Donald TRUMP. The name brings to mind a set of adjectives: subtle, suave, dangerous, well-versed in international politics. Is it just a coincidence that all of these words could also be used to describe James Bond?


Now as you know, I’m not one to promote baseless conspiracy theories. I only promote baseless conspiracy FACTS!

And I think the FACT is that Donald Trump is actually a Democratic “double agent” commissioned by OBAMA to infiltrate the Republican presidential primary and sabotage it before a real American hero like Ted Cruz can emerge with the nomination.

The FACTS prove it. And I’m not alone in this theory. Respected Conservative maniac John Fund also feels this way. He writes…

“Just maybe Trump is a double agent for the Left. He is nearly a cartoon version of what a comedian such as Stephen Colbert considers a conservative — the kind of conservative Colbert played on Comedy Central until this year. He reinforces all the Left’s negative stereotypes of conservatives as ignorant blowhards.”

This isn’t coming from some nut jobs at The New York Times, this is coming from the highly respected intellectuals at National Review. THIS IS JOHN FUND.


John Fund has integrity. The man’s last name literally means “money.” He knows Conservative principles like a pig knows s#!%. Sure he looks like a bowl of pears, but that’s a good thing. Pears are a PROUD fruit. They look funny, yes, but pears are so f#@%ing bland that you don’t even bother to laugh at them. Pears make you laugh on the inside, but keep a serious face on the outside. They’re funny without actually being funny. And that’s the type of fruit I can support.


What I can’t support is a double agent running for the Republican presidential nomination. We need STRONG Conservative values. And although I fully support everything Donald TRUMP has done since declaring his candidacy, I cannot support Donald Trump. I can’t do it for the same reasons that John Fund can’t support it: because although Donald TRUMP embodies the SMART Conservative’s positions carried to their extreme, he is also, quote, “an ignorant blowhard.”

Let’s be very clear about this: I’m not saying that supporting Republican’s positions makes you an ignorant blowhard. I’m simply saying that, while I believe everything that Donald TRUMP believes, and I AM A SMART REPUBLICAN, Donald TRUMP is an ignorant blowhard.

Get it?

Let me put that another way.

I like what Donald TRUMP says, but I don’t like how he says it.

Like when Donald TRUMP says he wants to “build a Great Wall on our Southern border” and “have Mexico pay for that wall” he sounds like an idiot.

We don’t need that. It’s the typical way of speaking of an OBAMA DOUBLE AGENT.


What we need is something like what Presidential candidate Marco Rubio did, which is come out in support of a comprehensive immigration reform bill, write that bill, and call for its passage saying “We just have to get this thing done for once and for all.” It gets the Hispanic (politically correct term, btw) to support our party. Now, that might sound like the exact opposite of what a true Conservative like me would support, but of course there is one more important thing that Rubio has to do, and he did do it… be lying the entire time.


Rubio did that! He talked the talk; then he walked the walk(back). After writing the exact bill he wanted to support, Rubio immediately did a 180 and vehemently opposed his own bill, torpedoing any chance that it had of passage, and with it, sticking it to those pesky, dangerous, evil, criminal, rapists that are trying to ILLEGALLY EMIGRATE to this PROUD, AMERICAN COUNTRY!!!

TRUMP doesn’t understand the subtleties of being a Republican. He’s clearly just a DEMOCRATIC DOUBLE AGENT.

Now, Rubio’s running for president, and unlike TRUMP, his true Republican values have him being called one of the front runners. Just a. Few days ago on the campaign trail, Rubio made a subtle point that a blowhard like TRUMP could never understand

“There are those seeking the presidency based solely on what they’ve achieved in the past,” Rubio told a lunch gathered for the Faith & Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority Conference. “I’m running for president because what we need now are leaders and solutions that are grounded in the future.”

Yes! It’s a message with subtext. That subtext is, of course, that the future he speaks of will never happen, because he’s going to change his mind about it.

TRUMP, on the other hand, speaks his mind too literally. When he says he thinks the American Dream is dead, he means it. A true Republican says what people want to hear, and does whatever the f#@% they want.

You need to use language in a subtle way, so as to say the bats#!% crazy things you believe, but not to open yourself up to criticism of those bats#!% crazy ideas.

John Fund gets it too. That’s why he ends his article with this

“Actually, I don’t believe Trump is a double agent acting in the interests of liberals to discredit conservatism. But (to borrow some phrasing from Trump’s conspiracy vocabulary), he is playing the useful idiot for the Left. He might as well be doing it on purpose.”


In other words, “No, of course I don’t believe the idiotic thesis of my column. That’s why I wasted my time writing it. For no reason at all. Duh.” If the crazies seize on what John Fund writes and choose to interpret it as fact, that’s their problem. He’s just taking a sober, thoughtful look at whether Democrats hired a billionaire to infiltrate and wreak havoc in the GOP primary by acting exactly like himself.

Yes, John Fund (wink, wink) I don’t believe that either.

We’re not crazy at all, are we? (Wink, wink.)


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