AMERICA’S CHRISTian RIGHT is under attack!

First, the liberals wanted to tell us we had to treat gays like PEOPLE.

Then, they wanted to tell us that we had to give our employees HEALTHCARE.

Then, they tried to tell us what science IS.

And now, in the final insult, the progressive, lib-o-crits want to tell us not to beat the HELL out of those little sons of b****es they call OUR KIDS.

From The Daily Breast (WTF kind of name is that?)…

“Beating children this way can leave scars, both physical and mental, but the practice continues—and continues to be treated by many as normal—in no small part because there’s an organized, conservative Christian movement that continues to promote corporal punishment and even argues that attempts to stymie the practice are an assault on their religion.”

Yeah, you’re GOD DAMN right it’s an assault on my religion.


That’s why it’s time to take a stand.

I call on all CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVES to peacefully protest this LIBERAL ASSAULT ON FREEDOM by BEATING YOUR KIDS, BEATING YOUR WIFE, and beating your husband too, because they pacifying everybody out here.

Maybe my warning will even go viral…

All of this controversy stems from the RIGHTeous beatings unleashed recently by NFL stars and GOD-FEARING men Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice.

ray-rice      Vikings running back Peterson celebrates touchdown during NFL football game against Packers in Minneapolis

Rice knocked out his girlfriend in an elevator, but in fairness, it was the elevator’s fault for making Rice use it rather than the stairs, as Fox and Friends astutely noticed…

Peterson drew blood from his son, but, obviously, it was just to give him a leg up…

“…the way my parents disciplined me has a great deal to do with the success I enjoyed as a man.”

All of it was done out of love. So what’s the big deal, libs?

Parents should have the freedom to discipline their children. Elevators should have the freedom to put uppity b****es in their place.

Like Jesus said,

“Do unto other’s as you would have them do to you… except children. If you see a kid doing something wrong, whack away. Heck, anybody see any kids around right now? I got a lot of rage built up. Time to let one of these little f***ers have it!” – JESUS H.W. CHRIST, Luke 6:31


But this is about more than just lib-tards’ unholy intrusions into our homes. It’s a GLOBAL CONSPIRACY, sheeple.

They want us to give away our parental rights to OBAMA’S NEW WORLD ORDER via the U.N. Convention on the RIGHTs of the Child, a tyrannical edict that imposes controversial ideas like doing what’s in the best interest of the child, listening to children, and protecting them from abuse.

From Giorgio Armani’s Catholic news website, Catholic Exchange

“Is the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child an Anti-parent Treaty?”

Answer: Yes.

Why, you ask? Obama, that’s why.


But also, Republicans in congress have made sure…

“The United States, along with Somalia, is the only country in the world not to have ratified the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.”

If you’re doing what Somalia’s doing, then you’re doing something right. Somalia is a beautiful country. And I can’t think of anything bad going on there (because I’m not aware of world events).


Plus do we really want to sign something North Korea signed?


Neither do our Republicans!

We CHRISTian Conservatives understand that we don’t need liberals or the U.N. telling us how to treat our kids. But we’ve got to do something with the little sh**s. So, who should teach our kids, you ask? Texans and the Koch Brothers, of course.

From a credible source

“Proposed social studies books in Texas contain false information on climate change, an NGO has warned. The National Centre for Science and Education (NCSE) which aims at defending the teaching of evolution and climate change – released a report analysing the contents of new textbooks… According to NCSE, some of the proposed books contain “distortions and bias that misrepresent the broad scientific consensus on [climate change]”. The report cites as an example two books claiming that many scientists disagree on the causes of climate change.”

Way to go Texas.

Any progressive SHEEPLE who defends Climate Change and evolution obviously knows nothing about teaching kids TRUTH, FREEDOM, or SCIENCE. Not like wise Republican Congressman Paul Broun, who knows science is “lies from the pit of hell.”

But Texas can’t do it alone. It needs help from those who speak for REAL AMERICANS: two Republican billionaires.


“Pose more like a villain? Okay, how’s this” – Koch Brothers, during the above photo

From, eh, does it matter?…

“Florida State University ‘willfully and knowingly violated the integrity of FSU by accepting funding meant only to further Koch’s free-market agenda,’ said Wilson, whose student group works to “combat the corporatization of higher education.” The Charles Koch Foundation, meanwhile, “is using our universities solely to further their own agenda and plunder the very foundations of academic freedom.”

It’s time to take back our Lib-tarded Universitites from the Dumb-o-crats’ progressive agenda and return it to the FREE MARKET IDEALS that made our country great… namely the idea that rich people can use money to control what people learn.

Anybody who is for the “corporatization of higher education” gets an A+ in my class: FREEDOM 101.


And all of this EDUCATION REFORM (or FREEDOM BRAINWASHING, as I call it) is already paying off. Just look how much Republicans are learning from the KOCHS…

From The Internet

“While no survey is an absolute authority on the fluctuating opinions of a society as diverse as the U.S., Harvard’s last two seem to signal that young Americans’ attitudes are moving in a more libertarian direction.”

From communist manifesto ThinkProgress

“While a comfortable majority of Republicans accepted human evolution as fact in 2009, Pew finds a plurality now reject it — an astonishing 19 point reversal in four years.”

Score one for the man upstairs!


Seems like the kids are all right, after all. And they have the bruises and misguided opinions to prove it.

Turns out imposing your religious, scientific, and social views on children is a great way to create a prosperous, healthy and well-adjusted generation.

Game, set, match, libs.

End of game.

Full stop.


Why am I still typing?

What the–

Sorry to interrupt, everybody. It’s Jesus. I just couldn’t let this SheepleNumber1 drone on any longer. Yap. Yap. Yap. Am I right? So I decided to put my poker game on hold and set the record straight…


First, don’t hit your f***ing kids. Just don’t ok? Do I have to explain why?

Second, if you really want to see what it looks like when you try to control education and impose your beliefs on other people, just look at these f***ers

“The extremist-held Iraqi city of Mosul is set to usher in a new school year. But unlike years past, there will be no art or music. Classes about history, literature and Christianity have been “permanently annulled.” The Islamic State group has declared patriotic songs blasphemous and ordered that certain pictures be torn out of textbooks. It recently imposed a curriculum in schools in its Syrian stronghold, Raqqa, scrapping subjects such as philosophy and chemistry, and fine-tuning the sciences to fit with its ideology.”

And I won’t even waste my time finding an example of violence against kids.


So, in conclusion. Take a chill pill people. Don’t hit each other. Science isn’t the devil (trust me I’ve seen him). And, maybe smoke some weed (legally).

Thanks. Peace. And, yeah, I type in BOLD b****es.

— J.C.

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