It’s week 4 of the NFL season, which means I’m going to continue to draw parallels between the NFL’s many woeful teams, and the WOEFUL OBAMA PRESIDENCY… which is a bigger disaster than the OAKLAND RAIDERS.


1. THE JOHN MCCAIN AWARD (for a super-old guy that somehow manages to still be relevant)

Winner: STEVE SMITH, wide receiver, Baltimore Ravens

Steve Smith, a formerly buzz-worthy receiver who hasn’t been relevant since the JOHNSON ADMINISTRATION, thrust himself back into the spotlight on Sunday with a Tea-Party-like performance against his former team, the Carolina Panthers.

According to the LIBERAL EGG-HEADS at ESPN, Smith racked up seven catches for 139 yards and two touchdowns, but the real highlight was when he pulled a George W. Bush, and snatched victory from the JAWS OF DEFEAT on this 1st half TIP DRILL…


Reminds me of the 2000 election. No way he should have pulled it out. But he did. 🙂


“Now, that’s what I call a BOMB.” – John McCain

2. THE OBAMA AWARD (for sucking)

WINNER: OAKLAND RAIDERS (do I even need to say it?)

The RAIDERS should just be re-named the OAKLAND OBAMAS.

That’s how bad they are.


They are bad.

“They are winless at the bye and are 8-28 under Allen. They have lost an NFL-high 10 straight games and are 0-4 for the first time in eight years.”

They are bad.

They actually lined up in this defensive formation today.

Screen Shot 2014-09-28 at 10.06.35 PM

Can you spot the problem?


Maybe the Raiders should run for President.


“I’d vote for DA’ RAIDAHS.” – Chris Berman, bloviator

3. THE RONALD REAGAN AWARD (for coming back from the dead… I hope)


The Tampa Bay Buccaneers pulled off the most improbable comeback of the week when, after trailing late and failing to convert a fourth down deep in Steelers territory, the Bucs got the ball back and quarterback Mike Glennon found receiver Vincent Jackson for a last-second score.


And yeah, yeah, yeah… it was great for the Bucs. Lazarus metaphor. Yada, yada, yada.

But what this comeback really reminded me of is the greatest comeback of all time. The one I imagine sometimes on brisk autumn afternoons, as the leaves tumble down and the circle of life is all too starkly evident.

The one all real AMERICANS dream of.

The one where PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN comes back from the dead, kicks OBAMA’S ass, and becomes PRESIDENT AGAIN.

I could talk more about football, but what’s the point?

Giving out this award has made me realize how meaningless all of these “sports” are when we have a MUSLIM COMMUNIST running our country.

So, let’s just forget about whether our team of overpaid child-beaters and pot smokers won or lost this week, close our eyes, and think of better days… the days of future CYBORG REAGAN past…


“Bleep! Blorp! Reagan’s back. And he’s ready to kick some ass.” -Cyborg Ronald Reagan, president since 2024


Music to give Raiders fans some hope…

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