It’s the penultimate to penultimate week of NFL REGULAR SEASON FOOTBALL and nobody is more excited for it to end than me.
I am SO PUMPED to quit writing about MEANINGLESS FOOTBALL and start writing about OBAMAS HATRED OF FREEDOM.
But there’s work still to be done and awards to be distributed so without further ado, here is “Truthmissiles.com’s NFL: Reagans and Obamas Week 16 All-Truth Team sponsored by BOOM! Tough Actin’ Tinactin.”
1.) THE GAY SHAME AWARD (for being named after gays)–
Winner: WILLIAM GAY, CB, Pittsburgh Steelers
William Gay (whom I will HENCEFORTH be referring bigotedly to as William Homosexual) had a big day on Sunday as the Pittsburgh Steelers knocked off the Atlanta Falcons 27-20. And as a staunch conservative, I am outraged by the sacrilegious display of gay exceptionalism.
William Homosexual had a 52 yard interception return for a touchdown against Falcons QB Matt Ryan, to set a Steelers record for most pick-6’s in a season (3). Take a look:
But Homosexual wasn’t done insulting freedom. Take another look at what he did after the touchdown…
That’s right! He danced. How’s that for a slap in the face to STRAIGHT AMERICA? Keep in mind, this is the same guy who insulted AMERICAN HERO Lebron James with a knock-off Lebron dance a few weeks ago.
This LIBERAL SCUM must be stopped before it’s too late. William Homosexual is giving gays pride by scoring touchdowns and setting records, insulting heroes like Lebron James, and DANCING, which encourages the the proliferation, these days, of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality!
William Homosexual, like President OBAMA, is corrupting America’s youth. And what, you ask, does the LIBERAL NFL do about it? They give him an award…
Cornerback William Gay, who has lent his voice and support to ending domestic violence, is the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Walter Payton Man of the Year.
The award, which is named after the late, great Chicago Bears running back, is given to one player on every NFL team and it recognizes contributions on and off the field.
Despicable. Liberal. Cowards.
2.) THE TRUTHMISSILES “MAN OF THE YEAR” AWARD (for being manly and yearly)–
Winner: REP. MICHELLE BACHMANN (R-MINN.)
If the NFL can give a “Man of The Year” award, then so can I. This year my winner is Michelle Bachmann, Republican congressman. And yes, for the first time ever, IT’S A WOMAN. Suck on that libs!!!
Miss Bachmann has, like William Gay, worked to end domestic violence. But unlike a LIBERAL SCUMBAG, she has done exactly what conservative ideology demands that one do to help those who are victimized… Jack Sh**. That’s worthy of an award! Take notes, NFL!
And, she’s even taken it a step further, being one of the 13 Republicans who voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act in 2013.
Yes, I know that Michelle Bachmann is not an NFL player, and NO, I do not care. Sometimes freedom needs to be rewarded, whether it’s a year and a half late, or in a column about NFL football.
Cheers to you, Rep. Bachmann. Keep up the no work!!!
3.) THE WORST OF THE WORST AWARD (for being so bad that you’re worse than bad)
Winner: NEW YORK JETS, media controversy
The Jets (3-11) have had a horrible season. And, as a result of that, they came into Sunday’s game against the Tennessee Titans as one of 5 teams with a 2-11 record and a chance for next year’s number one draft pick. All the other horrible teams lost, to keep alive their chance to draft a good player.
All they had to do to stay in the race was lose. What did they do? They won 16-11.
The Jets waited all season to paint their MONA LISA OF INEPTITUDE, winning the only game of the season that their fans wanted them to lose.
So here’s to you Jets, for being so bad that even when you play good, you still manage to be bad.