DEATH BY KALE: HOW THE OBAMAS SUBJUGATED THE AMERICAN ELECTORATE AND HIJACKED THE WHITE HOUSE

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Still wondering how the Greatest, Free-est, God-Fearing nation in the history of planet Earth managed to re-elect Barack Obama to a second term recently on November 6, 2012?

Well, it turns out we were all duped, by the greatest election-fixing conspiracy in the history of mankind: “The Obama Kale-spiracy” as it will no doubt come to be known.

Over the last 2 years, Truthmissles has conducted an exhaustive investigation into the authenticity of the 2012 election. The results will shock you.
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We didn’t really find anything.
(probably because of the Obama administration’s refusal to comply with FOIA requests, whatever those are.)

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But then, last week, there was this bombshell report from Bloomberg Businessweek’s “Lifestyle” section.

It involves bacon… And KALE…

“Discussion of the two foods on Twitter offers an easy index for a state’s political leanings.”

Take a look at this map… notice anything odd?

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The map shows the ratio of kale to bacon mentions on Twitter. Yes, that’s right! All the states that voted for Obama in 2012 were Tweeting almost entirely about Kale during election night.

They didn’t have time to inform themselves about Mitt Romney’s inspiring vision for American prosperity because they we’re distracted by Kale.

All they we’re allowed to think about was Kale.

Kale.

F***ing kale.

And, hmm, let’s see… why were they so obsessed with Kale?

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It doesn’t take a fellow at the Heritage Foundation to know that when the first Lady of the UNITED STATES spends 4 years cold-heartedly imposing a Kale-First, health-stapo agenda on good, vegetable-fearing Americans who want nothing more than to enjoy a pound of bacon three times a day, it has an effect on them.

They get tired, weak, unable to think and reason rationally.

And then they make bad decisions.

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This is the Obama-agenda at work. Brainwashing Americans into eating healthy so they elect Democrats that any, sane, salt-gorged American would reject.

KALE is the real Al Qaeda.

It must be stopped. Or pretty soon we’ll be living in Communist Russia… but even worse, because KALE.

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One comment

  1. Pingback: RESEARCH PROVES CONSERVATIVES ARE SMARTER | TRUTHMISSILES

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