A short while ago, I, SheepleNumber1, wrote a moving and insightful report on the CONSERVATIVE virtues of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. I PONTIFICATED that Toronto had many years of CONSERVATIVE leadership to look forward to under Ford.
I was wrong.
Today with a heavy heart, I must report that Toronto Mayor ROB FORD has ended his bid for reelection as Mayor of Toronto. Ford was recently diagnosed with an abdominal tumor…
From the L.A. (Lib-Anus) Times...
“Just days after he was hospitalized with a tumor near his abdomen, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced on Friday that he is dropping out of the city’s mayoral election…”
Despite my initial assumptions, this report, unfortunately, is not PROGRESSIVE HATE-SPEW or MAINSTREAM MEDIA LIB-SPIN.
It is fact. So let me be the first (I’m assuming I’m first since I haven’t read about any others (because I don’t read)) to wish MAYOR FORD a speedy recovery to full health so he can return to doing what he does best: making us all smile.
But the news is not all bad. Ford is apparently well enough to still run for office as the conclusion of the previously started quote indicates…
“…and will run instead for the city’s Ward 2 councillor seat.”
Yes, freedom-haters, rumors of Mayor Rob Ford’s demise are greatly exaggerated. He will still be running for office.
Which means we still have a high probability of more CLASSIC MAYOR FORD moments.
But just in case Mayor Ford is out of the spotlight for a while, please enjoy this compilation: THE MANY FACES OF ROB FORD.
“I AM like the Vince Lombardi of crack smoking…”
“Yup, I think I might be too high.”
“I am ROB FORD, Guardian of the Galaxy!!! Fear my wra– Ooh, are those fish sticks?!”
Do you know what dog food tastes like? Do ya? It tastes just like it smells… DELICIOUS.”
“Oh man… Shouldn’t have eaten those space fish sticks.”
“…or that PopEyes chicken…”
“Man, this is a very average Wednesday.”
“Still the king… B****es.”
“Look, I’m Justin Bieber!”
“So what?! So let’s dance!!!”
Farewell, for now, Mayor Ford. Get well soon!!!