Two weeks into the NFL Season we can begin to sort out the contenders.. aka REAGANS, and the pretenders… aka OBAMAS.
I’ll make this simple. Everybody who won is a contender. Everybody who lost is a pretender. (Ow, strained my knee from jerking it too hard (that’s what she said)).
We can also UNEQUIVOCALLY take a few teams off life support and DECLARE THEM D.O.A. (Dead on Arrival), much like OBAMA’S AMNESTY BILL, for the rest of the season. There’s no coming back from 0-2, at least not that I’m aware of (again, I’m not a fan of learning history).
Here is the week 2, TruthMissiles.com “ALL TRUTH Team” of the week…
1. THE PALIN FAMILY AWARD (for FIGHTING to the finish) —
Winner: GREEN BAY PACKERS
The Packers fell behind 21-3 in the first half at the hands of State Farm Spokesman, and part-time quarterback, AARON RODGERS.
But, true to his State Farm commercials, Rodgers never gave up, fell back on his training pulling on large Austrian women’s braids, and engineered a comeback against the hapless Jets. He showed a lot of FIGHT out there.
But that’s not why the Packers win this award. Most of the team also literally got in a FIGHT.
Wow. Now that’s what I call “fighting to the finish.”
2. The OBAMA Award (for sucking at your job) —
Winner: NEW YORK GIANTS
The Giants weren’t expected to be among the league’s elite teams this season, much like OBAMA wasn’t expected to be among AMERICA’S elite presidents, but the woeful underachievement by both is enough to give even their biggest detractors pause.
After laying a big turd up in Detroit last Monday, Eli Manning and the New York Giants came home to New Jersey hoping to right the ship. Instead, they scuttled it, threw the life boats overboard, and self-immolated on the deck as head-coach Tom Coughlin watched their 25-14 defeat to the lowly Arizona Cardinals in horror.
It’s still early in the 2014 season, but I think it’s safe to say that, not only have the Giants definitely missed the playoffs this season, but they’ve missed the playoffs next season, and the season after, too. That’s how bad they are.
Winner: SAN DIEGO SUPER-CHARGERS
The Seattle Seahawks were riding high after a big, Thursday Night win over “America’s Other Team,” the Green Bay Packers, but they ran into a reality check when they visited San Diego on Sunday.
But Conservatives and Freedom Lovers everywhere were praising Jesus twice this Sunday as the Chargers upset the Seahawks (WTF is a Seahawk? Sounds like a made-up animal. (Hopefully AMERICA’S oil corporations/people will make them extinct soon and change the name to the Seattle Ted Nugents.) But I digress…) by a blowout score of 30-21.
Looks like liberalism has been proven to be flawed again AMERICA. How long until you LEARN?
Liberal Seahawks and their LESBIAN COACH… bad.
Chargers, FREEDOM, AMERICAN FLAG… good.
And I’m not going to rule out a little help from the BIG MAN UPSTAIRS… or his son.
See you next week!
EXTRA POINTS: Teams whose season is OFFICIALLY over:
– N.Y. Giants (0-2)
– New Orleans Saints (0-2)
– Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2)
– Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2)
– Oakland Raiders (0-2)
– Kansas City Chiefs (0-2)