Liberals might have been too busy getting gay married and having abortions on Sunday to notice, but REAL AMERICANS had their a**es firmly planted on the couch, because the NFL was in action for its 11th week of skull-splitting violence this season.
Here are the best (REAGANS) and worst (OBAMAS) performances of the week:
1. THE OBAMA AWARD (For getting destroyed by middle America)–
Winner: PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Last week, the Philadelphia Eagles and their illegal immigrant quarterback Mark Sanchez were flying high with a big win over the Carolina Panthers, a win that was another step in a sinister OBAMA CONSPIRACY.
It turned out to be a short lived victory.
On Sunday, the Eagles found out what happens when you pit MEXICANS like SANCHEZ and LIBERALS like CHIP KELLY up against REAL AMERICANS, just like Obama found out what happens when you do that in the Midterm elections earlier this month.
Here’s a recap…
“They visited Green Bay with the hope of competing against one of the NFL’s best teams, and they left with a 53-20 loss to Packers in which all three phases of their team were embarrassed… But what will resonate was how noncompetitive the Eagles appeared. They committed four turnovers, allowed a special teams touchdown, and struggled on offense to drop to 7-3 this season.”
Ay ay ay!
There’s a lesson in all this for liberals… never go against REAL, HEARTLAND AMERICANS. Whether it’s voters in IOWA and the CORN BELT or the FOOTBALL-BRED people of GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN, they will mess up your day.
Especially if you try to impose LIBERAL POLICIES and LIBERAL HURRY-UP OFFENSES on them.
2. THE REAGAN AWARD (for subjectively being determined by me to be superior to others who are objectively the same) —
Winner: ATLANTA FALCONS
Just like Ronald Reagan was the greatest President, the Atlanta Falcons just may be the greatest team in the NFL right now.
With a tough, determined victory over the division rival Carolina Panthers on Sunday the Falcons moved into a tie for first place in the NFC South.
And, even more impressive, they’re 4-0 against teams that play in their division.
They’re truly the RONALD REAGAN of NFL teams: great, wonderful and excellent.
Of course, some haters may point out that they aren’t even .500, their record is 4-6, they’re 0-6 in non-division games, and every team in their division is below .500, they have at least 2 less wins than any other division leader, and, by any objective measure, they aren’t very good.
But that’s just math LIBERALS do to make themselves feel better.
The Falcons are for real. They’re a REAL AMERICAN team. They’re not exceptional because of doing anything. They’re exceptional because I say they are… And I don’t have to give a reason why.
OBAMA just wants to keep knocking the Falcons down a peg because his Bears are horrible!
3. THE HALBIG AWARD (for a great catch)
Winner: ODELL BECKHAM, JR., New York Giants WR
In the Supreme Court case Halbig v. Burwell, which will soon be decided by the court, some intrepid CONSERVATIVES caught a fatal flaw in OBAMACARE: that despite being in contradiction of most of the law and the will of everyone who voted for the law, one part of OBAMACARE said the government can’t give people money for health insurance. Only states can. Which is very complicated… but the important part is the catch.
And on Sunday, another hero emerged because of a great catch… Odell Beckham, Jr., the Giants Wide Receiver.
Take a look…
It’s almost as great as catching a typo in OBAMACARE. Almost…
There was also this great catch by Larry Donell, a close second to Beckham’s…
Despite the great catches, the Giants, of course, lost to the San Francisco 49ers, because they are horrible.