping them a big “F#@% YOU” right after you do it?
That’s called connecting with the American voter… And it seems to have gone well…
But Walker wasn’t just there for show. He also came to Philly to do what he does best… Create jobs!!! So he went on to another cholesterolic Philly institution, Pat’s…
No, Pat’s doesn’t have a waitstaff, so Scott Walker is sending them a subtle hint… GET A WAITSTAFF! That way, someone will be getting paid to clean up after Slob Walker.
Leaving trash just created a job. You’re welcome, America.
While DONALD TRUMP was TALKING about how he’d be “the greatest jobs president God ever created,” Scott Walker was DOING JOBS.
But the LAME STREAM MEDIA just didn’t care. They were just getting the easy high provided by their daily addiction to TRUMPamphetamine.
What was it today?
Just some BS about TRUMP raping his wife. Typical lib news judgement, all about flash and no substance. Why does that story merit any report–, OKAY FINE, I ADMIT IT!!! TRUMP IS NEWS GOLD!!! I BOW DOWN BEFORE TRUMP!!! LET ME GET SOME OF THAT SWEET, SWEET TRUMPamphetamine…
Michael Cohen, special counsel at The Trump Organization, defended his boss, saying, “You’re talking about the frontrunner for the GOP, presidential candidate, as well as a private individual who never raped anybody. And, of course, understand that by the very definition, you can’t rape your spouse.”
“It is true,” Cohen added. “You cannot rape your spouse. And there’s very clear case law.”
…That is not true. In New York, there used to be a so-called marital rape exemption to the law. It was struck down in 1984.
Not enough. I must be developing a tolerance. Hit me again…
Trump’s lawyer then changed tactics, lobbing insults and threatening a lawsuit if a story was published.
“I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we’re in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don’t have. And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know,” Cohen said. “So I’m warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?”
“You write a story that has Mr. Trump’s name in it, with the word ‘rape,’ and I’m going to mess your life up… for as long as you’re on this frickin’ planet… you’re going to have judgments against you, so much money, you’ll never know how to get out from underneath it,” he added.
Oh, yeah. That’s the good stuff.
TRUMP 2016: “Tread very fucking lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?”
And, speaking of Philadelphia, may I suggest a running mate?