HELL-O-WEEN: PUMPKIN FESTIVAL TURNS TO BLOODY, BOOZE-FUELED RIOT

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This time, there was no heroic police officer, or guilty black teen rightfully gunned down.

When this small town became a war-zone, there were only the sounds of innocent young men and women crying out in horror… and then silent.

Because the beer ran out, and there were no more pumpkins to smash.

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Last weekend, in a scene straight out of Sleepy Hollow, the quaint little town of Keene, New Hampshire became the scene of some of the worst man-on-gourd violence since the Great Pumpkin Rebellion of 1971.

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A lot of good men lost their lives in that rebellion…

It all started on Friday, when the annual pumpkin festival, normally a wholesome, family occasion, spiraled out of control and became a hellish nightmare for the town’s 23,000 terrified residents.

Rowdy college teens acted rowdy and girls gone wild went wild

“The town, which is home to Keene State College, appears to have been mildly terrorized by its own young people, who massed in the streets for drunken revelry… Young people chucked beer cans and cups at each other, jumped off roofs, tore down, kicked and smashed road signs, set a large fire and chanted profanity, celebrated on top of a flipped car, took selfies in front of lines of riot police, got the attention of a police helicopter, chanted “U-S-A!”, pushed barricades and threw a street sign at police, threw bottles at the police after the police threw tear gas, and left behind a huge mess.

The images that surfaced online showed the disturbing details…

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“F*** stop signs! Woooo! ” -Drunken reveler

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“F*** the cops! Woooo!” – Drunken reveler

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“F*** not being in a crowd! Wooooo!” -Drunken reveler

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“F*** cars! Woooo!” – Drunken reveler

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“F*** gravity’s laws! Woooo! Ouch! – Drunken reveler”

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“F*** colleges where you learn stuff! Wooooo!” – West Virginia “student”

But the chaos didn’t end on Friday. The nightmare went on into Saturday, when, the police began their crackdown…

“The department arrested at least 49 people over the weekend in the normally sleepy town… The Keene Sentinel reported numerous injuries throughout the day, including revelers injured by thrown glass bottles and fireworks.”

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The arrests stood in stark contrast to the unrest in Ferguson.

The progressive extremists in the Keene, New Hampshire Police Department were detaining white students! White!

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Hey Obama, they were simply exercising their CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO ASSEMBLE VIOLENTLY!!!

Clearly, this is police militarization run amok in OBAMA’S AMERICA!

Maybe the Keene P.D. Can learn something from this helpful chart circulated on Twitter…

Got it, lemmings?

It took until Sunday for the situation to finally be brought under control. On Sunday morning Obama’s law enforcers rolled out their terrifying new WEAPON OF SUBJUGATION… pumpkin artillery.

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Luckily, no one was killed. The students scurried back to their dorms in terror at Obama’s new mass killing device, bringing this hellish hell-o-weekend to an end.

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“AH HA HA HA HA!!! Happy Halloween Mother F***ers!!!” – Obama

In the end, when the dust and pumpkin guts settled, there were some serious questions to be asked…

“As for the pumpkin festival organizers, they said in a statement: ‘Yesterday gave us many lessons; sorting them out and learning will take time.'”

But the biggest question of all is the question that remains after all of these tragic events: WHEN WILL OBAMA BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE???

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“I’m unaccountable, b****es!” – Obama

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