NFL WEEK 1: REAGANS AND OBAMAS

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It’s one week into the NFL SEASON, which means its time for me, SHEEPLENUMBER1, to pre-judge all 32 NFL teams’ seasons as a successes or miserable, humiliating, Obama-like failures.

With that in MIND, here’s the first of my however-many-parts-I-feel-like series, the TRUTHMISSLES.COM ‘ALL-TRUTH TEAM’ OF THE WEEK: 

1. THE RONALD REAGAN AWARD (for most conservative performance):

Winner: OAKLAND RAIDERS OFFENSE

From ESPN:

“Oakland had just 158 total yards of offense — 73 of which came on the team’s final drive. It was Oakland’s lowest offensive output since 2009… Until the Raiders’ last drive…Carr threw just one pass for more than 15 yards.”

They also get honorable mention for the CONGRESS AWARD (for punt of the week).

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2. THE BARACK OBAMA AWARD (for sucking at your job):

Winner: TONY ROMO, Cowboys

From The Dallas Morning News:

“Romo was pretty bad. He threw three first half interceptions and really had no one to blame but himself. A badly thrown ball and a couple of poor decisions… I can’t remember the last time he looked that bad. The worst part of his game had to be the deep ball.”

From RantSports.com:

“…in Week 1 against the 49ers, there was very little good, and a lot of bad.”

Check out this pass, which is a visual metaphor for Obama’s foreign policy IMPOTENCE…

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3. THE MITT ROMNEY AWARD (for ineffectively communicating your message to the public):

Winner: JEFF TRIPLETTE, referee

Like INTELLIGENT PATRIOTS observing Obama’s ISIS strategy, everyone was scratching their heads when Head Referee Jeff Triplette unleashed this INSCRUTABLE VOLLEY OF POINTS on the unsuspecting crowd in the 4th quarter of Sunday’s Eagles-Jaguars game at Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia:

Let’s take a minute to break that down.

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Jeff starts off with a pretty standard strong-side point to the RIGHT. Good call.

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But he pulls a Charlie Crist and cuts it back to the weak-side (left)…

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Then, that’s where it really starts to turn into a broken call. He flip-flops down, then up, then down again. The Eagles are all confused and his teammate is trying to block two guys…

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Now he goes up, left, down again, back to the right. Everybody is either confused or mad…

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You see that other official– he’s just laughing at this point. Points, like Obama’s dictatorial executive orders are flying all over the place, and BOOM! Everybody looks as lost as State Department Spokeswoman Jen Psaki. That’s why you need a leader out on the football field…

But, Triplette battled hard all day and almost clarified things at the end…

…almost.

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…good effort.

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Screen Shot 2014-09-07 at 10.00.09 PM

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