TOO FAT TO TERRORIZE, MATE– AUSSIE BLOBS FLOCK TO JOIN ISIS

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OBAMA’S weak campaign of aerial bombing against the ISLAMIC STATE has reached a new low. More foreign terrorists than ever are flocking to Iraq and Syria to join ISIL’s unholy war against the “Western Devils.”

One report puts their numbers at more than 200,000.

These terrorists are coming from Europe, Turkey, even the United States to join ISIS’s despicable campaign. But now, thanks to OBAMA, we’ve become so un-exceptional that we’re even being outdone in the one area of this that we should be dominating the rest of the world… creating obese terrorists.

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Four Australian brothers have recently run off and joined ISIS, clearly a sad failure by OBAMA to keep Australia’s MUSLIM COMMUNITY under control. But it gets even WORSE

“Dr [Jamal] Rifi [a Muslim community leader] confirmed that two of the brothers were unfit and unlikely to be helpful to the extremist army.

“Two of them, they are quite obese; they are not good foot soldiers. I mean, they are over 140kg and people who are going to see them there, they are going to realise, what are they going to do with them? ‘You are going to eat our food and you can’t even run on the field?’” Dr Rifi told Sydney radio station 2UE in an interview this morning.”

This is just another sign of how sad AMERICA has become under the OBAMA administration. Those should be our obese boys over there waddling around the battlefield and eating all the terrorists’ food! That’s what WE do!

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(Side note, I just thought of a great plan to defeat ISIS: send Joey Chestnut over there to join their terror team. They’ll run out of food in a week.)

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These new BATTLEFIELD BLOBS are just another sign of how OBAMA has allowed the terrorist threat to metastasize. In addition to showing ISIS what is and is not a knife, these Australian recruits pose other serious threats.

Most of the ISIS fighters we’ve seen so far have had the sickly look of a Hollywood liberal who eats nothing but kale, but now that ISIS has recruited Jihadi’s with some JUNK IN THE TRUNK suddenly our air power may not be mighty enough. Just imagine what would happen if we tried to airstrike these guys.

Even though they’d be easy to spot from the air, our weapons would be useless.

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The bullets and missiles would just bounce off of their blubbery flesh. And without a WOLVERINE to fight back, we’ll be doomed.

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It’s time for AMERICA to get its act together. Nobody beats us at our own game… even if the game is creating terrorists. If we breed more fatties to fight for ISIS, that will just give me more to criticize Obama for, and isn’t that the real goal?

So let’s start eating, AMERICAN Muslims! And then get your a**es over to Syria and Iraq so our boys in the air can easily spot your blubbery frames and turn you into smoking craters and make AMERICA number one again.

USA!!! USA!!!

MY ANTI-ISIS STRATEGY…
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